IEI - SLE duality being difficult to solidify (INFp & ESTp)

[betterthan]

Does anyone else feel like sometimes this is a relationship that is hard to form? In every duality experience I have had, there is always this distance...we don't want to get close even though we feel pulled to one another. It's like a pull without glue, it's fragile and not binding. A waiting game, nobody moves - yet we are drawn to each other. It's like you talk to one another and share, and in any other relationship or friendship, the kinds of conversations you're having would lay the ground works for a closer relationship, but not here.

It's like to me EVERY other relationship where I am drawn to someone or like someone is so linear...we like each other, speak, speak some more; make concrete steps towards friendship; it's smooth and easier and i can see where it's going; with sles I can never see where it's going, except that it's really likely to just slip through my fingers, but not because we didn't really love each other or want each other (platonic duals, romantic duals...). With SLE's it's like we talk, it feels great, but you didn't become any 'closer' in any concrete way...it's like there is no glue holding you together. It's like you're filled up with these good feelings (I am, I assume they are too if duality is aalll that) but it's never a concrete relationship. There's a lack of trust in the connection, in the others feelings, it's like you both wait for the other to come to you and they don't so your relationship is lost, with always that hope or excitement that it might fall together again. There are two dual friends I am kind of waiting for this to happen with. It doesn't seem as though you can 'make it happen', it has to fall together.

My boyfriend is kind of cynical or pessimistic about people's closeness/investment/affection for him (Fi Polr I guess) which is why I think he is quite distant. When he likes someone he will set out to text them, hang out etc, but he often becomes doubtful and retreats. Maybe this is one of the main reasons duality wouldn't hit off. I also feel like with a female-male duality, whether attracted to each other or not, there's always this kind of power play or whatever of 'you do it' 'you talk to me' and when things become quiet, you drop out like 'they should of come to me'; the sle will pursue on an impulse...but they have a lot of impulses to follow and they often seem to have this casual f you attitude (even though strong feelings are obvious lol but nice attempt sle's... ). And the IEI is kind of like the victim/princess like 'i won't let someone mess up my flow, gonna have a good time, they can find me' - it's like this indignant attitude haha. At least I have had that myself lol. And with friendships...in my experience, it's like I feel like I like them alot but I don't know how to approach connecting to them to become closer and I can't ever quite be sure of how they feel about me.

Anyone else had the experience of this duality being difficult to solidify?

[glam]

Especially when you're on a psychology forum, and not a dating site.

hey this site functions as both really. along with being a counseling center, a refuge for social misfits, etc.

[mu4]

I know what you mean - I'm super close with the SLE bf, but with all the other SLEs I've met, we've had a fleeting connection and amazing chemistry but it never pans out long term because neither of us bothers arranging future meetups and stuff. Maybe SLEs are just possessive bastards who can't handle sharing an IEI's attention with any other SLEs.

The socionicists use Othello and Desdemona's relationship as a example of a SLE-IEI relationship. It ends with him choking her to death in her sleep...

[Absurd]

Anyone else had the experience of this duality being difficult to solidify?

Any dual relationship can be hard to form.

As long both parties want it, (any kind of duality), nah.

Now wait till I start 'trolling' this thread.

[Cuddly McFluffles]

The socionicists use Othello and Desdemona's relationship as a example of a SLE-IEI relationship. It ends with him choking her to death in her sleep...

Duality!

[Azure Flame]

The last couple EIE's and LSI's I spoke to were definitely into bdsm. I'm not really into bdsm as far as I can tell, but I am inherently an ass hole, if that counts.

Every IEI-Fe I've encountered has started the conversation with me, except for one who was eyeing me across the room rather intently to the point that I had no choice but to approach her or else I'd feel guilty for not doing it.

and then I always get their number and they flake.

so either I'm doing something wrong, or....

as far as I can tell IEI-Ni don't exist in real life.

[Schmoo]

I'm a hardcore flake. I can't help it though, I'm on a never-ending path of self-discovery and change

[Azure Flame]

y u no stop flaking?

[Absurd]

Ni IEI are tied up in dungeon and that's the reason you're not meeting them.

[Eldanen]

Duality for people who don't have lots of experience with it is difficult to attain. Other types stand out at first because their contrary functions overexcite us into feeling some kind of euphoria that we mistake for a positive experience. After the boom, there is usually a bust, but we often don't learn anything from it. Despite my dad being an ISTp, he has always had an infatuation for Beta extroverts.

My own experience with ESTps is that I usually don't notice anything at all at first, only to discover that maybe a day later even, I feel some subtle sense of lasting happiness or lack of stress. It's something that is so easy to miss for me. I can feel something similar when around Fe valuers, but it's often something that is so easy to ignore or gloss over unless you really pay attention to yourself and how others affect you.

[Eldanen]

Does that subtle sense of lack of stress ever make you wonder if anything is "wrong"? I sometimes feel almost as if there is nothing inside me when around my IEI boyfriend, and in the beginning that was scary. Over time, I have learned to appreciate it as my own personal Nirvana, but it took some time before I recognized it as positive.

I haven't felt quite like that, no. The only sensation I get that if somewhat negative is that I feel like ESTps are boring sometimes lol. The positivist, not necessarily the extrovert, is often the one to bring the mischief into a relationship. Lol

[Azure Flame]

I'm surprised I haven't actually responded to this yet.

IEI-Ni's aren't very interesting to me. They are low energy and their sense of humor is a little too cerebral for me to understand. I'm more into fart noises and throwing things at strangers.

IEI-Fe's, however, I've had entire conversations with using only fart noises and grunts etc.

With both types, I think the biggest issue I bump into is the fact that they don't want to get deep with me, and they spend so much damn time complimenting me and saying "oh I like that too, oh I like those things as well!" that I get frustrated and lose interest. They might as well just pick their nose and say nothing instead.

The other reason it didn't work out with IEI's of the opposite sex, for me, was because they've all flaked on our first date, and I'm very unapologetic with people who don't follow through on their word.

none of my relationships with IEI's, despite being a blast, have lasted more than 3 weeks. If I knew what I was doing wrong, i'd try to fix it. But I don't.

I think it just has to do with self esteem at this point. I used to be a loser.

[Inguz]

I'm surprised I haven't actually responded to this yet.

IEI-Ni's aren't very interesting to me. They are low energy and their sense of humor is a little too cerebral for me to understand. I'm more into fart noises and throwing things at strangers.

IEI-Fe's, however, I've had entire conversations with using only fart noises and grunts etc.

With both types, I think the biggest issue I bump into is the fact that they don't want to get deep with me, and they spend so much damn time complimenting me and saying "oh I like that too, oh I like those things as well!" that I get frustrated and lose interest. They might as well just pick their nose and say nothing instead.

The other reason it didn't work out with IEI's of the opposite sex, for me, was because they've all flaked on our first date, and I'm very unapologetic with people who don't follow through on their word.

none of my relationships with IEI's, despite being a blast, have lasted more than 3 weeks. If I knew what I was doing wrong, i'd try to fix it. But I don't.

I think it just has to do with self esteem at this point. I used to be a loser.

You know, IEIs smell weakness as good as a shark smells blood in water. That you are looking for your dual to magically resolve all your emotional issues isn't particularly attractive, and indeed off-putting.

[Azure Flame]

You know, IEIs smell weakness as good as a shark smells blood in water. That you are looking for your dual to magically resolve all your emotional issues isn't particularly attractive, and indeed off-putting.

Heh... yeah...

if she were my dual she was probably really damn good at reading people.

[Inguz]

Heh... yeah...

if she were my dual she was probably really damn good at reading people.

Hang in there. Problems are meant to be solved.

[Azure Flame]

Hang in there. Problems are meant to be solved.

I'm perfectly fine now. But at the time I had self esteem issues and self awareness problems.

[Eldanen]

I think someone speculated at some point that Ps have a greater difficulty and require more time to dualize, due to the extreme polarity of their differences in approach to life.

[Inguz]

I think someone speculated at some point that Ps have a greater difficulty and require more time to dualize, due to the extreme polarity of their differences in approach to life.

This correlates with my personal observations as well. Te and Fi base duals and semi-duals seems to work very well.

[Azure Flame]

This is what it feels like to journey deeper and deeper into the IEI's crazy head.

[Azure Flame]

and this is what its like living with an Ni subtype

[kadda1212]

This is what it feels like to journey deeper and deeper into the IEI's crazy head.

If it was like that, I'd probably lie somewhere in the corner of my room, drooling. xP

[Eldanen]

and this is what its like living with an Ni subtype

W.... T.... F....

[kadda1212]

W.... T.... F....

You take the words out of my mouth, Eldanen. Argh, that thing around 1:00 scared me to death - those smacking and slurping noises...urgh... -_-

[Azure Flame]

lmao, ok just kidding I just wanted to make someone watch that 2nd video

[kadda1212]

lmao, ok just kidding I just wanted to make someone watch that 2nd video

Mission completed. Congratulations.
Now I have to distract myself from not imagining that picture of that crazy woman eating whatever that was. :/

[krieger]

hey this site functions as both really. along with being a counseling center, a refuge for social misfits, etc.

but mainly a dating site

[Eldanen]

but mainly a dating site

I've never dated anyone here. I made my first real friend, true. And maybe I've skirted dating. But not actually dated.

[Amber]

I thought they were LSI and EIE, because rationals are the ones who like all that BDSM stuff (irrationals are too disorganised for that shit)

SLEs don't mind sprinkling stuff with some jealousy. It makes things more fun. A friend of mine from high school used to talk badly (critically) of chicks who didn't roll with several guys at once. At least for the eyes of the "main romantic interest", not necessarily de facto. LSI-EIE pair likes order and clarity in relationships. So I agree Othello reeks of them

[Amber]

You know, IEIs smell weakness as good as a shark smells blood in water. That you are looking for your dual to magically resolve all your emotional issues isn't particularly attractive, and indeed off-putting.

lol are there perfectly emotionally healthy Sles? Without self-awareness problems ? I thought "emotional issues" come in the same package with Fi polr.

[Kill4Me]

lol are there perfectly emotionally healthy Sles? Without self-awareness problems ? I thought "emotional issues" come in the same package with Fi polr.

emotional health to you is not emotional health to somebody else.

[Amber]

emotional health to you is not emotional health to somebody else.

that's not a bad reply. It tastes like Ni .

[Kill4Me]

that's not a bad reply. It tastes like Ni .

Ni doesn't post here anymore. Interesting you'd bring him up.

[Amber]

Ni doesn't post here anymore. Interesting you'd bring him up.

wtf ur a IEI trying to joke like SLEs

[Kill4Me]

wtf ur a IEI trying to joke like SLEs

amusing you see me as your conflictor.

[Amber]

amusing you see me as your conflictor.

you lost me here. Forever. Don't come searching.