what is this?

[Creepy-bg]

have you ever gotten a strong overwhelming sense of almost vertigio (and somewhat detachment/dissociation) when conceaving infinately vast... things....


the first times in life i remember experiencing this was as a child considering my own existence and life/memories then extending it out attempting to somehow connect? experience? feel? all the vast endless ocean of other people in the worlds existences and collections of memories and lives that were totally removed from my experience, yet each just as life encompassing...


i can get the same sort of feeling now from other things, such as the amount of media that exists and could be accessed/experienced, or even just that I myself remember. and all the people still gives it to me, other things too....

[squirreltual]

Yeah I get what you mean - definitely a vertigo sensation for me. I used to get it much more as a kid I think. I guess the idea of such vastness should be overwhelming in comparison to oneself. It's akin to if you lie on your back on a starry night and contemplate the tenuousness of being tethered to the earth - that heady mix of wonder and dread. Awe in it's truest sense.

Fuck knows what it is though... too much activity in a certain part of the brain?

[mu4]

Sounds positively existential or negatively... or whatever

[huiheiwufhawriuhg]

I used to have this when my anxiety went off the rails...derealization or depersonalization to a point and then those feelings followed by existencial thoughts. I had exactly the same thing when I had very serve anxiety... Hope you'll get better.

[marooned]

it sounds like overwhelm. the mind creates a construct of the world, so as to navigate the world. this construct of course is not actually reality or the world. and when we peer outside the construct it can be overwhelming. no matter how large one grows their own construct, it is just like nothing compared to actual reality. it could lead one to panic, to be in awe, to go insane (in cases where one is abruptly exposed to something so dramatically outside of their own conceptions), depending...

[Aylen]

have you ever gotten a strong overwhelming sense of almost vertigio (and somewhat detachment/dissociation) when conceaving infinately vast... things....

I have. I still do. I love the sensation that comes along with it, as long as it doesn't last to long. Then it is just disorienting and I feel like I am falling through space, without a concrete sense of direction. It only scares me if it lasts too long and I can't grab onto something more solid and stabilizing.

When it happens I lose my sense of time for a moment or two. I feel like I am all of it, and it makes my head spin, because I am all of it and outside of it looking at it from a perspective I cannot put into words. I love it.

Edit: It happens without drugs too.

[Skepsis]

Yes. If you keep pushing it your head will actually explode! I think our minds aren't suited to dwell on things like this, which is why it makes your head all stretchy.

[Creepy-bg]

I have. I still do. I love the sensation that comes along with it, as long as it doesn't last to long. Then it is just disorienting and I feel like I am falling through space, without a concrete sense of direction. It only scares me if it lasts too long and I can't grab onto something more solid and stabilizing.

When it happens I lose my sense of time for a moment or two. I feel like I am all of it, and it makes my head spin, because I am all of it and outside of it looking at it from a perspective I cannot put into words. I love it.

Edit: It happens without drugs too.

yes! I love it too hah. idk whenever i ask people about these things it's weird to hear that it's dissociation or something that comes with anxiety. as disorienting and humbling as the feeling is, it's always been oddly pleasant along with the tingling jelly legs that comes with it. and yeah, not a drug thing, i can make myself feel this way whether high or not, it's just the thing being considered or whatever that matters.

[Aylen]

yes! I love it too hah. idk whenever i ask people about these things it's weird to hear that it's dissociation or something that comes with anxiety. as disorienting and humbling the feeling is, it's always been oddly pleasant along with the tingling jelly legs that comes with it. and yeah, not a drug thing, i can make myself feel this way whether high or not, it's just the thing being considered or whatever that matters.

Yes! I did not get a sense that you found this unpleasant. I kind of knew what you were feeling. It is not dissociation, imo. It is something pretty awesome. <3

[Creepy-bg]

pretty sure this is how Cantor went insane.

[Creepy-bg]

Yeah I get what you mean - definitely a vertigo sensation for me. I used to get it much more as a kid I think. I guess the idea of such vastness should be overwhelming in comparison to oneself. It's akin to if you lie on your back on a starry night and contemplate the tenuousness of being tethered to the earth - that heady mix of wonder and dread. Awe in it's truest sense.

Fuck knows what it is though... too much activity in a certain part of the brain?

When it happens I lose my sense of time for a moment or two. I feel like I am all of it, and it makes my head spin, because I am all of it and outside of it looking at it from a perspective I cannot put into words. I love it.

the way you guys describe it totally has me considering it as a meditation button in my brain now. it would be awesome to rig up some home MRI or something to see what's actually going on inside when inducing the feeling. I wonder if it's indicative to any specific brainwave pattern.


and the other side of me is going, we're learning to surf the infinite. maybe it's good and growth to become comfortable with floating on it.

[Creepy-bg]

I also feel like as infinite as the impression is, there is also the sense of there being the thinnest of films behind it all that a feathers push would tear open if only i could conceive of the direction that's needed to touch it. and then breaking through to.... ?

[Creepy-bg]

okay. now i'm just being high. lol. (but i have gotten that sense before, i used to have times as a child where i was SURE with all my being that this world was an illusion that was just a lesson that i was experiencing, and as soon as i "got it" everything would dissolve around me and I'd be in REALITY with my teacher/parent/God. can still see life as that now too.)

[Galen]

That's not what vertigo is

[Creepy-bg]

That's not what vertigo is

i know i know stop being a word cop.


we care about your affliction.

#stopthehate #vertigoisreal #stopmakingmedizzybro

[silke]

have you ever gotten a strong overwhelming sense of almost vertigio (and somewhat detachment/dissociation) when conceaving infinately vast... things....

something I've tried to capture with the opening picture to the e9 thread (link) but it still didn't quite cover it - the high point of it becoming aware of the vastness and the awesomeness of it all, and the low point being the sloth about one's life and loss of agency

okay. now i'm just being high. lol. (but i have gotten that sense before, i used to have times as a child where i was SURE with all my being that this world was an illusion that was just a lesson that i was experiencing, and as soon as i "got it" everything would dissolve around me and I'd be in REALITY with my teacher/parent/God. can still see life as that now too.)

well it is said that e9 is the type that is closest to the perception of the holy love and to god lol

[Creepy-bg]

BUT IM 4 NOW SILKE!!!!

dont make me shift my type again.

[silke]

yes, but, tritypes!

and you wouldn't have to change anything

[Aylen]

BUT IM 4 NOW SILKE!!!!

dont make me shift my type again.

[strangeling]

^ wtf, lol.


I've gotten a similar feeling from imagining the opposite - absolute nothing. I think it scared me because if there is nothing, there is nothing to imagine. There's nothing to have a relationship to anything. Nothing wouldn't even be the absence of anything because there could be nothing to relate an absence to. The idea of absolute nothing for eternity just...it's freaky.