Demanding ESFjs

[shakealittle]

How does one deal with an ESFj who is really demanding?

He requests my Ti all the time yet will refute my analysis of a situation when it involves him (says I overanalyze). I have discovered he's REALLY sensitive to criticism. He will become so persistant to find out every detail of my life and then will push my buttons when I deny him information. Is it true when they say ESFjs are largely unaware of the consequences of their actions...or rather, more so than other types?

[1981slater]

Ignore'em !!!!
Get them out of your life !!!!
Give them hell !!!!!

[redbaron]

How does one deal with an ESFj who is really demanding?

He requests my Ti all the time yet will refute my analysis of a situation when it involves him (says I overanalyze). I have discovered he's REALLY sensitive to criticism. He will become so persistant to find out every detail of my life and then will push my buttons when I deny him information. Is it true when they say ESFjs are largely unaware of the consequences of their actions...or rather, more so than other types?

Well I don't know about being unaware of the consequences of their actions. Sometimes that has more to do with maturity and life experience than anything. My ESFj husband is pretty sensitive to criticism but if delivered in a gentle way, takes it well (from me anyway). I don't think he likes it from other people at all unless it's very constructive. But then again, I think most people are sensitive to criticism unless it's constructive. What is your type, and what is your relationship to said ESFj? That will determine lots more than type.

[Brilliand]

How does one deal with an ESFj who is really demanding?

He requests my Ti all the time yet will refute my analysis of a situation when it involves him (says I overanalyze). I have discovered he's REALLY sensitive to criticism. He will become so persistant to find out every detail of my life and then will push my buttons when I deny him information. Is it true when they say ESFjs are largely unaware of the consequences of their actions...or rather, more so than other types?

Spout tautologies, then prove them when he disagrees? Soon he'll be afraid to disagree with you.

I have been having terrific trouble figuring out just what is. Often I'm sure that I'm using it, yet I can't describe what it is!

I wonder if a more form of "criticism" would be to simply tell him what he should be doing, and let him figure out for himself that it's not actually what he's doing? It would help if you sometimes gave compliments in the exact same way.

[shakealittle]

Thanks for the replies so far

What is your type, and what is your relationship to said ESFj? That will determine lots more than type.

We are friends, semi-duals (LSI-ESE).

I'm just wondering if the Fe which he displays would be enough for me to correctly analyze his behaviour with Ti. Or is it possible that my weak Fi is hindering this process?

Brilliand, I don't really understand Ni either but I guess the Ne/Ni divide would play a role given that we're semi-duals.

Also, how does their hidden agenda manifest itself?

[Brilliand]

Thanks for the replies so far



We are friends, semi-duals (LSI-ESE).

I'm just wondering if the Fe which he displays would be enough for me to correctly analyze his behaviour with Ti. Or is it possible that my weak Fi is hindering this process?

Brilliand, I don't really understand Ni either but I guess the Ne/Ni divide would play a role given that we're semi-duals.

Also, how does their hidden agenda manifest itself?

An ESE once told me I was overanalyzing - I was trying to invent a device for cleaning cacti. Somehow I didn't think of water...

Your Fi is no weaker than an LII's, so I don't think that's the problem. Ne might well play a part in that the best thing to analyze is not his behavior but his mind.

What do you mean, he "refutes" your analysis? Do you mean that you turn out to be wrong?

The "cowardly" method of feigning ignorance or confusion might be more effective at getting an ESE to accept not being told something than straightforwardly (Se) refusing the information. Alternatively, if you can stand on principles that you must not reveal certain information, that might be a Ti way to do it - although good Ti reasons are harder to come by than arbitrary Ne or Se decisions.