Fixing up an ENTp with an ISFp

[redbaron]

I know this ILE on facebook---actually I knew him in college and we've reconnected a bit over facebook. Anyway, he's still single and really desperately in need of an SEI woman. Well, I happen to know this single woman from my church who's just like maybe two years younger than he and I think they might hit it off. Trouble is, he's not very physically attractive--could stand to lose a few pounds, which he's trying to do (but needs an SEI to help him!!) Anyway, he's great. He's got the wackiest ideas and I think they might hit it off. But she seems to have high standards and I don't know how on earth I'd introduce them! She's no runway model herself but she's very healthy and doesn't "need" a man although I do think she'd like to get married someday and she's very open to meeting people. They both live in the area but there's no point of reference except me I suppose.

So my question is, does anyone have any suggestions for what I could do to fix them up and bring them together in a subtle way? I don't want to turn her off and I think a blind date would be a disaster. But I also think they're duals and might really appreciate each other in the long run. This is just so tricky. Any ideas?

[Rubicon]

Could you throw a dinner party or something? Play charades and make sure they're on the same team? :-p Idk.. Do they have any interests in common?

[redbaron]

Could you throw a dinner party or something? Play charades and make sure they're on the same team? :-p Idk.. Do they have any interests in common?

I think they both enjoy gardening. I know she does. He fools around with these gigantic sunflowers so maybe I could get him to tell her about them.

A dinner party... I dunno if I'm up for that right now. I'll think about it. Good suggestion though! thanks

[Creepy-Pied Piper]

Removed at User Request

[redbaron]

Is this the same guy in VI? And are you going to do something about it?!
If I was you, I wouldn't think twice. Connecting LII with ESE might leave with you a bitter taste (I did :|), but when it comes to ILE and SEI, nothing is more easy and without hard feelings. Trust me.

yeah I'm still trying to figure out how! they live about 25-30 minutes apart with very different circles/lives but I still feel like hmm, it might work. Thing is, she's quite a bit more attractive than he is. So I dunno if she'd go for it. He's a really great guy tho.... heart of GOLD.

(what happened with the LII/ESE match-up?)

[Creepy-Pied Piper]

Removed at User Request

[1981slater]

So my question is, does anyone have any suggestions for what I could do to fix them up and bring them together in a subtle way? I don't want to turn her off and I think a blind date would be a disaster. But I also think they're duals and might really appreciate each other in the long run. This is just so tricky. Any ideas?

Girl = Vader
Boy = Luke
Red Baron = Obi Wan

step # 1 (step by step, ooh baby, gonna get to you giiirl)

Set up a dinner so they can meet each other



step # 2 (the girl is healthy, the boy is fat so she says: "the Force is within you, young Skywalker you are not a Jedi yet. Join a gym NOW")




step # 3 (the girl admits she wants to bang the ILE: "Obi Wan didn't tell you the Truth, big boy")



step # 4 (spoiler: Vader embraces the Light side of the Force again)



step # 5 (love!)



step #6 (major courtship operations have ended)

[Aiss]

Do forgive me for having a laugh at Fi-PoLR matchmaking.

[Creepy-Pied Piper]

Removed at User Request

[JWC3]

Don't throw a dinner party! That's way to subtle. You need to stop beating around the bush, get these people in the same room together and demand that they make babies. If that doesn't work the humorous nature of the situation or rather the awkwardness that will ensue when you glare at them for defying you, will spark conversation.

[consentingadult]

I know this ILE on facebook---actually I knew him in college and we've reconnected a bit over facebook. Anyway, he's still single and really desperately in need of an SEI woman. Well, I happen to know this single woman from my church who's just like maybe two years younger than he and I think they might hit it off. Trouble is, he's not very physically attractive--could stand to lose a few pounds, which he's trying to do (but needs an SEI to help him!!) Anyway, he's great. He's got the wackiest ideas and I think they might hit it off. But she seems to have high standards and I don't know how on earth I'd introduce them! She's no runway model herself but she's very healthy and doesn't "need" a man although I do think she'd like to get married someday and she's very open to meeting people. They both live in the area but there's no point of reference except me I suppose.

So my question is, does anyone have any suggestions for what I could do to fix them up and bring them together in a subtle way? I don't want to turn her off and I think a blind date would be a disaster. But I also think they're duals and might really appreciate each other in the long run. This is just so tricky. Any ideas?

Orgnize a movie-theme night, where people eat food and watch a movie together. Even better, a movie marathon, e.g. 2 or 3 Pedro Almodovar movies, combined with Spanish food that can be eaten off the table while wathcing these movies.Make sure they can sit comfortably.

Perhaps even ask the ILE to bring along DVDs.

Success guaranteed!

[Creepy-Pied Piper]

Removed at User Request

[consentingadult]

Only assuming that the ILE will come and if he does, that they spend enough time together, and if they do that the girl likes him, and if she does that he finds that out somehow, and if he does that there's no problem to talk with her about that, and if he does that this array of "ifs" and "thens" does not appear ridiculous .

IMO this method is too complicated, but it's just me.

Yeah, you might be right, the average ILE would rather be the chairman of the SPO (Society of Party Organizers), than accept an invitation from it.

I still think Redbaron should give it a try.

[redbaron]

Joe and slater, I'm laughing SO HARD at your posts. Fi polr rules!

[Blaze]

lol funny indeed.

i would say some kind of group thing, with like more than four people. bowling is always good since everybody looks silly. a lot of people won't bowl though.

a dinner party could be good but it might not be the thing for you to do right now.....dancing is good but you have to get people to do it. a lot of people like going to see a band or a hockey game or some such. or a play.

barbecue....could be good!

[Beautiful sky]

Take her out for coffee and tell him in advance to drop by "unexpectedly" and then you see him and say "oh hi there, nice to see you, join us please and meet my friend"

My SEE girlfriend is the shyest person ever around new people. I have to almost always drop in on the first date otherwise she just becomes clamed up. Poor sweatheart. The first day we met each other, she told me all about herself and ever since, we have been good about this "dating" arrangement for her.

[redbaron]

Take her out for coffee and tell him in advance to drop by "unexpectedly" and then you see him and say "oh hi there, nice to see you, join us please and meet my friend"

yeah that would actually probably work! I know he'd go for that. She might be suspicious though.

[buckland]

The LII guy told me, not without a lot of questions from my part, that he doesn't really like how things went out. He said that it's much better to be something spontaneous ("as in the movies or novels", imo ) and that he can't be himself. He said that he can't be spontaneous and that probably the explanation is that "it's not what it should be".
In turn, she said that he's too childish and not organized enough, wants to start a family & stuff, it seems, but imo she's not prepared. She's extremely impatient and doesn't listen, she seriously pissed me off once, with the occasion of the last elections - she was too dumb and still didn't accept her mistake. She said that I am not realistic while her favorite disappointed all of us, as I predicted... So facts!
My conclusion is that she actually is looking for something, maybe a rich guy? I don't know, she would deny anyway if I ask.

Anyway, I don't know, they said that it's on hold, but it seems that they don't intend to go further, quote "he/she is a very interesting person and nice to talk with. we're pals so far". Whatever. I have the constant feeling that the LII didn't like that I involved too much, he told me at one point that "your job is done here", so like I should not stick my nose anymore, but because I asked further questions it is possible that this bothered him.

IMO she has a higher self-image than in reality and he has a lower one than in reality. He's an artist and an expert in computer graphics while she worked in household & stuff (wiping oldies' asses), and now she's in an whatever-they-do-mass-production-boring-office merely learning Java, servers and such crap.

So no idea, but my overall impression is that they're not so open-minded that I though previously and that they actually didn't trust this compatibility I talked about and it was seen only as an occasion to meet someone. I can't wait for her to meet a "serious gentleman", LIE or something, so the hell gets on her ass .
Btw, they both told me previously (independently) that they don't think they can find someone who can endure them. Maybe they began with a prejudice?

I'd probably have told you the same before socionics (maybe even now). There's a very large amount of pressure involved in being set up with a friend's friend.

Plus, ESEs prior to socionics would not have been an automatic choice for me. I always pictured ending up with someone closer to my temperament.

[Creepy-Pied Piper]

Removed at User Request

[thePirate]

hehe, let me see if I can help

Well, I like puppies.

ILE, they are kind of like these big adorable puppies. puppies of possibility!!! hehe Everytime I stare into their goofy eyes my heart melts, its like I cant help but ask them if their hungry!! IDK WHY haha

so my advice is to bring a puppy and some blankets for cuddlez!!

OH OH and a picture of a rainbow!!!

we love rainbows!!!!!! 11

[Creepy-Pied Piper]

Removed at User Request

[redbaron]

interesting! do post details when you get them!

[Krig the Viking]

I'm always glad to hear when one of my LII brothers finds an ESE. It gives hope for the rest of us.

[Creepy-male]

I'm always glad to hear when one of my LII brothers finds an ESE. It gives hope for the rest of us.

For whatever reason that made me think of LIIs as pikmin.

[Krig the Viking]

For whatever reason that made me think of LIIs as pikmin.

[Creepy-Pied Piper]

Removed at User Request

[Satan]

Take her out for coffee and tell him in advance to drop by "unexpectedly" and then you see him and say "oh hi there, nice to see you, join us please and meet my friend"

My SEE girlfriend is the shyest person ever around new people. I have to almost always drop in on the first date otherwise she just becomes clamed up. Poor sweatheart. The first day we met each other, she told me all about herself and ever since, we have been good about this "dating" arrangement for her.

I'm sure you butting in keeps her single and looking which makes you feel better about being helpful.

[shindaiwa21]

Could you throw a dinner party or something? Play charades and make sure they're on the same team? :-p Idk.. Do they have any interests in common?

Do something that puts them on the same time. I totally agree. I don't know exactly how you would do it. But you have to force them together, or they may be interested but not be able to interact with eachother.

[redbaron]

Do something that puts them on the same time. I totally agree. I don't know exactly how you would do it. But you have to force them together, or they may be interested but not be able to interact with eachother.

yeah so I'm still pretty sure she's SEI but I'm questioning my typing of him. I just cannot tell. Furthermore, he told me he's not ready to get back into the dating game just yet... he's trying to lose some weight and work on his career balance, etc.

[Blaze]

I'm always glad to hear when one of my LII brothers finds an ESE. It gives hope for the rest of us.

my LII family member just found his ESE at age 43. they're happy as clams and getting married this fall. he's like a changed man.

[Krig the Viking]

my LII family member just found his ESE at age 43. they're happy as clams and getting married this fall. he's like a changed man.

*Le sigh*

Hmm. This forum lacks an emoticon for "wistful smile indicating a combination of solace and longing".

[Blaze]

*Le sigh*

Hmm. This forum lacks an emoticon for "wistful smile indicating a combination of solace and longing".

don't worry i'm quite sure there is an effervescent ESE in your future krig. do you find them easy to spot?

[redbaron]

don't worry i'm quite sure there is an effervescent ESE in your future krig. do you find them easy to spot?

Krig you are awesome and I hope you find an equally amazing ESE.

[Krig the Viking]

don't worry i'm quite sure there is an effervescent ESE in your future krig. do you find them easy to spot?

Easy to spot? Yes. Easy to talk to? Well, it's rather like a turtle trying to talk to a hummingbird. Difficult to keep up with in busy social situations.

Krig you are awesome and I hope you find an equally amazing ESE.

Thanks. :redface:

[Blaze]

Easy to spot? Yes. Easy to talk to? Well, it's rather like a turtle trying to talk to a hummingbird. Difficult to keep up with in busy social situations.

lol i could totally see that. figuring out how to get their attention. i guess you almost have to strategically pull them away from the crowd. or ask for a date so you can get some time with them. this could be hard on both counts. but you can do it!! i have faith in you!

[Creepy-male]

Can you just awkwardly kind of hang around the crowd until you grab their attention?

[Krig the Viking]

lol i could totally see that. figuring out how to get their attention. i guess you almost have to strategically pull them away from the crowd. or ask for a date so you can get some time with them. this could be hard on both counts. but you can do it!! i have faith in you!

Yeah, pulling them away from the crowd doesn't work unless you already have a closer relationship, or at least a logical reason/excuse to need their undivided attention, which I've never been able to come up with. Your latter suggestion is my current strategy, but so far various practical matters in the ESE's busy life have interfered, timing-wise. Ni-PoLR and all.

The best thing, of course, would be to hang out together in a group of Alphas, to create an atmosphere where an LII can feel relaxed and comfortable enough to become more socially outgoing. Alas, here in Deltaland it's hard to find enough Alphas for that.

Can you just awkwardly kind of hang around the crowd until you grab their attention?

This was my previous strategy. Its success rate is not high.

[Blaze]

Yeah, pulling them away from the crowd doesn't work unless you already have a closer relationship, or at least a logical reason/excuse to need their undivided attention, which I've never been able to come up with. Your latter suggestion is my current strategy, but so far various practical matters in the ESE's busy life have interfered, timing-wise. Ni-PoLR and all.

The best thing, of course, would be to hang out together in a group of Alphas, to create an atmosphere where an LII can feel relaxed and comfortable enough to become more socially outgoing. Alas, here in Deltaland it's hard to find enough Alphas for that.

lol why do you say you are in deltaland?

i know what you mean though. my LII family member, mentioned above, had to take drastic action. talk about deltaland: he worked in DC for a government institution and was collapsing in a cubicle, doing statistical analysis. he could not find an ESE where he lived. so he chucked his job, rented out his condo, and moved to costa rica, living off his rental income and some money made teaching english. there he found his ESE. finally. after a year of roaming the beaches and getting relaxed.

ok so i'm not trying to freak you out, i don't think you need to move to to a third world country....i think the main reason he was able to meet her is not because he was in costa rica, but because he finally relaxed and become more open. before he went there he was not relaxed...he was sort of over-egofied if that makes any sense.

you have a good strategy in getting in on an alpha group for sure and it's not that hard to find alphas if you really want to. i have found alphas: cross country skiing, hiking clubs, dancing of the down to earth variety, Dead shows (RIP jerry garcia), lectures on esoteric topics, yoga. alphas are kind of a weird bunch....we're off the beaten path. you have to watch out though since there are more alpha NT's obvious at first...you kind of have to look for the SEI's and ESE's. ESE's tend to gravitate toward professions which serve youth like teaching, pediatrics, child care. they are the guardians of the young. they like to be in charge of social events, so helping them with some lesser detail for one of their events could bring you closer to them.

do you find them easy to identify? i do. although they can be confused with SEE's...sometimes i think the introverts can peg the extraverts more easily then vice versa, as i find it harder to identify introverts, including SEI.



it is hard though. they, and SEI's are the ones on facebook with 500+ friends. so they are in a sea of humanity all the time.

[Krig the Viking]

I live in farming country. It's basically like a modern version of the Shire, only more Delta. That's not to say no other Quadras exist here, just that the general "default" culture is Delta, and Deltas tend to be more numerous.

An ILE friend of mine recently moved to the D.C. area. From his descriptions, it sounds quite Gamma. Fortunately, he's already married to an SEI, so I'm not worried.

[cracka]

An ESE should be fairly easy to pull away from a crowd, even if it seems like it, they do actually want some one-on-one communication at some point (I prefer it myself), even if they're in a place where they expect to be in the middle of everything going on, such as a party. I often find myself bouncing around from group to group or person to person with random chit chat, especially if it's someone I don't know and have some reason I'd like to talk to them.

I always expect people on this forum to be young most of the time, so I'm not sure of your age, but if you're old enough that you go to parties or bars/clubs/things like that...etc. The easiest way to pull them away is to just say something along the lines of, "I'm gonna grab a drink, u feel like walking with me?" Or if you're not ballsy enough for that yet, just ask if they want one while you're grabbing one for yourself...etc. (if going that route, ask everyone in the group, just pay a bit more attention to them when asking. :wink Surprisingly enough, you don't really need to know the person well for that, in fact, it's in my nature to want to actually get to know people on a more personal level, even if there's no real interest in any sort of relationship and I actually just want to get to know you a bit.