Duality: What's great about it? And what's bad?

[WintertimeJoy]

I've seen this touched on in a few places -- what, besides being easy, is good about a dual relationship? And are there major downsides?

I'm not sure whether I've experienced a close dual relationship, so I'm curious.

[InvisibleJim]

In reality it implies 'clear communication' and little risk of miscommunication. Not much else.

[lemontrees]

It implies clarity of communication and can also help shift your perspective, help you with the information you need to make certain decisions or get through your life. It also does help you get better at your weaker functions.

Doesn't change the individuals' problems, although maybe it could provide the sort of basis to help them tackle the problems better.

[Absurd]

I liek duality. It's like the relationship between Jesus and Mary. A GOD in making.

[Beautiful sky]

I'm a spoiled brat when it comes to duality. My grandmother was my dual, my three cousins are (one of which Michael typed). For me, in my dual pair, I'm very fulfilled as a person who can be myself and be accepted for who I am.

I get a hard working dual who is intelligent, who knows what to do, when.

They love the fact that when I'm given work, I do it extremely well. When I love someone, I'm their best friend; I take care of them like I would die for them. They love how attentive I am to family and friends.

What gets me upset is that even when I do something wrong, as in not to their approval, they can't see individual human traits and potentials so they can't figure out WHY I would do that thing that I did. Of course I did it because I have feelings, "but, you should control your feelings, I do." Um, just because they do and they've made a generally applied logical principle that doesn't mean human beings should act like them or that they DO act like them, and for this reason, they are inflexible until they understand that yes, the reason why that person did this is because they aren't applying the same principle(s) that you're applying based on the conclusions you've made...this can be frustrating when it's applied back to me, instead, what's supposed to happen is that they are supposed to talk to me to understand this difference; they won't when they are upset; they won't talk to me when they have their porcupine needles up.

[FoxOnStilts]

It gives you a head start in a relationship. A lot of relationships have to learn to communicate with one another and how to give their partner what they need. With duality, you kind of already naturally do most of that stuff, so you miss a lot of the rough patches and trying to break in a new pair of shoes that comes when a new relationship starts getting serious. A relationship that isn't duality can still work great, but it generally takes a little more work at first to get to the same point.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Well what is great about it is incredible compatibility and intimacy... what is bad about it is that it's slow and takes a long time to develop. Often you will only realize you were around a dual when you're not even around them anymore. Also seems very 'boring' and 'dull' and 'lifeless' at first.

[squark]

Stuff people have said here:

easy, 'clear communication' and little risk of miscommunication, be myself and be accepted for who I am, It gives you a head start in a relationship. A lot of relationships have to learn to communicate with one another and how to give their partner what they need. With duality, you kind of already naturally do most of that stuff, compatibility and intimacy

And now my thoughts (maybe not directly tied to duality):

I don't buy into the idea that your dual is the best person for you, best relationship etc etc. But, there's something else I've been thinking about if you assume some of those characteristics of duality are true (the ease of communication, natural interaction etc.) Easy does not mean good.

My easiest relationship, that felt very natural, super-easy communication etc. with what seemed like no real obstacles turned out to be the worst relationship I've ever experienced. When things fall together so easily and naturally it's very easy to lose awareness of yourself, your interaction with the other person, and with them. Everything is exactly as you expect it to be. Their reactions to you are exactly what you expect, you can be exactly "yourself" without having to change anything and it's no problem. You may fight sometimes but it's in a way that seems normal to you, and there is a stability and normalcy to even your worst fights. It wasn't necessarily predictable, and it wasn't boring, and there wasn't a single person we knew that didn't think we had a great relationship.

We worked very well together, and even ran a company together for awhile. We were together for 7 years and our relationship never seemed difficult.

-BUT-

The reason we fit so well together is because my issues and problems complemented his. We fed each other's problems, and rather than growing as people, we regressed. We each became worse, more entrenched in unhealthy behaviors and attitudes, and an insular self-righteousness developed to an extreme degree. We never looked at ourselves or each other as having any problems - everything wrong was "out there" in the world, and those people just didn't understand. Anything bad happening was an attack on us, and we had to stand together against everyone, against anyone trying to breach either of our shells, against anyone trying to encourage any real growth. We even had a bit of a persecution complex developing.

I was so caught up in this world that I didn't see how he was affecting me. I ignored a lot of things that I shouldn't have ignored. I didn't even notice how he had started purposefully isolating me from my friends and family, how I was being manipulated, how he was more detrimental to me than any of the imagined evils in the outside world. I grew up in a cult, and broke free only to enter a relationship that was just as isolating, elitist and damaging as the cult I left. And that's why it all seemed so natural and easy.

It seemed so normal to me- so natural and easy- because I was used to unhealthy environments that had the same effect on me.

That's why I think the ease of a relationship is no measure for how good it is, and may mean that you're just settling into comfortable old habits that may not be very good for you. I think a good relationship is instead one where you grow, where you remain aware of yourself and your interactions and support each other in real, healthy growth. I also think it's very important to retain friendships and connections outside of the relationship to keep some balance and perspective in your life.

So, if I have to struggle a little bit to overcome some communication problems, if I don't get the kind of responses I expect, if we have to work a little, and if my every need isn't magically taken care of for me - that's fine by me, because I don't need easy - I just need good.

[Absurd]

how I was being manipulated, how he was more detrimental to me than any of the imagined evils in the outside world. I grew up in a cult, and broke free only to enter a relationship that was just as isolating, elitist and damaging as the cult I left. And that's why it all seemed so natural and easy.

Oh you poor soul.

[squark]

Oh you poor soul.

Oh shut up. I wasn't whining.

[Absurd]

I know, I found it entertaining nevertheless, especially the wording.

[ashlesha]

absurd just likes walking around and kicking everyone so its nothing special when he does it to you.

i used to be curious about meeting an LIE and seeing what the duality thing is all about but i've lost interest in the idea. they don't strike me as especially awesome compared to everyone else honestly.

[Iris]

What gets me upset is that even when I do something wrong, as in not to their approval, they can't see individual human traits and potentials so they can't figure out WHY I would do that thing that I did. Of course I did it because I have feelings, "but, you should control your feelings, I do." Um, just because they do and they've made a generally applied logical principle that doesn't mean human beings should act like them or that they DO act like them, and for this reason, they are inflexible until they understand that yes, the reason why that person did this is because they aren't applying the same principle(s) that you're applying based on the conclusions you've made...this can be frustrating when it's applied back to me, instead, what's supposed to happen is that they are supposed to talk to me to understand this difference; they won't when they are upset; they won't talk to me when they have their porcupine needles up.

It sucks when you face rejection for the way you express your feelings. Especially if it is something you are passionate about. I have come to realize now that in my situation it is fe valuing vs. fi valuing. But having lived my life mostly among fi valuers, it did make me feel like there was something wrong with me.

Duality also implies shared values. Even if communication is good, if the priorities are different, you can find yourself judging or being judged. For example, I never feel rejected for expressing myself around my SEI friends, but their interest and care in Si matters seems excessive. I often feel like they are wasting time on things that don't really matter. (Pretty sure I am a Beta, for these reasons.)

[WintertimeJoy]

Yeah, cool. Thank you everyone for the answers. (And wow, @squark. What a story)

I'm not sold on Duality as Bliss things I've read around here. I think the character and health (emotional, psychological, sometimes physical) health of the two people is most important, plus mutual respect + attraction of course, and then if they're duals that would surely be delicious icing.*

It's unclear to me whether being duals even implies higher likelihood of mutual respect + attraction, which is kind of a bummer.

I know a dual of mine who I'm pretty sure has BPD, and he made my life absolute misery for a while. Still does when I think too much about that whole mess, heh. Actually I wonder if it was worse because we're duals, so he knew just where to poke and so did I.

Anyway..........


* It's unclear to me whether being duals even implies higher likelihood of mutual respect + attraction, which is kind of a bummer. le sigh

[Absurd]

absurd just likes walking around and kicking everyone so its nothing special when he does it to you.

My secret is out.

i used to be curious about meeting an LIE and seeing what the duality thing is all about but i've lost interest in the idea. they don't strike me as especially awesome compared to everyone else honestly.

Whom do you want to meet now?

[Nowisthetime]

i used to be curious about meeting an LIE and seeing what the duality thing is all about but i've lost interest in the idea. they don't strike me as especially awesome compared to everyone else honestly.

But aren't you SEI now?? So your dual is not LIE, or? Duals are not awesome. Duality is. With duals everything is in the connection and chemistry. It's different than objectifying a partner. And better.

[FDG]

The major downside I can think of, is that one of the two partners is introverted, so if the extravert does not actively look out for him/her, it may be hard to start a "relationship".

Also, generally speaking there are plenty of contrasting reinin dichotomies, which create a balanced relationship in practical terms - but in "spiritual" terms an activity relationship is much, much easier.

[Kim]

Yeah, cool. Thank you everyone for the answers. (And wow, @squark. What a story)

I'm not sold on Duality as Bliss things I've read around here. I think the character and health (emotional, psychological, sometimes physical) health of the two people is most important, plus mutual respect + attraction of course, and then if they're duals that would surely be delicious icing.*

It's unclear to me whether being duals even implies higher likelihood of mutual respect + attraction, which is kind of a bummer.

I know a dual of mine who I'm pretty sure has BPD, and he made my life absolute misery for a while. Still does when I think too much about that whole mess, heh. Actually I wonder if it was worse because we're duals, so he knew just where to poke and so did I.

Anyway..........


* It's unclear to me whether being duals even implies higher likelihood of mutual respect + attraction, which is kind of a bummer. le sigh

I don't think it implies that at all and I don't think it's a bummer. I would have really missed out if I had only ever dated my dual I think.

Duality is easy in terms of communication and ways of processing and priotitizing information. It's comfortable and comparably effortless.

That being said, my current partner is not my dual and while we initially needed to walk a few extra steps and still have the occasional misommunication, we have enough
in common and enough love and respect for each other to be great together. Meeting my (functional) needs is not as natural to him as it was for my SLI ex, but he has learned
and so have I. You don't need a dual to have a good relationship.

[Absurd]

I don't think it implies that at all and I don't think it's a bummer. I would have really missed out if I had only ever dated my dual I think.

That means that your dual is only one person alive.

That being said, my current partner is not my dual and while we initially needed to walk a few extra steps and still have the occasional misommunication, we have enough
in common and enough love and respect for each other to be great together.

And that sounds as something akin to what squark posted.

You don't need a dual to have a good relationship.

This kills squark's post, though. Looks as if you're both describing the same thing but from completely different angles.

Anyway, IEE plus SLE equals Super-Ego. And to think such construct, that defies intertype relations in terms of compatibility is more sought for than duality...

Wonder whether there are more, say, IEE going for the demonstrative in SLE and SLI for demonstrative in IEI.

[blackburry]

SUCKAS:
duality is borrring.

Idk, I've never felt that I've ever grown through duality...it's more like that I felt less freakish..less bizarre. but never actually felt like I've become a better person for it... just like I felt understood. (but maybe it's because all the LIEs I know are e8s...and they've teensy bit of anger/melancholy that tends to make me feel like I'm the more optimistic of the bunch..so I've to be aware of that..and TRY to be more optimistic or we're both just sitting around complaining all the time..and that's draining. (and I don't necessarily like feeling I'm the more social/friendly/optimistic one.. it kinda forces me to step up and take that on..which is "ok" at times..but blehHhhHhHhHhHhHhHHHhh)

but it is cool to be able to pick up wherever you left off with someone at any point in time. 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years... it's still gonna feel comfy..familiar..same jokes, and really cool if you see eye to eye on the majority of things, makes you wanna slap da bitch if you don't though.

Absurd I'm going to kick you with sticks.

[Absurd]

Absurd I'm going to kick you with sticks.

Sticks and stones may break my bones...

[jet city woman]

It also does help you get better at your weaker functions.

I think this is a definite possibilty, however, what if you don't want to get better at your weaker functions, because somehow that will take away from your stronger functions? I think it's a possibility that if you develop a weaker function more, it could subtract from your use and development of your stronger functions.

[lemontrees]

I really don't think so...

Personally, I like getting better at my weak functions--I am the most Te-PoLRist motherfucker you will ever meet, and, well, you can't exactly get through life that way.

[blackburry]

I really don't think so...

Personally, I like getting better at my weak functions--I am the most Te-PoLRist motherfucker you will ever meet, and, well, you can't exactly get through life that way.

how how how how how how??!?!
(re: how you are the most Te-PoLRist motherfucker)

( i wanz examples)


I actually like Ne. I'm Ne-PoLr according to description but I can find it super entertaining to think Neish...but I'd be exhausted by too much of it over time (I'll go from playing along to... JESUS CHIRST..NONE OF THAT STUFF WILL EVER HAPPEN)

[Animal]

Socionics and love do not mix.

[Kim]

Anyway, IEE plus SLE equals Super-Ego. And to think such construct, that defies intertype relations in terms of compatibility is more sought for than duality...

.

It's not more sought for, it's just an example to show that duality is not the be all end all for relationships. My advice is start the relationship first, type later (if at all).

[lemontrees]

how how how how how how??!?!
(re: how you are the most Te-PoLRist motherfucker)

( i wanz examples)


I actually like Ne. I'm Ne-PoLr according to description but I can find it super entertaining to think Neish...but I'd be exhausted by too much of it over time (I'll go from playing along to... JESUS CHIRST..NONE OF THAT STUFF WILL EVER HAPPEN)

I really just can't figure out how to do basic things. Like, instructions don't often make sense to me, and when I do things I often don't feel confident that I'm not doing them wrong. Also, Te-leading types strike me as manipulative, as least partially because I *can't figure out* what their motives are sometimes, and therefore feel a lack of trust--to me, they're not being straightforward. But that's because I can't process Te information. My PoLR coupled with my social anxiety has also been bad: I'd use to literally not be able to go into new coffeeshops, etc, b/c sometimes I can't figure out immediately where to stand in line or how to order. Or like, a lot of times if someone is trying to get my attention I don't know what they want me to do. Etc, etc.

More funny example: recently I accidentally gave people the wrong address to my own apartment for a week, having remembered the numbers wrong! This led to me sending a package and several people to a carpet store, rather than to my place. Luckily, I corrected the mistake with a few of these people, after figuring it out... but I only figured it out after sending my boyfriend to the wrong address *twice* (I got it wrong *twice*, two different things each time) when he was on my way to my apt to drop off my phone, which I had totally left at his place without remembering. (It was his first time coming to my place.) But this might be general absent-mindedness too...

What does Ne-PoLR feel like? Are there moments where it feels scary and uncertain too (when I have to make decisions on logistical things it often just feels like... I have no footing to stand on) or is it just mostly irritation around ILE's? Stories, please!

[Nowisthetime]

Originally Posted by lemontrees
It also does help you get better at your weaker functions.

I think this is a definite possibilty, however, what if you don't want to get better at your weaker functions, because somehow that will take away from your stronger functions? I think it's a possibility that if you develop a weaker function more, it could subtract from your use and development of your stronger functions.

Duality helps you get better with your strong functions because that's what the dual silently expects. It's not a harsh demand, just expecting, and when you do it they recieve it well, usually. About weaker functions: In duality superego is protected, so you can manage with less energy, and the dual supports you. It's sometimes not so obvious, this thing about superego protection, but one notices it more when having to deal with demanding and difficult work outside your comfort zone. If left alone it's more draining, with the backup of the ID from the dual, less draining.

But I agree with you that weaker functions should not be developed, or one should rather learn through experience and practical examples how to deal with tasks related to superego. That is important, because it makes life easier, but not the same as developing, but rather learning methods that actually will protect you from having to use superego. In the beginning it will likely be painful though. But later you can avoid creativity because you already have standard procedures. Which is a good thing in superego-matters.

So what I'm trying to say is that coping with something and developing are different things. I think Lemontrees' answers should be seen in this light.

[Absurd]

It's not more sought for, it's just an example to show that duality is not the be all end all for relationships.

But, but, but...

... it's cream and sugar and to abandon it to, say, super-ego, providing both parties are reasonable, and of course as far as intertype theory goes, is a bit silly. Having the choice I mean.

My advice is start the relationship first, type later (if at all).

I can agree with this.

[Kim]

But, but, but...

... it's cream and sugar and to abandon it to, say, super-ego, providing both parties are reasonable, and of course as far as intertype theory goes, is a bit silly. Having the choice I mean.
.

I had no choice! I was dragged into the cave by my hair. We are talking about an SLE here.

[Absurd]

I had no choice! I was dragged into the cave by my hair. We are talking about an SLE here.

Ahh, okay.

[blackburry]

I really just can't figure out how to do basic things. Like, instructions don't often make sense to me, and when I do things I often don't feel confident that I'm not doing them wrong. Also, Te-leading types strike me as manipulative, as least partially because I *can't figure out* what their motives are sometimes, and therefore feel a lack of trust--to me, they're not being straightforward. But that's because I can't process Te information. My PoLR coupled with my social anxiety has also been bad: I'd use to literally not be able to go into new coffeeshops, etc, b/c sometimes I can't figure out immediately where to stand in line or how to order. Or like, a lot of times if someone is trying to get my attention I don't know what they want me to do. Etc, etc.

More funny example: recently I accidentally gave people the wrong address to my own apartment for a week, having remembered the numbers wrong! This led to me sending a package and several people to a carpet store, rather than to my place. Luckily, I corrected the mistake with a few of these people, after figuring it out... but I only figured it out after sending my boyfriend to the wrong address *twice* (I got it wrong *twice*, two different things each time) when he was on my way to my apt to drop off my phone, which I had totally left at his place without remembering. (It was his first time coming to my place.) But this might be general absent-mindedness too...

What does Ne-PoLR feel like? Are there moments where it feels scary and uncertain too (when I have to make decisions on logistical things it often just feels like... I have no footing to stand on) or is it just mostly irritation around ILE's? Stories, please!

I relate to the bolded a lot.I have a fear of mowing the grass with a lawn mower because I a kid at my school ran over his foot with one and I'm scared of tripping and falling somehow with one- I trip and fall a lot from not paying attention. I also...have a tendency to either walk right through a group rather obliviously, but with force, or go completely around to avoid people in groups so I don't have to. And if a line is too long somewhere.. I won't leave because I'm super impatient..I'll probably leave because I have this weird thing (might be social anxiety too), where if too much is happening at once, my senses go into overdrive and it takes longer for me to process anything. I'll have to microfocus on one thing to feel at ease until I can scan the whole room...if I immediately start scanning I feel dizzy/or just too much and it's like my brain shuts it out for a few minutes. So I'll like avoid it alltogether or try to force myself through it. I know extroverted dudes find this tendency super weird and don't get it.

and...sometimes I like for people to say hello to me before I say hello back.. it's not a huge deal and sometimes I'll say it first..but I like the feeling of being acknowledged first by acqaintences. same with hugging..like I'll want to hug a friend..but I kinda wait until they initiate it because I'll feel stupid as fuck if I do first and it comes off awkward.

I tend to not trust Ti-types (regardless of socionics, I've noticed this trend). Idk why.. I feel like their too bias? and/or aren't getting the whole picture: that they focus too much on one incident rather than the whole scheme of things and I think that annoys me. (SLEs and LSIs especially). Like talking to my LSI dad is like talking to a brick wall. There is no reasoning with him, his way is the only way (and even when you pile on facts as to why his way is entirely the worst way) he gets extremely defensive and calls anyone ungrateful rather than heeding to any advice whatsoever. It's extremely annoying. I've found Te types (excluding LSEs) to be rather open to hearing new days of doing things and improving. but with LIEs you better be damned sure you're way is actually the best way or they will lecture you for a while on something you don't really care about. So I tend to rarely bring up other ways to do things. Plus my way is usually wrong.

An LIE friend of mine likes to call me oblivious if I don't notice someone dressed out of place at a grocery store or something. That annoys the crap out of me. I tend to only notice things that interest me/and/or are important to me...I don't really care if someone looks stupid at a grocery store, so what? I'm probably completely engulfed in choosing between what kind of Lean Cuisine I'll be putting in my cart.. making a pro/con list of, "well.. mushrooms..or this weird tasting fish. the fish tastes okay.. it's probably tilaipia..eh..lets go with the pasta, it looks better. wait no, the fish comes with apples.. fuk it. grab both. or no, get the fish...etc"

I do have a tendency to dislike when Ni-egos think that things are absolutely going to go the way they think things will go. It's kind of a bummer. And I do have to give it to them, they are right a lot of times (or self-fulfilling prophecy), but it takes the fun out of doing things sometimes.
Like I wanted to go rafting a while back. I bought tickets for 2 people. LIE friend then made excuses for a week of why he didn't want to go- too many kids running around, it will be too hot, it's going to be lame, the rafts are probably dingy..it's not going to be fun, let's not waste our time. So I was like, seriously? whatever, it'll be fun, I'll invite someone else. So it was mostly kids, it was hot, the rafts were crap and it wasn't worth the money. BUT...you never know unless you try, right?...rightttt?.. So Idk. I feel like being around LIEs has made me more negative/less willing to try things.
Had I an LIE friend before I moved to Europe..I probably never would've gone. sure, it was a bit reckless. kind of dangerous..and I had parts of extreme homesickness and being really poor..still glad I did it.
I mean sure..the risk wasn't necessarily worth the reward...but I didn't care.

Idk ILEs are fun. Seem to be up for pretty much anything. Optimistic. (or feign it). but when we start getting into a fun banter and they keep bringing rediculous-never-gonna-happen scenarios..I'm like.. hmm..funny...let's change the topic. "What if we could live on the moon. Sex with out gravity would be so awesome! Think we'd make it?.. etc etc." and then just adding more and more random topics to the conversation. I can follow where they're going and add to it when I'm in a "silly" mood..but eventually I'm like- this can't go on forever right?..
"I would take my cat to the moon and then we could have a cat symphony of cats on the moon! and did you say you lived in Belguim? Did you ever see cats in Belguim? were they big furry cats? Did you ever go to a cat wrestling match? I've thought of having a hat wrestling match at my home but i decided against it because of the sheer amount of cat hair that would be in my home. Did you go the red light district? Did you see anything CrAzZZYyYy?!?! I'll be there in a few weeks, want to play?" etc etc... and I'm like, "Absolutely!! that's hilarious. Yep..yep... (and slowly.. it's like ..can we talk about something important?...or useful...? this cat convo is going no where.. he seems to be enjoying? ..did he really just say, "wrenchasaurous?" ...does he have ADHD? Why can't he focus?)

..maybe the ILEs I've known have ADHD?.. I can't hold it against them for being know-it-alls because well..most men are know-it-alls.

I've never gone that long telling people the wrong address (maybe once). but I do get lost on a daily basis in a moderately large city. Ashton can attest that I got completely lost just driving to my own apartment. And a 15 minute drive became an hour long series of, "SHIT that was my exit... I think... I'll just go to the next exit...and get off at the right exit..but then just kept driving or missing my next exit. And I do this a lot unless I've used a route 5+ in which case.. I'll know it like the back of my hand and then not pay attention as much.. it will be like "oh shit... I don't even remember the drive home".. I'm not a reckless driver, I just.. I have no idea. I suck at not getting lost. My GPS is terrible and sends me in neighborhoods so I stop using it and just try to follow signs. I'm forever running late. or JUST on time with no time to spare.

My surroundings (my room esp) is like a clean messy. Everything kinda has it's place..but some of it's place is off in the corner because I just don't have enough desk or closet space. Esp books. I have piles of books off in the corner. and in another corner is where I keep my backpack/purses. my desk is also an organized mess.


also I was bored yesterday and came across Kristen Bell inerviews on youtube. I love that lady. how does anyone not love her? She's hilarious/ little bit of bossy/slightly intimidating/little dumb-- But HILARIOUS.

[Narc]

i used to be curious about meeting an LIE and seeing what the duality thing is all about but i've lost interest in the idea. they don't strike me as especially awesome compared to everyone else honestly.

HEY.

[DirectorAbbie]

Duality includes similar viewpoints but different perspectives.
I had a clear explanation to give before I started typing.

[chriscorey]

In reality it implies 'clear communication' and little risk of miscommunication. Not much else.

^ this

[Absurd]

Idk ILEs are fun. Seem to be up for pretty much anything. Optimistic. (or feign it). but when we start getting into a fun banter and they keep bringing rediculous-never-gonna-happen scenarios..I'm like.. hmm..funny...let's change the topic. "What if we could live on the moon. Sex with out gravity would be so awesome! Think we'd make it?

You have to have a drink with two guys I know. One once said that there is oxygen on the Moon and you can live there with ease. The other disagreed, and offered to sponsor two tickets to the Moon, so they can check who is right. It's funny though, I had that "one way ticket" song stuck in my head whilst listening them argue.

Hey, you never know if you don't try it...

[Beautiful sky]

I really just can't figure out how to do basic things. Like, instructions don't often make sense to me, and when I do things I often don't feel confident that I'm not doing them wrong. Also, Te-leading types strike me as manipulative, as least partially because I *can't figure out* what their motives are sometimes, and therefore feel a lack of trust--to me, they're not being straightforward. But that's because I can't process Te information. My PoLR coupled with my social anxiety has also been bad: I'd use to literally not be able to go into new coffeeshops, etc, b/c sometimes I can't figure out immediately where to stand in line or how to order. Or like, a lot of times if someone is trying to get my attention I don't know what they want me to do. Etc, etc.

More funny example: recently I accidentally gave people the wrong address to my own apartment for a week, having remembered the numbers wrong! This led to me sending a package and several people to a carpet store, rather than to my place. Luckily, I corrected the mistake with a few of these people, after figuring it out... but I only figured it out after sending my boyfriend to the wrong address *twice* (I got it wrong *twice*, two different things each time) when he was on my way to my apt to drop off my phone, which I had totally left at his place without remembering. (It was his first time coming to my place.) But this might be general absent-mindedness too...

What does Ne-PoLR feel like? Are there moments where it feels scary and uncertain too (when I have to make decisions on logistical things it often just feels like... I have no footing to stand on) or is it just mostly irritation around ILE's? Stories, please!

heehee, this is a story; thanks lemon.

NOM, um, Te base types just want to do what they want but want to be see as a good person and praised for that.

[blackburry]

I have trouble communicating with myself.

[Nowisthetime]

There are many things that can be good in a dual relationship, so they are hard to list. But your own reactions start to feel natural around your dual, so you can act in new ways that still are you. And you are not so self-conscious about it. Actually in the beginning this new flow of spontanety can make you more self-conscious in a way.

The worst thing could be that there is a risk of meeting the wrong person. With another type you would probably reject a person that is evil/bad for you, but duality can make you accept that.

[SlavaPHP]

They sleep with their super egos and put blame on you :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7qEivYkgZM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaZim6ybvdA