Business/Look-alike Relations ISFp and INFp (IEI-SEI)

[Ms. Kensington]

does anyone have experience with this relationship? Im interested in romantic relationship mostly.

[redbaron]

well it wasn't romantic but it was a really close friendship with many similar interests and same values/goals, etc. It took awhile to establish because both of us are introverted but once it got going it was very satisfying as a friendship. If I were to project our personalities into a romantic thing, I could see issues in these areas:

1. we're both sensitive and tend to read too much into the other's moods

2. we're both quiet about our problems and feelings which could lead to miscommunication or a lack of communication if problems with each other would surface

3. there could be competition when it comes to who gets to do the fun stuff (like decorating or making aesthetic decisions), who's better at it, etc.

4. there might be a lack of initiative when it comes to things like making decisions about what to do, planning vacations or whatever.

5. we might have trouble making couple friends or establishing much of a social life since we're both so into staying at home and in our comfort zone. Over time, this could be bad and get boring. One of us would have to take the roll of social director or something.

I think all of the above wouldn't be insurmountable.

[Ms. Kensington]

3. there could be competition when it comes to who gets to do the fun stuff (like decorating or making aesthetic decisions), who's better at it, etc.

hot.

[calenwen]

Yes, yes, I am in the middle of such a relationship. We've been together for a little under a year.

The good:

-We have similar temperaments and almost always agree on when to go out or when to stay in or when to be creative, etc.

-We have similar interests (mostly making things and enjoying and exploring nature and making future travel plans)

The bad:

-Neither of us have much of a social life since we're both content just doing our own thing together

-As an ISFp I often feel like he should be more verbally affectionate/praising/complimentary than he is


Overall, I would say it's a good relationship. Very comfortable and secure. I love having someone who shares my interests/passions!

PS - I don't know how much this relates to our types since I'm by no means an expert, but we're both very moody which has its ups and downs, naturally.

[redbaron]

Yes, yes, I am in the middle of such a relationship. We've been together for a little under a year.

The good:

-We have similar temperaments and almost always agree on when to go out or when to stay in or when to be creative, etc.

-We have similar interests (mostly making things and enjoying and exploring nature and making future travel plans)

The bad:

-Neither of us have much of a social life since we're both content just doing our own thing together

-As an ISFp I often feel like he should be more verbally affectionate/praising/complimentary than he is


Overall, I would say it's a good relationship. Very comfortable and secure. I love having someone who shares my interests/passions!

PS - I don't know how much this relates to our types since I'm by no means an expert, but we're both very moody which has its ups and downs, naturally.

awwww, sounds nice.

[calenwen]

awwww, sounds nice.

:nods:

[Ms. Kensington]

calenwen, have you had a relationship with a Ti type?

[calenwen]

calenwen, have you had a relationship with a Ti type?

I dated an ENTp for a little over a year....

I knew of one, it ended badly though. The INFp was unhealthy, and the ISFp was too trusting.

At first everything seemed so happy, and "fuzzy" It always made me happy to see them together, but after a while the INFp started acting very weird. Things started going downhill when he cheated on the ISFp countless times, yet the ISFp ALWAYS took the INFp back, regardless of what anybody would tell her.

Let's Talk about angsty and emo... the INFp was not a healthy person at all, as he was depressed and very into drugs and self mutilation. He was anorexic, suicidal, and a cutter. I'd often see the INFp with huge bandages and scars from the horrible wounds that he would inflict on himself. He was sent to the psychiatric ward a lot and the ISFp was always very loyal and loving to him throughout his hardships.

Anyway, to put things short, It was a very sad and dramatic relationship. The ISFp was such a sweet, caring, loyal person and it broke my heart to see her with this guy. It was almost as if he loved to get a reaction from her and make her worry and stress over him. He'd always do horrible things to attract her attention, like threaten to kill himself, or whatever.

I'm just relieved it's over.

This is very sad. My INFp does get depressed occasionally but thankfully it's nowhere near this severe.
(I can be too trusting, though, come to think of it....)

[calenwen]

Yes, it was very sad, but the ISFp is in a new loving relationship now, and she's very happy.

That particular INFp was extremely messed up; not all INFp's are like that. Most of the time INFp's are very caring, good, and heartwarming people.

Yes, this seems to be what I have found as well. Along with some emotional ... weirdness. ._.

[redbaron]

Yes, this seems to be what I have found as well. Along with some emotional ... weirdness. ._.

you're not joking about that....it's true about the weirdness.

[calenwen]

you're not joking about that....it's true about the weirdness.

I hate it (no offense). But really, it drives me crazy. I'm really straightforward about my emotions and I'm either feeling something or not and if the mood strikes me I'll share what I'm feeling but he....
Why are you like this? x_x

[xyz]

Cuz they like being weird.

[calenwen]

I wish it was that simple.

[xyz]

Me too. But hey they wouldn't be so charming without being weird now would they?

[calenwen]

Me too. But hey they wouldn't be so charming without being weird now would they?

I must reluctantly agree.

[Ms. Kensington]

i still think infps are really hot. god if they need all that Se they should just pound their heads into the wall instead of acting out.

[Ms. Kensington]

are you ISFp now ms K?

nah

just wondering about this relation

[lemontrees]

My friendships with IEIs crumble pretty quickly.
I dated one, hated his emotional ups and downs. He had a really good heart but pretty much stated he wanted me to "save" him.
And so.... I tried to hook him up with someone else so it would be his idea to just be friends bc he threatened self harm if I left. Bad idea. He then threatened to write about me in his future famous book. Would be a short and boring chapter.





I think he finally found some Fe chick.

Yeah I had an IEI guy kind of idealize me once (I think?) It felt like this too, except we're so similar (and both very 4-ish...) so I saw right through him and avoided him for a while (...) which lead to some minor blow-ups that I didn't know how to handle. I really think he's a wonderful person and admire him tons though.

Honestly I think SLE can deal with IEI better b/c a) they like calling people out on their bullshit with that Se-Ti and b) they're secretly equally dramatic lol and c) they can be really loyal and steady. Where I would just pull a "not enough energy to deal = avoid IEI" I can see an SLE having the strength to be "still there" even if annoyed- perhaps *because* they are annoyed and don't want to be bested. And that sort of test of strengths seems to be a part of the whole process with those two types. I honestly think that betas have this particular type of integrity that alphas lack (although we're obviously cool in other ways and universally great in the bedroom ) they ain't into the randomness, they want to carry through on their emotional ideals and don't shy away from as much stuff (very badly worded and from an alpha perspective.) however i have also seen this duality and it's filled with so many blow-ups and "cry and makeup"s that it baffles my mind. maybe it's an age thing or maybe betas just like that way. either way, i'm all for my beta irrational adjacent quadra kinfolk, they bring this little rub of fire on the corner of my vision that make everything on this side of the quadra border feel a bit more warm and suffused as I sit back in my lawn chair and drink my ale and eat my green tea pancakes.

Er... this got a bit far from the OP- I have never actually seen IEI/ESI's interact lol.

Edit: your IEI guy sounds kinda... immature. which you already know. haha.

[darya]

Sorry OP, just one more post on SEI-IEI relationships:
@lemontress I agree, I think SEI's and IEI's relationships are not the best. They're like best buddies, but with a Single White Female twist
My poor IEI friend is head over heals over SEI guy who friend-zoned her long ago. But she just does not get the hint and literally stalks him around and embarasses herself. I really don't understand, cause otherwise she's perfectly sane, not to mention hot.

I was dating a SEI guy also for a short period, and we were getting along greatly and were very similar in many ways to each other. We shared the same views, liked the same things, had the same style of humour buuut....he lacked the intensity for me. He was really the best person, so kind and patient, but I couldn't handle his niceness and was trying to shit test him just to get a reaction out of him.I always kept him waiting in a car for half an hour before I even came and other shitier things that I won't write here about All I needed from his was to stop putting up with my shit. To yell at me and set boundaries. But he never said anything, just smiled like nothing happened. So when I broke up with him the poor guy said that he was always so pissed at me when I left him waiting that he wanted to rip my head off . And I was thinking but why didn't youuuu, it would make all the difference ?

But SEI's and IEI's are in my opinion great as friends, I mean really, who could not like SEI's

[lemontrees]

Sorry OP, just one more post on SEI-IEI relationships:
@lemontress I agree, I think SEI's and IEI's relationships are not the best. They're like best buddies, but with a Single White Female twist
My poor IEI friend is head over heals over SEI guy who friend-zoned her long ago. But she just does not get the hint and literally stalks him around and embarasses herself. I really don't understand, cause otherwise she's perfectly sane, not to mention hot.

I was dating a SEI guy also for a short period, and we were getting along greatly and were very similar in many ways to each other. We shared the same views, liked the same things, had the same style of humour buuut....he lacked the intensity for me. He was really the best person, so kind and patient, but I couldn't handle his niceness and was trying to shit test him just to get a reaction out of him.I always kept him waiting in a car for half an hour before I even came and other shitier things that I won't write here about All I needed from his was to stop putting up with my shit. To yell at me and set boundaries. But he never said anything, just smiled like nothing happened. So when I broke up with him the poor guy said that he was always so pissed at me when I left him waiting that he wanted to rip my head off . And I was thinking but why didn't youuuu, it would make all the difference ?

But SEI's and IEI's are in my opinion great as friends, I mean really, who could not like SEI's

LMAO

yeah I think the victim/caregiver difference is HUGE. I think regardless of enneagram type SEI may in general be more conflict averse. "healthy fight" for IEI (would IEI ever word something as a "healthy" fight??) may be "feels like end of world ;__;" for SEI.

also tbh the scary/tiring part is having to respond to victim type emotional prodding- it always feels like I know what's going on but to respond in the 'right' way would be unnatural yet to keep on doing what feels right to me feels like i've "lost" the power struggle by not participating. so i retreat into Si and get through it by responding in a calm, literal, "supportive" way to what's going on b/c I'm confused and and it feels like I'm being pulled back and forth through a blender lol. which I'm sure is not fun and possibly even patronizing for IEI.

I love IEI's though- I really truly envy and appreciate their strengths. plus what would I do without that periodic mutual emotional sabotage

PS- I think IEI women may have it easier b/c due to different societal standards they aren't so keen to prove themselves more than you via victim emotional tactics.

[darya]

LMAO

yeah I think the victim/caregiver difference is HUGE. I think regardless of enneagram type SEI may in general be more conflict averse. "healthy fight" for IEI (would IEI ever word something as a "healthy" fight??) may be "feels like end of world ;__;" for SEI.

also tbh the scary/tiring part is having to respond to victim type emotional prodding- it always feels like I know what's going on but to respond in the 'right' way would be unnatural yet to keep on doing what feels right to me feels like i've "lost" the power struggle by not participating. so i retreat into Si and get through it by responding in a calm, literal, "supportive" way to what's going on b/c I'm confused and and it feels like I'm being pulled back and forth through a blender lol. which I'm sure is not fun and possibly even patronizing for IEI.

I love IEI's though- I really truly envy and appreciate their strengths. plus what would I do without that periodic mutual emotional sabotage

PS- I think IEI women may have it easier b/c due to different societal standards they aren't so keen to prove themselves more than you via victim emotional tactics.

Yes, SEI's seem to be very conflict avoidant (I would even say most of all types) and I'm sure IEI's can be very annoying with wanting to resolve all the issues. I feel like when everything is calm we just make a problem up - emotional sabotage is a great way to describe it.

I feel like for me it's somehow easier to step into a caregiver role with infantile men, than to be in an infantile role myself. That's really not working for me, although I appreciate all the effort and cosy Si

[lemontrees]

Yes, SEI's seem to be very conflict avoidant (I would even say most of all types)

definitely agree.

I feel like for me it's somehow easier to step into a caregiver role with infantile men, than to be in an infantile role myself. That's really not working for me, although I appreciate all the effort and cosy Si

Lol I can see that- like a mix of amused, exasperated, and "playing a role? (for the infantile.)" I myself don't even like being taken care of by caregivers... it's okay but boring. I don't know how people like infantiles who need that even exist but it's kind of nice that they do.

an ese friend said to me once (in far more graceful terms I can't replicate) : "I kind of want a man to take care of and feed like a dog... that is just so adorable to me."

[xerx]

A couple of SEIs that are close like to criticize me since they know I'll let them get away with it. I only ever make exceptions for my dualz.

[lemontrees]

Yeah I was just going to say... only time I'm not particularly conflict avoidant usually is when I've gotten too comfortable with an ILE.

[xerx]

Yeah I was just going to say... only time I'm not particularly conflict avoidant usually is when I've gotten too comfortable with an ILE.

i respond well to their criticism because it usually points to a loose end i may have missed (is not non-sequitor) and has an edgy relevance to it -- and is esp. without the blandness of delta-st criticism and lower than beta-nf levels of haughty bitchiness.

[lemontrees]

[xerx]

i have no idea what that means.

[lemontrees]

i have no idea what that means.

it's a jigglypuff.

it's b/c I had responded to and poked fun at a previous edit you made but then you edited again so I thought I should delete haha.

ps- i kind of like... how weighty and bouncy it feels in its sleep.

[xerx]

it's a jigglypuff.

it's b/c I had responded to and poked fun at a previous edit you made but then you edited again so I thought I should delete haha.

ps- i kind of like... how weighty and bouncy it feels in its sleep.

it definitely matches my avatar. see: seis are always on the ball. gotta catch all seis yo ~

[xerx]

I've noticed two of them so far. What are they like?

[lemontrees]

lol. i can't imagine. i feel like there would be points where both people work themselves into a slump and can't find the energy to do anything.

[xerx]

lol. i can't imagine. i feel like there would be points where both people work themselves into a slump and can't find the energy to do anything.

I find that Te Polr is actually pretty cute.

Anyway, in the one marriage the two were very aesthetically inclined, which probably helped them find a common ground. Both came from ex-royal families and shared an aristocratic obligation to spend their money on expensive food and fancy artworks, putting their finances under heavy strain. They seemed (at least to me) really happy together until they suddenly divorced after like twenty of marriage.

[Persephone]

There will be a lot of uneaten muffins...

[miss BabyDoll]

lots of talking not enough listening - lol no wonder you've only see two so far!
i'm pretty sure every new-age couple fits in this category haha