The 5 Love Languages

[theMime.]

Heard of 'em?

[xyz]

You mean Romance languages like Italian and French?

...I don't think they meant love

[theMime.]

There was this one shrink who came up with this theory that everybody expresses and recieves love differently but usually it's a variation of 5 basic love languages.

Personal story:
Me and my cousin are really good friends and when we were little she was always doing stuff for me. I didn't think much of it I just thought she was nice. That was before I read a book about love languages. Then I realized that she did all those things for me because it was her way of showing me she cared. I just never knew because I had a completely different love language than her.

5 Love Languages (Broad concept)

1. Physical contact
2. Words of affirmation
3. Acts of service
4. Gift giving
5. Quality time


There are "love dialects" also.

Want more info.?
Supposedly it's type related.

[XoX]

Yes. Anndelise had a thread about them. I think I was physical or something like that. Secondarily quality time.

[theMime.]

Yes. Anndelise had a thread about them. I think I was physical or something like that. Secondarily quality time.

Really???
I think I'll go find that thread...

[theMime.]

OOPS!
I totally posted this thread in the wrong category.
I meant to post it in "Anything Goes"
Oh well.
Love languages are supposed to be type related to some extent so I guess this category works too.

[machintruc]

1. Physical contact
2. Words of affirmation
3. Acts of service
4. Gift giving
5. Quality time

, , and are missing

[theMime.]

1. Physical contact
2. Words of affirmation
3. Acts of service
4. Gift giving
5. Quality time

, , and are missing

Hmm.
I'm strongly gift giving and physical contact.

[Mediator Kam]

Hmm.
I'm strongly gift giving and physical contact.

sounds like base and ignoring function.

These love languages sound really interesting

[crazymaisy]

Isn't this:

4. Gift giving

supposed to be:

4. Receiving Gifts

???

I know it's the way it is in the Gary Chapman genre of "the 5 love languages" ...

That is not about "Se" or even "Si" either, per se ... for me, ILI (INTp) "Receiving Gifts" has always been my primary "Love Language". "Quality Time" is secondary, but by far my primary is what I 'Need' to ultimately "feel loved"

... but it's not "just about getting stuff" -- not at all. It's too complex for me to write about here, and I really don't want to anyhow. This is the first post I've written here in MONTHS and MONTHS ... the first thing I was compelled to respond to, and now that I've done so, I'm cured. (The itch has been scratched.)

[Blaze]

@TheMime: what are the love dialects?

[Slacker]

I think that list is about how people prefer to show their love, so gift giving would be accurate. There's probably another list about how people like to have love shown to them, and in that list "receiving gifts" would be accurate.

I give physical contact, quality time, and words of affirmation. I like to receive physical contact and acts of service.

My husband shows love with physical contact and acts of service. He likes to receive physical contact (which has to be pretty standard) and words of affirmation. And probably quality time.

That works well. LOL. Duality in action.

So I'd say physical contact probably is Si. Words of affirmation could be Fe or could be Ne+Fi since ENFps are known for that, or even just Fi. No idea about quality time. The word "time" alone doesn't make it Ni. Especially since quality time could include relaxing and doing nothing. I think what "quality time" consists of is so subjective that it couldn't be set to any one type. Acts of service could be Te but different people might provide different kinds of service based on their personal strengths so it wouldn't necessarily be limited to that. I could see Ti being an "act of service" kind of thing too. Gift giving could be Fe, not just Se. That's a favorite of my ENFj dad, both giving and receiving. It's also a favorite of my ISFj brother, but I think more giving than receiving.

[theMime.]

Isn't this:



supposed to be:

4. Receiving Gifts

???

I know it's the way it is in the Gary Chapman genre of "the 5 love languages" ...

That is not about "Se" or even "Si" either, per se ... for me, ILI (INTp) "Receiving Gifts" has always been my primary "Love Language". "Quality Time" is secondary, but by far my primary is what I 'Need' to ultimately "feel loved"

... but it's not "just about getting stuff" -- not at all. It's too complex for me to write about here, and I really don't want to anyhow. This is the first post I've written here in MONTHS and MONTHS ... the first thing I was compelled to respond to, and now that I've done so, I'm cured. (The itch has been scratched.)

haha I'm glad ur itch got scratched!
uhm yeah it's the same for me...it's not just getting stuff...like if I know that the person isn't trying to show love they're just getting me a gift out of obligation then of course it doesn't speak love. Usually when I give a gift though it's to show love/care...sometimes it's just to make the other person smile though.

[theMime.]

@TheMime: what are the love dialects?

Well let's see.
Ok say you're love language is acts of service in the sense that you feel loved when people do things for you. However for some reason certain acts might make you feel more loved than other acts. For instance, for whatever reason when the person showing love cleans your toilet for you it makes you feel much more loved than when he/she takes out the garbage. Cleaning the the toilet would be your love dialect. So there really are no set dialects...they could be different for everybody.

[Creepy-Diana]

.

[theMime.]

I think that list is about how people prefer to show their love, so gift giving would be accurate. There's probably another list about how people like to have love shown to them, and in that list "receiving gifts" would be accurate.

you brought up a really good point.
that's probably true for a lot of us.
we have a language that we use to show love and then a different one that makes us feel loved.

[Suomea]

Hehe.... yeah I like all of them too. I think the one I couldn't do without the most would be quality time. Just sitting talking and having really cool and interesting conversations. I doubt I could live without that in a relationship. Physical touch and words of affirmation just seem to naturally flow from that.... because they seem much more geniune when two people are just completely and utterly themselves in front of one another and not holding anything back. This is somewhat of a reason why duality isn't necessarily ideal because it can sometimes seem one dimentional conversation wise.

As for gifts, I'm really bad about giving gifts normally but once in a while I give a really good gift which I put a lot of thought into just out of the blue. These are rare, but they do occur. I do like getting gifts once in awhile, but normally only once in a great while. I think the best gifts I recieve have always been when some says "I burned you a copy of that CD you really like." Or when they make me a really good mix or something. I love getting music as a gift when I say I like a song or something.

The last one, acts of service.....hmmmmm. I don't appreciate this one enough. I'd rather just have their time and do all that stuff for myself..... not sure I interpret this one properly though.

[redbaron]

For me it's quality time, hands down. Both giving and receiving. Problem is, ESE husband likes to show his love through acts of service. Which goes pretty unappreciated by me. I mean, I appreciate it IN THEORY but my honest opinion is that he does TOO MUCH around the house (how many wives would admit that??). Seriously though, he needs to relax. And I think we would have a better marriage if he would chill and learn to enjoy life a little bit instead of constantly doing things (whether he's doing them for me or actually for himself is really another question I suppose. He likes to do things and then point out what a great guy he is.) He likes to receive physical affection and words of affirmation. I'm okay with that stuff. I could work on the words more.

[XoX]

He likes to receive physical affection and words of affirmation. I'm okay with that stuff. I could work on the words more.

Ah. How you put that...makes me think I'm not for physical affection after all. I kind of get a different picture in my head now about what it means. Giving and receiving massages or holding hands or hugging, kissing and rubbing against each other doesn't work for me. If that is what you mean.

[redbaron]

Ah. How you put that...makes me think I'm not for physical affection after all. I kind of get a different picture in my head now about what it means. Giving and receiving massages or holding hands or hugging, kissing and rubbing against each other doesn't work for me. If that is what you mean.

Well....I was actually thinking of sex. LOL I don't really like petting/massages either. And I detest PDA. I think he wishes I were more into the PDA, holding hands and stuff. *sigh*

[Blaze]

Well let's see.
Ok say you're love language is acts of service in the sense that you feel loved when people do things for you. However for some reason certain acts might make you feel more loved than other acts. For instance, for whatever reason when the person showing love cleans your toilet for you it makes you feel much more loved than when he/she takes out the garbage. Cleaning the the toilet would be your love dialect. So there really are no set dialects...they could be different for everybody.

ah ok gotcha. well let's see then.

i like all 5 things and i do all 5 things.

1. Words of affirmation
2. Quality time
3. Physical touch
4. Gift giving
5. Acts of service

i have to kind of force myself to give gifts on a gift-giving schedule. i don't like the pressure of an upcoming holiday or birthday but i spose i've learned to adapt a little. i'd much rather get people "just because" gifts it's so much more fun and spontaneous and it allows me to constantly shop, lol.

i don't mind doing acts of service as long as they are appreciated. i like acts of service a lot esp if it's something i really need and can't do myself like fix my car or something.

words of affirmation, physical touch, and quality time do seem like they go together like scarlettlux is saying. you kinda do all these at once....having said that, i guess they're my faves to do and to have done to me.

[Blaze]

Well....I was actually thinking of sex. LOL I don't really like petting/massages either. And I detest PDA. I think he wishes I were more into the PDA, holding hands and stuff. *sigh*

hahaha pda rocks, but not in the convenience store or target according to infpman. lol

[FDG]

Ah. How you put that...makes me think I'm not for physical affection after all. I kind of get a different picture in my head now about what it means. Giving and receiving massages or holding hands or hugging, kissing and rubbing against each other doesn't work for me. If that is what you mean.

If that's what is meant by physical affection, it's def my first, and also for me the border between relationship and friendship

i don't even consider acts of service and gift giving as a love language, and words of affirmation uhm, well i do give them, but honestly i don't need to receive them back