Physical Attraction/Repulsion

[Creepy-Diana]

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[FDG]

I pay, of course, attention to it when I ask a girl out, but not really otherwise. Unless we're talking about people that say, stink or something like this.

How the hell do you decide who you're going to talk to, who you're interested in getting to know etc. when in a room full of strangers? I personally look for people to talk to who have a particular body carriage, the way they stand, move, and their expressions all tell me whether they're someone I could talk to easily or not.

Eh, depends if I have a girlfriend or not. If I do, I'll probably talk to the person nearest to me. If I don't, I'll probably talk to the girl I like most.

My final conclusion about myself: seems that physical appearance matters to me when sexual attraction comes into play, otherwise not.

[Creepy-Diana]

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[Khamelion]

this is a pretty ironic discussion in relation to who im currently dating. hah.

(they are not fat, however apparently i am over weight )

[marooned]

I notice physical attractiveness, but I also find (and I think I've said this before) that it's inconstant. My perception of how attractive someone looks to me seems to waver like a reflection in water... sometimes someone who didn't seem all that attractive to me starts looking attractive to me... Even particular physical characteristics that I think I like seem malleable to some degree... I could think "I would never be attracted to X" but that could all change if I get to know someone better with X quality... all the sudden I might start liking that quality, or not caring. And the more there is a feeling of "love" the more that changes everything. Things about who they are really far inside ultimately are more important because they shift my standards (and my "standards" were never fixed to begin with).

Anyway I find that there is a lot of room to move in what I perceive as attractive. But it is not limitless. For instance I remember this sort of deformed person (one side of his nose was really big among other things) tried to hit on me a lot several years ago and I just didn't find him attractive at all... well actually I found looking at him repulsive. He was very intelligent, but I didn't really like his personality either in the sense that we just didn't/couldn't work. I felt bad about all of this because I can think of 82394857 flaws about myself that could lead to similar rejections. Of course with this person, even if he had been extremely physically attractive I still wouldn't have liked him really... not in that way... and I remember feeling bad about the whole thing.

I guess I thought in the end that it's a matter of what people want or don't want, and you have to be selfish in that regard... and can't "settle for less." But the hang-up is the areas in oneself that are "less" because we can't ever be perfect (enough). I still haven't found the way to deal with the systematic inner rejections of myself. And I know that in one way or another, my own internal acceptance/rejection network regarding myself plays into what I accept/reject outside of me (whether in the same way or in an opposing way where I accept in others things I reject in myself).

[Rubicon]

What initially attracts me to a person is how they're behaving. I mean, I can see someone who's purely physically good-looking and appreciate that they are in possession of good looks, but I wouldn't say that's attraction. It's just kinda meaningless information to me until I get to know the person.

In a room full of strangers ... meh. Idk. I just talk to random people. People that look open to being talked to. :-p

I agree that most people have physical preferences that they associate with different character traits (subconscious or otherwise) ... but I don't dismiss those looks that don't fit my "requirements" ... because appearances can be deceptive for a start. For example, I'm not attracted to really muscular guys because that generally says to me that they spend an inordinate amount of time on their shape. But I could be wrong. Maybe the guy is a nerd at heart, but has a really physical job or something. :-p So I think it's rather silly to dismiss someone based on their looks until you get to know them and what their looks stand for.

As far as things like shapes of noses and eyes go - pfft ... I don't give two hoots. If a strong jaw means a stubborn asshole though .. maybe I should care more lol. But I like to find someone's personality traits out through personal interaction, not through guesswork from afar. Maybe that's my Te polr?

[jessica129]

The guy I am kinda sorta seeing is not what most would consider attractive but put him in a room of single women and he could probobly get more numbers than that guy most would consider highly attractive. It's hard for me to come to a conclusion on this...I'm not very picky when it comes to looks as I can usually find something about their personality that makes them attractive but one thing I cannot get over is the obesity issue. Sorry. I'm not talking pleasantly plump, i'm talking obese. I just can't go there. We all have our preferences. I mainly go off of the general vibe of a person and their confidence level and how they interact with others. I can't explain it. So long as they're not freakishly ugly... When i'm in a relationship with someone, I barely even notice their looks anymore. Did i answer the question? I dunno.

[JuJu]

And the more there is a feeling of "love" the more that changes everything. Things about who they are really far inside ultimately are more important because they shift my standards (and my "standards" were never fixed to begin with).

i agree... well-said.

for relationships, i'd be lying if i said there wasn't a physical attractiveness threshold; however, ppl definitely become better-looking and worse-looking the more you know them.

I'm not talking pleasantly plump, i'm talking obese. I just can't go there. We all have our preferences.

LOL, same

[Kristiina]

The guy I am kinda sorta seeing is not what most would consider attractive but put him in a room of single women and he could probobly get more numbers than that guy most would consider highly attractive. It's hard for me to come to a conclusion on this...I'm not very picky when it comes to looks as I can usually find something about their personality that makes them attractive but one thing I cannot get over is the obesity issue. Sorry. I'm not talking pleasantly plump, i'm talking obese. I just can't go there. We all have our preferences. I mainly go off of the general vibe of a person and their confidence level and how they interact with others. I can't explain it. So long as they're not freakishly ugly... When i'm in a relationship with someone, I barely even notice their looks anymore. Did i answer the question? I dunno.

+1

[munenori2]

I think stressing that some people are saying that physical factors are completely unimportant to physical attraction is distorting what they're saying quite a bit. I'll set that aside though for the purposes of this thread though.

Of course when you're looking around a room of strangers physical info is about all you have to go off of. This woman looks like a model, that one over there defies conventional views of beauty (maybe plain, somewhat overweight, poor carriage). From there you could say, yes, definitely more physically attracted to the model.

Then you chat up the model and find out her appearance are curtains hiding an empty stage. She's vapid, uninteresting, perhaps not too bright, maybe batshit crazy. Suddenly, even though she looked like the picture of evolutionary/biological health as far as choosing a mate (or however you'd like to put it), she becomes repulsive in the sense that her looks don't seem that relevant to you anymore. The thought of her being responsible for raising a child (your child!) makes you throw up a little in your mouth.

You might say, well, she's still physically attractive to you, those characteristics haven't changed, but I'd have to disagree. Those characteristics, in this particular individual, might appear to you to be contextualized. You're dealing with a question of attraction not based on form but on substance, a line which once crossed I don't think there's any going back. I'm not trying to state that at this point form has passed into irrelevance, but it can no longer stand as the sole criteria (unless we're to judge a host of things from a distance without diving deeper into the person and, inevitably, back into the subject).

An example of this might be still finding your SO attractive even as they grow older and physically their features become what might (in more objective standards, by form) be described as less or not attractive, you might see behind the wrinkles around their eyes or liver spotted hands something immensely beautiful: years of shared memories, wonder and loss, bright and dark moments both. And you remember the time you met her in a room full of strangers, the slouched girl with the half cocked smile who captivated you with her wit and charm.

[implied]

I think stressing that some people are saying that physical factors are completely unimportant to physical attraction is distorting what they're saying quite a bit. I'll set that aside though for the purposes of this thread though.

Of course when you're looking around a room of strangers physical info is about all you have to go off of. This woman looks like a model, that one over there defies conventional views of beauty (maybe plain, somewhat overweight, poor carriage). From there you could say, yes, definitely more physically attracted to the model.

Then you chat up the model and find out her appearance are curtains hiding an empty stage. She's vapid, uninteresting, perhaps not too bright, maybe batshit crazy. Suddenly, even though she looked like the picture of evolutionary/biological health as far as choosing a mate (or however you'd like to put it), she becomes repulsive in the sense that her looks don't seem that relevant to you anymore. The thought of her being responsible for raising a child (your child!) makes you throw up a little in your mouth.

You might say, well, she's still physically attractive to you, those characteristics haven't changed, but I'd have to disagree. Those characteristics, in this particular individual, might appear to you to be contextualized. You're dealing with a question of attraction not based on form but on substance, a line which once crossed I don't think there's any going back. I'm not trying to state that at this point form has passed into irrelevance, but it can no longer stand as the sole criteria (unless we're to judge a host of things from a distance without diving deeper into the person and, inevitably, back into the subject).

An example of this might be still finding your SO attractive even as they grow older and physically their features become what might (in more objective standards, by form) be described as less or not attractive, you might see behind the wrinkles around their eyes or liver spotted hands something immensely beautiful: years of shared memories, wonder and loss, bright and dark moments both. And you remember the time you met her in a room full of strangers, the slouched girl with the half cocked smile who captivated you with her wit and charm.

nice in theory, but i bet you still marry the hot crazy bitch!

[JuJu]

I think stressing that some people are saying that physical factors are completely unimportant to physical attraction is distorting what they're saying quite a bit. I'll set that aside though for the purposes of this thread though.

Of course when you're looking around a room of strangers physical info is about all you have to go off of. This woman looks like a model, that one over there defies conventional views of beauty (maybe plain, somewhat overweight, poor carriage). From there you could say, yes, definitely more physically attracted to the model.

Then you chat up the model and find out her appearance are curtains hiding an empty stage. She's vapid, uninteresting, perhaps not too bright, maybe batshit crazy. Suddenly, even though she looked like the picture of evolutionary/biological health as far as choosing a mate (or however you'd like to put it), she becomes repulsive in the sense that her looks don't seem that relevant to you anymore. The thought of her being responsible for raising a child (your child!) makes you throw up a little in your mouth.

You might say, well, she's still physically attractive to you, those characteristics haven't changed, but I'd have to disagree. Those characteristics, in this particular individual, might appear to you to be contextualized. You're dealing with a question of attraction not based on form but on substance, a line which once crossed I don't think there's any going back. I'm not trying to state that at this point form has passed into irrelevance, but it can no longer stand as the sole criteria (unless we're to judge a host of things from a distance without diving deeper into the person and, inevitably, back into the subject).

An example of this might be still finding your SO attractive even as they grow older and physically their features become what might (in more objective standards, by form) be described as less or not attractive, you might see behind the wrinkles around their eyes or liver spotted hands something immensely beautiful: years of shared memories, wonder and loss, bright and dark moments both. And you remember the time you met her in a room full of strangers, the slouched girl with the half cocked smile who captivated you with her wit and charm.

this is all too true ... there needs to be something more than looks for the relationship to last more than two or three nights

[Creepy-]

this is all too true ... there needs to be something more than looks for the relationship to last more than two or three nights

lol - I love that you called it a "relationship," even if it only lasts "two or three nights." That sort of seems like an IEI thing to say - seems to romanticize something that is probably much more about physical pleasure than anything else

[JuJu]

lol - I love that you called it a "relationship," even if it only lasts "two or three nights." That sort of seems like an IEI thing to say - seems to romanticize something that is probably much more about physical pleasure than anything else

LOL true

[duality is cringe]

I'm pretty much on the same page as Diana.

Some of the replies perplex me.

[Kim]

but one thing I cannot get over is the obesity issue. Sorry. I'm not talking pleasantly plump, i'm talking obese. I just can't go there. We all have our preferences.

And that's not a problem. A problem is your constant bashing and ridiculing when the topic comes up. Do you think that is going to inspire an obese person to join you at the gym and change something? You can have a preference or dislike and be civil about it.

As for the topic, when I am in a room full of people, I look for people who seem open and friendly because I can easily get intimidated in large crowds and I like to find people I feel comfortable with, which is not at all dependent on looks.

Of course I find certain people more attractive than others, but when I like someone, I cannot find them ugly. If that makes me a freak, I'll be a freak.

[duality is cringe]

And that's not a problem. A problem is your constant bashing and ridiculing when the topic comes up. Do you think that is going to inspire an obese person to join you at the gym and change something? You can have a preference or dislike and be civil about it.

Shame is a great motivator. Being "civil" about obesity only convinces them that it's a perfectly fine lifestyle choice rather than a serious problem and health risk.

[FDG]

Shame is a great motivator. Being "civil" about obesity only convinces them that it's a perfectly fine lifestyle choice rather than a serious problem and health risk.

So if their final choice is to kill themselves, and shame provides the motivation for this act, then do you hold your reasoning to be still valid? C'mon. I would like to see pictures of all the fat-bashing people. I could bet that all the people that are anti-fat-bashing are better looking and in better shape than the fat-bashers.

[munenori2]

nice in theory, but i bet you still marry the hot crazy bitch!

[implied]

quote my ESFp pal: "funny 'cause it's true."

[jessica129]

And that's not a problem. A problem is your constant bashing and ridiculing when the topic comes up. Do you think that is going to inspire an obese person to join you at the gym and change something? You can have a preference or dislike and be civil about it.

I would never ridicule them in public. I'm ridiculing them on a message board so it's okay. You want me to lie and encourage them to be obese? They can go eat themselves to death and cry into a bucket of fried chicken for all i care..just don't expect me to tolerate it.

[xyz]

I would never ridicule them in public. I'm ridiculing them on a message board so it's okay. You want me to lie and encourage them to be obese? They can go eat themselves to death and cry into a bucket of fried chicken for all i care..just don't expect me to tolerate it.

!!


As for the original thread, diana, hey, ugly people need love too. They just won't get it from me.

[implied]

I have to admit the fattest person I know is one of my friends... She looks like Renee Zellweger as Bridget Jones. I might not understand the kind of obesity you are talking about...?

yeah, i've been curious about what you all think of as "fat." many people have different standards.

[duality is cringe]

So if their final choice is to kill themselves, and shame provides the motivation for this act, then do you hold your reasoning to be still valid?

Then they clearly had severe mental issues to begin with. Whether or not their weight was an additional problem or a symptom of their mental imbalance doesn't change the fact that it needed to be addressed. Civility would not have likely gotten the point across as effectively.

If you're so fat that a harsh comment about your weight triggers suicidal ideation, you REALLY need to loose weight. And the nihlists around you should stop enabling your slow demise through passive acceptence.

Wikipedia lists obesity as the second leading cause of preventable death after smoking. Do the 'anti fat bashers' hold their reasoning to still be valid?

C'mon. I would like to see pictures of all the fat-bashing people. I could bet that all the people that are anti-fat-bashing are better looking and in better shape than the fat-bashers.

If you think that proving 'who's the best looking' would accomplish anything than you truly are missing the point.

[Kim]

I would never ridicule them in public. I'm ridiculing them on a message board so it's okay. You want me to lie and encourage them to be obese? They can go eat themselves to death and cry into a bucket of fried chicken for all i care..just don't expect me to tolerate it.

What is the difference between ridiculing people on the street or on the internet except that you don't have to face the person? Pretty convenient.

[jessica129]

I have to admit the fattest person I know is one of my friends... She looks like Renee Zellweger as Bridget Jones. I might not understand the kind of obesity you are talking about...?

lol...um.....i don't think she's what i'd call fat I actually think Renee Zellweger looks so much better at this weight than she does when she's like 105 soaking wet. If i were a guy i think i'd probobly be more attracted to the bridgett jones Renee. Gah, that is such a great movie.

[jessica129]

What is the difference between ridiculing people on the street or on the internet except that you don't have to face the person? Pretty convenient.

You're annoying me. I don't like fatties, leave me alone.

[xyz]

I have to admit the fattest person I know is one of my friends... She looks like Renee Zellweger as Bridget Jones. I might not understand the kind of obesity you are talking about...?
[/IMG]

hah, you think _that_ is obese?! ahahahha

No one correct her!

You're annoying me. I don't like fatties, leave me alone.

Don't you get it? She will give you a merciless tounge lashing until you submit your will to the collective and express your zealous adoration for "the fatties"

[duality is cringe]

What is the difference between ridiculing people on the street or on the internet except that you don't have to face the person? Pretty convenient.

Convenient indeed. The internet is certainly the last place to express an opinion.

[Kim]

Then they clearly had severe mental issues to begin with. Whether or not their weight was an additional problem or a symptom of their mental inbalance doesn't change the fact that it needed to be addressed. Civility would not have likely gotten the point across as effectively.

Low self-esteem makes people stop caring about their looks. I lost all the weight AFTER I decided that I am done with feeling ashamed about myself. It's when I felt confident enough to go to the gym and start the change. Civility gets the point across that you are not a freak who needs to stay out of people's sight because they are oh-so-offended by how you look.

Bleh, this irritates me way too much.

[Kim]

You're annoying me. I don't like fatties, leave me alone.

If you feel entitled to being a judgmental bitch, deal with the consequences.

[cracka]

I was told by my doctor last week that I'm obese. I'm gonna go off myself now. Thanks people.
lol.

[duality is cringe]

Low self-esteem makes people stop caring about their looks. I lost all the weight AFTER I decided that I am done with feeling ashamed about myself. It's when I felt confident enough to go to the gym and start the change.

Why were you ashamed of yourself?

Civility gets the point across that you are not a freak who needs to stay out of people's sight because they are oh-so-offended by how you look.

Bleh, this irritates me way too much.

Unless you are a "freak" (obese, not just any fat bastard), in which case, it would serve you well to know it.

[xyz]

I was told by my doctor last week that I'm obese. I'm gonna go off myself now. Thanks people.
lol.

I hope he didn't go off the BMI index category of "obese". Cuz fuck, that thing's wacked out. according to that i'm "overweight"

[FDG]

Then they clearly had severe mental issues to begin with. Whether or not their weight was an additional problem or a symptom of their mental imbalance doesn't change the fact that it needed to be addressed. Civility would not have likely gotten the point across as effectively.

Right, so if they have sever mental health issues, treating them like shit is what causes the best results? Guy, are you serious, or what?

Wikipedia lists obesity as the second leading cause of preventable death after smoking. Do the 'anti fat bashers' hold their reasoning to still be valid?

What does this have to do with your other point, sorry?

If you think that proving 'who's the best looking' would accomplish anything than you truly are missing the point.

It would accomplish that if one isn't perfect, he-she should shut the fuck up about other people's physical imperfections.

And LMAO at people preaching natural selection! I would like to place all the natural-selection believers in a all-day mountain hike and gladly go back finding them barely breating in a pit the day after.

[jessica129]

If you feel entitled to being a judgmental bitch, deal with the consequences.

But the irony here is that you're being a judgemental bitch towards me because i'm a judgemental bitch.

[jessica129]

Craka, you're far from obese. This, to me, is obese:

[dbmmama]

But the irony here is that you're being a judgemental bitch towards me because i'm a judgemental bitch.

lol

[Creepy-Diana]

.

[xyz]

No, I don't. But I still don't think being obese is the same as "nasty" or "unhygienic".

Well, like the picture jessica posted, here obese is generally met with feelings of nausea and the sudden urge to protect the snickers bar you've got in your pocket.