Looking for an ENFj female

[discojoe]

Must be:

Emotionally stable. Yeah, scratch that. Asking too much.

Perceptive enough to see through me.

Intelligent on a level that is close to mine, same as mine, or higher than mine.

Willing to verbally spar with me.

Someone who enjoys physical, sexually charged play fighting.

At least 6/10 in physical attractiveness.

Super appreciative of how thoughtful and courteous I am. For example, how I take care of people close to me when they get sick, whether they want me to or not.

Willing to put up with my high level of eccentricity.

Interesting to talk to about stuff.

Someone who likes to spend lots of time 1-on-1 having long conversations.

No older than 40. That's right.

Educated enough to talk about the arts.

Someone who enjoys at least moderately rough sex as well as the tender shit.

Really talkative and have a fun sense of humor. For example, you'll laugh when I say "What the hell?!!!" upon spotting a fat man eating apple pie at a bus stop.



IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN THOUGH SO FUCK THIS SHIT

[07490]

discojoe I think I am qualify for this. Pm me when you are ready.

[discojoe]

Pm me when you are ready.

lmao

[Beautiful sky]

It will happen

[Timeless]

Maritsa33 and discojoe sitting on a tree, D-U-A-L-I-Z-I-N-G.

[Filambee]

I know someone that meets this description... well except for the female part.

[07490]

I miss you.

I guess this means you are going to dump your SLE .

[silverchris9]

I'm trying to think if I know any EIEs who meet that criteria. I know a guy who fits all the criteria except the play fighting (I mean, I don't know if he likes it rough, but he looks kinda like he would). I know an ESE, but she wouldn't put up with your high levels of eccentricity (and I think she's got herself an LII anyway). Also she's chubby. How do you feel about pretty face large boobs but overweight? Most of the EIEs I know are crazy-ass theater girls. Most of them are pretty enough (vast majority are at least 5s or higher). There's one who seems EIE, but then sometimes I wonder if she isn't just an alpha extrovert, heavy on the Fe, light on the Fi. Also she's probably a three or a four if I'm being honest (and assuming normal distribution---actually, given that girls are pretty, I would say it should really be a bell curve with the apex at 6 or 5.75 rather than right in the middle. I would say the majority of girls are capable of looking hot under the right circumstances; I mean, not Angelina Jolie Megan Fox Scarlett Johansson hot but hot). Yeah, honestly, most of the EIEs I know are really weird but weird in kind of a conventional way. But assuming you're less weird irl (at least at first) than on the interwebz (I sure as hell am), I think I've come up with at least one girl that fits your criteria.

Honestly, most of the EIEs I know are dudes, though (also theater kids).

[Jenna]

I think I know a girl who fits this but I'm not sure about her intelligence.. And she's not single, and she lives in iowa. So I'm not sure how you two will work out.

Actually I know another EIE female who is pretty similar to the one above but she's not single either :| think she is the same age as you too

[Gilly]

lawl I know an EIE who meets these criteria.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Emotionally stable. Yeah, scratch that. Asking too much.

lol what does emotionally stable mean anyway? Emotions are something that are naturally in flux, no matter who you are.

Perceptive enough to see through me.

You are an insecure mama's boy who boosts up your own accomplishments when really all you want is love. And passionate sex. You want 'passionate sex' more than you want rough sex. You say you want rough sex in front of the fellas so you look cool but you just want something that is passionate and intense, not really rough. You also are pretty whoreish and sexual/slutty for a guy, and part of you wants to be treated like a girl, but in a rough manly way.

Intelligent on a level that is close to mine, same as mine, or higher than mine.

Hate to burst your ego but you're not all that smart. Very smart yes, but there are so many people smarter than you. And I'd say though yeah that's a given.

Willing to verbally spar with me.

That just gets tiring after awhile. Unless it leads to sex.

Someone who enjoys physical, sexually charged play fighting.

Yes please!

At least 6/10 in physical attractiveness.

This one isn't that hard to follow.

Super appreciative of how thoughtful and courteous I am. For example, how I take care of people close to me when they get sick, whether they want me to or not.

lol aw that's really sweet. See, you're a teddy bear at heart and you should show it more, it's honestly really attractive.

Willing to put up with my high level of eccentricity.

Being too weird is kinda babyish and a turn off though.

Interesting to talk to about stuff.

A lot of 'interesting people' aren't really worth getting to know because of how psychotic they are, and a lot of 'dull people' are worth getting to know because of how stable and responsible they are. But it's sorta a balance to me.

Someone who likes to spend lots of time 1-on-1 having long conversations.

I do. =) But I'm a boy.

No older than 40. That's right.

lol... Joy. I wonder what she's up to these days...

Educated enough to talk about the arts.

You have to be 'educated' to have an opinion on art???

Someone who enjoys at least moderately rough sex as well as the tender shit.

Yes. I'm all for moderately rough sex but nothing that gets too out of hand. It's hot to kinda psychologically get under each other's skin and then fuck each other, which is sort of what you seem to be attracted to? That's why you were into Joy, because she is like that. You probably are scaring people away because you seem to come on too aggressively but then you talk about 'what a nice guy you are.' I mean really, who is gonna buy that one? And then you try to emotionally manipulate them later. It's antisocial and rather creepy, nothing really 'hot' about it, maybe in your own head. YMMV, of course.

Really talkative and have a fun sense of humor. For example, you'll laugh when I say "What the hell?!!!" upon spotting a fat man eating apple pie at a bus stop.

lol that's mean and bullyish though. The girl would just sorta laugh at you if you did that and slap you on your arm and say 'be nice.' Girls aren't really attracted to bullies, unless they are insecure themselves. Unless they have lots of money maybe? I mean really a lot of money. I would just /facepalm for you if you did that in real life but that sounds like a good joke at a comedy club or something.

[discojoe]

lawl I know an EIE who meets these criteria.

I should add another:

Isn't into weird fireside spirit dancing bullshit.

[golden]

I should add another:

Isn't into weird fireside spirit dancing bullshit.

lololol

[Morcheeba]

That's more of a Delta NF thing, anyway.

I would have to agree with you on this. I think that sort of thing is HA; I know an SEI who would probably do that. She kind of reminds me of a fairy.

[Gilly]

That's more of a Delta NF thing, anyway.

Not when it's a fire hula hoop that sends flaming torch heads spinning rapidly past your face

[Gilly]

ahahahaha dj will be alone forever.

[discojoe]

ahahahaha dj will be alone forever.

Fuck off.

[discojoe]

lol what does emotionally stable mean anyway? Emotions are something that are naturally in flux, no matter who you are.

I think you know what I mean. Don't be coy.

You are an insecure mama's boy

Uhhh, I'm sure you can twist words into some distortion of reality in order to make it sound like I'm a mama's boy, but I doubt that I possess any sort of unusually strong closeness to or dependency on my mother. What closeness there is is only natural: she gives lots of Fe, I'm the youngest, and our genders are opposite. So it makes perfect sense that we'd be close, but again, I don't think that we share any kind of oedipustic relationship whatsoever.

who boosts up your own accomplishments when really all you want is love.

I don't know what accomplishments you're referring to. Meh, whatever you say. (Bad grammar up there too lolololol)

The love thing is generally accurate, but it's not as clean-cut or elementary as you make it sound.

And passionate sex. You want 'passionate sex' more than you want rough sex.

Yeah.

You say you want rough sex in front of the fellas so you look cool

No. When I want to look cool, that's not the sort of thing I say.

You also are pretty whoreish and sexual/slutty for a guy, and part of you wants to be treated like a girl, but in a rough manly way.

I'm not whorish at all. Not in the least. I'm extremely conservative about conveying any sort of sexually charged signals.

Hate to burst your ego but you're not all that smart. Very smart yes, but there are so many people smarter than you. And I'd say though yeah that's a given.

I'm in the 99th percentile. I'm not bragging about it, it's just a fact. My psychiatrist dabbles in IQ testing, and he says he thinks my IQ is anywhere between 145 and 159. And a result of it is that I don't have many fulfilling interactions with people. I know there are people smarter than I, and I don't give a shit. I'd gladly be with someone with an IQ of 200 if it meant that she fit my criteria.

I know it sounds like I'm unloading all kinds of insecurities saying these things, but I don't think I am. My perception of myself is mainly jargon, white noise. ADD has robbed much of my ability to steer my thoughts in a chosen direction. My position on my own intelligence is that it is what it is, I can't do anything about it, and shaming myself or boasting to others is an eyebrow-raising waste of time.

That just gets tiring after awhile. Unless it leads to sex.

Straw man: I never said I wanted to do it relentlessly. Once or twice a day would be good.

lol aw that's really sweet. See, you're a teddy bear at heart and you should show it more, it's honestly really attractive.

I show it around people I like. If you're a friend and in distress, I will go out of my way to help you. I only hesitate when the propriety of my actions feels questionable, since I don't really have a filter when it comes to offering my services. I just perceive the situation in stark black and white.

Being too weird is kinda babyish and a turn off though.

I'm not babyish, I don't really do it on purpose, and I have found that EIEs don't really give a shit.

You have to be 'educated' to have an opinion on art???

Art =/= the arts. And no, at least not in an academic sense.

That's why you were into Joy, because she is like that.

Joy isn't even remotely like that.

You probably are scaring people away because you seem to come on too aggressively but then you talk about 'what a nice guy you are.' I mean really, who is gonna buy that one?

I don't do that unless it's with people I'm not interested in. If I am interested in someone, I carry myself in a dignified, polite manner accompanied by a touch of orneriness. I try to make them laugh and to talk about themselves.

I certainly don't act weirdly aggressive and plead that I'm a fairy boy underneath the layers of caustic, abrasive arrogance. That's a breed of behavior that only spurs into being when I am deeply disturbed by some kind of (usually unknown) antagonist.

And then you try to emotionally manipulate them later.

What do you mean by this, and why is it bad?

lol that's mean and bullyish though. The girl would just sorta laugh at you if you did that and slap you on your arm and say 'be nice.' Girls aren't really attracted to bullies, unless they are insecure themselves. Unless they have lots of money maybe? I mean really a lot of money. I would just /facepalm for you if you did that in real life but that sounds like a good joke at a comedy club or something.

In my experience, many EIEs think it's funny as shit to say things like that, as long as it's not done 24/7. And I don't act like a bully toward people, at least not on purpose.


And now I shall do you, as it were.

Short and sweet: You are insecure about your physical appearance, and you compensate for it by jumping in and asserting psychological dominance, sort of like casting a spell, diverting attention away from what you don't want seen. If you're at the helm, you can steer thoughts away from those areas you're scared may come into view and then (unthinkably!) into focus.

That is why you make comments designed to bring me down a peg. You find me attractive and want my standards to be brought down to a level that you're scared you inhabit. Any higher and you'd fear having certain "classes" of people out of reach. You attempt to accomplish this by employing your aforementioned psychological influences, to make certain subjects purely noncognitive in the mind of the case on whom you're working.

[Gilly]

Fuck off.

nyah nyah

[Gilly]

i sarry deej

me hasin bad days

[Slacker]

That's more of a Delta NF thing, anyway.

I do actually know an EIE who is into that, but maybe that's why we're friends.

[discojoe]

i sarry deej

me hasin bad days

praytell mirite

[Gilly]

ya u rite

life sux

[Absurd]

You have to join tcaudilllg's dating site, plenty of EIEs around there, so I heard.

[discojoe]

ya u rite

life sux

Unless it is immoral, always do the thing you're scared of doing.

Don't know why I wrote that, but it seemed appropriate for some unknown reason.

[discojoe]

Ugh, there are four EIEs at work.

One likes me a lot subconsciously, but consciously thinks I am boring. She's also a corporate drone.

One isn't attractive at all but obviously likes me.

One is too old but is also attracted to me ala her awkwardly obvious flirting.

One is geeky and fun, but strangely subdued and nonreactive (i.e., boring). No idea if she likes me, but I don't really like her, so meh mirite.


Fuck you, Jesus.

[discojoe]

hit the clubs

Do decent people frequent clubs?

[April]

hahaha, I could see it being an NF trait, in general. I remember when me and my sister were little we were walking on a trail with my IEE mom & we came across a mushroom circle. She had us stop, sit down in it, hold hands and make a wish. She's always been into things like that & I honestly love that about her. :]

Your mom sounds adorable and awesome.

[Beautiful sky]

Unless it is immoral, always do the thing you're scared of doing.

Don't know why I wrote that, but it seemed appropriate for some unknown reason.

What are some examples of things that are moral or immoral?

[squark]

something I was thinking . . .

I'm a jealous and competitive person. But, there's always going to be someone better at every one of my qualities, whether they're smarter, or better looking, or better at this or that. If I'm liked for those sorts of things, because I'm whatever, then I'm never safe. Those qualities are always replaceable. They can be found in someone else.

What I want, is to not be compared. That it doesn't matter that someone else is better at whatever, because I'm the best at being me. And I want to be appreciated not for specific qualities that I possess, but for what makes me myself. I want someone who sees me as different from anyone else and who doesn't want to compare me and see how my various traits measure up. I want to be someone's favorite person so that I can relax, and stop trying to exceed a million tiny different standards of comparison. So that it no longer matters to me that this person is more attractive, or this person has a better sense of humor, or this person is whatever, because regardless of any trait that anyone has that is somehow better than me, I'm still someone's favorite.

I can't make this kind of list of criteria for a guy either then. I more or less just want a guy who is my best friend and favorite person, with physical attraction and sexual chemistry. That's attainable, and that's who I'll be happy with, not someone who meets a list of standards.

But yeah, whatever. Good luck on your EIE hunt! lol

[discojoe]

Why would you be insecure about people being better than you at everything? What does that have to do with you? It's just meaningless data. Ignore it.

[silverchris9]

something I was thinking . . .

I'm a jealous and competitive person. But, there's always going to be someone better at every one of my qualities, whether they're smarter, or better looking, or better at this or that. If I'm liked for those sorts of things, because I'm whatever, then I'm never safe. Those qualities are always replaceable. They can be found in someone else.

What I want, is to not be compared. That it doesn't matter that someone else is better at whatever, because I'm the best at being me. And I want to be appreciated not for specific qualities that I possess, but for what makes me myself. I want someone who sees me as different from anyone else and who doesn't want to compare me and see how my various traits measure up. I want to be someone's favorite person so that I can relax, and stop trying to exceed a million tiny different standards of comparison. So that it no longer matters to me that this person is more attractive, or this person has a better sense of humor, or this person is whatever, because regardless of any trait that anyone has that is somehow better than me, I'm still someone's favorite.

I can't make this kind of list of criteria for a guy either then. I more or less just want a guy who is my best friend and favorite person, with physical attraction and sexual chemistry. That's attainable, and that's who I'll be happy with, not someone who meets a list of standards.

But yeah, whatever. Good luck on your EIE hunt! lol

Ni-HA.

Why would you be insecure about people being better than you at everything? What does that have to do with you? It's just meaningless data. Ignore it.

Weird (conscious?) attempt at reframing information in terms of Te-ignoring.

But I agree with you squark. It's not a list of standards (although guidelines can be helpful)... the list of things you want should just help to guide you towards a person with whom you can build that level of relationship. Also, things like "emotional stability" (however tongue-in-cheek), can help you recognize when maybe you've created those feelings in an environment that's so unhealthy that you have to give up on those feelings and move on. Shrug.

[golden]

something I was thinking . . .

I'm a jealous and competitive person. But, there's always going to be someone better at every one of my qualities, whether they're smarter, or better looking, or better at this or that. If I'm liked for those sorts of things, because I'm whatever, then I'm never safe. Those qualities are always replaceable. They can be found in someone else.

What I want, is to not be compared. That it doesn't matter that someone else is better at whatever, because I'm the best at being me. And I want to be appreciated not for specific qualities that I possess, but for what makes me myself. I want someone who sees me as different from anyone else and who doesn't want to compare me and see how my various traits measure up. I want to be someone's favorite person so that I can relax, and stop trying to exceed a million tiny different standards of comparison. So that it no longer matters to me that this person is more attractive, or this person has a better sense of humor, or this person is whatever, because regardless of any trait that anyone has that is somehow better than me, I'm still someone's favorite.

I can't make this kind of list of criteria for a guy either then. I more or less just want a guy who is my best friend and favorite person, with physical attraction and sexual chemistry. That's attainable, and that's who I'll be happy with, not someone who meets a list of standards.

But yeah, whatever. Good luck on your EIE hunt! lol

I'm not sure if this is true or not, but it has been suggested to me that this tendency to compare oneself to others is something more often seen in women. I know I sometimes do it, but it's totally self-defeating, as you've recognized: there will always be someone who is more beautiful, more intelligent, more talented, sexier, more accomplished, more worldly, more of anything I can offer.

As you've rightly pointed out, what we all need as a corrective to that kind of thinking is to be loved for who we are, to become through that love and respect and true regard more of who we are. And to share that with another person and reciprocate it.

I've found myself in the position in the last year of having to point out to a Beta ST man that love is not a checklist. That said, there's nothing inherently wrong with making a list of the qualities you desire in a potential partner. Having some standards, knowing what they are, and sticking to them can be a healthy thing--in moderation.

I say in moderation because life has a pretty wonderful way of putting in our paths people who may not have every one of those checklisted traits, but who make up for whatever could be missing by possessing other fine qualities we never even imagined or expected.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

You find me attractive and want my standards to be brought down to a level that you're scared you inhabit. Any higher and you'd fear having certain "classes" of people out of reach. You attempt to accomplish this by employing your aforementioned psychological influences, to make certain subjects purely noncognitive in the mind of the case on whom you're working.

lol. Nothing could be further from the truth. I barely think about you at all, and I don't find you attractive. I don't have an inferiority complex about you at all, especially because we both come from the same socio-economical class you doofus, and we both have similiar lifestyles.

I saw that pic of you with your shirt off and I was just all 'okay.' I'm very neutral towards you. Honestly.

I don't get why so many straight guys think they are the hot shit and that everybody wants them, but it just isn't true. If anything it's you who wants me.

I didn't mean to be too mean at you with the insecure mama's boy comment. So relax, okay? I just think it's funny how you talk about how awesome you are and how smart you are and how you're going to do these amazing things. I'm not saying you can't do them. Maybe you can. But the proof is in the pudding, as they say, not narcissistic forum ranting. And do you have any proof to show how you are in the '99% range.' Give me a break.

Youse just a middle class white mama's boy nerd who can talk a little tough.

[discojoe]

Weird (conscious?) attempt at reframing information in terms of Te-ignoring.

How was that weird? Brooding over people who surpass you in various arenas is a waste of time. Just do what you can with what you've got.

[discojoe]

lol. Nothing could be further from the truth. I barely think about you at all, and I don't find you attractive. I don't have an inferiority complex about you at all, especially because we both come from the same socio-economical class you doofus, and we both have similiar lifestyles.

I saw that pic of you with your shirt off and I was just all 'okay.' I'm very neutral towards you. Honestly.

I don't get why so many straight guys think they are the hot shit and that everybody wants them, but it just isn't true. If anything it's you who wants me.

I didn't mean to be too mean at you with the insecure mama's boy comment. So relax, okay? I just think it's funny how you talk about how awesome you are and how smart you are and how you're going to do these amazing things. I'm not saying you can't do them. Maybe you can. But the proof is in the pudding, as they say, not narcissistic forum ranting. And do you have any proof to show how you are in the '99% range.' Give me a break.

Youse just a middle class white mama's boy nerd who can talk a little tough.

What's so amusing about these criticisms and analyses of me is that they're based on intentionally over-emphasized online behavior that doesn't represent me at all, and your trump card seems to be allusions to such behaviors dwelling in my subconscious and thus possessing a crux of accuracy regarding my true self.

Aside from that, I think the remarks I made about you are accurate, and your obviously perturbed emotionality gives credibility to that belief. You'll laugh and try to pass off what I said as merely a manifestation of my alleged egotism and menagerie of personal insecurities, but we both know what's going on.

In response to what you said about my intelligence: I think you believe me. I won't comment on this topic anymore, since it is embarrassing to actually hold a debate over it.

[silverchris9]

How was that weird? Brooding over people who surpass you in various arenas is a waste of time. Just do what you can with what you've got.

It was weird because it seemed so by-the-numbers socionics-y: people often associate data with Te, contrast Ti and Te by saying that Te is "raw data" whereas Ti does a lot of interpretive work on the data before considering it "meaningful," and then you literally said to ignore it. Hence Te-ignoring.

EDIT: Also... it kinda seemed like you missed the point. The point wasn't so much about what an individual should focus on as about what are valid grounds for loving someone. And it can't be because of their possession of a certain quality, because there will always be some individual who possess that quality to a greater degree.

[discojoe]

But the criteria for what constitutes justifiable love would change if she abandoned any sort of concern for her abilities as they relate to others'.

[silverchris9]

But the criteria for what constitutes justifiable love would change if she abandoned any sort of concern for her abilities as they relate to others'.

Well, yeah, as squark formulated it, sure. But the idea behind it still holds.

That is, the original argument was "I don't want to be liked for qualities, because I will be beaten on qualities."

But you could reformulate it to be, "People in general should not like one another on the basis of qualities about each other, because then, strictly speaking, they should change who they like and how much they like them based on the relative degree to which people in their lives--or even people in a bar, on the train, etc.--possess a certain quality. Rather than do that, we ought to like the person himself or herself, rather than attributes thereof. No one will ever be better at being one particular individual than that one particular individual."

The best response would seem to be: "We should like people for qualities they possess, but not compare them to others," which is a pretty valid viewpoint, I suppose. But it misses the poetry of the other argument.

The sappy way of putting it is: your wife is never going to be the most beautiful woman you will ever see in your life. She should be the most beautiful woman to you.

[squark]

EDIT: Also... it kinda seemed like you missed the point. The point wasn't so much about what an individual should focus on as about what are valid grounds for loving someone. And it can't be because of their possession of a certain quality, because there will always be some individual who possess that quality to a greater degree.

Yes.

But the criteria for what constitutes justifiable love would change if she abandoned any sort of concern for her abilities as they relate to others'.

That doesn't seem to be something that I can change, no matter how much I try. It's a weird form of perfectionism, and even attempts to eliminate it are a manifestation of it. It's far easier and more realistic to find someone who accepts me to a degree that I don't feel the need to do that. I have that with some of my friends, where they can say anything about anyone and it doesn't affect me at all because I know they love me regardless of any qualities I have or to what degree. With them, it doesn't even cross my mind to judge myself so harshly. Imposing yet another impossible standard upon myself (eliminating any self-judging) is most definitely NOT the answer. I need less standards to meet (and trying to rewrite my entire self and personality is definitley another standard) not more.

But you could reformulate it to be, "People in general should not like one another on the basis of qualities about each other, because then, strictly speaking, they should change who they like and how much they like them based on the relative degree to which people in their lives--or even people in a bar, on the train, etc.--possess a certain quality. Rather than do that, we ought to like the person himself or herself, rather than attributes thereof. No one will ever be better at being one particular individual than that one particular individual."

Exactly.

That said, there's nothing inherently wrong with making a list of the qualities you desire in a potential partner. Having some standards, knowing what they are, and sticking to them can be a healthy thing--in moderation.

I agree that there's nothing inherently wrong with that. And it's a good idea for some people to elucidate personal standards for themselves.