lets find out if there is a correlation after all.
you don't have to actively practice it, just at least think of it once in awhile while you masturbate or something.
poll is private, of course. this thread is civilized.
aggressor and yes
aggressor and no
victim and yes
victim and no
caregiver and yes
caregiver and no
infantile and yes
infantile and no
I'm a shithead and I'm voting for this one
I'm not sure of my type and yes
I'm not sure of my type and no
I think the internet thinks about bdsm and those that don't are lying. Maybe my mind is just a gutter.
I happen to find it quite deranged, but I suppose I am particularly sensitive when it comes to not being sexually brutalized.
"[Scapegrace,] I don't know how anyone can stand such a sinister and mean individual as you." - Maritsa Darmandzhyan
Brought to you by socionix.com
I sort of don't approach the topic of sex lightly, so generally it is a function of how close I am to the individual rather than an activity that can be an ends to itself, that being said when I care for someone I try to be accommodating in this regard independent of my own preferences but I suppose I'm least prone to accommodate public sex, or the idea that location and danger can enhance the experience. In my experience such a mentality is fairly prone to exist in Fe valuing types as they view the altering of the emotional atmosphere that the activity of intercourse takes place in as far more relevant and exciting than I do.
As for BDSM? It'd perhaps take a long time and a lot of coaching for me to feel comfortable really beating the shit out of someone during sex, or them doing so to me, but I'm more comfortable with this idea than I am the idea of public sex. The really really PC aspects of BDSM can be fun, like hand-cuffs and changing the 'dominant' partner, but those are fairly mild things.
Easy Day
never really seen the attraction, though in a crazy and drunk enough mood i might give some of it a try.
ftr: i'm the infantile no vote.
I am an infantile, and I've already brought up my interests. I have never had physical sexual contact with anyone, so it's partly hypothetical. But name-calling, insults, etc. are all things I have enjoyed receiving. Not to mention I have fantasies of being kept in a cage chained up in a woman's basement and having her throw a few cheerios at me when I get hungry.
Bondage seems like it could be hot, especially kinbaku/shibari, but other than that my reaction is "Meh," unless biting/scratching/mild choking are considered bdsm things. The submissive/dominant power play just doesn't appeal to me enough that I'd implement it in my sex life.
No. I have a hard time taking things like roleplaying and what not seriously. It's just really corny to me.
I prefer feeling closer to someone during sex and role-playing would do the opposite. Maybe I would actually be closer to them, if we were doing something they really wanted, but I don't think I could get into it. Plus, I don't think the kind of relationship I'd be in would really fit doing something like that in our free time and then resuming normal day. I just can't see that emotional transition, even if drugs were involved, haha.
It seems more like an Fe thing. The way I think of it, Fi emotions are more static, so I'd either not take the role-playing seriously, or think that they actually felt the way they were acting, whereas a Fe-valuer would feel that it's just acting and enjoy it for that sake. An EIE I know is pretty into it. Parties and cuffs and all.
Last edited by d1ffe7; 09-13-2012 at 02:08 AM.
Just provide photos or video, we'll figure out the rest.Originally Posted by Aivonaima
Yes, aside from just finding the concept utterly unappealing this is what perplexes me most. The idea that some people can abuse one another during sex and maintain a normal relationship outside of that just doesn't compute.
"[Scapegrace,] I don't know how anyone can stand such a sinister and mean individual as you." - Maritsa Darmandzhyan
Brought to you by socionix.com
....is choking normal sexual behavior?
"[Scapegrace,] I don't know how anyone can stand such a sinister and mean individual as you." - Maritsa Darmandzhyan
Brought to you by socionix.com
I don't think it's healthy for a relationship to be imbalanced.
Infantile and def no. My partners have to be on equal level with me, none of that power play crap. I don't even fantasize about that kind of stuff, it physically and conceptually just doesn't work for me.
Me too. I vote we make this poll an open one
Gross. No.
Because his opinion isn't the only one?If you think it is gross, why would you tell me people liked when I talk about it
Just to add one perspective...
R's and mine relationship is a d/s one, but it's not like what's shown in movies, porn, nor books. Nor is it bedroom only. Ours is 'lifestyle'. From an outsider's perspective, we're just a normal couple in a loving relationship, and he's one of those nice guys who does thing for his partner and is considerate for her needs/wants. Ultimately...that's what ours IS. The d/s part of it comes in regularly, but not in the imagined way of barking out orders etc. it just basically gives me 'permission' to make requests and express what I'd like, without my having to worry if maybe I'm being too needy or bothering him, etc.
In the bedroom, I again have 'permission' to make requests, or inform him of what I want...or how I want it. I'm not much of a dominant person, and I've so many insecurities and concerns. This aspect to our relationship helps out. I also don't have to worry about constantly primping, or sexing myself up, nor worrying about 'how to please my man', etc. I can just relax and be myself. I've never had that ability in other relationships. This doesn,t mean I'm 'always on top and in control' either. I get to decide if I want him to be on top, or if I want my hair pulled, etc. and since I don't send off much body language for him to read, our relationship gives him the info he needs...and HE, too, gets to relax and be himself.
One of the other benefits of this relationship, is that I don't have to worry about my PTSD issues being triggered. I have the ability to change things to avoid them. And if they happen to accidently get triggered...I have the ability to change what we are doing, or stop it all together so I can psychologically regroup.
Really...we're a rather vanilla-ish couple, even though we're in a lifestyle d/s relationship, hang out with heavy-bdsm friends, and attend local bdsm events.
IEE 649 sx/sp cp
My one relationship (as it were) was with a guy who was into BDSM. He felt that pain was pleasure; I felt that pain was pain.I think I told him as much once. From what the other woman in the equation told me, he and she were doing something like BDSM or at least basic d/s. I never asked for details, and she didn't really offer.
Johari/Nohari
"Tell someone you love them today, because life is short; shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying."
Fruit, the fluffy kitty.
i'm less surprised by the infantile statistic and more surprised how many people in general are grossed out by it. i tend to think of sex as kind of inherently violent anyways, like, idk, penetration.
i can understand what diffe7 and scape said about the relationship aspect, though, and the transitioning. especially if its some kind of dress-up goofy roleplay thing.
also, lol, taknamay omfg <3
1. it was hilarious. 2. Be more free and learn and 3. What I think is okay for me and what others think is okay for them are two seperate ideas.If you think it is gross, why would you tell me people liked when I talk about it
Funny how infantiles clearly lead the yes-votes, but no caregiver has claimed interest.
As for myself, I don't have any experience with bdsm, but I'd definitely want to try it! Some relatively milds things only though (probably), like choking, blindfolds, hair-pulling, idk - I wouldn't want anyone to actually get hurt and costumes and extreme role-playing and whips and other "professional" things seem rather corny to me. I'm a little surprised how many people that answered "no" talk about needing an equal/balanced relationship. As I said I'm not really familiar with the topic, but I never thought it'd have something to do with imbalance or inequality. I'd have to feel very comfortable and balanced and equal with my partner in order to have sex at all, let alone try something kinky. I've always seen myself being more on the active/dominant part, but in a very playful and considerate way. I've had some violent fantasies, too, but I think they work much better in my head and I wouldn't want to try them in real life.
Almost half the votes are infantiles!
Aww, I saw the shithead option too late.
I'm not into the power stuff, or at least what I think of as power stuff, i.e. one half being sort of treated more like a sex object or something. Maybe real basic bondage would be ok, but I don't want to have to tie like an angler's knot into a barrel hitch with some diagonal lashings or something. Being rough is ok, but actual infliction of pain not so much.
Moonlight will fall
Winter will end
Harvest will come
Your heart will mend
Bwahahahaha.
it depends, it's more intricate than a simple yes or no.
I never liked exerting myself physically so I don't think there would be a way for me to translate my brain cells that pain = pleasure. It takes a lot of trust for me to even hold another person's hand.
I am a shy baby.
with that said, I do like being spat on if it's done right and also degrading/playful comments... I'm more submissive but have had dominated before.
all in all it's not really my thing, i've never been an intense person. I'm more drawn to things that are soft & comfortable. it's like I enjoy the theory of being led around on a leash and shit like that but in order for me to like it in reality there would have to be a lot of other factors. im more turned on by genuine emotional connection and even disney related stuff. regular ol' eroticism is good enough for me, if I need anything more to turn me on it can even be a sign of depression lol.
id like to add that not always, but a lot of people who i know who are into intense bdsm are really ugly fat guys who look like serial killers. their bodies smell and they are nasty, not what most ppl would consider erotic at all.
i mean, i think there needs to be an authentic neutrality with these sort of things. It's like Dan Savage says, if Taylor Lautner (or insert hot guy here) wanted to piss on you, most gay boys and girls would be standing in line to happily take said piss. However if the average suburban schmuck wanted to do that most people would go 'ehh no thanks.'
there was a scene in a gay porn that managed to actually make snot erotic but the only reason why it worked is because the men had already had narcisistically hot gay porn bodies. I doubt it would have the same effect if they had average bodies.
if you can still be into BDSM *and* have it be with an average person that has flaws, then I would say you are genuinely into bdsm. But hot people have a way of making almost everything hot.
i just wonder how much of BDSM is the actual meat & potatoes of a person's sexual meal, or how much of it is the frosting on the cake.
There's time for everything
[Today 01:22 PM] lungs: funny the only trend in the bdsm thread is the caregivers saying no
[Today 01:22 PM] lungs: poor infantiles
Something should be done with this problem and I actually know what, just thought about something. Anyhow lungs, as an aggressor - are you into BDSM?
It's not like there's an equal amount of caregivers even on this forum.
Also...R is SiFe...a Caregiver...and more into kink related stuff than I am.
@lungs the bunches are a little more solid for throwing...and would break upart upon impact...thus leading to even more humiliation for T, so might be an excellent cereal to use.
(unfortunately, I think the bunches are the best part. So I would selfishly keep them for myself)
Last edited by anndelise; 08-31-2012 at 02:49 PM. Reason: Sorry bout the edits
IEE 649 sx/sp cp
I'm not suggesting anything and those infantiles are not disenfenchised seeing the votes they have cast. I do not have Cheerios as well right now and never have had honey bunches of oats, seriously. I was just inquiring.
Cheerio.
Ithe bdsm turtle.
IEE 649 sx/sp cp
for some reason i find this topic disturbing and upsetting (i mean, in my mind). the thought of having to live that way feels like having died and woken up in crazy land where you just wish some semblance of something feeling real would return... but it's like playful game building on playful game building on playful game, and never can anything real ever hit you as it all becomes increasingly insane. then if you're not the one creating the insanity you have to be the constant victim of it, losing any trace of your own will to just fulfill request after request after request until all of you has been torn away, meanwhile the entire time it's miserable drudgery and slavery. and the other person diverts the relationship away from any intimate connection via requests and play. perhaps this is how the concept feels in my mind.
BDSM IS FOR THOSE WHO CAN'T SEE THEMSELVES FOR WHAT THEY REALLY ARE AAAANIMOOLZ THAT IIIIIIIS,.
anyway ,when it's about embracing the whole subculture of it,then it appears that one's brain is fractioned and watching someone changing modes just like that can be creepy.especially when it comes down to the sexual level.otherwise,it may be interesting to have a SO and wanting to see how they could channel a different style of uhh intimacy.
what's the bdsm turtle
I think the idea can be fascinating, most people experience it only as a fantasy or a idea and not the reality which is much more banal and stupid.
S.M.A.R.T.
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willingness to experiment?
