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Thread: ISTp-ENFp duality bad experiences

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    Default ISTp-ENFp duality bad experiences

    Wow! I just met a bad ISTp. I usually really like them, but I'm now understanding there is a lot more than type...

    This guy complained constantly (in a whiny way). He would interrupt me to say "sorry, my back hurts" and stretch. He also complained of various other things such, everything from the weather to the city, etc. And he let his parents tell him what to do and was late because his parents were dropping something off. This did not come off like a cool "bad boy" but was simply "bad." He seemed somehow spineless and wimpy, and I couldn't understand how any ISTp could be like that Then he seemed to be waiting to see if I'd pay the check. I offered to split and he excitedly took me up on it. My faith in duality is being shaken...maybe other things are more important than socionics?

    And he also complained about all the things I like and he seemed like a total stick in the mud. Seemed totally set in his ways too, while also being . How is it possible to be a wimpy ISTp?
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Creepy-male

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    I think it's enneatype.

    Remember Ephemeral? Yeah.

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    Creepy-Cyclops

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    Maybe he's depressed or something?

    fwiw, I know a female ISTp who's always whining about stuff. She's dating a guy who treats her like shit. Anyway she seems to use me as some sort of sounding board or just a board of some kind to go on about the stuff he does she doesn't like. I asked her one time why if he's such an ass why doesn't she just leave him, and she said, "it's because i'm stupid". I think she's kinda depressed about things and not really come to terms with stuff in her life which could very well be related to her age (she's a couple of years younger than me) and her Fe PoLR.

    So I dunno. This guy you're talking about, maybe he's just lame, although if he's hot maybe date him some more and he'll get better hehe

    Oh, if I think of some other stuff to say later on, I will. Whether it's useful or not is another thing haha.

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    hmm, you both have good points.

    And he's not "hot" to me because I'm big into the personality....so w/o a good personality I'm just not attracted.

    I just thought ISTps were all about being courageous and honest, independent, even bold!! And yet somehow, he had none of that. I'm still asking myself how that is possible. My female ISTp friend has those qualities and she also has strong character/a backbone, etc. She would seriously beat this guy up in a fight lol.

    I guess integrity and all that isn't type related, unfortunately...

    And he prob was depressed, but in other ISTps that almost attracts me because I want to "help" if I see potential there and help them cheer up, but all the Ne in the world wasn't going to change anything for this one...sigh

    Gulazon: what is ephemeral?

    Cyclops: useless can be just as interesting as useful!
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Ephemeral is an Unknown.

    "Maybe a 9 or a 2."

    He has an Eightish streak, though, and too standoffish for a Nine.

    But anyway, I'm not going to prattle on about him behind his back

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    Is this the first date? I was going to say something to the effect of "maybe you just don't know him enough yet" but i'm usually on my best "behavior" on first dates...depressed or not. This guy sounds like a bump on a log. Actually, I think a lot of istp's can come off that way. Are you sure he's SLI? What makes you think he is? Either way, I refuse to surround myself with people who complain nonstop like that. Probobly best you leave that one alone.

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    um i thought most ISTps were "wimps" in the sense of not wanting to control people/be incredibly forceful? what kind of a "tough guy" are you looking for anyhow?
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    I'm a wimp.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pinball Wizard! View Post
    I'm a wimp.
    no, please beat me to a pulp to prove that you are an ISTp caregiver.
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    Quote Originally Posted by implied View Post
    no, please beat me to a pulp to prove that you are an ISTp caregiver.
    Well, technically *I* can't do that since i'm a 'caregiver'... but, I WILL pay someone to beat the snot out of you, then I shall come and save the day!

    Because I'm a wimp.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pinball Wizard! View Post
    Well, technically *I* can't do that since i'm a 'caregiver'... but, I WILL pay someone to beat the snot out of you, then I shall come and save the day!

    Because I'm a wimp.
    O_O'
    <Crispy> what subt doesnt understand is that a healthy reaction to "FUCK YOU" is and not

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    Quote Originally Posted by ephemeros View Post
    imo even Max Payne and the Punisher were listening to their parents and were good employees & stuff, they are the "good guys" not bad.
    Punisher<3

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    I think I met an ENFP. We went out a few times and it was boring as watching paint dry. If you can't romance your dual, does this mean you suck at life?

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    Creepy-male

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    No, you just suck at using Socionics to improve your natural strengths.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    How is it possible to be a wimpy ISTp?
    How is it possible for you to type and judge him after meeting him for the first time? Are you a whiny wimp? I thought ENFps were less shallow and more accepting and considerate people. My faith in duality is being shaken.

    Yeah, right...
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ephemeros View Post
    Max Payne and the Punisher
    SLI??
    [] | NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)

    You know what? You're an individual, and that makes people nervous. And it's gonna keep making people nervous for the rest of your life.
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    Well...um...yeah. SLIs come in all shapes and sizes. I've known some really great ones and some not-so-great ones.
    IEE

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    tiny_dancer "Well...um...yeah. SLIs come in all shapes and sizes. I've known some really great ones and some not-so-great ones."

    I think that sums it up! I think I had an unrealistic idea that all ISTps were perfect...and I guess it is just a category...so that would be like me assuming all guys w/ brown hair are awesome! And that's just silly of course.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Another socionics person from Georgia?!?

    Or should I say the outer wasteland that is OTP? lol

    Yes, actually I've noticed this sort of interaction with my friend too. I think it's why it took me so long to get to know her. Now I understand that her mood will pick up a bit once we've hung out for a while, so if she's a bit distant at first it doesn't bother me.
    IEE

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    yeah I should clarify that usually I LIKE the ISTp thing of being very quiet, serious, stoic, even hard to read and mysterious -- even if they complain a lot, doesn't bother me. Those things in and of themselves aren't bad (they are usually very good actually!)

    And yes, I was being my typical ENFp self and talking, asking questions, being entertaining, etc...however, this guy was just lame. I'm not attacking ALL ISTps of course, just one I didn't happen to like. I also disliked his voice. I would have actually not known he was an ISTp if he didn't tell me he was, and I could see it after a while.

    It was just hard for me to accept because before that I liked all of the ISTps I'd met, even if I wasn't attracted to them. And I get along great w/ my female ISTp friend (who can be super quiet until you get her on a topic she's super into).
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    I'm with tiny and jewells on this one. ISTp's can be as great as only ENFp's can dream of. But when u run into a bad one, boy is that bad. Trust me. I know both extremes and a few in between

    but then again, it's the same with ENFp's... and all other types ppl go figure
    n00bIEE

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    Quote Originally Posted by tiny_dancer View Post
    Another socionics person from Georgia?!?

    Or should I say the outer wasteland that is OTP? lol.
    Yup, another peach-state boy. Georgia is rapidly becoming the mecca of Socionics in the western world: Who would have thunk it?
    IEE

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    Quote Originally Posted by dattebayo View Post
    I'm with tiny and jewells on this one. ISTp's can be as great as only ENFp's can dream of. But when u run into a bad one, boy is that bad. Trust me. I know both extremes and a few in between

    but then again, it's the same with ENFp's... and all other types ppl go figure
    Really? Could you describe your interaction(s) with a "bad" ISTP? I don't know that many – the only time I become aware of them is through some kind of activity (like sports) where people have to interact with one another.

    "Bad" enfp's, I know about. It's kind of scary how hyped up and unfocused they can be. I"ve been there ("bad") more than I'd like to admit during certain (stressful) periods of my life. Always seem to bounce back though. Is resiliency part of the enfp psychological makeup . . . or are we just too looney not to know any better?
    IEE

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    I know an SLI married to an ENFP woman. He is a very nice guy, but he gets depressed when people dont show appreciation for his efforts e.g he gives a neighbor tools and then they show no appreciation. Hes a loner but loves his family very much. Not an aggressive extroverted tough guy, he slouches a lot and seems fairly laid back. But behind that he conceals a lot of aggressiveness, I wouldnt call them a wimp they are very physically confident (the one i know is a bricklayer) and i wouldnt fuck with one if i were u just cause they lack energy.

    the one i know would punch u right in the face w/o a second thought if he felt threatened. but for the most part he just tries to relax if hes not working. he loves having conversation while smoking a cig etc.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ephemeros View Post
    "Barking dogs never bite" - that's how i see ENFPs. ISTPs are the opposite, they are considered so dangerous because they don't use to threat when angered, but they're not necessarily aggressive by construction.

    IEE+SLI = the dog who barks then, if the threat is real, bites. pretty cool

    edit: eddikens, this is about what you said, too ^
    ha ha it took me some time to get this, but I really think you hit the nail on the head here

    eddikens, I'm not in bad mood over my ISTP's today, so I don't feel the negativity
    I do however subscribe to the views stated on these sites. They can be very true, on an ISTP's bad day
    oh, forgot the links
    http://www.socionics.com/advan/prof/istp.htm and http://www.socionics.com/prof/istp2.htm
    u prolly already know them, oh and by the way, better late than never, welcome
    n00bIEE

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    Quote Originally Posted by dattebayo View Post
    ha ha it took me some time to get this, but I really think you hit the nail on the head here

    eddikens, I'm not in bad mood over my ISTP's today, so I don't feel the negativity
    I do however subscribe to the views stated on these sites. They can be very true, on an ISTP's bad day
    oh, forgot the links
    http://www.socionics.com/advan/prof/istp.htm and http://www.socionics.com/prof/istp2.htm
    u prolly already know them, oh and by the way, better late than never, welcome
    Appreciate the welcome – and the links I re-read the negative ENFp traits as well. Interesting quote: "You can become unexpectedly aggressive or push others without good reason." Doesn't this contradict the theory that "barking dogs don't bite?"
    IEE

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    I think I met an ENFP. We went out a few times and it was boring as watching paint dry. If you can't romance your dual, does this mean you suck at life?
    yes.

    Boring ENFps are also a hideous thing to see. Maybe they are both meant for a non-exciting version of duality. We need descriptions for how these boring relations develop, lol.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by eddikens View Post
    Appreciate the welcome – and the links I re-read the negative ENFp traits as well. Interesting quote: "You can become unexpectedly aggressive or push others without good reason." Doesn't this contradict the theory that "barking dogs don't bite?"
    hmm, I dunno. Maybe we bite, but we don't rip to shreds? We quickly lose interest, get distracted and are enthused by some other possibility, meanwhile ISTps are more finishers? lol. Just a theory.

    I don't consider myself very scary, but I do get frustrated and lash out of people when under stress (when they are doing dumb things). I've heard I'm "intense" at such times and I do lose my temper occasionally. I'm really pretty bad at seeing how I come across to others though so I don't know if I look silly or scary.

    When I've led groups and a lot of members are irresponsible/break rules, sometimes a new member would show up late or something and I'd read them the riot act in a sorta slightly angry way and be like "you're not even on my list! Did you sign up?" etc, almost doing it in front of the group as an example, but then would apologize later when I saw they'd done nothing wrong. It's like annoyance at other people/the entire group would build up to the point I'd kinda lose it for a minute. I've seen guy ENFps beat up other guys to sort of prove a point, where as ISTps probably wouldn't need to "prove" themselves that way.

    Just a theory, I could be way off here...
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

  33. #33
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    Male ENFp's beating up other guys? Lol. Duality fights ftw it would seem.

    I have seen male ENFp's get aggressive over silly things, which has made me think they are dickheads tbh, when they resort to being-or trying to be physical. Female ENFp's getting aggressive is more amusing. They rant and then move on.

    Eh, I think ENFp is a tough type to be for a guy, but a cool type to be for a girl, generally speaking of course.

  34. #34
    Creepy-male

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    And the reverse for SLIs, then?

    I've tapped my inner 9 and meditated away the need to respond with anger to most things (read: entered the unhealthy levels of dissociation), but I agree with being needlessly physical in the past.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    Male ENFp's beating up other guys? Lol. Duality fights ftw it would seem.

    I have seen male ENFp's get aggressive over silly things, which has made me think they are dickheads tbh, when they resort to being-or trying to be physical. Female ENFp's getting aggressive is more amusing. They rant and then move on.

    Eh, I think ENFp is a tough type to be for a guy, but a cool type to be for a girl, generally speaking of course.
    well but ENFp guy also felt extremely bad after he beat guys up, very guilty. But he felt he had to. It could be tough to be a guy ENFp, but then again they are usually really good w/ girls and have a lot of friends, so could be worse...a lot of them seem to be somewhat crafty lawyers or IT consultants. But then again, I guess the little mermaid was ENFp. I can definitely identify with that. Not sure if the guys can. But maybe Flounder was also ENFp and I think he was a guy.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

  36. #36
    Creepy-male

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    Wasn't Ariel an MBTI ENFP?

  37. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gulanzon View Post
    And the reverse for SLIs, then?
    Well, fwiw I say sometimes not always. It depends on the individuals outlook also, I suppose that with what one person views as a strength, another views as a weakness. Confidence and such things, ability to use ones talents.
    I've tapped my inner 9 and meditated away the need to respond with anger to most things (read: entered the unhealthy levels of dissociation), but I agree with being needlessly physical in the past.
    Your inner 9? Is that an enneagram thing you refer to?

    Being needlessly physical: maybe you should re-visit it once or twice for old times sake Na seriously, glad to hear you're in a better place if that's what or where you wanna be.(lol, when i'm saying that i'm tending to think of the physical places I want to be rather than spiritual, existential or life places for some reason atm).

    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    well but ENFp guy also felt extremely bad after he beat guys up, very guilty. But he felt he had to.
    Yeah I agree this ENFp guy I knew would get angry pretty easily, so I suppose we're in the line of what's a type and what's an anger management issue. But I do think he would get angry at least in part from being related to ENFp. Like you say though about the guilt thing, he would get really guilty about it and spend a long time looking to apologise and find peace in himself. I used to tell him that he was getting angry over nothing and that it was only doing himself some harm. I think he also felt insecure about being an F type and a male, at least in part because his family were all T types, which was silly really I think.

    So I suppose typical gender stereotypes can have it's affect on some people, like a female ISTp may think that they should somehow be able to understand emotions more, at least emotions through the lens of some F function.

    But really, there's been times in the past when I've thought to myself that I wish I could understand the intricicies of some emotive situation better (work politics sometimes in the past for instance), and also that I would find that Fe atmospheres not being so difficult to deal with at times.

    It's life and all that though..and what am I talking about again? lol

    Maybe it's just about maximising ones own talents, like I mentioned earlier, what seems like a weakness to one is a strength to another, depending how it's used or a persons own personal take on it-whether positive or otherwise and such.
    It could be tough to be a guy ENFp, but then again they are usually really good w/ girls and have a lot of friends, so could be worse...a lot of them seem to be somewhat crafty lawyers or IT consultants. But then again, I guess the little mermaid was ENFp. I can definitely identify with that. Not sure if the guys can. But maybe Flounder was also ENFp and I think he was a guy.
    Yeah exactly. I should say that I don't think i've ever met an ENFp i've flat out disliked though, maybe I was a little strong with my dickhead wording earlier haha.

    SSmall on the forum is one of many cool ENFp males, I think he's pretty much how you describe them with lots of interest from opposite sex and many friends and a cool job traveling to different places.

    Re the little mermaid, haven't really thought about those typings. I should have a think and come back to it!

  38. #38
    Creepy-male

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    *threadjack*

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    Your inner 9? Is that an enneagram thing you refer to?

    Being needlessly physical: maybe you should re-visit it once or twice for old times sake Na seriously, glad to hear you're in a better place if that's what or where you wanna be.(lol, when i'm saying that i'm tending to think of the physical places I want to be rather than spiritual, existential or life places for some reason atm).
    I'd love to, but I seem to have been cut off from my emotions somehow. Who knows \:

    (And yes, enneagram. I blame everything on the enneagram )

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    I think he also felt insecure about being an F type and a male, at least in part because his family were all T types, which was silly really I think.
    Actually, come to think of it, I've seen this a bit in ESEs. I'll look into it!

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    So I suppose typical gender stereotypes can have it's affect on some people, like a female ISTp may think that they should somehow be able to understand emotions more, at least emotions through the lens of some F function.
    That's why Socionics and -leadings exist o;

    I mean, it's not like we have a real purpose or anything.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    But really, there's been times in the past when I've thought to myself that I wish that I would find that Fe atmospheres not being so difficult to deal with at times.
    Because you have to deal with them?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    Maybe it's just about maximising ones own talents, like I mentioned earlier, what seems like a weakness to one is a strength to another, depending how it's used or a persons own personal take on it-whether positive or otherwise and such.
    Someone's been reading The Socionist again

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    Yeah exactly. I should say that I don't think i've ever met an ENFp i've flat out disliked though, maybe I was a little strong with my dickhead wording earlier haha.
    Wait, you don't dislike me?

    Goddamnit.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    Re the little mermaid, haven't really thought about those typings. I should have a think and come back to it!
    Good luck!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gulanzon View Post
    Wasn't Ariel an MBTI ENFP?
    I know people around here get feisty about the MBTI, but imo the descriptions are usually very similar to socionics (even if how they got there and all of the parts of the theories and functions/intertype relations are completely different).

    And since Ariel can't take the test, let's go w/ her being an ENFp. I mean, she brushed her hair w/ a fork (that alone should prove it). And she rebelled against her mean ISTj-ish dad and ran off to live on land and was feisty. And she had a crush on that sailor guy on the ship who was probably an ISTp. She also valued her friendships w/ the sea creatures.



    The lyrics pretty much spell out ENFp socionics functions.

    she has everything and wants more. Ne. She wants to be "where the people are." Fi.

    "And ready to know what the people know. ask them some questions and I"ll get my answers." Not to overanalyze a cartoon...but yeah why not.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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