Betas telling you: "What's your deal?"

[Christy B]

What is the deal with Betas saying, "What is the (or your) deal"?

Whenever a Beta says this to me I become offended and then quiet. I am not sure if they are being flippant or if they are really asking me a question I should answer, though I suspect that they do not really want an answer.

Also from what I have seen this phrase is used by Betas with other Betas a lot. . . Why this phrase??? Is it meant to be mean or do I just take it that way???


I have been hanging around mostly Betas recently, and the frustration and confusion this phrase is causing me is becoming distressing. Please enlighten me. . .

[lefty]

What is the deal with Betas saying, "What is the (or your) deal"?

Whenever a Beta says this to me I become offended and then quiet. I am not sure if they are being flippant or if they are really asking me a question I should answer, though I suspect that they do not really want an answer.

Also from what I have seen this phrase is used by Betas with other Betas a lot. . . Why this phrase??? Is it meant to be mean or do I just take it that way???


I have been hanging around mostly Betas recently, and the frustration and confusion this phrase is causing me is becoming distressing. Please enlighten me. . .

i think it means that they sense that you're full of shit. and they want to nail you on it.

[bibliophile8]

It's actually a reference to the popular gameshow Deal or No Deal, which happens to be the epitome of Beta. So next time they ask, give them a number.

[Animal]

That phrase, out of context and in and of itself, is pretty benign. It's essentially just an expression of frustration, and most likely to come out when your behavior seems somehow confusing, counterintuitive or offensive to them. None of us here can tell you exactly why these people are asking you this because none of us were there. You, however, were there and can probably cull some idea about what you did that might be peeving these people off. Most likely it's just a value-conflict thing and can't really be helped.

If you can, find some Deltans to spend time with and see if that doesn't put things in balance a bit better for you.

[redbaron]

I actually use the phrase, "what's the deal" a lot. I mainly use it when I'm being scrutinized and/or accused in delta style mainly. Usually this results from an ESTj getting impatient with me for little justifiable reason but pushes the blame and guilt over some small action I did and that is when I pull out that phrase.

The phrase itself is not meant to be offensive but rather defensive. It is more like, "What's the deal? What did I do that is so horrible to you? Why do you have to have a stick up your rectum 24/7? You are no fun." Sort of thing.

That, at least, is how it applies to me.

Same here. I sometimes use it with the ESE husband.

[Christy B]

I actually use the phrase, "what's the deal" a lot. I mainly use it when I'm being scrutinized and/or accused in delta style mainly. Usually this results from an ESTj getting impatient with me for little justifiable reason but pushes the blame and guilt over some small action I did and that is when I pull out that phrase.

The phrase itself is not meant to be offensive but rather defensive. It is more like, "What's the deal? What did I do that is so horrible to you? Why do you have to have a stick up your rectum 24/7? You are no fun." Sort of thing.

That, at least, is how it applies to me.

Thank you. This is what I thought. I see Betas use this with other Betas too though, and others, not only with Delta or Delta style behavior. Is is for the same reason. . . defensive??? Can it be a true question without being a defensive reaction???

[Kristiina]

I agree with Hostage Child. We have a phrase in Estonia ("Mis värk on?") which has the same use and tone and the same meaning non-literally. Now that I think of it, I also imagine mostly betas using it. Or actually, I imagine people using it a lot when they're in the fun and energetic beta conversation mode. ENTp and ISFp also use it in that mode.

It's used to make interaction more open. It's a way to bring forth confrontation. A way to clear up something that started to affect the interaction between two people. If I say something that seems to make the other person quiet, but they try not to show it, I say, "Hey, what's the deal with you and that topic?". Another way to put it, "Hey, seems that you had an emotional reaction to that topic, but why are you trying to hide it?". If you read Gilly's beta group interaction thread (recent), you might have noticed that every once in a while someone gets depressed and then the beta group goes to that person and they try to get her to open up and talk about the problem. That's because sharing a problem makes the problem less internal and less severe.

"What's the Deal" can have negative meaning as well. It can be "I'm assuing the worst, unless you explain yourself right now!". It still tries to push people into confrontation. It can be a question, "what's the deal, why don't you express yourself" but it can be an accusation, "what's the deal, you don't express yourself enough!". Either way, it is meant to surface some issues between two people and that seems very beta.

"What's the deal" could be seen as -PoLR hit in many circumstances because it brings forth confrontation.

[Blaze]

*shrugs* i use this phrase all the time, too.

[MysticSonic]

I say "what's your problem" a lot. Dunno if it's the same thing.

[aestrivex]

bump

[diljs]

I use "what is your major malfunction?"

[Satan]

ME> What's your problem?

Them> What's YOUR problem?

ME> I don't have a problem. What's your problem?

Them> I don't really have a problem. Oh wait, my problem is YOU.

ME> Well fine, Fuck you

Them> Well fuck you too.

ME> Get over yourself

Them> What if I don't want to

ME> It's not my problem.

Them> Well, if it's not your problem, why should I tell you.

ME> Get out of here.

Them> What I don't want to?

ME> Then I'd have to kill you.

Them> Why would you want to kill me?

ME> Because you're being annoying.

Them> Well if you think I'm being annoying I should leave.

ME> Leave

Them> What if I like you.

ME> You don't like me.

Them> What if I did like you.

ME> I don't care.

Them> Well I just thought that I should say I do like you.

ME> Why?

Them> I don't know, I'm going to leave now


I never really got interactions that well..

But hey, I suppose it's kind of funny, when people decide to have loud drawn-out interactions, over some kind of "what's your problem" kind of initiation.

[Cuddly McFluffles]

I say "what's your problem" a lot. Dunno if it's the same thing.

Same. Recently applied to the ESE in my household. Except I asked the ESI sister, not her directly. *knows better*

[lefty]

I actually use the phrase, "what's the deal" a lot. I mainly use it when I'm being scrutinized and/or accused in delta style mainly. Usually this results from an ESTj getting impatient with me for little justifiable reason but pushes the blame and guilt over some small action I did and that is when I pull out that phrase.

Death to all ESTJs and the yuppie (probably gamma) bastards who allow their pathological narcissism to work in their capitalist favor.


And 1 million points for turning this conversation into how annoying deltas are.