Survival tips for dealing with alpha NTs requested

[Aivonaima]

REQUESTING HELP!! !! !! This is an emergency. I think I am slowly dying of a chronic overdose of bad jokes.

I have a long-term companionship thing going on with someone who I think is Ne-LII (but if not, definitely some alpha NT anyway). The problem is HE WON'T FUCKING STOP CRACKING JOKES. EVER. With others he's quiet, serious, reserved and withdrawn but around me he has this super-infantile mega-goofball thing going on at all times. And I'm not his dual. I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS.

Take an example. I'm trying to be nice and play an Si make believe by offering to make him a hot drink. The conversation we've had probably hundreds of times (and that's no hyperbole) goes as follows:

Me: "I was going to make some hot drinks, which do you want, coffee or tea?"
LII: "Or perhaps toffee and key?"
Me: "Seriously."
LII: "I am very serious... ... ... WITH JOKING!!!!"
Me: "Yeah... So... Which do I make, coffee or tea?"
LII: "Tea... FEE. TEAFFEE."
Me: "Yeah whatever, I'll make tea. Would you like anything else? A sandwich?"
LII: "Well... If you could get me one peanut butter factory, that would be great."

Up until now I have usually dealed with him by giving him PoLR hits, meaning straight out punching his sides or barking direct orders at him. Or threatening to do something un-nice (like put coffee in his tea or just make tea for myself and not him). But even that seems to make him laugh and then he'll tell me I'm bossy, and in a silly voice no less. And the above conversation's just one example. Basically every time I ask him anything at all or tell him to do something, I get some nonsensical pun in return. And don't get me wrong, I am also very amused by his antics, but mainly because I'm constantly so mad at him that it feels simply too fucking ridiculously unbelievable.

Is there an actual way of dealing with this or are ESEs just the weirdest fucking masochists out there?

[xerx]

stop being amused; you're not being serious enough. stop giving him tea until he stops making that joke.

[mu4]

Just don't ask imo.

[wacey]

Usually its the ESE's cracking jokes. The most middle of the road, vanilla jokes you can ever hear. You just have to pretend to laugh because they might not notice the difference between real amusement and amusement.

[ClownsandEntropy]

TEAFEE! Comedy gold! Oh, the hilarity... hahaha, "teafee"?! That's not a thing! Oh god, my sides.

[lemontrees]

REQUESTING HELP!! !! !! This is an emergency. I think I am slowly dying of a chronic overdose of bad jokes.

I have a long-term companionship thing going on with someone who I think is Ne-LII (but if not, definitely some alpha NT anyway). The problem is HE WON'T FUCKING STOP CRACKING JOKES. EVER. With others he's quiet, serious, reserved and withdrawn but around me he has this super-infantile mega-goofball thing going on at all times. And I'm not his dual. I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS.

Take an example. I'm trying to be nice and play an Si make believe by offering to make him a hot drink. The conversation we've had probably hundreds of times (and that's no hyperbole) goes as follows:

Me: "I was going to make some hot drinks, which do you want, coffee or tea?"
LII: "Or perhaps toffee and key?"
Me: "Seriously."
LII: "I am very serious... ... ... WITH JOKING!!!!"
Me: "Yeah... So... Which do I make, coffee or tea?"
LII: "Tea... FEE. TEAFFEE."
Me: "Yeah whatever, I'll make tea. Would you like anything else? A sandwich?"
LII: "Well... If you could get me one peanut butter factory, that would be great."

Up until now I have usually dealed with him by giving him PoLR hits, meaning straight out punching his sides or barking direct orders at him. Or threatening to do something un-nice (like put coffee in his tea or just make tea for myself and not him). But even that seems to make him laugh and then he'll tell me I'm bossy, and in a silly voice no less. And the above conversation's just one example. Basically every time I ask him anything at all or tell him to do something, I get some nonsensical pun in return. And don't get me wrong, I am also very amused by his antics, but mainly because I'm constantly so mad at him that it feels simply too fucking ridiculously unbelievable.

Is there an actual way of dealing with this or are ESEs just the weirdest fucking masochists out there?

Honestly...

If this happened repeatedly to me I would probably get moody and ignore the person.

[Creepy-male]

This doesn't sound alpha, normally I would just be really blunt in dealing with someone like this -- I'd just tell him it wasn't funny and to tell me what to make or I will just ignore him. Also if he was really intolerable I just wouldn't hang out with him, I'd avoid him and so forth.

At any rate I wouldn't take it personally, he may be a little awkward and your one of the few people he feels comfortable around enough to attempt joking. It may take him a while to realize he's not actually funny or to modify his social behavior slightly to be smoother and more in tune with how his statements are actually received. Regardless the worst thing you can do in this situation is feed the delusion to be nice, be blunt with that motherfucker, stare him down with the stink eye, don't even fake laugh, tell him to his face he's not funny, or "that joke was bad, you'd have to be in a mental institution to find that funny". And so forth. Give it to the guy straight, its the only way he will learn. It's probably like social practice for him, at some level he probably realizes he isn't funny, but he's doing it to relieve stress or try something new on for size, and at least its a complement he feels comfortable enough around you to experiment with this. In my opinion that should be respected, but you still need to give it to him straight and let him know its not funny -- its the only way he will learn. Otherwise it will be like those parents who treat their children like they can do no wrong, and then they let them out of the sheltered nest and reality tears him a new one. Most people won't find his humor funny so don't pretend it is, and don't keep your opinions inside, stare that motherfucker down coldly and tell him he's not funny, and if he still won't be quiet then be like "you want tea!??? tea-feee,hehehe, then fucking make it yourself" and throw some shit around and walk away -- kill the mood like a hunter shooting a bird from the sky. You can't feed the illusion, give him a good jonesin', make sure after the experience he has to apply icy hot to his sore asshole from you tearing him a new one. With temperance of course, don't crush the guys spirits, but give it to him straight.

[Reficulris]

This is not alpha, this is retarded....

but where the line between those two should be drawn IS a mystery sometimes ^^

[squirreltual]

A cold sharp spray of water straight into the face. It's the only way they learn. If the behaviour still continues, it's time for mace. Don't make the punishment fun.

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

i've known alpha nts like that. it's quite unlikely for him to change,so whichever adjustments needed should be made on your part. the way u describe him makes me think that it would probably take sth pretty traumatic for him stop and you don't really want this. besides, he doesnt sound dangerous or anything. i mean u keep making toffee or key so i guess you'd not be fwends after all this time had it really taken such a toll on u.

[Aivonaima]

stop being amused; you're not being serious enough. stop giving him tea until he stops making that joke.

This is true. I keep telling him how badly he's pissing me off. Then he's like, well why are you laughing at my jokes then? And I tell him it's because I find it amusing at the same time (plus, I can't stay properly mad for like 5 seconds, so there's that).

Cutting him off and not hanging out with him is not an option because we're really close.

@William and anyone else who told me simply not to ask, THANK YOU. I've seriously never even thought of that. I will proceed to make coffee now without asking him shit.

[Esaman]

Up until now I have usually dealed with him by giving him PoLR hits, meaning straight out punching his sides or barking direct orders at him. Or threatening to do something un-nice (like put coffee in his tea or just make tea for myself and not him).

That can be interpreted as being playful. You are facilitating.
Ignoring the joke as if it isn't there/worth a firing of an neuron on your end will be the cold shoulder to put an end to it. Administer in small targeted doses.

As for ESEs..I think "I am not amused" from the Fe base ( the function) would be taken more seriously.

[woofwoofl]

Bring him a cup of coffee, a cup of tea, and an empty cup. Tell him that he's the CEO and emperor of all life for most glorious future of teafee forever, and the very first cup of teafee is to be made by him in the empty cup, and the fate of the world is in his hands, and go on the computer and either play Eye of the Tiger, the Rocky training theme, or the Guile Street Fighter theme.

[Esaman]

Tell him that he's the CEO and emperor of all life for most glorious future of teafee forever..

Quality Ni/Se.

[blackburry]

hahahahahahaahahahahahaha. that would drive me nuts. but hey, at least he's not an asshole.

I like witty puns. not... really child-like ones that...


wait a second, you two speak English to each other?

[Aivonaima]

at least he's not an asshole.

Well, yeah, true that. *sick of her duals right now*

I like witty puns. not... really child-like ones that...

Some of them are actually really good. It's just that... Most of them aren't... So it's like nine out of ten aren't worth listening to, but that one that's left is almost worth going through all those crappy ones.

I really do ignore a fuckload of what he says. And he just keeps on going.

wait a second, you two speak English to each other?

Yeah we do, like, half of the time. I do that also with my brother and some of my friends. It comes pretty naturally to you if your first language has only a few million speakers and you basically hear and read English everywhere all the time anyway.

[ClownsandEntropy]

This doesn't sound alpha, normally I would just be really blunt in dealing with someone like this -- I'd just tell him it wasn't funny and to tell me what to make or I will just ignore him. Also if he was really intolerable I just wouldn't hang out with him, I'd avoid him and so forth.
...Most people won't find his humor funny so don't pretend it is, and don't keep your opinions inside, stare that motherfucker down coldly and tell him he's not funny, and if he still won't be quiet then be like "you want tea!??? tea-feee,hehehe, then fucking make it yourself" and throw some shit around and walk away -- kill the mood like a hunter shooting a bird from the sky.

The Man from Nantucket said other good things but I removed them from the quote because I was worried it would get too long.

Anyway, I support his ideas a lot, basically completely ruin the mood, be like, "whatever" and walk out and he'll feel awkward and not know what to do. I'm not sure if it's because you're withdrawing that comfortable Fe blanket he thought he had, or cos he's been massively exposed to needing Se, or because he realises he's been annoying, but it would probably make things pretty uncomfortable for him and he'd feel guilty. Then he'll apologise, and then you can say, "yeah, when I'm trying to get stuff done your jokes are just annoying." And then in future situations if he starts doing it again, you can give them a "really?" as though what they've said has just ruined the entire conversation, and you're not in the mood any more.

And I'm not sure if it's not an LII thing, but I'm sure guilty of doing this at times.

[Final Reality]

REQUESTING HELP!! !! !! This is an emergency. I think I am slowly dying of a chronic overdose of bad jokes.

I have a long-term companionship thing going on with someone who I think is Ne-LII (but if not, definitely some alpha NT anyway). The problem is HE WON'T FUCKING STOP CRACKING JOKES. EVER. With others he's quiet, serious, reserved and withdrawn but around me he has this super-infantile mega-goofball thing going on at all times. And I'm not his dual. I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS.

Take an example. I'm trying to be nice and play an Si make believe by offering to make him a hot drink. The conversation we've had probably hundreds of times (and that's no hyperbole) goes as follows:

Me: "I was going to make some hot drinks, which do you want, coffee or tea?"
LII: "Or perhaps toffee and key?"
Me: "Seriously."
LII: "I am very serious... ... ... WITH JOKING!!!!"
Me: "Yeah... So... Which do I make, coffee or tea?"
LII: "Tea... FEE. TEAFFEE."
Me: "Yeah whatever, I'll make tea. Would you like anything else? A sandwich?"
LII: "Well... If you could get me one peanut butter factory, that would be great."

Up until now I have usually dealed with him by giving him PoLR hits, meaning straight out punching his sides or barking direct orders at him. Or threatening to do something un-nice (like put coffee in his tea or just make tea for myself and not him). But even that seems to make him laugh and then he'll tell me I'm bossy, and in a silly voice no less. And the above conversation's just one example. Basically every time I ask him anything at all or tell him to do something, I get some nonsensical pun in return. And don't get me wrong, I am also very amused by his antics, but mainly because I'm constantly so mad at him that it feels simply too fucking ridiculously unbelievable.

Is there an actual way of dealing with this or are ESEs just the weirdest fucking masochists out there?

As immature as that sounds it was really funny hahahha. I'm an LII so I think I get what he's getting at, but I only really do it to intentionally piss someone off.

I'd either do it back to him and immediately end the conversation, or threaten him in a joking way.

So when he says he wants a peanut butter factory and teafee, tell him you'll give a tea factory and butterfree and leave the room. Get your own coffee or tea and pretend like nothing happened. His responses sound like elaborate "no" answers to me, so every time he is silly with you assume the answer is no.

http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wi...(Pok%C3%A9mon)

Or you could make eye contact with him and say, or I could just kill you instead? See if he says anything and just walk out of the room. INTPs don't feel comfortable with aggression, it'll probably freak him out a little bit.

Something alone either of those lines would work I think.

[Aivonaima]

Reporting in!! I tried some of the stuff that was suggested in this thread. He spent the weekend over at my place and the other morning I couldn't get an answer out of him as to what he'd like to have for breakfast. So I just brought him coffee, rye bread and banana slices. He made remarks on the combination because, well, rye bread and banana slices, but he ate it anyway. Success!

I also managed to make him promise things by simply telling him what to do instead of asking if he could do this and that and when. I guess I will have to deal with the fact he's going to call me Bossy Aivo 'til I die.

During the weekend I accidentally went back to my old habits and asked him which one he'd like to have. I got the exact same freaking answer again. I think I threathened to lace his coffee with castor oil and he found it funny. I mean, who doesn't find diarrhea absolutely hilarious?

As immature as that sounds it was really funny hahahha. I'm an LII so I think I get what he's getting at, but I only really do it to intentionally piss someone off.

And some people said that's not alpha... Yes, I am very aware of the fact he does this to piss me off. He thinks I'm funny when I'm mad and starts calling me stupid names like Grumpy Aivo. I guess it's his way of showing that he likes my company and feels comfortable around me. Idk, could be worse, like with my duals who show their affection by calling me a bitch and telling me to eat a dick.

So when he says he wants a peanut butter factory and teafee, tell him you'll give a tea factory and butterfree and leave the room. Get your own coffee or tea and pretend like nothing happened. His responses sound like elaborate "no" answers to me, so every time he is silly with you assume the answer is no.

I laughed out loud at this He actually does enjoy the coffee or tea when I make it, and whenever I do as you proposed... He turns into a totally pitiful little cutie and starts frowning and fake crying and baby talking and looking at me with his big bug eyes... "Aivo not make me coffee? Only herself? So sad... So sad... LII very sad ;_;" Goddamn infantiles! I might not be a caregiver but I still have a soft spot for helpless frowning things.

INTPs don't feel comfortable with aggression, it'll probably freak him out a little bit.

I keep giving him these PoLR hits but we're too familiar with each other for him to be scared. And I can't stay mad enough at him I mean, yes, it's maddening but my problem is I still keep finding because I find the absurdity of these situations somewhat amusing, at least half of the time.

Lol too many s in this post.

[mu4]

Sounds cute

[Wallon]

I have a feeling that you're exaggerating his execution of the joke. Otherwise, I don't think it's because of his sociotype. "Toffee and kea" sounds like something I would say, but I would only accompany it with a subtle smile and maybe a little "aheheh," you know?

[Amber]

Usually its the ESE's cracking jokes. The most middle of the road, vanilla jokes you can ever hear. You just have to pretend to laugh because they might not notice the difference between real amusement and amusement.

I guess he's acting out of his Alpha Fe-dual-seeing, trying to make her be more goofy herself

[Amber]

That can be interpreted as being playful. You are facilitating.
Ignoring the joke as if it isn't there/worth a firing of an neuron on your end will be the cold shoulder to put an end to it. Administer in small targeted doses.

As for ESEs..I think "I am not amused" from the Fe base ( the function) would be taken more seriously.

yes, they'd spit fire through their eyes. Oh wait that'd be ENFJ. ESFJ would get seriously pissed off and threaten to break up. Even call her parents to let everyone know what a piece of goofy asshole he is.

[Aivonaima]

I guess he's acting out of his Alpha Fe-dual-seeing, trying to make her be more goofy herself

Hmm... Yeah. This made me think about it, and I realized that he used to be much more serious, much more Ti driven... His "funny" side would be stuff like giving me monologues on the history of electronic music whilst juggling tangerines. At some point I could've even typed him LSI based on his behaviour alone. I used to do the goofy tag-along thing back then. I think he switched on this Ne-Fe overdrive loop after I serious'd a bit.. Or a lot.. And quit playing the cute little chimpanzee around him. Our goofiness is still way different though, with him it's all about lame jokes and him laughing at them himself. With me it was more of a silly little ball of fluff kind of goofiness. But I guess that could still be his instinctual response to my sudden lack of fluff in the last couple of years.