Hiya, what am I?

[lirpa]

[Deliberately stream-of-consciousness, I'm not going to edit this cause I might leave out something important if I do. I have videos uploaded on the youtube channel that's in the link halfway down the page]

I'm listening to this:
my ramen noodles are in the microwave and they're gonna get cold if I don't grab them soon
I'm feeling suddenly like I've been masquerading as an intuitive type but I suspect that I'm actually more Se than I care to admit. When I was a kid, I moved a lot and so I was usually the new kid. I was exciting and made lots of friends...until they got to know me, and then they just thought I was weird. It was fun having the attention all the time, though. Even when people were scared of me because I brought my tarot cards in, even when I got expelled for breaking into the teacher's desk in 5th grade after he took my magic rocks.

But I've grown from that, haven't I? I've matured and figured stuff out and I've learned lessons and I think before I act now. Who the fuck am I and who are all of you because I can't get my Fi to stay calibrated and I'm drawing up schematics for socionics functions on note cards every few days because I'll have some new revelation about someone I've known for years, and then the world tilts and moves and I have no idea what my place is in all of this. I feel like I am the only person who knows what's going on, but I just can't get my footing in anywhere to *do* something about it all. The people who I think *should* be doing something are all so tired or stuck in a virtual world that I can't get anyone to wake up.

If I could just get everyone to wake up and see who they are and what they're capable of. I just can't find solid ground.

There's one guy coming over tonight that is gonna pick up his bank card cause he left it in my wallet and was gonna buy my gas after I drove him to the ER last night but we both forgot and left it there. Then, my other friend is coming over to drop off his rat that I'll be watching while he goes out of town for a week. Today, I'm convinced I'm in love with him and maybe that I always have been. How could I not have seen it all along? The way I always try to make the place look more comfortable whenever he has a reason to be here. The first guy is gonna wanna talk about his feelings and how thankful he is that I took him to the ER last night, and I know that stuff already. I know he appreciates it, I don't need to hear about his feelings for an hour about it. Just please put gas in my car and let's talk about something fun and maybe I'll have a chance to figure out how I'm going to pay my rent before they file an eviction with the court on 5/15.

[Amber]

Se creative with inoffensively paranoid Ni

(noodles are gonna rot if you don't grab them soon ... you'll get lots of face lines soon if you don't push strongest cream on your face when u'r 25...the sun will set earlier if you don't fuck around doing something ...)

[Amber]

tarot cards ftw

[lirpa]

ya like what type is this person, mb ESI?

i bet you will manage to get an extension on your rent deadline ,maybe contact social services ? r u a student? how much is ur rent?

ESI seems to resonate more with me than IEE (what I usually type as) does. I've just recently started taking prazosin (for nightmares), and since I started it, I've felt a slight shift in how I go about doing things and orienting myself to people and situations.

As for the rent, $625 is how much it is with the late fee. I had a guy I was dating who was paying rent for a while when he stayed with me, and I had a friend who was gonna move in and split the place with me but she freaked out on me after she cancelled plans we had last minute and left in a huff. I've been calling a lot of places trying to get assistance, but the trustees office can't help because I'm not working (had a part-time job that I just lost because of dr. appt that I told them about) and I've been waiting on my disability hearing for a few months, I have a lawyer for that and she keeps track of my medical records for the building the case. My medicaid hearing is on thursday, trying to keep track of all these appointments and still take care of my dog and my health. I have a connective tissue disease and also have PTSD from childhood stuff and a stay at a women's shelter last year. I've worked in insurance sales and also as a pharmacy tech.

I was going to school until last winter, when my mom needed to leave her abusive husband (she turned around and went right back), I missed a lot of class and was sick, then lost my financial aid. I was able to walk at graduation, but I have some classes I'll need to retake to make up 7 credits that I'm enrolled for this summer but not sure how to pay for. If I don't pay the $625 by 5/15, the office will file eviction with the court, then there will be a $250 court fee added if I don't pay before the court date. At that point, they'll evict if I haven't paid and I'll probably have 30 days to find somewhere to stay and put my stuff. I have a section 8 apartment that I'm on a wait list for, filled out the app a few weeks ago and really hoping that it gets approved soon. It's in a bad part of town, but it's better than having to put all my stuff in storage and couch surf or live on a camp ground with rats and dog in the car.

I'm in some pretty intense schema therapy right now for the mental stuff, and my physical disorder is mostly controlled with an immunomodulator, but I have trouble swallowing and am constipated a lot because the autonomic nervous system doesn't work quite right and I have vasospasms in my hands and feet. Any rational person can see that my issues make it difficult for me to be employed, but I live in Indiana where nothing goes rationally.

Se creative with inoffensively paranoid Ni

(noodles are gonna rot if you don't grab them soon ... you'll get lots of face lines soon if you don't push strongest cream on your face when u'r 25...the sun will set earlier if you don't fuck around doing something ...)

Haha That actually makes a lot of sense, thanks! I do spend a *lot* of time worrying about what I can do now to prevent something terrible from happening in the future, and usually it's little things that feel like they're looming oppressively and keeping me from being able to stay productive.

[lirpa]

time will bring resolution anyway and u will have ur degree soon which is great. mb u will get more stability in ur life.just stay safe and dont live with rats! are those things ur only alternatives in case things wont work out ? don't u have any friends in indiana that can host u for a few days? u look rly young. can't your lawyer pull any strings to put u earlier in that appartmentt 8 ? i mean you have those health issues, are unemployed and a student

The rats are super sweet!
I sure wish time would pass more quickly...I've been telling my lawyer what's been going on but that's a good idea--I haven't straight up asked her if there's a way she can move up the date on the section 8 apartment. I have friends that I can couch surf with, but Lola (my dog) can't come with me at some of them, I'll need to find somewhere else for her to go.

If that's what I end up having to do, I'll do that until I hear back about the apartment and just focus on trying to find a way to pay for school summer. I'd really rather find a way to keep my apartment until I find out about the section 8 place, though. A few people have suggest I try being a cam girl, but I don't think I have the personality for that. I wish I could count on my body and mind to just work right for a few months predictably, just...ugh.

[lirpa]

some of my fave ppl do cam shows :} even if you decide to do it, maybe ppl will end up just talking to you about fingz. you will be a fringe cam person lol. maybe you can bottle your pee and sell it like this person does https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zu0gi0R08UU .
but anyway there r other ways, maybe the court itself will have some suggestions


even if u manage to get an extension ,how are you going to keep it without a roomate or a good salary? do you only wanna live with someone you already know?

HAHA! Oh man, that's a great way to make money.

Without those two things, all I'm buying is another month if I get an extension. But another month might be enough for the other place to get approved so I can move in. I really have no idea at this point, it feels like so often the things I'm granted are just putting off inevitabilities; and I'm skating in between due dates and expiration dates on security deposits, love, and some unfathomably deep well of stubbornness.

[ouronis]

What does a calibrated Fi look like?

[lirpa]

What does a calibrated Fi look like?

I've been puzzling over this for a few days, and I'm not sure what it looks like from the outside. Subjectively, I experience more misunderstandings about people's wishes, intents, goals, dreams, etc when my Fi is off. It's the whole accuracy vs precision dilemma.

[ouronis]

I've been puzzling over this for a few days, and I'm not sure what it looks like from the outside. Subjectively, I experience more misunderstandings about people's wishes, intents, goals, dreams, etc when my Fi is off. It's the whole accuracy vs precision dilemma.

Ok, I know what you mean.

[lirpa]

Ok, I know what you mean.

Cool

[lirpa]

Se creative with inoffensively paranoid Ni

(noodles are gonna rot if you don't grab them soon ... you'll get lots of face lines soon if you don't push strongest cream on your face when u'r 25...the sun will set earlier if you don't fuck around doing something ...)

Thought I'd check back in with results of the test I took 5/25/15 and then the results of the test that I took today. For about 6 months I was typing as IEE and EII but then lately I've been consistently getting ILI. Not sure what's flopping around in there but I think maybe my worldview is shifting? Could the Ni have been in my ego instead?

last month:
5.25.15sociotype.png

today:
6.25.15sociotype.png

[lirpa]

Well I've been in Schema therapy for a couple of weeks and have been feeling pretty good despite being on the verge of getting evicted from my apartment.

Started a new med, Loxapine, as needed for anxiety. That with the prazosin have helped me to focus my thoughts and I've felt more outgoing lately. Started dating a guy after about a year of recovering from an abusive relationship.

Maybe the earlier folks suggesting Fi-Se weren't too far off. Today I got SEE

7.25.15sociotypeESFP.jpg

[Creepy-]

Dude, you're not a ILI or a SEE. You are not a rightful member of the Gamma Quadra.

Sorry, but you're a IEE, a hippy...I'm sorry for you.

EDIT: show me 3 pictures of you and I'll set the case straight with 100% precision.