The other night I was with an old SEE friend and a friend we've both known for about 4 months. We both really enjoy his company and like him quite a lot.
There was this moment during the evening when she suddenly declared that he was part of our 'inner sanctum'.
My reaction was NO. As much as I like him, 4 months of close acquaintance does not equal inner sanctum for me. 4 years, maybe. Moreover, I would never say something like that. I assume that if you are part of that 'inner sanctum' of mine, you should know it implicitly. I find saying things like that really strange, bizarre and uncomfortable. Telling people how much I like them is so completely alien to me. The thing is, I can be so friendly to people whether or not they're in my 'inner sanctum' - how I feel personally about someone really doesn't alter the way I think is appropriate as to how I act toward them. But how I actually feel about someone matters to me inside. It doesn't change the way I behave, but it changes the content of our relationship. The degree of reliance, or confidence. And I just don't let people in that easily.
I think the SEE's behaviour is explained by creative Fi. And Fi people let how they actually feel about someone dictate their behaviour toward them much more - which is why they can be 'cooler' on first acquaintance and their later warmth reflects a stronger bond.
In contrast, I'm very warm, but somewhat 'formal' or 'distant' (maybe even 'insincere') when I first meet someone - and closeness is marked by increasing sincerity and revealing actual information about myself, as opposed to increasing warmth.
I was wondering how other Betas define their inner sanctum?