Originally Posted by
HereticWacey
You know what? I still have no idea what type I am. EII is possible. Years of this stuff, then hours and hours spent on this site. This place became just something I did to pass the time.
I found a place in the real world that satisfies all my personal dreams, and still I search for truth, still I spend my time doing a hobby that has no purpose, and has no proof. God this typology is insipid. Yet, is not all classification what the mind seeks to preform?
I need to trust the reality right in front of me, and the people in it. I need to trust my own truths, my own experience. I need to stop thinking this person is this type and thus..... this person is this type and that means that........ certainly I need to trust the word of those that I trust when they say stop doing this. There are other more useful ways to pass my time.
I do not know if I live with my dual. I do not know if my dual is who I think my dual is. If my relationship is thus.....what does that make me?
I think that for a time, this is goodbye. It has to be. I see no other way. One life is enough, let alone a strange virtual life, a virtual life that brings me no clarity anymore. I wish I had the luxury of living in the cities, surrounded by many avenues to explore. When your best friend for so long is yourself, how do you see anything new?
It seemed that at a time I had supposed some of you would understand, and some of you did. I recognized that privately, yet failed to show such recognition, and for that I am sorry, one lesson life has taught me is that I need to say how I feel towards someone right away, otherwise I might never have a chance to do so, and you may never know how grateful I am. And gratitude not expressed, or expressed to the moon by yourself is a waste of love. My words have always been directly from my heart as I type them here. You think I say these things in the real world? Hardly, the real world is a treacherous path, and adults the worst travelers.
I have seen so many unfortunate events unfold. Events that have left me reeling in confusion and doubt. All I know, is that I am still here, I am still breathing. And will continue to do so until the last breath and who needs it!
You think I am melodramitic, and you would be right. This soul in this human form is dramatic. Thoughts and feelings grip the brain and the mind believes them, sending out a cascade of physical emotions and expressions beyond my control. True control comes from letting go. At least I have the bravery to put myself in front of ridicule and scorn, to find my own freedom. To find the right path, to live the right way. It may not make sense to you. I myself don't understand it, I can't even write it properly here, and see only disjointed sentences, and half baked crack pot answers. I am a broken crack pot, yet I can still hold water, I still work.
You think the serious quadra means there are no laughs. In fact, deltas are the most goofy types there are. the seriousness comes from a sobriety of heart, where what happens to me holds significance, where things DO matter, where those of us who care say as much. Seriousness meaning sobriety.
Yet, am I that type? could I be anyone of the ethicals? Certainly not an extrovert, yet certainly not shy in pursing that which is right, no matter what the costs, and I have paid dearly.
The sun is shining for the first time in a month. Thank-you, so much, even the insignificant comments held weight for me.