First off, you don't always have this lack of focus, do you? It only appears when you are trying to produce something larger than yourself, something that accounts not only for your own idiosyncrasies, but for everyone's. If you choose to make something only for yourself, well then you know what you want and you think you know what others want, too, so to make something for yourself will make things for others. (+Ni/-Ne program, in Hitta's notation) But you're mature: you know that others think differently from you, and that there are as many different possibilities as there are different views. (+Ni/+Ne) Because your exertion elements transcend along with their master elements whenever you take the viewpoint of adulthood/maturity, your Ex-(-)Ni program function becomes Ex-(+)Ni, and all a sudden you have all of these multitudes of different choices and paths available to you that you are perfectly fine with managing for yourself.
The problem of these choices is, from where does the energy for them come? They need +Si to run, but -Se interferes with and depresses it. So you have all these choices and no energy for them... or do you? There are those who would indulge your energies... I think you know who they are: the people with reversed signs, eh? But to what end would the exercise them? When you figure that out, let me know, because I'm finding myself in the same situation with +Te and +Fi... (for all these great conversations I imagine us -- by which I mean humanity -- having, where is the good will to have them? Where do I find it?)
On the matter of "talking, not just watching", that's a matter of having an extroverted slave type: extrovert slave types feel the impulse to set their energies into the world, to get it moving, on behalf of realizing introvert aspirations.
Now about your kids not listening to you: that's actually what I was referring to. Talk is
. Your arguments are probably perceived by some to be questionable, because you're always trying to head off signs of -Fi. (haven't thought about this much, so no immediate details. Do teach.
) by means of proposing a constructive argument. (+Te) Ex-Te is your exertion agenda, your social agenda that you attempt to acheive by means of fulfilling your hidden agenda: you want to create a better social discourse by observing +Ti, and using it as a means of guiding discussion in the right direction. (Not clear on how they relate) However the arguments you would have people make are the very arguments you are criticised for, being intended to fight off -Fi; basically you want people to discuss how they can be more civil.
Clearly, I've more thinking to do regarding all of this....