Eye Contact and Conversation

[Jimbean]

Does socionics typing matter in how the person carries oneself in conversation? Specially this poll is about Si/Ni/Se/Ne type and making eye contact.

What is your personal experience and observations?

[tereg]

I often feel like I have to force myself in order to make eye contact with people. Most of the time I'm not making eye contact when talking to someone.

[Rubicon]

I feel a bit creepy if I make too much eye contact with someone. Or the other way around ... when someone is looking at me really intensely, it makes me uncomfortable. I generally look away while I'm talking, or glance casually at the person to take in the person's overall vibe or whatever ... rather than zooming in on their eyes.

[jessica129]

When I'm actually speaking, the eyes are all over the place. When someone else is speaking, I'm a little extreme with the eye contact...and the squinting and scrunching of the forehead to comprehend what's being said. I'll catch myself sometimes and realize it's probobly scary

I would say yes, it correlates with your type.

[marooned]

I want to make eye contact, and can wish I had done it more afterwards. I've been trying to be more mindful of it.

[Gilly]

I play this by ear. I usually maintain eye contact; not doing so is usually a sign that I'm bored or generally uninterested in the person. Personally I think that eye contact is important for me because I can tell more easily whether a person is being straightforward with me or not; sometimes eye movement can be an indication that someone is lying. However, sometimes people feel threatened or uncomfortable when you try to maintain eye contact with them, which is important to be aware of; being nervous doesn't mean someone is lying, and it's important to tell the difference if you don't want to become universally paranoid. Also, if I'm thinking while talking or trying to explain something, my eyes will float around, especially when I gesture.

[Bardia]

I actually analyzed this a while ago. I tend to make direct eye contact with a person talking if there is a large or small group of people. If it is just me conversing with another person I tend to look just below their eyes.

[duality is cringe]

Eye contact can feel invasive.

[jessica129]

If someone didn't make eye contact with me, i'd get really offended and uneasy. I'm not sure if I can understand how people don't maintain eye contact when they're being spoken to...like...um...someone is talking at you and you're looking at the floor? Seems strange.

[Gilly]

If someone didn't make eye contact with me, i'd get really offended and uneasy. I'm not sure if I can understand how people don't maintain eye contact when they're being spoken to...like...um...someone is talking at you and you're looking at the floor? Seems strange.

+1

[strrrng]

I've always thought eye contact to be pretty vital. For one, I want to show the person that I am listening, respect them, and have enough confidence to meet them on a level playing field. There is really no reason to not make eye contact, unless you are say, walking side by side or something.

If you're explaining something, it is natural at times to gaze around the room, as you make connections between the ideas and whatnot. But there should always remain a central focus on the other person; gazing around diffidently is petty IMO.

Sometimes I may forget about it, if I'm processing what someone is saying and thinking of something else, but I don't ever forget about the importance of it, I don't think.

So, when talking to someone, I can gauge a lot about them by seeing if they make eye contact and how they do it. Because it's like, how much one is willing to put out, and what they can respond to. Are you confident in what you're saying or just blowing air to soothe anxieties? I really don't like to bother with people who lack something in that regard; more times than not, it portends negative things.

[xyz]

I always make eye contact, and if I'm not, my reason is always clear.

[tereg]

I should reword how I do this.

When someone is talking to me, I always maintain eye contact with them.
When I'm talking, I have a difficult time maintaining eye contact.

[FDG]

Somtimes I don't notice that I am not making eye contact while speaking with somebody. The reason is that whenever I'm speaking I'm more concentrated on the idea I'm trying to convey rather than my environment, so I may end up looking strange.

Probably, somebody that places on eye contact as much importance as Strrng would infer that I am a weakling or something similar.

[marooned]

I always make eye contact, and if I'm not, my reason is always clear.

sounds ominous

[strrrng]

Somtimes I don't notice that I am not making eye contact while speaking with somebody. The reason is that whenever I'm speaking I'm more concentrated on the idea I'm trying to convey rather than my environment, so I may end up looking strange.

Probably, somebody that places on eye contact as much importance as Strrng would infer that I am a weakling or something similar.

No. Like I said...

If you're explaining something, it is natural at times to gaze around the room, as you make connections between the ideas and whatnot.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Constant eye contact is as unnatural as never attempting eye contact. It depends on how well you enjoy the person really.

[tiny_dancer]

I don't maintain constant eye contact. I am similar to tereg - if I'm listening, I'm usually looking straight at the person, but when I'm talking I look away more often. If I just looked straight at the person constantly, that would be too intense.

[redbaron]

I should reword how I do this.

When someone is talking to me, I always maintain eye contact with them.
When I'm talking, I have a difficult time maintaining eye contact.

yes. this is what I do. But I have noticed that Se/Si people usually keep their eyes on the other person whether they're the ones talking or listening. But Jessica says her eyes are all over the place while talking, so maybe it's not true across the board. I dunno. But I have definitely noticed this among the people I know. AND I have made a conscious attempt to look at the person I'm talking to more (not the entire time, just some) while I'm talking and it's surprisingly hard. I have no troubles looking at them when THEY are talking, only when I'm talking.

[jessica129]

I always thought it had something to do with I vs E. Maybe I'm wrong, i'm not sure. When explaining something in depth, I get very unfocused and it's all over the place.

[idealistichick]

Me and my infp friend basically have eye contact when we're with a group of people. We can basically have a whole conversation with eye contact without even saying a word.

[tereg]

I should reword how I do this.

When someone is talking to me, I always maintain eye contact with them.
When I'm talking, I have a difficult time maintaining eye contact.

When I say 'always' I mean it's easier for me to maintain eye contact. I often sense if I am inching closer to "staring" mode.

My eyes are always shifting around looking for "safe" and "acceptable" places to land since I'm rather sensitive of how others perceive what I'm looking at.

[redbaron]

Me and my infp friend basically have eye contact when we're with a group of people. We can basically have a whole conversation with eye contact without even saying a word.

well yeah. but that's something entirely different. I can do that with my SLE friend from across a room. Or my SEI friend too.

[redbaron]

I always thought it had something to do with I vs E. Maybe I'm wrong, i'm not sure. When explaining something in depth, I get very unfocused and it's all over the place.

I'm totally the same. And sometimes I lose my train of thought or forget the point I was trying to make. Ugh. I'm much more comfortable when the other person is talking and I'm reacting to them. Even with a close friend. Is that weird?

[jessica129]

I'm totally the same. And sometimes I lose my train of thought or forget the point I was trying to make. Ugh. I'm much more comfortable when the other person is talking and I'm reacting to them. Even with a close friend. Is that weird?

Not at all. I'm the same. Sometimes I wonder if I'm making any sense at all when I'm trying to describe something. I hate having to explain things for this reason.

[Mediator Kam]

I don't like to look people in the eye because I feel like it will make them uncomfortable. Also I prefer to be the one talking, because then I don't have to look at someone's face and respond to their actions with my eyes.

[ArchonAlarion]

my eyes bounce around alot when im talking to people, but sometimes Ill line up a real good argument and ill glare them mofo's down. I am pretty balanced in making eye contact.

[Ms. Kensington]

well... yeah i actually have experienced more of a Te correlation and eye contact, wanting a connection from the person they are speaking to. But I don't really put much stock in any of that.

[Satan]

When I'm actually speaking, the eyes are all over the place. When someone else is speaking, I'm a little extreme with the eye contact...and the squinting and scrunching of the forehead to comprehend what's being said. I'll catch myself sometimes and realize it's probobly scary

I would say yes, it correlates with your type.

i think that i scrunch/squint when other people are talking too.

I'm not sure where my eyes are when speaking.

I do notice that not everyone does eye contact for conversations. One thing I've noticed is that if I do talk with someone that does eye contact easier, then other people can sometimes kind of watch our interaction.

But like some of those people who watch, they'll get kind of uncomfortable if you interact directly with them, but they can kind of warm up through seeing the way you interact with others.

[Jimbean]

let me throw myself in

I have a desire to establish eye contact with the person I am talking to, but I do this unconsciously. If I am doing something, I don't think about it as much and concentrate on my own thoughts.

[jason_m]

I don't like to make eye contact. People have actually criticized me for it. I don't care, though; I think it's just a meaningless social convention.

Jason

[Mediator Kam]

True, I am comfortable with people, but I really don't feel the need to look people directly in the eye. Simple as that, it is what you like.

[jason_m]

If that was true I would stare at my feet when speaking to people. It has nothing to do with social convention for me. I just naturally communicate better when I can make eye contact with the person. I've always been that way.

What you're saying isn't false; if it's more comfortable for you, then it makes sense to do it. What doesn't make sense is the belief that you have to make eye contact or you're being rude. If I look directly at someone when I'm talking to them, it makes it more difficult for me to gather my thoughts. Being shy should not be taken as being rude.

Jason

[Satan]

blah, suppose i shall reply properly.

i find some people don't feel comfortable with too much eye contact. i myself like a lot of eye contact. to me making near-constant eye contact is best.

like if i'm having a conversation with someone it's okay to glance away every now and then, but if it's continuous then it's like are you evading, is something on your mind, are you preoccupied, what's the problem?

with some people, i find that when we engage in conversation at first, it's like they want to get away. it's like too much for them, it's like they're no good at conversation, it's like they're not good with eye contact blah blah, but with some people you can kind of ease them in, shift them to having better eye contact etc.

like when i find that when you meet people at first, some people won't start good at eye contact with a stranger, but gradually they'll start becoming more comfortable.

so often, in a way i cut down my eye contact to be just over how much eye contact the other person seems comfortable with. not so much that they're going to get really uncomfortable, just a bit.

except with some people i make less eye contact, with some it's like i want them to do things to get me to pay them more attention etc. it's like i'll play in reverse.

with most people that i know well, we can make good eye contact at a close physical distance; although with some people it's like one person pretends to not be that interested, whilst the other person looks/expresses. and then it swaps around to the other way. it's kind of like - "i'm not that interested, convince me". which in a way is a kind of resistance trick to urge the other person to not hold back.

also if i'm talking about things that aren't interesting then i often won't make eye contact. but if something is significant/important i will. kind of like - "i don't want you to take this too seriously" but like sometimes people can spike up with something that isn't that interesting, and it can shift to more eye contact as a connection has been made.

kind of like when you "guess" something about someone, and then they suddenly look at you when you get it right, and are like "how'd you figure that out" but it's like you were taking pot shots, and it's cos they looked at you, and thus triggered them, that you know it's significant. although it can be fun to get people wrong too. and see how much they want to defend "their truth".

[Satan]

What you're saying isn't false; if it's more comfortable for you, then it makes sense to do it. What doesn't make sense is the belief that you have to make eye contact or you're being rude. If I look directly at someone when I'm talking to them, it makes it more difficult for me to gather my thoughts. Being shy should not be taken as being rude.

Jason

if someone asks "how are you" without eye contact i often ignore them.

but if they ask how i am with eye contact i'm more likely to give a response based upon the feeling i feel with which they have induced.

[Simon Ssmall]

I always maintain eye contact, unless it makes the person uncomfortable. I dont really try to do it, it just how it is. I do this when I speak to someone, if someone is speaking to me it can be whatever, i can look into the eyes or stare at the ceiling, really not trying to maintain eye contact when being spoken to.

[strrrng]

like if i'm having a conversation with someone it's okay to glance away every now and then, but if it's continuous then it's like are you evading, is something on your mind, are you preoccupied, what's the problem?

This is basically my view on it.

[Satan]

This is basically my view on it.

so what's your problem.

[strrrng]

so what's your problem.

You are now.