Is this Fe or Fi?

[Hermit Soul]

Being hyper-sensitive to people's attitudes toward me...Is this Fe or Fi?

For example, if I said "hi" to someone twice in a row, and they didn't say "hi" back to me twice in a row, I start wondering why they are acting so cold toward me, and I start wondering if they might be mad at me.

Would Fe types overanalyze such situations? Or is this Fi?

[Soupman]

Being hyper-sensitive to people's attitudes toward me...Is this Fe or Fi?

For example, if I said "hi" to someone twice in a row, and they didn't say "hi" back to me twice in a row, I start wondering why they are acting so cold toward me, and I start wondering if they might be mad at me.

Would Fe types overanalyze such situations? Or is this Fi?

Neither per-say, just intuitive introversion, especially for the harmonizing subtype. They are extremely sensitive to tension.

[falsehope]

Such issues are very complex and cant be explained by single IE. Not even by socionics. What I can say is that it is irrational, and you would need to use rationality to cope with it because you seem to lack coping mechanisms which could be caused by too weak rational function. For example, what is rationale to think that they should reply hi to you? Dont expect people to think just like you would think.

[nickelslick]

People who don’t respond with acknowledgement are rude. NTR.
@falsehope : there are other reasons? I can forgive autism or whatever.

[Bertrand]

I think it has to do with the response being below the level of perception, not that there is no response. trust me, ESE level response is just as "harsh" on the faculties as a perceived lack of response for some people

[Ave]

I have this too.

Btw, the "rationale" for replying hi is simply politeness. If someone ignores you, wondering what you did wrong makes sense.

[Bertrand]

let me assuage anyone who feels like they may have done something wrong because someone doesn't respond in kind to a greeting: there can be limitless reasons for this, some good some bad, most of which having nothing to do with you. so try not to let it bother you. if you fulfill your end of what you feel is the normative standard, be proud of yourself on that ground, and try not to get bogged down in questions of whether the other person is acting appropriately

[Ave]

let me assuage anyone who feels like they may have done something wrong because someone doesn't respond in kind to a greeting: there can be limitless reasons for this, some good some bad, most of which having nothing to do with you. so try not to let it bother you. if you fulfill your end of what you feel is the normative standard, be proud of yourself on that ground, and try not to get bogged down in questions of whether the other person is acting appropriately

No, you're right, I wasn't btw saying that worrying about it is constructive or anything, it's better to focus on something else since this is not something one has control over anyways.

[Cosmic Teapot]

Being bodered by such behavior is not a question of function
Maybe asking yourself what kind of expectations you had would be a better perspective on this. Sure, no one likes to be ignored but can you not think of an instance where you were too busy with your own problems that you had no energy to fullfil the ethical expectations of another person?

If you still want to project it on a function ask yourself what was your first reaction to the offense. Fe would probably see that as a violation of a social contract that hates rude behavior. Fi could take it personally and depending on quadra seek some kind of revenge for it. But if you think long enough even these examples won't bring you anywhere because there are Fe-leads who excel at rudeness for whatever reasons and Fi-leads who just can't be bothered.

In the end it depends on how much exposure you had to this kind of behavior and what you choose to think about it.

[Hermit Soul]

let me assuage anyone who feels like they may have done something wrong because someone doesn't respond in kind to a greeting: there can be limitless reasons for this, some good some bad, most of which having nothing to do with you. so try not to let it bother you. if you fulfill your end of what you feel is the normative standard, be proud of yourself on that ground, and try not to get bogged down in questions of whether the other person is acting appropriately

Great advice, I'll try not to let it bother me, and I'll continue saying hi to them in future, despite how they might end up blanking me again in future.
How others treat me reflects their character, but how I treat others reflect my own character. It would be asshole of me if I walk past someone and pretend not to see them and I refused to be that asshole.

Being bodered by such behavior is not a question of function
Maybe asking yourself what kind of expectations you had would be a better perspective on this. Sure, no one likes to be ignored but can you not think of an instance where you were too busy with your own problems that you had no energy to fullfil the ethical expectations of another person?

If you still want to project it on a function ask yourself what was your first reaction to the offense. Fe would probably see that as a violation of a social contract that hates rude behavior. Fi could take it personally and depending on quadra seek some kind of revenge for it. But if you think long enough even these examples won't bring you anywhere because there are Fe-leads who excel at rudeness for whatever reasons and Fi-leads who just can't be bothered.

In the end it depends on how much exposure you had to this kind of behavior and what you choose to think about it.

I haven't been mad at the person for the offense. But eh it's more like I'm wondering if they might be upset at me or something, and then I find myself getting bothered by the fact that they might be mad at me.

I've actually thought about the situation from many possible angles:

1) Maybe they haven't heard me
2) Maybe they are too engrossed in their thoughts to be focusing on their external environment
3) Maybe they are in a bad mood that day

I'm on the autism spectrum myself, but I don't think I've ever ignored an acquaintance saying hi to me though. If it's a stranger saying hi to me, I might ignore them, because I'm naturally skeptical of strangers in general. But I wouldn't ignore an acquaintance whom I'm on friendly terms with.

[Exodus]

Being hyper-sensitive to people's attitudes toward me...Is this Fe or Fi?

For example, if I said "hi" to someone twice in a row, and they didn't say "hi" back to me twice in a row, I start wondering why they are acting so cold toward me, and I start wondering if they might be mad at me.

Would Fe types overanalyze such situations? Or is this Fi?

This is (most likely valued) Fe because it concerns the momentary response or interaction and what you expect it to be / how you interpret it. That's not to say that Fi isn't involved either, but Fi would evaluate the relationship based on displays of loyalty or special inclination towards the person. Replying to a greeting is something you would expect someone to do regardless of your relationship with them.

[Sol]

> I start wondering why they are acting so cold toward me, and I start wondering if they might be mad at me.

this description is personal relation, but not about your objectve qualities or status. so closer to Fi

[Chthonic Daydream]

When I read "Hyper-sensitive to people's reactions" I expected something else. I imagined you'd be very anxious about what people think of you and why they think that way, and you get worked up over why people hate or dislike you when, in plain sight and introspectively, you didn't really do anything wrong. (Which btw is a problem that I am totally not having haha h a )

Nonetheless, what you described is something that I struggle with as well. I value the people that i'm close to and my relationships, and when out of the blue they start acting distant i get stressed and distressed. It's not pleasant, yup.
As for the question itself, I think it's more of a Fi dealio.

[falsehope]

I would say lack of objective thinking as well. You are rationalizing it that you would be asshole to yourself if you would not reply so you keep thinking about others as about yourself which is the mistake you are making. People simply dont know you so they dont reply.

Well that would fit IEI perfectly but also other Ip types (to some degree, not all of them maybe) (and lack of objective thinking is not condition but it's type related) and you just need someone objective to tell you that you should not worry about such situations. It's your weakness where you need some help. Your vulnerability you can resolve by better rationale. Instead of defaulting to what your Ni and likely Fe says try to listen to another opinion on that and use that rationale instead.

So, you are hurting yourself. It's a vicious cycle. You keep initiating that yourself by saying hi, and then you are hurt because people dont respond to you. So just keep saying hi (as this is not bad thing if you want to socialize), but simply dont obsess about random people being mad at you, just because you would respond yourself. People normally wont respond if they dont recognize you well or know you well, some even would run away thinking you are stranger trying to rob them or something (that's what I would do).

Well if you dont take another opinion and you keep being hurt by trying to socialize then it's going beyond socionics and rationalizing (coping with stress) and it enters area which needs proper diagnosis and psychotherapy, I don't say it's something bad, it may be something as simple as just learned behaviour, but, if you are in constant pain, don't feel good for most of the time, have trouble socialising, and so on, then seeking professional help would be a good choice.

My guess is it would resolve by itself over time with the help of good socialising, and try not to end relationships but keep them rather on some distance if they are difficult. You wont achieve anything in life alone.

[Delilah]

I don't like that either, i feel somehow let down if i don't get a "hi" back. Yet in my head i try to find other reasons why someone didn't respond,such as maybe they didn't see me (were lost in thought ), were busy doing something, or maybe were in a bad mood. Overall I don't take it personally, but it depends a lot on who the other person is and what kind of relationship i have with them and being right there in person you might get a different read of the situation.

Generally I try to gauge whether the person will respond before i initiate any greeting or conversation. It occurred at work a few times that i decided against greeting or chit-chat in the morning with a couple of my co-workers, but our ITR is not good so i don't feel as bad blanking them and they don't usually initiate with me unless in a very good mood. I will respond back if they initiate but i have decided to not be the first one to extend a greeting. Again, it depends entirely on who the person is and what my relationship to them is like.

[Bertrand]

its sort of funny, I give zero fucks if someone doesn't say hi to me, unless its like my one-in-a-million crush (and even then this is only because I really want their specific attention), but people have on occasion chided me for ignoring everyone whenever I come into a room (opening for a restaurant not saying hi to people just starting work, etc). I just think this is run #200 through the same routine so its not like anything is new. I think the response to that would be "yeah but you're supposed to integrate greetings into that routine"--but that's precisely what bothers me, I don't want greetings to be lumped into the equivalent of setting up a resturant. to me if I greet someone I will actually talk to them for whatever time is convenient for us both; to me if you just lump them in with task #15 in the process on getting through the day the entire point of interaction to begin with is lost, or at least really degraded. just being around people we all know whats up (or at least I used to assume this) thus just being there is a greeting. we see eachother, we're working together, everything is as it should be. and then when we talk its because we have something to really say or because we genuinely want to. this idea that we're going to pretend to be genuinely interested in everyone with a set of token gestures degrades the fact that I am, in fact, genuinely interested in most people. people can tell anyway, like whats in these silly greetings, that isn't totally blown away by the first person who shows actual interest. its like night and day. I don't even know how people can stand rote greetings in light of that. to me whats intolerable more than anything is the complete lack of sincere interest behind the norm. of course not all greetings are procedural norms without meaning, but enough are that I think the person making the exception in order to make greetings more than a ministerial gesture should be appreciated as in some way keeping the whole thing from becoming a lifeless set of polite robots running their algorithms on eachother. I do think this is the case, no one gives me too much shit. at the same time I genuinely feel for the people who can't track the environment and want a "check in" so to speak via norms. I guess im just throwing the other point of view out there

[Vespertine]

... a lifeless set of polite robots running their algorithms on eachother...

That's how I generaly feel about greetings. Most people don't give a fuck about it being inauthentic, they don't even see it... or don't care to see it.
It's stressful, mostly because I can't do two things at once, which includes talking and thinking at the same time.
I also need time to arrive.
I find it disrespectful when people "claim" my attention with politness, even worse when they insist.
I know I'm the weird one in those situations, doesn't change how I live it.

[Grendel]

Such issues are very complex and cant be explained by single IE. Not even by socionics. What I can say is that it is irrational, and you would need to use rationality to cope with it because you seem to lack coping mechanisms which could be caused by too weak rational function. For example, what is rationale to think that they should reply hi to you? Dont expect people to think just like you would think.

thank you anonymous genius for another innovative repackaging of nihilism

[photon]

Being hyper-sensitive to people's attitudes toward me...Is this Fe or Fi?

For example, if I said "hi" to someone twice in a row, and they didn't say "hi" back to me twice in a row, I start wondering why they are acting so cold toward me, and I start wondering if they might be mad at me.

Would Fe types overanalyze such situations? Or is this Fi?

(Why would say Hi to someone twice in a row?)

Anyway it's Fi;

Relationships» are relations between energy states. If you meet a person who tells you something rude, your emotional state changes, you conceive a special relationship for this person. We can say that the comparison of two energy states has served to create a certain relation. Relationship is directed to something or someone; to have a relationship you need another object, i.e., the object of the relationship.

Seems low dimensional as well.

Fe in comparison is purely about emotional states, and expressing them.

[Delilah]

its sort of funny, I give zero fucks if someone doesn't say hi to me, unless its like my one-in-a-million crush (and even then this is only because I really want their specific attention), but people have on occasion chided me for ignoring everyone whenever I come into a room (opening for a restaurant not saying hi to people just starting work, etc). I just think this is run #200 through the same routine so its not like anything is new. I think the response to that would be "yeah but you're supposed to integrate greetings into that routine"--but that's precisely what bothers me, I don't want greetings to be lumped into the equivalent of setting up a resturant. to me if I greet someone I will actually talk to them for whatever time is convenient for us both; to me if you just lump them in with task #15 in the process on getting through the day the entire point of interaction to begin with is lost, or at least really degraded. just being around people we all know whats up (or at least I used to assume this) thus just being there is a greeting. we see eachother, we're working together, everything is as it should be. and then when we talk its because we have something to really say or because we genuinely want to. this idea that we're going to pretend to be genuinely interested in everyone with a set of token gestures degrades the fact that I am, in fact, genuinely interested in most people. people can tell anyway, like whats in these silly greetings, that isn't totally blown away by the first person who shows actual interest. its like night and day. I don't even know how people can stand rote greetings in light of that. to me whats intolerable more than anything is the complete lack of sincere interest behind the norm. of course not all greetings are procedural norms without meaning, but enough are that I think the person making the exception in order to make greetings more than a ministerial gesture should be appreciated as in some way keeping the whole thing from becoming a lifeless set of polite robots running their algorithms on eachother. I do think this is the case, no one gives me too much shit. at the same time I genuinely feel for the people who can't track the environment and want a "check in" so to speak via norms. I guess im just throwing the other point of view out there

In my morning commute I had frequently seen this guy walk the same route as me. One day i smiled and he smiled back and ever since I've been smiling any day i see him. Some days i leave earlier or late so i don't see him, but today i saw him again and said "hi" and he wished me a nice day. It was very sweet. I don't imagine this is the greatest depth of human connection, yet in small gestures like that I think there is something important that connects us with others. I don't know, we're only in this world for a short while and no skin of my back saying "hi" to someone, on a human level acknowledging that we are walking alongside each other for a short while.

[Bertrand]

you guys had a developing thing going tho, I'm more talking about when its the same situation day in day out. what you did was escalate, not just keep up norms. that is good though. imagine if you feel expected to say hi everyday now. at that point its robbed the interaction of its charm after a while and what was once a momentous happening is reduced to an obligation. I actually really enjoy when stuff like what you describe happens, like when I get stuck in an elevator with someone I think I might like, or happen to sit next to an interesting person. but for every one of these interactions there's a thousand people you're ignoring even if you don't realize it. my thing is I'm just saying its okay to be that way, and these poor ignored souls didn't do anything wrong, but neither is the ignorer

[Delilah]

you guys had a developing thing going tho, I'm more talking about when its the same situation day in day out. what you did was escalate, not just keep up norms. that is good though. imagine if you feel expected to say hi everyday now. at that point its robbed the interaction of its charm after a while and what was once a momentous happening is reduced to an obligation. I actually really enjoy when stuff like what you describe happens, like when I get stuck in an elevator with someone I think I might like, or happen to sit next to an interesting person. but for every one of these interactions there's a thousand people you're ignoring even if you don't realize it. my thing is I'm just saying its okay to be that way, and these poor ignored souls didn't do anything wrong, but neither is the ignorer

You are right, I just got sentimental because of the situation that i described and subconsciously must have wanted to extend the kindness i felt from that interaction to other interactions of a different nature (such as the ones you describe, where saying "hi" is a mere expectation)

[Eos]

The hi thing is Fe.

The hyper sensitivity is not type related, although supposedly ethicals are paying attention to that information more frequently so there you go.

[Myst]

its sort of funny, I give zero fucks if someone doesn't say hi to me, unless its like my one-in-a-million crush (and even then this is only because I really want their specific attention), but people have on occasion chided me for ignoring everyone whenever I come into a room (opening for a restaurant not saying hi to people just starting work, etc). I just think this is run #200 through the same routine so its not like anything is new. I think the response to that would be "yeah but you're supposed to integrate greetings into that routine"--but that's precisely what bothers me, I don't want greetings to be lumped into the equivalent of setting up a resturant. to me if I greet someone I will actually talk to them for whatever time is convenient for us both; to me if you just lump them in with task #15 in the process on getting through the day the entire point of interaction to begin with is lost, or at least really degraded. just being around people we all know whats up (or at least I used to assume this) thus just being there is a greeting. we see eachother, we're working together, everything is as it should be. and then when we talk its because we have something to really say or because we genuinely want to. this idea that we're going to pretend to be genuinely interested in everyone with a set of token gestures degrades the fact that I am, in fact, genuinely interested in most people. people can tell anyway, like whats in these silly greetings, that isn't totally blown away by the first person who shows actual interest. its like night and day. I don't even know how people can stand rote greetings in light of that. to me whats intolerable more than anything is the complete lack of sincere interest behind the norm. of course not all greetings are procedural norms without meaning, but enough are that I think the person making the exception in order to make greetings more than a ministerial gesture should be appreciated as in some way keeping the whole thing from becoming a lifeless set of polite robots running their algorithms on eachother. I do think this is the case, no one gives me too much shit. at the same time I genuinely feel for the people who can't track the environment and want a "check in" so to speak via norms. I guess im just throwing the other point of view out there

Can't someone want to do it consistently with everyone because of valuing people on the whole? (Consistently as far it's possible in practice, ofc.) And why is it required that one feels very deeply each time they say hi or do other gestures for this general purpose?

[Myst]

I would say lack of objective thinking as well. You are rationalizing it that you would be asshole to yourself if you would not reply so you keep thinking about others as about yourself which is the mistake you are making. People simply dont know you so they dont reply.

It's not a lack of objective thinking, just a lack of perspective taking. Though you could argue that perspective taking is a cognitive approach where one of the cognitive components does require objective thinking. And everyone fails to (try and remember to) take the perspective of the other person, pretty frequently. I keep reading that people go by emotional reaction first, reflecting on it next if at all (they often don't ever stop to reconsider), even when it's situations like your friend telling you (in a matter of fact style, this may be relevant, idk) that they have decided to kill themselves, they have written a will and they have included you in that will and they are saying goodbye. Yes, I was told this story by someone I know, the person who told me got upset, got pissed off at the friend and it spoiled the relations for a while. (The friend did kill themselves about a year later and they did have a will and so on.) I am told that in such cases, people are just going by their own emotional reaction... and not process the content of what was said, to realize what the person actually said??

[Number 9 large]

Neither per-say, just intuitive introversion, especially for the harmonizing subtype. They are extremely sensitive to tension.

Id say its a sign of immaturity and lack of people skills

[The Reality Denialist]

Excerpt from my daily life:
Well, I walk around hardly noticing anything including people. Someone randomly says "Hi" and I wonder "What the hell just happened? *few seconds passes by* Crap, maybe I should customarily respond to it due to bursting my thought bubble".

The way SEI's do it seems very much OK. Lots of time ESE's are too much in your face people.

My issue is mostly Si and Fi. Integrating oneself into environment () and showing attitude (which should be "OK" unless otherwise stated of course there are paranoid individuals but I consider it in itself as a disorder).

[Ave]

Excerpt from my daily life:
Well, I walk around hardly noticing anything including people. Someone randomly says "Hi" and I wonder "What the hell just happened? *few seconds passes by* Crap, maybe I should customarily respond to it due to bursting my thought bubble".

The way SEI's do it seems very much OK. Lots of time ESE's are too much in your face people.

My issue is mostly Si and Fi. Integrating oneself into environment () and showing attitude (which should be "OK" unless otherwise stated of course there are paranoid individuals but I consider it in itself as a disorder).

I find I am quite alert with respect to people. Which is one of the reasons I considered EIE for some time.

I don't value though, that became clear after hanging out with egos. But I am quite alert to everything in my environment, not just to people. I have learned to understand most people are just a little unaware of their surroundings and lost in their bubble, so I try not to take it to personally, but it's another thing that makes it harder to relate to people overall...