SLI laxness and control

[ashlesha]

the template in my head for an sli is a sort of laid-back surfer e9 vibe, quietly tinkering and not giving much of a shit what other people are doing. but in my actual experiences and dealings with the type they've been a lot more controlling and rigid.

whats your experience? is this an intertype thing? and what etypes other than 9 are viable for an sli?

[Iris]

the template in my head for an sli is a sort of laid-back surfer e9 vibe, quietly tinkering and not giving much of a shit what other people are doing. but in my actual experiences and dealings with the type they've been a lot more controlling and rigid.

whats your experience? is this an intertype thing? and what etypes other than 9 are viable for an sli?

The 2 that I am thinking of right now are pretty chill all of the time. The one exception is when you mess with their "tools." One repairs furnaces for a living and tinkers with cars for a hobby. His workshop looks a little messy but he knows where everything belongs and gets a little sharp if you dont put things back where they belong. The other SLI is that way about her kitchen and sewing stuff. I think the IP teperament shows in that they honestly don't give a damn what you do with your own "tools." They are happy for you to live in chaos if you want to. They just don't want their own comfort to be messed with. And their definition of comfort is interesting. The guy only eats one meal a day because he doesn't like to feel full. He has a spartan quality to his existence. The other one loves food and has more trappings around her to ensure her comfort.

Don't know nuthin about etypes so can't help with that.

[Absurd]

the template in my head for an sli is a sort of laid-back surfer e9 vibe, quietly tinkering and not giving much of a shit what other people are doing. but in my actual experiences and dealings with the type they've been a lot more controlling and rigid.

[Iris]

@silke Would you mind commenting on which elements of socionics theory this SLI "live and let live" trait can be attributed to? (Assuming that you don't disagree...)

[ashlesha]

would you describe all the forum self-typed SLIs as laid back and live and let live?

[Iris]

would you describe all the forum self-typed SLIs as laid back and live and let live?

In terms of live and let live, I think I see that in Park and Jessica. That doesn't mean SLIs don't verbalize dissatisfaction, because they do. But it is more of the "people suck" variety, I don't see them saying you should do this, and you should do that. Also, the term laid back has more of an alpha connotation to me, like that surfer dude vibe. Deltas have a little more of a worried vibe to me compared to alphas. Not saying they sit around and worry, just a little different from laid back. But I'm probably making that up that semantic difference. Once again, I think an SLI complaint is going to revolve around something invading their space, as opposed to a complaint meant to improve aspects of another person's life.

[Park]

Burp. Laxativeness and control. Good topic.

[Iris]

Burp. Laxativeness and control. Good topic.

HA!

[Park]

Oh hai Iris. What color is your iris?

[Ron Mexico]

Oh hai Iris. What color is your iris?

Ha....ha.......witty there.

[Waster]

the template in my head for an sli is a sort of laid-back surfer e9 vibe, quietly tinkering and not giving much of a shit what other people are doing. but in my actual experiences and dealings with the type they've been a lot more controlling and rigid.

whats your experience? is this an intertype thing? and what etypes other than 9 are viable for an sli?

Guess I'm the stereotype then.

[Aylen]

Now that I know my socionics... I feel power struggles, underlying, when interacting with SLI. I am referring to my real life experience here and not on this forum.

[Red Villain]

Im often agitated, quick to anger, and ESPECIALLY rigid.

[applejacks]

Im often agitated, quick to anger, and ESPECIALLY rigid.

This holds true with my SLI. Everyone really likes him after they get to know him, but he's not exactly always approachable (although it hurts his feelings a little when I tell him that, because he'd like to think he is). He has a short fuse and an incredible drive to be perfect, but is perfectly happy going with the flow, being around people, or playing a video game by himself. He reserves any scenes of frustration for those close to him, but underneath his exterior, he's very deep, loving, and insightful. Nobody in his family seems to understand him. They call him the Man of Mystery because he doesn't discuss his feelings or thoughts to many people.

Perhaps dental school has made him rigid. I'm not sure if the surfer type is the standard SLI or not, but I see a great deal of drive, motivation, and discipline in mine. As far as I know, he's the only one I've come across.

Would love to hear of other experiences.

[Red Villain]

. He has a short fuse and an incredible drive to be perfect[...]

How resounding of myself

[blackburry]

My brother is this weird mix of extremely laidback to the point of being a lazy bum and not sweating the small stuff to being very easy to anger over the silliest little thing... he had a habit of punching a bunch of huge holes into the walls in his bedroom as a teenager.. which kind of shocked everyone because he tends to keep it in check. He's like this mellow kid and then explodes. and then is embarrassed about it for awhile and becomes this mellow kid again soon after. He's quiet but he's very social with a close group of friends he has known forever, however, he just moved to a new state and is having a really hard time putting forward the effort to meet people so he's basically been holed up in his apartment playing videogames and going to work. He's very loving to his gf. And when I'm upset he's very loyal/loving towards me as well. Knows a lot of practical shit, doesn't like responsibility though he gives off a total "dad/protective vibe." Stereotypical guy's guy..who hates when women talk about their period, loves the outdoors, but focuses a lot on how much energy he'll need to do something. Doesn't think his actions all the way through but he's definitely a good kid. I'd say he's SLI-Si e9.



my friend tom who I suspect is SLI-Te is a total dick but he's lovable. slightly more rambunctious than my brother but has a "right' and "wrong" way to do everything and gets very annoyed when you don't follow his directions because according to him his way is right. I push his buttons a lot. He's a lot more open with me than my brother and we're basically siblings who bicker back and forth. We have an innate sense of when to leave each other alone and when it's okay to approach. He complains a lot. his personality is basically that of an old man who sits on his porch and complains about everything. but he's still a pretty fun light-hearted dude. Easy to read and has his deep moments but for the most part...he's bit of a simpleton.

Both are dating Si women. Both have lots of silly fights over Si related things and I don't think either feels completely understood.

( and I secretly want them to find Nes because they eat that shit up when we joke goofily back and forth.) but whatev.

[Park]

Jesus Christ @blackburry, combine those two descriptions and you got me down to a T.

[blackburry]

Jesus Christ @blackburry, combine those two descriptions and you got me down to a T.

Ya you kind of remind me of my brother. I think I've said that before.

[ashlesha]

yeah that totally jibes with my experience with SLIs.

[suedehead]

I had an SLI uncle in the Dominican Republic who would just walk in, eat, and take a nap in the middle of the patio floor for a few hours like it was noone's business. I seem to have alot of SLI's on that side of the family, actually.

[Park]

( and I secretly want them to find Nes because they eat that shit up when we joke goofily back and forth.) but whatev.

Maybe you're wishing for the wrong thing. Maybe Ne's should find them, and not the other way around.

Ya you kind of remind me of my brother. I think I've said that before.

Isn't he a PITA for someone such as yourself?

[blackburry]

Maybe you're wishing for the wrong thing. Maybe Ne's should find them, and not the other way around.



Isn't he a PITA for someone such as yourself?

eh..... he's happy with his ESE-Si gf.

PITA?

[Slacker]

My husband is not at ALL controlling. I'm allergic to controlling people and would not have been married to him for so long if he were. Not at all rigid either. He's very very relaxed.

[Galen]

The relative order of likelihood I've seen for SLIs has been 5 > 6 > 9. The 5s I've known lie on either end of a spectrum between being super chill, laid back homebodies and aggressively argumentative antisocialites. The 6s were mostly just nerds of varying intellectual capacity. The one 9(w8) I've known thought himself quite the extrovert and would stay out late all the time; had daddy issues and a penchant for alcoholism though.

The most psychologiclaly well-rounded SLI I've known self-types as 5w4 sp/sx, and I thought him ISFp for a while. He's got a fair bit of snark and sharp wit to him, but it's all in good humor and he knows how to let go of his ego and be a stupid shit like the rest of us. He told me that he used to be way different as a kid, pushing people away and preferring to stay in his own world. Eventually he realized that this isn't how you get ahead in life, and supposedly took a lot of conscious effort to change his antisocial habits. Testimony from people who live with him says he can be pretty stubborn in his attempts to intellectually rationalize his decisions, "he always has an answer for everything."

I still *really* want to believe SLI 8s exist, but I've never seen one.

[darya]

I have two male friends SLIs, both 9w8. They're both very similar in a way, but for some strange reason I really adore one of them and can't stand the other.

They are both :
very relaxed, chill, live and let live, spend lots of time in nature, good with tools and practical, manly hobbies.
..
The first SLI is like an adorable teddy bear, an everyday guy who only wants to watch football and drink beer with friends or play football in nature. He's also really friendly and funny, with a sort of grounded manly sex appeal. But he can get real angry real quick if someone messes with his equilibrium or expects him to do something he doesn't like (he's kinda lazy and slow-moving). He has a very calming presence and everybody loves him.

The other is a stoner guy who lives on 200 euros a month and washes used smelly dischcloth sponges in a dishwasher insted of throwing them away - extremely stingy. He's also THE most boring person I've ever met, listening to him is like watching paint dry. He's really sociable in just hanging around with friends, smoking pot and saying absolutely nothing. But it's better this way, cause once he starts, he doesn't stop and it's a painful experience for everybody involved. Oh, and he's never had a job in his life and just leeches off of everybody - borrowing money and never returning it. When he's not busy smoking pot he plays video games. He's also not a very friendly or polite person, to put it mildly. He couldn't care less about anything or anybody..

So, two completely different experiences for me

[Park]

PITA?

Pain in the ass.

[jessica129]

My brother is this weird mix of extremely laidback to the point of being a lazy bum and not sweating the small stuff to being very easy to anger over the silliest little thing... he had a habit of punching a bunch of huge holes into the walls in his bedroom as a teenager.. which kind of shocked everyone because he tends to keep it in check. He's like this mellow kid and then explodes. and then is embarrassed about it for awhile and becomes this mellow kid again soon after. He's quiet but he's very social with a close group of friends he has known forever, however, he just moved to a new state and is having a really hard time putting forward the effort to meet people so he's basically been holed up in his apartment playing videogames and going to work. He's very loving to his gf. And when I'm upset he's very loyal/loving towards me as well. Knows a lot of practical shit, doesn't like responsibility though he gives off a total "dad/protective vibe." Stereotypical guy's guy..who hates when women talk about their period, loves the outdoors, but focuses a lot on how much energy he'll need to do something. Doesn't think his actions all the way through but he's definitely a good kid. I'd say he's SLI-Si e9.



my friend tom who I suspect is SLI-Te is a total dick but he's lovable. slightly more rambunctious than my brother but has a "right' and "wrong" way to do everything and gets very annoyed when you don't follow his directions because according to him his way is right. I push his buttons a lot. He's a lot more open with me than my brother and we're basically siblings who bicker back and forth. We have an innate sense of when to leave each other alone and when it's okay to approach. He complains a lot. his personality is basically that of an old man who sits on his porch and complains about everything. but he's still a pretty fun light-hearted dude. Easy to read and has his deep moments but for the most part...he's bit of a simpleton.

lol those descriptions are basically me in a nutshell. I truly feel that deep down i am a bitter old man sitting on his porch complaining about the neighboorhood kids having fun and being too loud. I've always felt like this even when i was like 10. Apparently it's funny to some people.

I can be kind of controlling. Well...stubborn is a better word for it. I know what i like, I got my personal space..don't effing invade it and we'll all be good.

[DaftPunk]

the template in my head for an sli is a sort of laid-back surfer e9 vibe, quietly tinkering and not giving much of a shit what other people are doing. but in my actual experiences and dealings with the type they've been a lot more controlling and rigid.

whats your experience? is this an intertype thing? and what etypes other than 9 are viable for an sli?

I consider myself a 6 and SLI. I general I see 5, 6 and 9 as the most common E-Types for SLI. Whereas the 6 and 5 are quiet similar and fit your bill of the more rigid and controlling SLI the 9 is obiously calmer.

[blackburry]

lol those descriptions are basically me in a nutshell. I truly feel that deep down i am a bitter old man sitting on his porch complaining about the neighboorhood kids having fun and being too loud. I've always felt like this even when i was like 10. Apparently it's funny to some people.

I can be kind of controlling. Well...stubborn is a better word for it. I know what i like, I got my personal space..don't effing invade it and we'll all be good.

I always knew you were SLI. you do have that old man on porch vibe but ...at least you're honest with you're complaints about things and people n stuff.

[Galen]

I consider myself a 6 and SLI. I general I see 5, 6 and 9 as the most common E-Types for SLI. Whereas the 6 and 5 are quiet similar and fit your bill of the more rigid and controlling SLI the 9 is obiously calmer.

My 9w8 SLI friend was actually pretty erratic in his energy levels. He had the temperament of a perpetual 10-year-old, would make stupid vocal noises out of nowhere, and would spontaneously laugh at inopportune times. If there really is such a distinction between "fast" and "slow" 9s he would definitely fall into the former.

[Kim]

I don't think they are rigid and controlling as much as set in some of their ways, usually those that are related to their personal comfort. I also find it pretty easy to steer them into new directions and/or convince them to try something new.

I think content SLIs are very much live and let live and not at all controlling. At least in my experience. They might want to keep a personal space the way they want it, but that might also be to protect expensive equipment from IEE clumsiness.

Energy levels seem inconsistent. Phases of high productivity alternate with phases of laziness or active leisure fun. Works for me.

I also find that for all the grumpiness towards people, they are perhaps the most altruistic type out there on a case-by-case practical level. All SLIs I have known will stop and help people and animals (but not get involved in any causes or join groups).

Edited to add: I think my SLI ex is a 5w6.

[blackburry]

I don't think they are rigid and controlling as much as set in some of their ways, usually those that are related to their personal comfort. I also find it pretty easy to steer them into new directions and/or convince them to try something new.

I think content SLIs are very much live and let live and not at all controlling. At least in my experience. They might want to keep a personal space the way they want it, but that might also be to protect expensive equipment from IEE clumsiness.

Energy levels seem inconsistent. Phases of high productivity alternate with phases of laziness or active leisure fun. Works for me.

I also find that for all the grumpiness towards people, they are perhaps the most altruistic type out there on a case-by-case practical level. All SLIs I have known will stop and help people and animals (but not get involved in any causes or join groups).

Edited to add: I think my SLI ex is a 5w6.

this^^

[Eliza Thomason]

I consider myself a 6 and SLI. I general I see 5, 6 and 9 as the most common E-Types for SLI. Whereas the 6 and 5 are quiet similar and fit your bill of the more rigid and controlling SLI the 9 is obviously calmer.

I always thought you were SLI. My husband is SLI-Si, 9w1...

[Eliza Thomason]

I still *really* want to believe SLI 8s exist, but I've never seen one.

Me neither.

[Pa3s]

Maybe I'm not such a good example, but anyway:

I'm self-typing as SLI 5w6 and I'm quite far away from that "laid back/surfer"-vibe. Rigid and controlling would be a much better fit, especially when it comes to the impression people get from me before they get to know me. There seems to be a huge difference between my actual personality and the impression of other people, anyway.

One girl keeps calling me "the German", because I seemingly fit the stereotype to a T. (And considering that we're both actually German, this means a lot.) Other people have told me that I appear overly strict, orderly and uncompromising. If they saw my messy apartment and my poorly maintained day planner, I'm sure they would reconsider this.

Also, I think I'm quite tolerant and absolutely not uncompromising. I follow a "don't get in my way and I won't get in yours"-policy and I basically let people do whatever they want as long as I don't suffer from it (this applies to other people suffering too). I'll tell them my opinion if they ask me (because I certainly have one), but I won't give any unsolicited advice. I stand by my opinion in group situations, but I have usually no problems to comply with the group's decision.

I can see why people see me as a perfectionist, though, because I never do half-assed jobs. Either I do something to my own satisfaction, or I stop doing it. Anything else is a waste of time for me.

[DaftPunk]

My 9w8 SLI friend was actually pretty erratic in his energy levels. He had the temperament of a perpetual 10-year-old, would make stupid vocal noises out of nowhere, and would spontaneously laugh at inopportune times. If there really is such a distinction between "fast" and "slow" 9s he would definitely fall into the former.

I think we missunderstood. I didn't mean energeticness. I meant a certain feelable tension.

[Park]

I can see why people see me as a perfectionist, though, because I never do half-assed jobs. Either I do something to my own satisfaction, or I stop doing it. Anything else is a waste of time for me.

I relate to this. I would also add that time constraints get in my way sometimes, especially when they are forced and interfere with my way of doing things. I'd rather just do what needs to be done and be over when it's done and I'm satisfied with the end result. Rushing or trying to do more (instead of better) by cutting corners makes absolutely no sense to me.

[Galen]

I think we missunderstood. I didn't mean energeticness. I meant a certain feelable tension.

Not sure what you mean, but the SLI I'm talking about displayed a pretty obvious inner tension that manifested in a sort of constant motion. Like a swirling inner turmoil that found its way to control him outside.

[Pa3s]

I relate to this. I would also add that time constraints get in my way sometimes, especially when they are forced and interfere with my way of doing things. I'd rather just do what needs to be done and be over when it's done and I'm satisfied with the end result.

Yeah, that too. All that stress and the simultaneous work on every task of the semester is the most annoying thing about studying.

[jessica129]

I'm self-typing as SLI 5w6 and I'm quite far away from that "laid back/surfer"-vibe. Rigid and controlling would be a much better fit, especially when it comes to the impression people get from me before they get to know me. There seems to be a huge difference between my actual personality and the impression of other people, anyway.

Im the same exact way. I think being quiet and logical adds to that impression...