EII-SLI Activity Relations (INFj and ISTp)

[Park]

Undualized LOLz. Are you dualized WA? Is that why you're so unselfish?

[Suz]

Undualized LOLz. Are you dualized WA? Is that why you're so unselfish?

no i'm not dualized well maybe i am, partially... My mom is SEI i think, and i've had these 2-3 SLI interactions. I'm missing Te though BIG time in my daily life, and I spend a LOT of time and effort on Si seeking stuff, like it consumes my time almost entirely lately...

I'm not sure if i'm unselfish, I actually think i'm sorta selfish actually..

[Beautiful sky]

Yep. My best mate in HS is an INFj. We intuitively knew what each other was feeling in each situation. While I would crack jokes, his insights always made me think, so we have mutual benefits.

He's a cynical fuck though, which is where part of the humor comes from. We're still friends, even though he lives in boston and i'm in california. In fact, im seeing him for thanksgiving.

Loki <3

No wonder why you get me so well. You're wonderful.

[yeves]

…that resumes years and years of interactions.

[Shytan]

So I really like an SLI. And we've gone out a few times..just the two of us but not as a date, just to hang out. He also tried to have sex with me but was so.. physical about it. When I told him we aren't there yet and that I don't do things casually, he said it wasn't casual and that I gave him signs that i wanted it... I feel like I bother him sometimes because I always wanna be around him but it feels like he doesn't. He's the loner type. What annoys me is that today a girl mentioned that me and another dude liked each other, which I refuted, but he was so cosy with that girl. He almost ignored me completely and I don't think it was intentional... He might be into her, because he complimented her subtly and shit. Does he not know I'm into him?? Wtf.
Plus I'm not all that and he's really really hot and very cautious about his appearance and clothes etc
Anyway my question is: how do SLIs show they like you? How do I know they like me? Are they prone to play jealousy games?

[Rebelondeck]

@Shaebette I put activity relations in the bottom half due to divergent goals, priorities and approaches. Regardless of type, I wouldn't trust a person that exhibits the cues that you seem to describe; he must be very physically attractive for an EII not to immediately recoil from the potential negative issues and emotionally disconnect.....

a.k.a. I/O

[Hope]

Anyway my question is: how do SLIs show they like you? How do I know they like me?

They try to have sex with you.

Are they prone to play jealousy games?

No. He also likes her.

[Shytan]

They try to have sex with you.


No. He also likes her.

No "I like you" or something? What other cues?
So... He likes two people, or more..are SLIs players?

[Shytan]

@Shaebette I put activity relations in the bottom half due to divergent goals, priorities and approaches. Regardless of type, I wouldn't trust a person that exhibits the cues that you seem to describe; he must be very physically attractive for an EII not to immediately recoil from the potential negative issues and emotionally disconnect.....

a.k.a. I/O

Wdym divergent priorities and approaches?

And I'm sorry, it's not as intense as I made it sound, I was just upset. He respected my decision when I told him I didn't want to have sex, and we joked about it. Also, I was walking with him, the girl and another friend when I noticed that he was giving her a lot of attention, like, more than he was giving me. I also don't ACT like I want to be around him as much as I feel it, I read his cues and he's mostly alone and giving off "This is my alone time" vibes until he personally approaches me, after class or something. But yes, he's very attractive.

[Adam Strange]

No "I like you" or something? What other cues?
So... He likes two people, or more..are SLIs players?

I'm only familiar with SLI-Te's, but none of them are players. They are all very faithful, but again, they are all Te-subtypes. The ones I know are very slow to connect. Resistant, even. But not players.

[Adam Strange]

Wdym divergent priorities and approaches?

And I'm sorry, it's not as intense as I made it sound, I was just upset. He respected my decision when I told him I didn't want to have sex, and we joked about it. Also, I was walking with him, the girl and another friend when I noticed that he was giving her a lot of attention, like, more than he was giving me. I also don't ACT like I want to be around him as much as I feel it, I read his cues and he's mostly alone and giving off "This is my alone time" vibes until he personally approaches me, after class or something. But yes, he's very attractive.

Divergent goals and expectations means that, no matter how attractive or fun you find the other person, the two of you have very different approaches to everything so you will have a hard time working together, and you will find that you naturally want to act a certain way and they don't like that (and vice-versa).

[Hope]

No "I like you" or something? What other cues?
So... He likes two people, or more..are SLIs players?

I'm not but I've read and heard of some who are. Maybe he is. I dont think is type related honestly.
Maybe he's not looking for anything serious yet. Or maybe he thinks you are not into him.

Ime, I never said I like you. But I'm also a female. I was more like trying to make them know through indirect ways I liked them or simply trying to get a date. I was very careful to make a difference between friendship and romantic interests (so it wouldnt make confusion). I don't think there is specific type behavior when they like you. Those are individual traits.

I suggest asking him or talking about your feels with him or simply trying to be more evident about your feelings.

[Rebelondeck]

Wdym divergent priorities and approaches? .....

In addition to @Adam Strange comment, SLIs tend to spend a lot of time building up defenses for themselves and using them effectively while EIIs tend to hold to beliefs that their ways are the best for everyone. Interaction between these two often appear like EIIs trying to discretely undermine castles and when the SLIs realize what's happening, the oil is brought to a boil, for which the EIIs are usually very unprepared.

a.k.a. I/O

[timber]

I'm only familiar with SLI-Te's, but none of them are players. They are all very faithful, but again, they are all Te-subtypes. The ones I know are very slow to connect. Resistant, even. But not players.

That you know of.

Key words here: secret and discreet.

[Shytan]

Need. Help. Now.
Yesternight I went out with the SLI and it was really really fun and we bonded and stuff. What ruined everything was when he suggested we go back to his place. Started making out and I didn't wanna so we had a mini argument and I wanted to leave, and that ruined the whole mood. We ended up having trash sex, like.. trash trash. Mostly because I didn't want it so my downtown didn't comply but he insisted. And now I just feel pathetic and weird and like...I feel low because his first impression of me sexually is probably that I have trash p*. Also I had the smell of alcohol in my breath which put him off... I texted him expressing what I felt and that the whole experience was distasteful to me and none of us enjoyed it and that our date should've just ended at the mall. He apologized like three times and when i asked why he said it's because I feel so bad about it and we're human and things don't always go as perfectly as we want to. Anywaay my question is, can an SLI come back from such a pathetic sensory experience or will it always be at the back of his mind? It sure is at the back of mine and I don't wanna face him because I feel so weird

[Adam Strange]

@Shytan, most of what went wrong on your date was a result of your doing stuff you didn’t want to do. Never do anything that you don’t want to do. Period.

If he’s not willing to listen to you and accommodate your wants, then he’s not mature relationship material.

I spent about five years doing sexual pinball with every woman who would have sex with me. Was I mature? No. Was I considerate? No. Was I relationship material? No. Was I ever going to settle down with these women? No. Did I care in the slightest who these women were? No. Was I an asshole? Yes, absolutely.

Most of the women I had sex with weren’t that mature, either. They were often drunk, or desperate, or enamored, or lonely, or bored, or were trying to lose their BF’s, and on and on it went. Were any of them decent human beings who would have made wonderful partners? Yes, I’m sure, but I never got close enough to find that out.

After many years of this, I started to feel really empty inside because, of course, this kind of thing is incredibly corrosive. After a particularly bad night spent with a particularly bad woman, I just stopped. I thought I would never meet a woman whom I liked enough to marry and I assumed I would never be in a relationship again. I absolutely stopped trying with women.

After two years, I met this SLI while hanging out in my Astronomy club. She seemed sensible but not my type, and we became friends. After about six months of just hanging out, she invited me over for dinner. We had a few drinks and I went right back to my old ways and started to try to undress her and she threw me out of her apartment.

I felt like a complete asshole because I had just fucked up a perfectly good friendship. I went home, cut a rose from a rosebush in my yard, wrote a note of apology, returned and put both under the windshield wiper of her car, where she’d see them in the morning.

She was teaching me to respect both her and myself.

We were married six months after that.

[Shytan]

@Shytan, most of what went wrong on your date was a result of your doing stuff you didn’t want to do. Never do anything that you don’t want to do. Period.

If he’s not willing to listen to you and accommodate your wants, then he’s not mature relationship material.

I spent about five years doing sexual pinball with every woman who would have sex with me. Was I mature? No. Was I considerate? No. Was I relationship material? No. Was I ever going to settle down with these women? No. Did I care in the slightest who these women were? No. Was I an asshole? Yes, absolutely.

Most of the women I had sex with weren’t that mature, either. They were often drunk, or desperate, or enamored, or lonely, or bored, or were trying to lose their BF’s, and on and on it went. Were any of them decent human beings who would have made wonderful partners? Yes, I’m sure, but I never got close enough to find that out.

After many years of this, I started to feel really empty inside because, of course, this kind of thing is incredibly corrosive. After a particularly bad night spent with a particularly bad woman, I just stopped. I thought I would never meet a woman whom I liked enough to marry and I assumed I would never be in a relationship again. I absolutely stopped trying with women.

After two years, I met this SLI while hanging out in my Astronomy club. She seemed sensible but not my type, and we became friends. After about six months of just hanging out, she invited me over for dinner. We had a few drinks and I went right back to my old ways and started to try to undress her and she threw me out of her apartment.

I felt like a complete asshole because I had just fucked up a perfectly good friendship. I went home, cut a rose from a rosebush in my yard, wrote a note of apology, returned and put both under the windshield wiper of her car, where she’d see them in the morning.

She was teaching me to respect both her and myself.

We were married six months after that.

Thank you <3 This is actually so helpful and means a lot Adam

[saskiaza21]

About activity relation between EII and SLI
It happened between me and my crush

We met each other at faculty orientation , i thought he was cold and uncaring to me. I was annoyed by himself first. After that , we become closer. But , it doesn't mean. We never get conflict. Sometimes , we get conflict too.
Sometimes , activity relation makes us feel tired. If we are too much interacting each other.

But , i really appreciate him like :
1. He is efficient
2. He is smart at class too
3. Although , many peoples say he is uncaring. But he deeply cares to me.
4. He has tidy and neat style
5. He is genuine
6. He shows affection and care with actions

Tbh , he defended me to bullies. When , i got bullied by my classmate at university.

He is nicest person , i've seen

[Zyan]

About the strati EII-SLI description - anybody who behaves like that is not compatible with me. I guess I won’t assume every SLI I encounter would be like that though...

but yeah, sudden coldness wrt Fi such “disappearing for days or not coming to a meeting” or whatever - will give me a lot of insecurity. I guess I don’t like that sort of “irrational” behavior. I also don’t want to set every single thing in stone but what I know for sure is I enjoy a constancy in Fi, in psychological closeness, and due to being sx first I start intensifying it over time and enjoy that too. If someone rebuffs that or tries to “escape” they are simply not compatible with me bc Fi and sx are as close to my self-esteem and core as it gets. It can really hurt to have that rejected.

edit: general trend, a few negative events can be made up for if the relationship is still typically good and close the way I want it.

I was thinking the same thing when I read that, seems like just an unhealthy way of dealing with a relationship. Hell even my 1DFi ass can handle that scenario better lol. I feel it's not as black and white as the description makes it honestly.

[Zyan]

I'm only familiar with SLI-Te's, but none of them are players. They are all very faithful, but again, they are all Te-subtypes. The ones I know are very slow to connect. Resistant, even. But not players.

Yup this is similar to what I've seen as well

[Silei]

Personal story no one cares about, but the description of the EII-SLI relationship is way too similar to what I experienced, so I had to. I'm putting it under spoiler because it's a bit long.

The closest friend I’ve ever had is an EII, I am probably a SLI. We met on the internet, I commented on one of her writings and we talked for some time. Then she asked me if I could read and give her my opinion about a book she wanted to publish, I said yes and from that we started emailing each other daily.
We started talking about our lives, our interests and I felt like I really found for the first time someone who could understand me. We were very similar, we had many similar experiences, similar “traumas”, similar ideas. The only strong difference between us is that she’s a lot more open about her feelings while I’m more private, but she was having such a good influence on me I began to be more open and expressive. She was also more mystical than me, she was the one who often introduced unusual topics and it was interesting talking about it.
That was great for me, it felt almost too good to be real, I often told her that our meeting was like a miracle, but things started to get a bit more complicated when I noticed she was getting a bit too affectionate. She started sending me presents for my birthday and for Christmas, she wrote poems for me, she made drawings for me, she was full of admiration for every little thing I did. I tried to reciprocate her gestures for as far as I could, even though I felt that all that situation was a bit too much.
We were into tv series, so whenever I told her I was watching something she would watch it too, if I stopped watching something she stopped it too and stuff like that. At first I liked that she listened to me so well, but I also wondered if that was what people normally do. She was getting more and more intense with her emotions and I realized she probably felt more than friendship for me, but I wanted to lie to myself and think she was only very friendly and I was the stupid asocial who doesn’t know what friendship is like.
That went on for around one year, at one point because of some issues at home, I wanted to spend some days away and since I had no idea where to go, I asked her if I could visit her city.
That was the first time I met her in real life and my impression was that she was trying so hard to please me, I also noticed how soft and delicate she was, I don’t know why that kinda annoyed me, probably because I’m used to be with Se-ego or at least with extrovert or simply more energetic people than me. I also thought that she was like that because she was desperately trying to please me and I’m not a fan of these type of behaviours. As a consequence, I was the one who had to propose to do stuff, who had to say “let’s go here, let’s do that”, she always asked me where I wanted to go, where I wanted to eat etc. I wanted her to give me suggestions, to guide me around her city. It was like she didn’t really want to do anything in particular and that she was there only to please me and instead of feeling grateful that disappointed me.
Anyway, after I got back home, in the afternoon she wrote to me she had something important to tell me and at that point I knew I couldn’t escape the confession. I was still grateful she was kind enough to do it in written form, I would have had no idea how to react if she had done it in person. I told her I thought of her only as a friend, she told me that we could stop emailing each other, if that made me uncomfortable. I didn’t want to lose what we had, even though I was kinda disappointed and I felt she had been selfish (I know I’m horrible) because I never did anything to encourage romantic feelings, she knew I wasn’t looking for a partner and that a confession would make things awkward. Basically my perfect friendship crumbled down and made me realize that every relationships have struggles at some point. So we agreed to continue our friendship like normal.
I think we hurt each other at that time, probably I did more damage since she was the one who was more involved, but some months later it seemed we were back to normal more or less. Now, we write to each other when we have time, it feels like a normal friendship where you talk about normal things, probably my “miracle” doesn’t exist anymore but I still consider her as my closest person and the only one who can accept me even with my ugly parts.

To my defense (?), I should say I never ran away or disappeared, nor I tried to escape. Our relationship was always based on honesty and communication, so I think this helped a lot to protect what we had. People who just disappear without taking care of the problem are only immature (or don't care enough about that person)… I understand that you might feel overwhelmed and that you want some time off, but at that point you can simply say “hey, I need some alone time” instead of simply drifting away without a word.
Anyway I wonder if these relationships work so well at first because we are similar to our duals, but not really the same. Probably when I met her and felt disappointed, I was unconsciously looking for my dual and then I bumped into the fact she was not.

[PinKDiGiT18]

I miss my old SLI best friend. She was the sp/sx to my sx/so, and we had a unique connection that always surmounted our differences in thinking. I probably felt closer to her than I've ever felt to another friend, but her irrationality and my rationality always clashed like a bad musical note. I don't know if I could marry someone like her, for example; I genuinely wonder at the number of very successful activity marriages I've seen.

[Adam Strange]

I miss my old SLI best friend. She was the sp/sx to my sx/so, and we had a unique connection that always surmounted our differences in thinking. I probably felt closer to her than I've ever felt to another friend, but her irrationality and my rationality always clashed like a bad musical note. I don't know if I could marry someone like her, for example; I genuinely wonder at the number of very successful activity marriages I've seen.

J/P problems don't always show up right away, especially if you are deep in the magic of Activity and haven't experienced Duality. But they do show up. Boy, do they.

Also, most people's relationships are compromises to one degree or another. Even Duality requires some compromises, so if a person gets 80% of what they want covered, they often think they can live with that.

[PinKDiGiT18]

J/P problems don't always show up right away, especially if you are deep in the magic of Activity and haven't experienced Duality. But they do show up. Boy, do they.

Also, most people's relationships are compromises to one degree or another. Even Duality requires some compromises, so if a person gets 80% of what they want covered, they often think they can live with that.

I remember the days when I thought a perceiving partner would be my ideal complement. They make great friends for fun times, but at a close psychological distance arguments are inescapable.

[FreelancePoliceman]

J/P problems don't always show up right away, especially if you are deep in the magic of Activity and haven't experienced Duality. But they do show up. Boy, do they.

Also, most people's relationships are compromises to one degree or another. Even Duality requires some compromises, so if a person gets 80% of what they want covered, they often think they can live with that.

What are J/P problems?

[PinKDiGiT18]

What are J/P problems?

Couple examples are when a rational expects an irrational to do exactly what they say they’re going to do or stick to a certain thought process, but the irrational jumps into a different rhythm/set of plans without letting the rational know beforehand. Also, when a rational shares irrational information in a sporadic way that is colored by their rational goals, but that seems incomplete and disingenuous to the irrational.