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Removed at User Request
Nick, I apologize. I didn't mean it. Barely even read the OP.
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It's Binky bitch.
See not the unsmiling lips and icy eyes,
And hear not the silence after.
Look instead as the mime hypnotizes
And listen to the laughter.
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I need a safe distance with people. I want them to tell me like....serious/truthy things a lot when we connect for a short while. Then I want us to leave each other, to kinda process that and re-kindle the romance.
I want them to tell me how I can truly better myself (and vice versa) then I want to do those things on our own, and then come back- to feel that the relationship is strengthened.
I don't really understand. It's just how my brain works but I sometimes observe people out in public. They go on and on and talk about nothing to me. I don't mean to be uptight or whatever or like 'everything has to matter all the time' and I'm not trying to be jealous of their joy. It's just WEIRD to me. Like... they just talk about some pink eraser for 50 minutes. I remember when I used to be able to do those things. But I kinda just, I don't know. I changed. I might be that way again with somebody, with my friends. But I just can't now.
How other people pick boyfriends is funny to me. Like it's just... well. I don't know. I've always kinda tortured myself, maybe deep down I am a narcissist who thinks he's unloveable *sigh* Yeah I should go have that checked out and cured.
Enough self-reflective bullshit for now. I need a nap.
He hit her? Fucking prick, good for her that she got out.
OMG lol Star, that's mental - were you guys like 'involved' or something?
. I know how you feel. I used to be able to easily let go and just be and have so much fun. But not so much these days. I feel like all the light, fluffiness and edginess has been drained out of me, like I have no spark anymore. I hope it comes back one day, that I am not changed for good. Maybe it's just about the people we are with...
Though I am finding the IEI guy I like is bringing it out of me and this dual I just met, who I don't speak to but I feel I full back into my old self when he's about and in the way I think of him when he's not around (maybe the good things only come about when a dual is 'there' ).
IEI, sp/sx 4w3.
hmm this reminds me of this guy.. i don't know about his type... but he was like a wailing kid... i went for a walk around the block with him... and he kind of calmed down a little. but he also complained a lot and loudly....
thing is ... he somehow seemed to sense that it didn't work that well on me.. and didn't seem to try it that much... but he seemed to do it to his girlfriend often.. i don't know.. it was strange..
oh the reason he started wailing is cos his girlfriend said she was going to break up with him. she wasn't emotional. and she seemed to be just trying to get a reaction out of him.. stuck or something.. and it's like he kept on reacting for ages and ages and ages.
But it was strange - cos somehow I got involved. But then when I was involved it was like like I was kind of "at my limits" and it's like his intensity was high, that it's like I could only manage to be slightly higher than him, and part of that was just because I was much more stable internally.
In the end a neighbour called the police. They didn't come for ages until it had been resolved.
Then it's like when the police turned up I had to talk to them. And the police officer had the nerve to ask if it was me. Although for the most part he just kind of stood there with his legs apart and his arms crossed, whilst I kind of explained the proceedings. Whilst this female police officer seemed to get pissed off about having been left out.
Anyway, sometimes I think laughing is a good solution. I mean hell, don't take things too seriously. And the guy did apologise afterwards.
But like, fuck, people can be crazy. And the most extreme emotional outbursts from guys that I've seen have been over jealousy or some girl matter of fact breaking up with them as if it's no big deal.
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"What is love?"
"The total absence of fear," said the Master.
"What is it we fear?"
"Love," said the Master.
I chose Love
Simple, you don't need anything for happiness. True happiness is not caused.
Just drop your illusions about what you need in order to be happy and you will discover happiness. Drop your illusions and happiness is there.
It is there for everyone and in every circumstances.
I remember the extreme case of a ricksaw puller that was so poor that he sold his skeleton for a few coins (after his death of a person, the person who bought the skeleton would come and claim the body). However, nothing could upset this ricksaw puller, nothing... he was at peace. De Mello said, "And right then and there I realized that I was in the presence of a mystic".
"What is love?"
"The total absence of fear," said the Master.
"What is it we fear?"
"Love," said the Master.
I chose Love