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Thread: Having kids for LSI-ISTj

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    Default Having kids for LSI-ISTj

    On a couple of occasions I've heard from LSI women that they are afraid of having children. One of them was cautious because "what if the kid grows up to be a criminal". Is this one contingency of Ne PoLR?

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    Don't think so, I know many LSI women who had children early on and have wanted kids since forever. They all seem like quite strict mothers though, which is funny since my rough no-nonsense LSI dad was never ever strict towards me, quite the opposite (I was his princess no matter what I did )

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    Quote Originally Posted by darya View Post
    Don't think so, I know many LSI women who had children early on and have wanted kids since forever. They all seem like quite strict mothers though, which is funny since my rough no-nonsense LSI dad was never ever strict towards me, quite the opposite (I was his princess no matter what I did )
    yeah my LSI dad was also not strict at all with me - but I also didn't do particularly weird stuff.

    OTOH my female LSI aunt was fairly strict but all of her kids turned out kinda more rebellious and not very business focussed. go figure.
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    I know quite a few LSI parents. I think they had the normal kinds of fears about parenting, i.e., "This is going to be hard"; "I'm not sure I'll be good at this."

    They tend not to see children as objects or property and don't seem to believe they can force a kid to turn out to be a particular kind of person. None of them is terribly strict, either.

    My husband (LSI) is probably more indulgent with kids than I am.
    LSI: “I still can’t figure out Pinterest.”

    Me: “It’s just, like, idea boards.”

    LSI: “I don’t have ideas.”

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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemoon View Post
    I've been on several vacations with him and the level to which he arranged everything was...impressive, but a tad constrictive for my taste. Honestly, we would have been wandering around without direction without him and wouldn't have seeen nearly as many things as we did.
    Yeah that's usually where I used to clash with my father, we both absolutely wanted to create our absolutely perfect plans for other people
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    Quote Originally Posted by Milo View Post
    On a couple of occasions I've heard from LSI women that they are afraid of having children. One of them was cautious because "what if the kid grows up to be a criminal". Is this one contingency of Ne PoLR?
    That does sound like Ni Demonstrative but taken to an extreme degree. LSIs have Si Demonstrative and will easily take on a traditional parental role. They can be paranoid/strict as parents though.

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    The OP concern sounds more like an enneagram 6 core fear issue and valuing with some on top. LSIs are supposed to be the entire opposite of the "what if..." scenario creation. I agree with @thehotelambush on this, XII problem.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    I agree with @thehotelambush on this, XII problem.
    Well...I wouldn't say it's an XII problem. It does sound more Ni valuing.

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    Quote Originally Posted by thehotelambush View Post
    Well...I wouldn't say it's an XII problem. It does sound more Ni valuing.
    Hm... ok

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    Quote Originally Posted by Milo View Post
    On a couple of occasions I've heard from LSI women that they are afraid of having children. One of them was cautious because "what if the kid grows up to be a criminal". Is this one contingency of Ne PoLR?
    I can't relate to such far-fetched worries but the way Ne PoLR works for me is more like me not thinking of whatif's at all even when it could be useful (EIE friend has helped me there before). I dunno if it's due to my subtype or some other reason.

    I do have a concern right now about having kids based on my own experience of some things but I think that can be solved. (I don't want to go into detail on this.) So essentially my outlook on this is still more positive than negative. Whatever that means in terms of type.

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    I'm never having kids. For every reason you can think of.
    1. I'm not capable.
    2. I can barely keep myself alive let alone a kid.
    3. I'm scared of repeating my familys' dysfunction
    4. I'm scared of what my country is turning into
    5. I'm scared of becoming a single mother, very likely to happen
    6. I have mental/health problems I don't want to pass on
    7. I don't want to lose my figure that I worked so hard for
    8. I don't want anything bad to happen to my twat during birth
    9. I don't want to feel the pain of labor and birth
    10. I don't want to go through the uncomfortable stages of pregnancy
    11. I don't want the strain of parenthood to ruin a potential relationship/marriage
    12. I'm a recovering addict, and wouldn't want a relapse to happen as a mother like my mom did
    13. I can't cope with strangers telling me how to raise my fucking dog, I can only imagine how worse that gets when you have kids
    14. STRESS
    15. LACK OF SLEEP
    16. LACK OF SEX
    17. LACK OF MONEY
    18. Giving up on my dreams
    19. Having to sit through stupid kids' movies and cartoons
    20. Paying for their whole lives

    There you have it. My top 20 picks for why this LSI doesn't want kids. There's more but this is the basic rundown. I feel incapable, and not ready to sacrifice what little crappy life I have to give someone else an even crappier life. I'm doing all my hypothetical babies a great service by not having them.
    LSI-Se 836 Sp/Sx

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pole Ninja View Post
    I'm never having kids. For every reason you can think of.
    1. I'm not capable.
    2. I can barely keep myself alive let alone a kid.
    3. I'm scared of repeating my familys' dysfunction
    4. I'm scared of what my country is turning into
    5. I'm scared of becoming a single mother, very likely to happen
    6. I have mental/health problems I don't want to pass on
    7. I don't want to lose my figure that I worked so hard for
    8. I don't want anything bad to happen to my twat during birth
    9. I don't want to feel the pain of labor and birth
    10. I don't want to go through the uncomfortable stages of pregnancy
    11. I don't want the strain of parenthood to ruin a potential relationship/marriage
    12. I'm a recovering addict, and wouldn't want a relapse to happen as a mother like my mom did
    13. I can't cope with strangers telling me how to raise my fucking dog, I can only imagine how worse that gets when you have kids
    14. STRESS
    15. LACK OF SLEEP
    16. LACK OF SEX
    17. LACK OF MONEY
    18. Giving up on my dreams
    19. Having to sit through stupid kids' movies and cartoons
    20. Paying for their whole lives

    There you have it. My top 20 picks for why this LSI doesn't want kids. There's more but this is the basic rundown. I feel incapable, and not ready to sacrifice what little crappy life I have to give someone else an even crappier life. I'm doing all my hypothetical babies a great service by not having them.
    It's so ironic because hypothetically if you had tons more time and money and less stress than you do now, you'd probably make a great parent. You've bothered to think through and consider all these things, and that's something that a lot of people who jump into becoming parents don't do at all. It shows you're a thoughtful and methodical person. It's funny how humanity works out this way lol.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pole Ninja View Post
    I'm never having kids. For every reason you can think of.
    1. I'm not capable.
    2. I can barely keep myself alive let alone a kid.
    3. I'm scared of repeating my familys' dysfunction
    4. I'm scared of what my country is turning into
    5. I'm scared of becoming a single mother, very likely to happen
    6. I have mental/health problems I don't want to pass on
    7. I don't want to lose my figure that I worked so hard for
    8. I don't want anything bad to happen to my twat during birth
    9. I don't want to feel the pain of labor and birth
    10. I don't want to go through the uncomfortable stages of pregnancy
    11. I don't want the strain of parenthood to ruin a potential relationship/marriage
    12. I'm a recovering addict, and wouldn't want a relapse to happen as a mother like my mom did
    13. I can't cope with strangers telling me how to raise my fucking dog, I can only imagine how worse that gets when you have kids
    14. STRESS
    15. LACK OF SLEEP
    16. LACK OF SEX
    17. LACK OF MONEY
    18. Giving up on my dreams
    19. Having to sit through stupid kids' movies and cartoons
    20. Paying for their whole lives

    There you have it. My top 20 picks for why this LSI doesn't want kids. There's more but this is the basic rundown. I feel incapable, and not ready to sacrifice what little crappy life I have to give someone else an even crappier life. I'm doing all my hypothetical babies a great service by not having them.
    Sounds more LII than LSI imo.
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    Quote Originally Posted by niffer View Post
    It's so ironic because hypothetically if you had tons more time and money and less stress than you do now, you'd probably make a great parent. You've bothered to think through and consider all these things, and that's something that a lot of people who jump into becoming parents don't do at all. It shows you're a thoughtful and methodical person. It's funny how humanity works out this way lol.
    With time and money all of the problems I listed would be cut in half. I honestly never thought about "what if" I had money and time would I want kids? I am not sure.
    LSI-Se 836 Sp/Sx

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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post
    Sounds more LII than LSI imo.
    Interesting. How so?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pole Ninja View Post
    Interesting. How so?
    I can't speak for @mikemex obvs, but I can see how there could be themes of lack of self-care capacity in what you wrote that someone might take as caregiver-infantile axis, weak Si.

    But I can also interpret it as "resource assessment" and uncertainty about long-term patterns, which to me is congruent with LSI. I'm not sure what you wrote has to be about type, though.
    LSI: “I still can’t figure out Pinterest.”

    Me: “It’s just, like, idea boards.”

    LSI: “I don’t have ideas.”

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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post
    Sounds more LII than LSI imo.
    Lol the style in which she wrote it doesn't sound LII at all.

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    MY LSI brother is a great Dad. It helps that he has easy, comfortable teamwork with an EIE wife that he really loves - as much now if not more than the day he fell for her, it seems! It helps to be Duals when you raise four boys close in age! I remember visiting him when the kids were young after he worked a typical long day; he came in the door, and instead of sitting down to read the newspaper like my Dad always did while Mom got dinner on the table, he immediately said "What can I do?" and kept busy with dinner and clean up and kids needs, uncomplaining and doing anything that needs done till they were all in bed. Then he sat with his wife like it was his very favorite part of his day...

    More recent visits have me noticing that she is the more inventive creative cook ("Lets make our own tomatillo salsa!" "I have this new recipe to try!") and he, more the "super-A+-sous-chef". They work great together. She is the enthusiastic lover of people and life; he is her admirer and supporter, sort of basking in her glow. Its like she and the family give him constant purpose in life, a purpose he loves. If people are coming over, she has time to go dress nice, in her own time, because he is downstairs pulling everything together. She can go work at a professional job and go to yoga classes or jog because he is making sure everything practical is running smooth. She is active doing what needs to be done, too, but its not all on her, because he has her back. That's how she managed to breastfeed her boys a fairly long time, including PUMPING so she could work full time, which is time- and labor-intensive, and takes serious commitment - and I just don't think that can be done without a peaceful, attentively-helpful husband (you can't pump and breastfeed if you are stressed.) If the kids need to be picked up from sports, he is on it if she is not free. He doesn't forget. And he doesn't complain. He really likes his life.

    Every time I visit, their home has some new improvement, like the huge expanse of hand chipped wood floor, or, this time, a travertined patio - both perfect on their southwestern style home. We sat on the lovely patio (in perfect weather) with nice drinks and healthy snacks and his wife was looked out over the pool and said how she always wanted clear string lights criss-crossing over out there, so that when they had a party in the evening it would look so pretty. I agreed with this nice idea. Then a couple months later, some party, with lots of people - this is nothing new for them - and pictures my brother sent of the occasion revealed those lights were installed, decorating the back yard, just like she "dreamed" that day.

    Then I realized I had seen this before. His wife is unafraid to dream out loud, or to introduce changes, or ideas, and then my brother makes sure they happen. Once on an early visit when there were just two boys, she had decided while I was there she wanted to work part-time, instead of full-time, as her older son was frantically howling the whole drive to every daycare drop-off on her way to work, and so she confidently explained this new plan to my brother while I was there (in a nearby room, after telling me this was her idea, and seeming to have no fear about introducing it to her husband, as I would have in her shoes). But, that very conversation, the plan was made. She would try it, knowing she could always get more work if it did not work out... She was able to make all the changes and adjustments she felt necessary to make while parenting her young boys, because my brother was always on board to support those decisions.

    So, I think my LSI brother is happy to be a Dad and takes excellent care of his wife and his family. And he is very happy. Clearly his wife is his peace and his happiness, too, and the two work at their careers and their home and center their lives on keeping a happy home and always with the priority of staying on top of what their boys (now high school and college) and the family need and hope for.
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    Quote Originally Posted by darya View Post
    Don't think so, I know many LSI women who had children early on and have wanted kids since forever. They all seem like quite strict mothers though, which is funny since my rough no-nonsense LSI dad was never ever strict towards me, quite the opposite (I was his princess no matter what I did )
    An LSI dad. <3
    You are so lucky. That's lovely.

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