Delta Lounge

**Kim** · 08-18-2017, 06:38 PM

Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason

I will pray you get your green card soon! I have those in my life who need that, too. So you are added to my list! And I hope you get back to LA someday since you seem to truly love that place. (Personally I like more open space, like what surrounds you now.)

It is hard to make sense of, for sure. But I want to puzzle it out... I think what @Dee is saying (and I invite him to correct me if I am wrong) is that the drawbacks to casual sex (he is calling that "fast food" and plastic fun) are very, very serious, the results of which ultimately take the fun out of life. Better to keep sex to the one spouse you marry for life and avoid that whole sad, sad road. However, the highroad is not always easy, and Dee seems to allude to going without, or being in a marriage that has difficulties, as being part of the adversities of life that make you real. And if this is what he is saying, I agree.

Thank you for the good wishes.

I know what Dee was saying and I decided to delete my comment because I don't want to be baited into an argument. I only responded the first time because s/he seems to be a bit behind on current STD testing.

I don't think I have ever written anything about my personal sex life on this forum. Dating does not equal sex.

That being said, different things work for different people. I see quite a few people stuck in joyless marriages and it's painful to watch. I also know women who have never had orgasms and who don't enjoy sex the way they should (and care more about their men enjoying themselves because it's their "wifely duty") because they only ever had sex with one or two inept and selfish men.

There are drawbacks to both sides.

**Eliza Thomason** · 08-18-2017, 07:55 PM

Originally Posted by Kim

Thank you for the good wishes.

I know what Dee was saying and I decided to delete my comment because I don't want to be baited into an argument. I only responded the first time because s/he seems to be a bit behind on current STD testing.

I don't think I have ever written anything about my personal sex life on this forum. Dating does not equal sex.

That being said, different things work for different people. I see quite a few people stuck in joyless marriages and it's painful to watch. I also know women who have never had orgasms and who don't enjoy sex the way they should (and care more about their men enjoying themselves because it's their "wifely duty") because they only ever had sex with one or two inept and selfish men.

There are drawbacks to both sides.

Oh - do you want me to delete mine, too? No problem if you do. (Since its a conversation you are not having).

Those drawbacks - yes, those are definite drawbacks, but then also not mentioned is what I have seen time and time again, women who dedicate all of themselves whole-heartedly in a long-term relationship, okay with living together, because the guy doesn't want to commit, but it looks like commitment to her since they are intimate, and to her, that means she's "all in" so it must to him, but the guy has never wanted to talk marriage and then it seems fine for him, in his mind, since a commitment has not been made, some years down the line to end it since he never committed. And the girl always is the one to be surprised and devastated. At least in all the instances I am thinking of. My heart aches even as I write this for those I have seen this happen to, even though, every time, I think, "You were so foolish to pretend it was marriage or about to become that when it wasn't." Then I am mad at our culture, which encourages this, and the women loses every time.

**Kim** · 08-18-2017, 08:55 PM

Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason

Oh - do you want me to delete mine, too? No problem if you do. (Since its a conversation you are not having).

Those drawbacks - yes, those are definite drawbacks, but then also not mentioned is what I have seen time and time again, women who dedicate all of themselves whole-heartedly in a long-term relationship, okay with living together, because the guy doesn't want to commit, but it looks like commitment to her since they are intimate, and to her, that means she's "all in" so it must to him, but the guy has never wanted to talk marriage and then it seems fine for him, in his mind, since a commitment has not been made, some years down the line to end it since he never committed. And the girl always is the one to be surprised and devastated. At least in all the instances I am thinking of. My heart aches even as I write this for those I have seen this happen to, even though, every time, I think, "You were so foolish to pretend it was marriage or about to become that when it wasn't." Then I am mad at our culture, which encourages this, and the women loses every time.

And other people are married with cheating spouses. I don't think commitment has anything to do with signing a document or walking down the aisle.

**Eliza Thomason** · 08-19-2017, 12:23 AM

Originally Posted by Kim

And other people are married with cheating spouses. I don't think commitment has anything to do with signing a document or walking down the aisle.

Not being willing to sign a document or walk down the aisle in the presence of your friends and loved ones says a lot. Both are deeply meaningful signs and expressions of commitment and intention to make this a forever relationship, and to forsake all others, as long as you both shall live. And when children are involved, present and future, it means a whole lot. Children have a deep need and desire for that security.

**wasp** · 08-19-2017, 12:55 AM

Am sad
Boy did a thing
It hurt me
Now I'm spiting love in silence

Carry on deltas

**Kim** · 08-19-2017, 12:59 AM

Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason

Not being willing to sign a document or walk down the aisle in the presence of your friends and loved ones says a lot. Both are deeply meaningful signs and expressions of commitment and intention to make this a forever relationship, and to forsake all others, as long as you both shall live. And when children are involved, present and future, it means a whole lot. Children have a deep need and desire for that security.

I don't think it's important. Commitment can manifest in many other ways.

**wasp** · 08-19-2017, 01:51 AM

because it turns out I needed to vent about it

**squark** · 08-19-2017, 04:44 AM

for @super mbti user

**darya** · 08-19-2017, 08:30 AM

Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason

Not being willing to sign a document or walk down the aisle in the presence of your friends and loved ones says a lot. Both are deeply meaningful signs and expressions of commitment and intention to make this a forever relationship, and to forsake all others, as long as you both shall live. And when children are involved, present and future, it means a whole lot. Children have a deep need and desire for that security.

With the divorce rates, it apparently doesn't mean jack shit to nearly half of westerners. So much for security and commitment.

**anndelise** · 08-19-2017, 10:34 PM

Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason

Not being willing to sign a document or walk down the aisle in the presence of your friends and loved ones says a lot. Both are deeply meaningful signs and expressions of commitment and intention to make this a forever relationship, and to forsake all others, as long as you both shall live. And when children are involved, present and future, it means a whole lot. Children have a deep need and desire for that security.

A document is for legal recognition.
Walking down the aisle in the presence of friends and loved ones is for social recognition.
People are fully capable of committing to each other without these external displays calling for recognition by others.
Nor does marriage ensure that either spouse won't decide to no longer commit to the relationship. This happens, whether a couple is married or not.

Marriage doesn't ensure security to either spouse, nor to children. The benefits of parents being married means less social ostracizing of the child for being a "bastard" child. Stop people from belittling children like that, and the child won't need that social buffer of "married parents".

**anndelise** · 08-19-2017, 10:37 PM

@super mbti user

**Kim** · 08-19-2017, 11:54 PM

Originally Posted by super mbti user

because it turns out I needed to vent about it

<3

How are you now?

**wasp** · 08-24-2017, 11:11 PM

Originally Posted by Kim

<3

How are you now?

I've revisited this post a few times but I don't know how to respond, honestly. I think I'm still caught in the waves of the ambivalent stage.

**Minde** · 08-27-2017, 07:03 PM

Originally Posted by Kim

Did you put it in rice? Is it alive? How are you otherwise?

I was just in LA - moving back there is not optional. It's my happy place and once I get my green card (life goal #1), I have to make my way back somehow (life goal #2).

I did put it in rice and some how it miraculously is still functional. (I put this same lament on Facebook and it generated a bunch of pun jokes, which I found amusing. "Tea mobile has a new meaning" "What? It doesn't work now? This is a travis-tea" etc.)

I'm doing overall ok. I got to see the eclipse in totality, which was amazing. I've been struggling a little with depression, so keeping afloat and keeping life worthwhile has taken a bit of energy on my part. I've been having to relearn some lessons on the ok-ness of failing.

I've visited LA once and it did not make me happy. However, if it brings you joy then I wholeheartedly support your goal to move there.

**Sol** · 09-06-2017, 06:18 PM

We don't become completely dead as live consequences of what we did.

Also I suspect there are no time limits on some level of reality. Hence, we in now are connected with anyone who lived befor and will live in the future.

**wasp** · 09-06-2017, 09:41 PM

me right now

**Delilah** · 09-15-2017, 01:23 AM

I once had an LSE tell me I make him want to be a better person; I didn't quite get it at the time and I thought he was joking since it's such a big thing to say to someone. Now I appreciate it.

**applejacks** · 09-15-2017, 08:55 PM

Hey peeps

Thought I'd pop in and say hello. I started my new job right after Labor Day as an elementary music teacher at our brand new Christian school. I teach pre-k through 5th grade. I'm fortunate to get each class every day, with the exception of the Kindergarten kids. The kids also get art every day, and will have opportunities to explore other activities, such as Spanish, Horseback riding, public library time, PE, and baton twirling.

When we first started, none of the kids knew how to read music. By the end of our second week, my 2nd-5th graders can read quarter, half, dotted half, whole, and eighth notes, as well as a quarter rest. We end every school week with a dance party, and I love them all. They make me laugh and bring me so much joy. I have 14 kids / minions in my pre-k class, and they all rush to hug me at the end of each class. We topple over like dominoes and laugh until our stomachs hurt.

We started learning about pitch this past week, and played with Boomwhackers. Next week, we'll start reading on the staff, and hopefully get our Rainbow Ukulele program started. I was originally only going to teach uke to the 4th and 5th graders, but the 2nd and 3rd graders have begged me. And they're too cute, so I caved. So I'll be teaching them, too.

Each grade gets to come up with their Praise Band name, since we will perform as a band for each grade.

1st grade: The Mountain Tops
2nd grade: The Church Bells
3rd grade: Darth Guinea Pigs
4th grade: The Golden Dog Rockers
5th grade: The Dark Dinosaurs

Many of them have made their own band logo and dance moves, too. We have more fun than any class room ought to have. I feel like I'm doing what God made me to do. He is so wonderful like that. Our teachers / my co-workers are amazing, as well. We all support each other, pray together, and not only teach, but act as a team whether it's in janitor or administrative or kid arrival/dismissal work. I feel very blessed. Our lunch time is full of laughter among us all.

In other news, RAM (Remote Area Medical) is in a couple weeks. I'm trying not to sweat bullets about the lack of funding. Currently, we will need to feed 1,500 people receiving free medical/dental/vision care at the free clinic on a very meager budget of $200. I'm hopeful that other people will donate so we can make sandwiches for everyone. Otherwise, Jesus may need to multiply some loaves again for us

**wasp** · 09-19-2017, 07:04 AM

Blah

**Sol** · 09-24-2017, 01:35 PM

Recently have died a pal of my childhood (not close, but we played in past). He was same years old like me (< 40). He was ESFJ and married on a woman of seems S (mb ESTP) type. He had surplus weight and smoked a lot - Si pleasures could lead to health issues like high pressure, etc. He and a woman near him, having S types, did not felt the danger and seems there were no people to warn him about possible heart and vessels issues. He've left 2 young children.

**Delilah** · 09-25-2017, 04:22 AM

@Sol: i'm sorry. That is really sad.

**UDP** · 09-25-2017, 06:51 AM

Originally Posted by wasp

me right now

because school? or what

**UDP** · 09-25-2017, 06:55 AM

so

i'm this close to making some descriptions of 'ugly mode' or 'gripped socionics mode'
basically its how types are in their most pathetic form, when they are triggered and being very petty or defensive - how that plays out according to socionics

i have very good databases on this from lse and eii

its different than a polr hit
its an entire state
and basically you want someone to really cater to you in it and over look that you are being very ugly

**Delilah** · 10-02-2017, 09:17 PM

Someone close to me used to be married to their dual and since that's not the case anymore they have found someone else. I've noticed their activity levels have upped by a lot, like they have always been very active but now they are faster at accomplishing things. I was thinking how without even knowing the new partner to this person i can safely say they are now with an activity relation; it is hard to put in words but the differences in tempo amaze me; this has been noted by more than 1 person.

**Skepsis** · 10-02-2017, 09:40 PM

Originally Posted by reverie

I walked through my old childhood farmhouse to say my final goodbyes the other day. I hadn't been there since about 1999. Everything seemed much smaller than I remembered. It felt a bit like a showing, a prelude to a funeral, because my father is getting ready to bulldoze the house. I think I want to be there for it, although I think it might be quite depressing. I suppose it's in pretty bad shape. Evidently there is no foundation. I don't know exactly when it was built, but maybe late 1800's. The last person who lived there didn't take care of it very well.

Down the road had once been an old school house where my Granny attended school in 1912. I remember when they burnt it down. Around 2003, perhaps. To put a Silo in its place. I was terribly upset to see it go. I still remember it every time I drive by that particular corner.

I don't know, but I've just always adored old school houses. I love it when people restore them and turn them into homes.

And I think it's incredibly sad watching all these old places go. It makes me think of all the places that were once all around us that are no longer there, that no one is around to remember anymore. And in a 100 years, this house, too, will probably be forgotten. It makes me think that there is some truth to the saying, "It is when you are forgotten that you are truly dead." At least we have pictures, now, though. Before they didn't even have that.

My great grandmother was a school teach in an old school house. In the winter she had to light the fireplace and get it warm for the school kids. Now all that is left are a few stones where the foundation was and she has been dead for fifteen years.

**Sol** · 10-07-2017, 10:15 PM

The feeling when you deal with "special" EII which spits on moral norms by systematic breaking of promises, trying to break them and lieing. And you have no idea how to react as she shows a lot of suport in other times.

Call me in <some time>. You call and she don't take the phone.
We'll meet in <some time>, just call a hour befor. You call and she says "I'm sick", let's not meet. You press a little and she agrees to meet at late evening - you come and see her in good health.

women...

later called at the morning and talked productively like "nothing happened"

**Delilah** · 10-10-2017, 12:56 AM

I have bad anxiety which every so often gets worse; some ways i've found help with it are breathing exercises (for immediate cool off) and visualization of something that has good prospects. Some kinds of music help too but sometimes I'm weary of it since it can lead me to daydreaming and make me short on time, which in turn can increase anxiety since i feel like i took a wrong step.

**UDP** · 10-18-2017, 10:48 PM

I'm preparing to write a whole load of articles about delta stuff and socionics.

If only i have free time. .

**Delilah** · 10-21-2017, 01:43 AM

I'm participating in a somewhat intense training and my feelings about it change after every session. I almost prefer it when it is emotionally overwhelming. Through it I've come to realize I'm much more interpersonally judgmental than i'd considered myself to date. Every minor detail of interaction within the group will tip me off to a new clue as to where someone or i stand with regards to a situation and other people (and wrt myself). At times it feels strange.

**NdFeB08** · 10-22-2017, 10:56 PM

Originally Posted by Sol

The feeling when you deal with "special" EII which spits on moral norms by systematic breaking of promises, trying to break them and lieing. And you have no idea how to react as she shows a lot of suport in other times.

Call me in <some time>. You call and she don't take the phone.
We'll meet in <some time>, just call a hour befor. You call and she says "I'm sick", let's not meet. You press a little and she agrees to meet at late evening - you come and see her in good health.

women...

later called at the morning and talked productively like "nothing happened"

Just don't show up and send her the link to IDFWY when you arrange your next date.
Lmao bad advice aside, I used to behave this way when I liked a guy (very stupid/incoherent, yes) and she's a different person with different reasons, but the reason I did it was to maintain some distance and to keep myself away from risking rejection upon further involvement.
Either that or I actually had an unexpectedly eventful day.

**Sol** · 10-22-2017, 11:03 PM

Originally Posted by NdFeB08

Just don't show up and send her the link to IDFWY when you arrange your next date.

She's my acquaintance, not romantic relations. I needed some her help which was not urgent.

**NdFeB08** · 10-22-2017, 11:51 PM

Originally Posted by Sol

She's my acquaintance, not romantic relations. I needed some her help which was not urgent.

Aww my bad! I assumed it was romantic lol

**Eliza Thomason** · 10-25-2017, 04:12 AM

I am not liking many various aspects of my work. Partly because no one would/does like this insane amount of adjusting daily and constant unpredictability, but also because I feel highly undervalued and under-compensated. And I feel trapped in a system I do not believe in. That's the most oppressing bit. I spent a fair amount of time this week researching through many available better-compensated jobs, and came up with two possibilities, though my qualifications for the more favorable position may be lacking. I did spend some time playing out in my mind how I could talk myself into it, though. Could be a long shot. But I am not convinced I really want either - as both require a sizable commitment. And tonight I spent several hours on a different direction, composing a single letter explaining a new major career direction for my husband and I, to an organization that may be to give us some direction.

Sorry for the lack of detail but it is not going to help me any to share it, and I do not want to complicate my life right now when I am managing several elements. I will say the above concerns teaching classes by both my husband and I, and it occurs to me - might it neat to, in addition to our other plans, offer a mini-courses of interest? For me, an Intro to Socionics? An overview sort of thing. Just brainstorming... Brainstorming is the thing lately here. I am feeling a little afraid it will all go nowhere, yet, we have to try, and I am motivated by lately saying too many times, to myself, at various moments of insanity at work, "I HATE THIS!". And since this is something I have never done at work before, I should listen to it.

Also we just had a big bit of family drama, and I have to face it that those involved likely have forms of PTSD, and therefore the baffling, over-the-top drama and the many unexplainable actions are to be expected. (I really HATE drama. It exhausts me and hangs with me long after the fray). However the afterwards is that my husband and I have some unexpected peace now, which is sorely overdue for me.

**Kim** · 10-27-2017, 12:57 AM

I was looking forward to getting my green card right around this time (October/November), but now there will be significant delays because "America is kept safe." USCIS put new rules in place October 1st. I was THIS close....I hate whining about it, because I am much better off than most people of my visa status, but when you work towards something for 18 years of your life and things are always the same, even after 9/11, and suddenly, when it's YOUR turn, racist and xenophobic people in charge make everything harder for no reason other than misguided nationalism, you do feel a little cheated. And not overly welcome. Not to mention that DHS now also collects social media information of immigrants (including naturalized citizens). :/

I am traveling to Mexico City over Thanksgiving to see how I like it...

**Minde** · 10-31-2017, 01:12 AM

I've been having a sad time lately, and this memory both makes me cry and brings a smile. It inspires me, too.

--------------------------------------------------

Several years ago, I got it into my head that I wanted to learn to dance. The partner kind(s), with a lead and a follow and patterns. I found a short, intro-level series of classes, but I hesitated to sign up. I didn't want to go alone. My brother heard me talking about it and agreed to go with me.

He is probably the worst lead I've ever had. All elbows and knees and no rhythm. And he knew it, poor kid.

But he cheerfully made the time and went with me, so his sister wouldn't be alone. So she could have an experience she wanted. His love for me was greater than his self-consciousness.

**Adam Strange** · 10-31-2017, 01:28 AM

Originally Posted by Minde

I've been having a sad time lately, and this memory both makes me cry and brings a smile. It inspires me, too.

--------------------------------------------------

Several years ago, I got it into my head that I wanted to learn to dance. The partner kind(s), with a lead and a follow and patterns. I found a short, intro-level series of classes, but I hesitated to sign up. I didn't want to go alone. My brother heard me talking about it and agreed to go with me.

He is probably the worst lead I've ever had. All elbows and knees and no rhythm. And he knew it, poor kid.

But he cheerfully made the time and went with me, so his sister wouldn't be alone. So she could have an experience she wanted. His love for me was greater than his self-consciousness.

Now, that's a great brother.

**Minde** · 11-03-2017, 05:46 AM

Originally Posted by Adam Strange

Now, that's a great brother.

Yes, he was. He inspires me.

**Sol** · 11-03-2017, 12:11 PM

Making vinegar application.
It hurts. I'll get a scar. I need to remove that annoying wart.

**Minde** · 11-27-2017, 06:51 PM

EII, ha (Equitable Internet Initiative): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1B0u6nvcTsI

**Bertrand** · 11-27-2017, 07:35 PM

how many of you wannabe deltas have been sol™ approved

not to go full maxim but I feel like a purge may be in order

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