SLI-IEE duality discussion (ISTp and ENFp)

[meatburger]

Hehe congrats on finding your dual. Are you a guy or a girl? im going to guess girl because you said cute a few times . Your duals are everwhere, i see them all around the place. At my new residence i can think of 5 of them i am almost certian about, no joke.

I was talking to my dual on facebook the other day, who works at the races training horses. I asked her if she is allowed to have a punt and shes american so she said
"whats a punt?".
And i said "are you allowed to have sex with the horses? only kidding it means to have a bet!".
She said "omg gross you are gross".
Im like "im just kidding"
She just said "goodbye".

This is a 22 year old girl. Talk about zero sense of humour.

[Cheesy]

Hehe congrats on finding your dual. Are you a guy or a girl? im going to guess girl because you said cute a few times . Your duals are everwhere, i see them all around the place. At my new residence i can think of 5 of them i am almost certian about, no joke.

I was talking to my dual on facebook the other day, who works at the races training horses. I asked her if she is allowed to have a punt and shes american so she said
"whats a punt?".
And i said "are you allowed to have sex with the horses? only kidding it means to have a bet!".
She said "omg gross you are gross".
Im like "im just kidding"
She just said "goodbye".

This is a 22 year old girl. Talk about zero sense of humour.

Well, you've guessed right, those gender roles are pretty potent..
and I totally get that. Gotta love the humorless..Too many of those running around. You can have a great sense of humor at 80 and non at 20, it really depends on the person.
Have you met an SLI woman? I think that you have to keep your eyes open, because they can slide under the radar.. waiting for you to come and take them on an incredibly sweeping journey that will never end!

[meatburger]

Well, you've guessed right, those gender roles are pretty potent..
and I totally get that. Gotta love the humorless..Too many of those running around. You can have a great sense of humor at 80 and non at 20, it really depends on the person.
Have you met an SLI woman? I think that you have to keep your eyes open, because they can slide under the radar.. waiting for you to come and take them on an incredibly sweeping journey that will never end!

Yeah ive met quite a few ISTp girls / women in my time. Its just been sad that i never seem to get a chance romantically with them. Theres a 35 year old ISTp who lives about 3 doors down from me. At breakfast the other day she was talking about her tatoos and how she got them at a young age as she felt that she wanted to take ownership of her body. Shes studying music and she was in a travelling band through europe. Shes in very very good shape, quite thin and eats some form of bean mix shit every morning. Vegetarian and has a bit of a go if i say i like KFC. Shes actually a pretty intense woman i almost find her intimidating but im ENFp so i dont really. I actually find her gaze a little judgemental or something to be honest. I predict she will say something to me one day, i will snap at her and we will be better friends for it.

When an ISTp gets to know you i find it sometimes favourable to stand up for yourself to them. Same with ESTj's actually. On my last trip i had an ISTp tour guide and we were sitting on the boat with the group and i made a joke and she said "you are such an idiot" (in a way i percieved as a bit harsh). I turned to her and looked her right in her eyes and said "what makes you think i care what you think at all?". This actually visibly shook her in an almost "no one talks to me like that" kind of way and she liked me much more after that. Ive been waiting for her to call me to arrange something for about 3 weeks but im sure that she wont lol.

Plenty of ISTp's in the sea :redface:. I recon i could run a dating service for ENFp girls where they fly here and i introduce them to 10 or so single male ISTp's

[Cheesy]

Yeah ive met quite a few ISTp girls / women in my time. Its just been sad that i never seem to get a chance romantically with them. Theres a 35 year old ISTp who lives about 3 doors down from me. At breakfast the other day she was talking about her tatoos and how she got them at a young age as she felt that she wanted to take ownership of her body. Shes studying music and she was in a travelling band through europe. Shes in very very good shape, quite thin and eats some form of bean mix shit every morning. Vegetarian and has a bit of a go if i say i like KFC. Shes actually a pretty intense woman i almost find her intimidating but im ENFp so i dont really. I actually find her gaze a little judgemental or something to be honest. I predict she will say something to me one day, i will snap at her and we will be better friends for it.

When an ISTp gets to know you i find it sometimes favourable to stand up for yourself to them. Same with ESTj's actually. On my last trip i had an ISTp tour guide and we were sitting on the boat with the group and i made a joke and she said "you are such an idiot" (in a way i percieved as a bit harsh). I turned to her and looked her right in her eyes and said "what makes you think i care what you think at all?". This actually visibly shook her in an almost "no one talks to me like that" kind of way and she liked me much more after that. Ive been waiting for her to call me to arrange something for about 3 weeks but im sure that she wont lol.

Plenty of ISTp's in the sea :redface:. I recon i could run a dating service for ENFp girls where they fly here and i introduce them to 10 or so single male ISTp's

Great idea, or maybe even sell all those little ISTPs to ENFp girls you can make a lot of money from all of that desperation!
but I'll just say that SLIs can trick you into thinking they're something they're not really. So even if this SLI you know seems intimidating, she's only waiting for you to soften her up (cheesy right?). I have to say that I'm starting to feel like I'm somewhat complicated because the guys I am attracted to are those who are not really that happy, who are pessimistic and who need another person to brighten them up.. I don't think that's healthy..
Btw, when people say things to me in a way that I know is unacceptable and provoking I will try to show them that I can play that game just as well. No one has a right to be a bitch with no purpose..

[Wynch]

Great idea, or maybe even sell all those little ISTPs to ENFp girls you can make a lot of money from all of that desperation!
but I'll just say that SLIs can trick you into thinking they're something they're not really. So even if this SLI you know seems intimidating, she's only waiting for you to soften her up (cheesy right?). I have to say that I'm starting to feel like I'm somewhat complicated because the guys I am attracted to are those who are not really that happy, who are pessimistic and who need another person to brighten them up.. I don't think that's healthy..
Btw, when people say things to me in a way that I know is unacceptable and provoking I will try to show them that I can play that game just as well. No one has a right to be a bitch with no purpose..

I find a meat tenderizer helps. *offers the IEEs the use of hers*

It's the only logical solution.

[tiny_dancer]

Yes, there are many flavors of SLIs. I've been acquainted with quite a few over the years. There was only one that I got to know pretty well - that's because he sat right next to me at school. Ironically, I had him pegged as the next Osama bin Laden. I guess just because he seemed so absolutist and harsh on everything. When I'd argue with him, he'd usually soften his stance a bit, which confused me at the time. I'm not sure whether he actually liked me. He seemed to get irritated by so much... especially women. lol I'm not sure why, but sometimes I enjoyed irritating him about that stuff because it was so easy. Wasn't very nice of me. We were quite blunt with each other, which was both refreshing and amusing. Sometimes hurtful...

I actually find her gaze a little judgemental or something to be honest.

Yes, sometimes when I meet SLIs I get the sense that I'll never live up to their standards. No point in getting involved with that. Of course, my current semi-interest is one of those. He may stay in the friend box permanently b/c of that.

[meatburger]

I have to say that I'm starting to feel like I'm somewhat complicated because the guys I am attracted to are those who are not really that happy, who are pessimistic and who need another person to brighten them up.. I don't think that's healthy..

I have actually thought exactly the same thing as this! One of the ISTp girls i know is quite smiley and happy (same one who said i was gross) and i just cant see how i can help her life that much. I honestly dont see her making that many social mistakes or anything. I think she needs a different version of ENFp whoever that is. Perhaps the kinder, less friends, more innocent and less harsh version because she seems quite sensitive? A good friend of mine is this happy version of ISTp and hes always going out and busy i agree i almost feel like i couldn't live up to his standards. Then there is the solemn brooding ISTp and i actually am very attracted to them. They can really benefit from our love and i kind of notice them from a mile away because of their struggles. I also think that this type is very very loyal and loving if you are nice to them. They are more raw and practical than the other side. Jessica is kind of like this, she is more cynical less chirpy but thats cool with me .

[Park]

Glad to hear that, Cheesy. And we definitely need more ENFp's on here. So many self-typed ones went away to Alpha and Beta, hope the same don't happen to you.

[Slacker]

My husband is pessimistic and needs me to cheer him up, and I don't think it's unhealthy. That's one of my jobs, just like making sure bills are paid and that kind of thing is one of his jobs. Anyway, it's good to feel needed.

[Park]

My husband is pessimistic and needs me to cheer him up, and I don't think it's unhealthy.

Case in point.

[eddikens]

My ISTP friend can seem a bit moody and taciturn at times. I recall one time at the tennis courts we were playing with a bunch of friends and it was very competitive, yet friendly at the same time. During a break a bunch of us were sitting around and talking (somebody had brought a bunch of beer in a cooler). . . and having a good time. My friend sat off to the side, nursing her beer, then gets up and starts repeatedly whacking the net with her racquet, emulating a forehand stroke.

Of course I noticed, and mentioned to the other players that I thought that my friend was about ready for another set. No one else had even noticed, so I kind of hurried them along and got a match going to keep my friend from destroying any more property When this woman wants to play, she wants to play!

Lol.

[Cheesy]

I sent him this little text message, nothing serious. He did not respond. For some reason, I'm not that upset, I just have a feeling that if he's not the guy for me then I will find the right guy for me. I'm actually quite sure I will. It's the duality thing. I think he's a little too complicated for me. He really tries to act like a Don Juan. He's big on partying drinking, smoking and all that crap. If that's who he really is, I would rather pass. I just have a feeling that if it's not him they'll be someone else…. Evidently, I'm a hopeless romantic. My sister says that he doesn't seem right for me, I think that she's slightly overprotective of me and he does seem like an ass.. She wants me to find a quiet guy that has no life of his own.. It's true that I usually end up with the jerks… Oh well….

[Wrong Way Ticket]

I sent him this little text message, nothing serious. He did not respond. For some reason, I'm not that upset, I just have a feeling that if he's not the guy for me then I will find the right guy for me.

That sounds mighty familiar! And that situation sounds like almost every situation I've been in with a SLI. (opposite genders though)

[IcEPiCk]

ok thats it... SLI FOR RENT. Any IEE ladies out there, SLI renting is now availible for 0.9 financing at a fixed rate for up to five years. Please note there is no warranty on SLIs... Especially the Si models. Solid exterior built in Canada to last, however these are going quickly with such a low price during the recession, so visit your Socionics dealership today. Side effects may include dualization, thinking about your dual daily, and a disfunctional SLI engine. SLI engines are built to last, however some have long term memories that can cause increased wear and tear on the SLI after several thousand hundred kilometres of abusive driving.

[Jarno]

I really can't bother to explain everything; but she's SLI and I always had doubts if I'm EII or IEE. Through our interaction I discovered how much of an IEE I am..

Yes relationships are perfect for confirming your selftyping.

[mikemex]

SLI engines are built to last, however some have long term memories that can cause increased wear and tear on the SLI after several thousand hundred kilometres of abusive driving.

This is enlightening.

[ragnar]

I've met my dual!

Congrats!

But then again:
You haven't met YOUR dual. You've just met one of them. People with your dual socionics type constitute several percent of the world's population.

Not everyone who's your dual will go together well with you in the long haul even with the benefit of duality. There are issues of value systems and worldviews, often in the guise of formal religious and/or political affiliation.

The up side is you won't have to walk many yards to find a new dual once you've learned to spot them and establish a connection.

[tiny_dancer]

the SLI I've been interested in for quite some time just blew me off. He said he didn't feel any "click."

LOLZ

And I nearly started laughing right there... really? You don't feel any "click"... hm... I wonder why that is...

I wish I hadn't learned socionics b/c now nearly everything that comes out of a person's mouth is totally predictable.

Bummer, though. A million guys who aren't compatible in the slightest might be interested in me, but the people I'd actually get along with think we just don't "click." So there's duality for ya: just not enough "magic" for people.

[duality is cringe]

Sorry about your relationship troubles tiny_dancer. Best of luck in the future.

[Lobo]

Sorry tiny dancer :/. I'd rather not say much because I'm feeling cynical at the moment. Sometimes the person you feel attracted to might not be the one that's for you. I think that Socionics can actually be detrimental when you start expecting a certain behavior.

[Mattie]

It's very frustrating, I can completely empathize. I recently had this happen to me, but really, there are bad fits and immature people within every type... Through the SiTe I've been experiencing these past few years, I'm learning to pick out the behaviors of ones ready for something serious and ones who still need some growing up to do. Probably because of age, I used to only run into the ones that weren't really in the state of mind for a relationship, and it burned because I could see the potential, and they could too, but couldn't really get themselves into the mindset for a relationship, or however it works for them. Recently I've been running into the ones that have a lot more going for them, and they are a dream to just be around, I wouldn't feel bad if things didn't work out romantically because they want to stay in my life either way. I think you just have to find these types! Hope you feel better about it soon, if you're not smiling, the right guy won't be able to find you!

[UDP]

Not sure how related this actually is, but what comes to mind as what to 'do'...

(unsolicited advice alert)

...just because you know socionics doesn't mean you shouldn't seek to make yourself a catch (I'm not implying that anyone, or the thread starter, was not doing this; more talking about what you can do now). Be the person you want to be, and think about the kind of person you want to be with, and shoot for compatibility in that way (so if your ideal partner is physically fit, work out yourself; if they are morally strong, be morally strong yourself, etc). And then, be patient, and also have enough balls to realize that you can't turn people around you into things they are not (be realistic about the prospects you have around you). If you're doing those things, and then waiting and watching for the people you really might be able to get along with, then that's all you really can do/need to be doing. So essentially, just focus on doing that and don't let any bad experiences get you down. Mr/Mrs perfect dual hottie could be just around the corner.

PS: last thing to stress is -- there's no substitute for starting with a good foundation.... so really try to find a decent, if not great guy to start with. Don't just pick some person that seems to be a dual and figure you can develop them to being a great man for you. This makes the searching a lot tougher, but, I figure it's better to be realistic with yourself than occupy your time with foolish disappointments or fake 'relationships' that you know aren't really going to satisfy you.

[UDP]

It's very frustrating, I can completely empathize. I recently had this happen to me, but really, there are bad fits and immature people within every type... Through the SiTe I've been experiencing these past few years, I'm learning to pick out the behaviors of ones ready for something serious and ones who still need some growing up to do. Probably because of age,

I'd say some other things like 'culture' are a factor, too. But that's more a comment on men in general (as someone pointed out last night). Find guys who give a damn about families and relationships and stuff like that if you're looking for that. Etc etc etc

I used to only run into the ones that weren't really in the state of mind for a relationship, and it burned because I could see the potential, and they could too, but couldn't really get themselves into the mindset for a relationship, or however it works for them.

mmm, possibility and likelihood are very different things.

Recently I've been running into the ones that have a lot more going for them, and they are a dream to just be around, I wouldn't feel bad if things didn't work out romantically because they want to stay in my life either way. I think you just have to find these types! Hope you feel better about it soon, if you're not smiling, the right guy won't be able to find you!

I agree.

[jewels]

Nothing can take away what's meant for you. And what's not meant for you will be lost. Or some saying like that. So let what's not meant for you go. Easier said than done.

And sometimes, guys, ISTps included, can be BASTARDS.

I find it annoying that he only told you this now -- and this was someone you dated for a while? I mean come on. We ENFps like the ISTps for being straighforward, not for leading us on (pissed by these sorts of things myself).

But yeah, I agree w/ Ryu -- well said.

I dated an ISTp once who was divorced. After I brought it up, he said he was cool w/ something serious. And I had my doubts. He got offended that I had my doubts and went on a rant about just how ready he was! Followed by him not being ready and telling me this. Whole thing was only a few months but it did piss me off and I didn't talk to him again.

Sheesh, people. Just be upfront and it would save us all of this stupid crap.

(very annoyed by males right now -- none of this to be taken too seriously)

[Park]

the SLI I've been interested in for quite some time just blew me off. He said he didn't feel any "click."

So that's it? He just told you that and disappeared? Tell us what really happened, what led to the break up, why/how/when did he say that etc. How close were you two? How much did/do you like him? I assume you already feel very disappointed and hurting by now and I don't want to add any more to that, but if you're willing to expand on your situation - that'd be awesome.

[BlackCat]

That's just one SLI. Don't give up just yet... if you want an SLI there are plenty more out there. You will find the person right for you. I know PLENTY of SLIs who want an IEE type of girl in their life, the attraction is mutual. Like I said, you just have to find the right person.

[tiny_dancer]

just because you know socionics doesn't mean you shouldn't seek to make yourself a catch

Although I wrote the initial post in a way that gave you that impression, the reason I wanted to date him is that we have similar mindsets, social groups, hobbies, interests... and he is a great guy. I was attracted to him before becoming interested in socionics, and socionics really just makes me laugh that my attraction is predictable. Apparently my dual-seeking function works just fine. I realized I briefly dated a few SLIs in the past, actually, and nixed them for other reasons. And I've met a million other people I'm not interested in dating for a million other reasons. So if you think I'm using socionics to attempt to tailor my relationships, no I'm not. I'd have to dump nearly my entire friend circle if I were.

Honestly I'm not that hurt about it. I just found that in getting to know him, the whole experience was oddly "quiet." I definitely wasn't my typical perky IEE self... frankly, he intimidated me a *lot* in the beginning, so I was much more subdued around him. And it was hard for me to come up with conversation topics, not because we don't have much in common - we have more in common than any guy I've ever met - but because we speak about them in different ways, I guess. Duality just isn't that verbal. I find it far easier to have an energetic conversation with an EII, LII, ILE, ILI... someone that is strong in Ne/Ni or Fe/Fi. So I can understand why he doesn't feel a "click." I think that comes easier with someone who relates to your stronger functions. Recently conversation has gotten much easier, but I guess that isn't going to matter much now. haha

Blah. I'd probably say more about this, but it's really taking me too long to put my thoughts together, so maybe later I'll edit this.

[xyz]

the SLI I've been interested in for quite some time just blew me off. He said he didn't feel any "click."

LOLZ

And I nearly started laughing right there... really? You don't feel any "click"... hm... I wonder why that is...

I wish I hadn't learned socionics b/c now nearly everything that comes out of a person's mouth is totally predictable.

Bummer, though. A million guys who aren't compatible in the slightest might be interested in me, but the people I'd actually get along with think we just don't "click." So there's duality for ya: just not enough "magic" for people.

Might have to go out of your comfort zone a little bit to "hook" him. Just sayin.

[jewels]

Tiny Dancer, I've also had trouble making conversation w/ some ISTps.

It really depends on the person though. I dated one who I never felt quiet around because I could tell he liked me so I didn't feel that weird sense of "uh...should I talk or? Um, it seems he is more interested in looking at the wall? Maybe I shouldn't bother him?" etc.

But just yesterday at a BBQ I noticed there were two ISTPs there -- neither were my type physically. But anyway, they both seemed very Si, and there was a girl I met also who seemed to be a Ne ENFp (the three of them were good friends). I didn't really click that well w/ any of them, though talked more to the Ne ENFp. She wasn't as expressive as my Fi-ENFps friends w/, but was easy enough to talk to.

The ISTps though...it was like nothing was there. My good friend knows both of them (an INTj) and she talked on and on to both of them easily -- she'd just blurt stuff out and they'd then make little comments teasing her back. But all I could think of to say was "uh, yeah that's a nice TV." Etc.

Weirdly, I know one of these ISTps told my friend I was cute a while back, so you think he would be somewhat friendly. But instead I get this extreme awkward vibe from him and he mostly avoids me. He acts fairly uptight and spend most of the BBQ yelling at the dog and finding more things to BBQ. However, the set up of the house and even the music they were playing was all very Si/Ne. At one point he was showing his new TV to us and the picture was really good. I said something like "wow, looks like we're there. Like we're following those guys down the hallway." and he laughed really loud. Then no one said anything for a long time. awkward....

I think subtype has something to do w/ it. Are you an Fi? Because if so the Te ISTps might be a bit easier. Both of these ISTps at this BBQ seemed to be Si to me.

When I left, the other ISTp (who seemed pretty drunk, though I hadn't talked to him really) said "you have the cutest ears I've ever seen." as I walked out. I was sorta like "oh,, uhh thank you!"

So yeah...AWKWARD day w/ some ISTps there...

I guess the general rule here is to find a dual who can talk and be fairly non-awkward. I'm sure it's possible!

[jessica129]

Where do you guys meet these social tards? It's really discouraging to read how sad some of these sli's are...yeesh. I don't speak for them all but I know for a fact I'm not that socially awkward and if you attempt conversation with me, unless I'm in a very bad mood, I'll do everything to keep the convo going. Drop these droids.

[jewels]

Where do you guys meet these social tards? It's really discouraging to read how sad some of these sli's are...yeesh. I don't speak for them all but I know for a fact I'm not that socially awkward and if you attempt conversation with me, unless I'm in a very bad mood, I'll do everything to keep the convo going. Drop these droids.

These were friends of a friend. Some sort of business school friends. I do think they had some social "problems." And I do know ISTps who aren't like that. good to know you can keep a conversation going! Thank god. Would have been great if those ISTps at the BBQ had that ability...but actually most people there (regardless of type) weren't exactly "socially skilled." Maybe those kind stay together?

[xyz]

Where do you guys meet these social tards? It's really discouraging to read how sad some of these sli's are...yeesh. I don't speak for them all but I know for a fact I'm not that socially awkward and if you attempt conversation with me, unless I'm in a very bad mood, I'll do everything to keep the convo going. Drop these droids.

heh, yeah, it always feels like you guys go out of your way to find the most socially awkward SLI's amongst us.

[Mattie]

heh, yeah, it always feels like you guys go out of your way to find the most socially awkward SLI's amongst us.

I don't know, I can't say the SiTe on this forum have really offered much insight. So far from what I've read, what the NeFi complain about seem legit obstacles to the NeFi/SiTe relationship. It's possible that the NeFi vent here because it's easier and there are waiting ears that aren't a part of their social life to listen, but also want to hear something helpful in response. I could just be have an angsty past few weeks though

[Wrong Way Ticket]

I don't know, I can't say the SiTe on this forum have really offered much insight. So far from what I've read, what the NeFi complain about seem legit obstacles to the NeFi/SiTe relationship. It's possible that the NeFi vent here because it's easier and there are waiting ears that aren't a part of their social life to listen, but also want to hear something helpful in response. I could just be have an angsty past few weeks though

No, I agree with this. I think there's also that confusion of "Is this the norm or characteristic of the norm?" -- hoping that other IEEs have encountered the same frustrations. =P

Because then at least someone understands. If you told someone in real life about it, they'd just look at you and say something like "ditch them." But it's not that simple... right?

[tiny_dancer]

heh, yeah, it always feels like you guys go out of your way to find the most socially awkward SLI's amongst us.

Honestly, he's not. He's probably the most social SLI I've met yet. haha He also seems to have found his niche in life and some really great friends.

Part of it's just me. I'm just used to getting feedback (i.e. body language) on whether the person enjoys talking to me or not. I don't really get any of that from him. It makes me nervous, so I get more sensitive about extending invitations to him b/c I can't tell whether he hangs out with me just to humor me or what. And I suppose I am too guided by my own behavior there - I have certain friends that I only want to hang out with once a month b/c they're just too intense. I don't want to be that person for him.

I probably just overanalyzed our interactions b/c I'm hypersensitive to awkwardness.

If you told someone in real life about it, they'd just look at you and say something like "ditch them." But it's not that simple... right?

Yes. And you have NO idea how many times people have told me that about this guy. And pretty much every guy I've ever dated really. Frankly, I find it ridiculous. Unless the person is flawless, fulfills your every whim, reads your mind, and swiftly becomes best buddies with all your friends, you should just dump them. wtf? It amazes me that my friend who consistently spouts that crap is married. How the hell did her husband get past all that bullshit? (Granted, I don't see how he puts up with her half the time either, but that's why he's HER dual, not mine)

The truth of the matter is, it's just timing. He doesn't know whether he's interested in me or not b/c he barely knows me. Doesn't really surprise me that much, especially since it takes SLIs five times as long to make up their mind about someone. Maybe he'll decide otherwise in the future - who knows. At this point I'm just deciding whether to try and be friends with him and be willing to wind up miserable when he walks in with some girl he's actually attracted to. Worth it or not.. don't know..

[Wrong Way Ticket]

The truth of the matter is, it's just timing. He doesn't know whether he's interested in me or not b/c he barely knows me. Doesn't really surprise me that much, especially since it takes SLIs five times as long to make up their mind about someone.

This. Definitely this. From my own ongoing experience if you can cope with the confusion and just be there, patient (I know, right?) it'll happen. It's so hard though, and for me I have to hear the right things. Some kind of indication I'm not wasting my time. But patience, perseverance, things that possibly we're not actually that good at but if you can channel that then there's more of a chance.

Ahhmm. In my current ongoing experience, I've taken the opinion that the confusion and (imagined?) pain is worth it. Because I think they're amazing. Move above all that petty ego crap. It's hard but at the end of the day no matter what the end result is, I can walk away and say I gave it my all without letting the small things affect the big things.

[jessica129]

I think I does take sli's double or even triple the amount of time to make their minds up ...could I go so far as to say that sometimes their minds will never fully be made up about someone and how they feel? This has happened to me numerous times. So often I'll get into relationships and nothing is going anywhere...the spark died. Then they will leave and it's all clear to me how I feel about said person and desperatly want them back in my life but it's too late. Idont know why that happens with me...I guess I only know how much I really care about someone when theyre gone....and that sucks.

[Mattie]

From my own ongoing experience if you can cope with the confusion and just be there, patient (I know, right?) it'll happen. It's so hard though, and for me I have to hear the right things. Some kind of indication I'm not wasting my time. But patience, perseverance, things that possibly we're not actually that good at but if you can channel that then there's more of a chance.

Even though I don't really like to hear this, it seems to be true. I'm the same, I need to hear any indication that I'm not wasting my time, and after a while I'll get impatient and fish for an answer somehow. And when I don't get a response to it (I don't think I really get rejection from SiTe, only complete unresponsiveness to which I'm learning doesn't necessarily mean rejection) my patience starts to drastically wane and I eventually move on. I feel like my lesson is either to stop thinking about and looking for relationships or gain the patience of a god.

I think I does take sli's double or even triple the amount of time to make their minds up ...could I go so far as to say that sometimes their minds will never fully be made up about someone and how they feel? This has happened to me numerous times. So often I'll get into relationships and nothing is going anywhere...the spark died. Then they will leave and it's all clear to me how I feel about said person and desperatly want them back in my life but it's too late. Idont know why that happens with me...I guess I only know how much I really care about someone when theyre gone....and that sucks.

So, taking your reaction to mikemex's thread about SiTe being "simple," doesn't this make SiTe in general very complicated to deal with? Aren't the rather echoed troubles something for all of us to examine and flesh out? Sereno is right, everyone has this hunky-dory outlook on duality, that's it's all sunshine and happiness... But it's not, it's actually very disappointing and hurts when it doesn't work out, which is often! I kinda want to talk about the bad part because no one really does, I want to make it easier... Socionics doesn't supply an answer for this yet!

Gosh, every time I'm on here it's like I have a bone to pick lol

[Cyrano]

I think I does take sli's double or even triple the amount of time to make their minds up ...could I go so far as to say that sometimes their minds will never fully be made up about someone and how they feel? This has happened to me numerous times. So often I'll get into relationships and nothing is going anywhere...the spark died. Then they will leave and it's all clear to me how I feel about said person and desperatly want them back in my life but it's too late. Idont know why that happens with me...I guess I only know how much I really care about someone when theyre gone....and that sucks.

So true. We can be our own worst enemy. Is it because we are slow on the emotional side, or just never to be satisfied?

[jessica129]

So, taking your reaction to mikemex's thread about SiTe being "simple," doesn't this make SiTe in general very complicated to deal with?

hah, I guess in that sense, yes. In every other aspect of life, I am the most uncomplicated, simple person you could ever meet... And so that's why when people throw in this sort of drama and complain about how i'm not caring enough or I'm too standoffish, it's much easier to say to hell with it and just leave and let them find someone else.