How to meet IEIs-INFps?

[Azure Flame]

So I've been thinking about myself and my social abilities.

When it comes to conversation, I'm very adept when it comes to teaching people things. I'm an extrovert when we're playing sports, and I'm an extrovert when I go to the gym and get to learn from other people how they do things, and I'm very confident and outgoing when playing paintball... in fact, any sort of ACTIVITY I'm taking part in, I have absolutely no problem walking up and talking to people.

However, when I'm at social gatherings... I'm suddenly inept and scared of talking to people.

Now, when it comes to IEI's, I know where they are. I know how to find them... but I'm too damn scared to do that. They're all hanging out at these social gathering type places, the places I'm terrified of going to.

it almost feels like they're on the edge of the world, all congregating in a place where I'll never really be able to get to because its so scary.

I'm wondering... could this be an example of confident Se dominance and insecure Fe hidden agenda?

When I go to church meetings I always feel like a damn awkward bumpkin. The good thing is, people almost always come up and welcome me into the group, which is nice. But everytime, I just feel completely out of place... like I dont' belong there. I'm too cold blooded to be hanging around with those people.

Anyway, I need some sort of solution. Any ideas? Thoughts on the issue at hand?

This is how I feel when I'm surrounded by people I'm supposed to converse with.

[Saberstorm]

You are at the wrong church... go shopping for a new church! Try a crazy one, I find that Se Ni is more common the more radical the church is.

[Creepy-pikachu]

Ani the Enchantress will be making a non-dashing, random, and fashionably late entrance to the stage to mock-assist you.

[Creepy-pikachu]

Psychological S&M:

"Almost no one knows how to so creatively brawl as does Esenin. Moreover time and force of emotional action are calculated with exceptional accuracy – exactly so that the other will learn how to master the obtained lesson, to draw a conclusion from his/her own errors and seek as soon as possible to correct them, in order that they’re not repeated in the future. The nature of this seemingly unhealthy ethical manipulation is psychologically calculated towards his duala Zhukov’s inert emotionalism and somewhat clumsy ethics. But what for Zhukov is no more than an effective means of emotional incitement, for others (particularly other ethical types) can feel like they’re being subjected to a completely unbearable torture."

[717495]

I would recommend to not meet any INFps.

[silke]

When I go to church meetings I always feel like a damn awkward bumpkin. The good thing is, people almost always come up and welcome me into the group, which is nice. But everytime, I just feel completely out of place... like I dont' belong there. I'm too cold blooded to be hanging around with those people.

Anyway, I need some sort of solution. Any ideas? Thoughts on the issue at hand?

I've felt the same way after attending a few church gatherings with a friend. The atmosphere there was artificially kind and overly neighborly to the point of turning unnaturally saccharine and stifling, since everyone was being evaluated on the "goodness" of their character by other parishioners who picked up even on the smallest things that even I felt like the most ungracious miscreant and transgressor in that company. I think attending shared interests groups works out better for meeting new people than church groups - there are usually a few of those listed on craigslist and meetup.com.

[silke]

You are at the wrong church... go shopping for a new church! Try a crazy one, I find that Se Ni is more common the more radical the church is.

never stop posting Saber

[Jinxi]

Nai'xyy Arendee, stop looking for other Nai'xyys. You should be looking for Nyy'xai females.

[Azure Flame]

Psychological S&M:

"Almost no one knows how to so creatively brawl as does Esenin. Moreover time and force of emotional action are calculated with exceptional accuracy – exactly so that the other will learn how to master the obtained lesson, to draw a conclusion from his/her own errors and seek as soon as possible to correct them, in order that they’re not repeated in the future. The nature of this seemingly unhealthy ethical manipulation is psychologically calculated towards his duala Zhukov’s inert emotionalism and somewhat clumsy ethics. But what for Zhukov is no more than an effective means of emotional incitement, for others (particularly other ethical types) can feel like they’re being subjected to a completely unbearable torture."

\m/,

That's crazy. I've always wondered why that was. They tend to just... activate me, like flipping a switch. I love it.

[Azure Flame]

Nai'xyy Arendee, stop looking for other Nai'xyys. You should be looking for Nyy'xai females.

omg I hope you're joking... haha

[Scapegrace]

Haha. Church. If you're at church you are a damn awkward bumpkin.

They're all hanging out in these "social gathering type places."

So much for my IEIness. I avoid social gatherings like I avoid gonorrhea.

[Creepy-pikachu]

Haha. Church. If you're at church you are a damn awkward bumpkin.

They're all hanging out in these "social gathering type places."

So much for my IEIness. I avoid social gatherings like I avoid gonorrhea.

Hence why he should stop looking and just exist as is.

[Beautiful sky]

Stop going to bars.

Pick up hiking. Go to second hand book stores, second hand shops. Hang out at local parks

[Scapegrace]

Hence why he should stop looking and just exist as is.

We were so far back in the woods, they almost had to pipe in sunlight.

[Beautiful sky]

You may see your dual in any place; just learn to VI them.

[Creepy-pikachu]

We were so far back in the woods, they almost had to pipe in sunlight.

like in Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind ?

[Jinxi]

omg I hope you're joking... haha

I kid you not, Nai'xyy.

[Absurd]

I thought you banned yourself, Jinxi. Again.

Haha. Church. If you're at church you are a damn awkward bumpkin.

They're all hanging out in these "social gathering type places."

So much for my IEIness. I avoid social gatherings like I avoid gonorrhea.

Isn't this forum a social gathering place. I mean, there are people, forum, IRC, tiny chat, etc.

When it comes to conversation, I'm very adept when it comes to teaching people things. I'm an extrovert when we're playing sports, and I'm an extrovert when I go to the gym and get to learn from other people how they do things, and I'm very confident and outgoing when playing paintball... in fact, any sort of ACTIVITY I'm taking part in, I have absolutely no problem walking up and talking to people.

However, when I'm at social gatherings... I'm suddenly inept and scared of talking to people.

Isn't that an activity as well? Must be one hell different completely other activity - "extrovert at sports", "extrovert in gym", "outgoing when playing paintball" whatever that means.

So any sort of activity you're taking part in is no biggie for you, but one is. Makes a lot of sense.

[Scapegrace]

In an abstract sort of way. Like a mailbox. It doesn't count.

[Absurd]

You have a cam, Scapegrace?

When I go to church meetings I always feel like a damn awkward bumpkin. The good thing is, people almost always come up and welcome me into the group, which is nice. But everytime, I just feel completely out of place... like I dont' belong there. I'm too cold blooded to be hanging around with those people.

Anyway, I need some sort of solution. Any ideas? Thoughts on the issue at hand?

Churches are heated now, hell, they can even get those heated cushions for you to sit your arse on just to keep faithful in and in no time you're going to get warmblooded, ye reptilian.

So, it's not that terrible as it may look like at first, DJA. You can lay eggs there and sit on them in a warm environment like the church, wait till your lil reptilian babies hatch yelling "mommy" and boom, congregation is full with your SLE reptilians ready for not so reptilian IEI people.

And who are "those people" you're talking about?

When it comes to conversation, I'm very adept when it comes to teaching people things.

[Azure Flame]

there's a difference between the two. I feel confident when I'm talking about something that I am confident in... teaching people my knowledge... I feel very unconfident when I'm just trying to make small talk with people whose interests I know nothing about.

[Azure Flame]

Maybe IEI Fe types tend to be more social?

Being IEI Ni, I tend to be more of a recluse by nature. I avoid all social environments when and if possible. I'm the type who has to be dragged into social settings. I really have to force myself to socialize with people (this becomes easier with practice). My SLE Se bf on the other hand is a complete 100% attention whore with zero boundaries. He's the kind of person who can walk up to a group of strangers and act as if he's known them for years. He's the total opposite of me when it comes to this stuff (I'm an extreme introvert while he's an extreme extrovert) He loves social settings, getting peoples attention and one of his favorite things to do is to drag me out of my comfort zone. Even though I outwardly loathe him doing this to me, I secretly appreciate it because I've learned so many useful skills that I wouldn't have otherwise picked up without him.

When I do grow comfortable and finally come out of my shell I'm often the light of the party. The hardest part for me is that warming up stage.

Right. I am by all means an SLE, but I still have to be dragged out of my house... sometimes literally... to go do something.

I was watching band of brothers once, and 5 friends broke into my house, walked down into the basement, turned off the TV, grabbed my wrists and ankles and carried me into the car where we proceeded to go celebrate st patties day. lol.

I've seen other ESTp's before... Idunno how they do it. This one dude has just... photo after photo of him with girls on the beach or at giant parties... I think I have like, 2 of those.

[FoxOnStilts]

I attract IEIs like flies. Not romantically or sexually, but in a friends kind of way. We're both really chill and like to hang back a bit, and they I feel really accepted by them and that they don't care I'm a bit weird sometimes. They're good at making me feel accepted and okay to be myself. I don't know if it's where I hang out or how I hang out, but I make quick friends with IEIs almost instantaneously. We sit back and make snarky comments about everyone else or just chill and do our own thing.

Loooove IEIs. I always seem to write them off at first as "meh, that's probably not someone here I'll get along with" (I have the worst first impressions; I'll like the wrong people at first and write off the ones I end up being closest with) but then three months later we'll hang out often and they'll be one of the few people I feel comfortable actually calling up. I'm not good at social distance or knowing when it's appropriate for me to just call and ask if someone wants to hang out, so that makes me feel good.

All of the ones I know I met through school though. They're just so chill and I like that. Never has one been overdramatic with me or impossible to deal with. Sometimes it gets exhausting when they get indecisive though. It would be exhausting to have to keep the excitement up in a relationship (Se vs Ne, I imagine), but it's perfect for friends.

[Azure Flame]

I attract IEIs like flies. Not romantically or sexually, but in a friends kind of way. We're both really chill and like to hang back a bit, and they I feel really accepted by them and that they don't care I'm a bit weird sometimes. They're good at making me feel accepted and okay to be myself. I don't know if it's where I hang out or how I hang out, but I make quick friends with IEIs almost instantaneously. We sit back and make snarky comments about everyone else or just chill and do our own thing.

Loooove IEIs. I always seem to write them off at first as "meh, that's probably not someone here I'll get along with" (I have the worst first impressions; I'll like the wrong people at first and write off the ones I end up being closest with) but then three months later we'll hang out often and they'll be one of the few people I feel comfortable actually calling up. I'm not good at social distance or knowing when it's appropriate for me to just call and ask if someone wants to hang out, so that makes me feel good.

All of the ones I know I met through school though. They're just so chill and I like that. Never has one been overdramatic with me or impossible to deal with. Sometimes it gets exhausting when they get indecisive though. It would be exhausting to have to keep the excitement up in a relationship (Se vs Ne, I imagine), but it's perfect for friends.

Interesting. One of my ideas on meeting INFp's was to actually discover what personalities they tend to hang out with most. I do notice them hanging out with ILE's rather frequently, actually. In fact, I saw one the other day and her ILE boyfriend had to prevent me from hitting on her...

Hmm, if I had to guess you probably meet a lot of IEI-Ni's.

Anyway something I learned from @lungs in another thread was that, a big difference that I'm sensing between IEI and SLE is emotivist vs constructivist.

When it comes to discussing business matters or topics that will advance my goals, I have absolutely no problem walking up to strangers asking them about things. However, when the goal is conversation for the sake of conversation... .then we have a huge problem. This is what I'm kind of scared of, so when I refer to CHURCH settings, I'm referring to an emotivist setting where everyone is there simply to meet one another. AWKWARD!

So in a sense I have to somehow overcome the emotivist barrier if I want to meet more IEI's. I know where they are, they're in emotivist situations that share my own interests... however, I almost never go to emotivist situations because they're awkward and scary.

[Leader]

Forget ieis dude. They're useless. Every iei I come across I'm making it my goal to ruin they're life, as well as ecru other human on the planet.

[Scapegrace]

DJ never did say what he's trying to meet. The parent's of INFp's? Their dog's? Their postal worker's?

Snork.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

You are such full of shit DJ. You are not cold-blooded.

I am tired of you not seeing yourself accurately. Listen to your dual when he tells you who you are. Even if he is gay.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I see right through you.

No matter how many gymnastics you perform.

No matter how many external rewards you get.

No matter how many songs you create, (they are pretty good songs and I actually bought your cd, you lying capitalist mother fucker)....

I SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU.

BECAUSE I AM A POWERFUL INFP. I MAY BE A LOSER BUT I CAN SEE THROUGH EVERYBODY. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

[Beautiful sky]

Forget ieis dude. They're useless. Every iei I come across I'm making it my goal to ruin they're life, as well as ecru other human on the planet.

huh? that's terrible advice.

[Leader]

Its the truth.

[Azure Flame]

Its the truth.

Your frustrations with IEI's are my frustrations with ESI's. ESI's and SLE's are both "aggressors" and don't like it when the other person shows too much interest. Often times the ESI's I meet are actually interested in me... up until I'm interested in them. Then we distance one another... then look back and remember why we were attracted to each other in the first place. Its a fucking pain in the ass and I've never succeeded with an ESI. (They also look somewhat similar in certain ways).

Are you sure you're chasing the right women? Do you even tell them you're interested?

Or do you listen to too much advice from "victim" attitudes who tell you "never reveal your interest! Always be a challenge! Let them come to you!"

I'm curious to know what your malfunction is.

The IEI-Ni's I've met all seem to talk in riddles. They're a puzzle to be solved, they post videos on their facebook walls to send me very specific messages. Etc, as if the process is really complicated... it isn't. For us, its quite easy. Tell them you're interested, and ask them out a million times until they punch you in the face and stop being nice to you and all sexual tension between you dissipates. If you're doing anything else than that, you're wrong.

[Azure Flame]

lol my SLE said that when he was in his early 20's, he would be chilling in his room watching the power puff girls, when his friends would break into his house and force him to go out to a strip club or something. lol

haha, strip clubs, bars, nightclubs, yup. Mostly my friends' ideas and not mine.

[Azure Flame]

How to meet IEI's.

Post youtube videos that imply I'm interested in INFp's and have them send me messages.

Its already happening.

[Beautiful sky]

How to meet IEI's.

Post youtube videos that imply I'm interested in INFJ's and have them send me messages.

Its already happening.

strategy strategy strategy...only if they knew what you were doing

Its the truth.

truth is not pleasant sometimes albeit it can be quite funny at others depending how you perceive things; I perceive the truth as something sometimes quite unnecessarily too much to say; I prefer the rather short, concise, yet somewhat economical aspect of the truth not being stated. It's quite obvious in an under-toned way.

[echan]

lolol awesome video.

When it comes to conversation, I'm very adept when it comes to teaching people things. I'm an extrovert when we're playing sports, and I'm an extrovert when I go to the gym and get to learn from other people how they do things, and I'm very confident and outgoing when playing paintball... in fact, any sort of ACTIVITY I'm taking part in, I have absolutely no problem walking up and talking to people.

However, when I'm at social gatherings... I'm suddenly inept and scared of talking to people.

You could try out social gatherings that are focused on doing (fun) things together instead of just talking and "getting to know you better", as with the case in church... however there is a limit to "knowing you better" in church because the questions will revolve around the usual stuff, if you don't feel like you're too cold-blooded for church and don't enjoy it, you're in the wrong group.

Suggestions:

- drinking parties. whenever I go to one I immediately chug down several cans of alcohol to overcome shyness and anxiety. even if you can't contribute anything funny despite having tried your best to drink yourself silly, you will automatically seem more approachable and someone might just approach you and be like "dude are you ok?" and you can get a small conversation going.
- food/birthday parties. even if you don't say anything, well, at least you can enjoy the food lol. it's even better if you help out with the cooking (I suck at cooking but I've helped out quite a lot anyway and it's great for bonding with people)
- table tennis parties.
- sports clubs > gym. If you see a badly coordinated INFp fumbling around that's your chance to go up to them and teach them how to do whatever it is they're fucking up on. if the club goes drinking every week or now and then, even better. could be anything from tennis/badminton, hiking, white water rafting, kayaking, bushwalking, bowling, or even fishing or mountain climbing. basically anything with adventure!!!
- invite your friends and their friends to go to any sort of event/festival/outing an IEI looking for an "adventure" might just pop up lol.

I used to dislike groups for the same reason too but I later found myself being more comfortable in groups because it takes the responsibility off me to talk and entertain and I can just sit there (and drink/eat lol) and watch others do funny stuff and basically immerse myself in the fun atmosphere, occasionally joining in if I feel like it.

The key is to not worry about having to talk and say the right things or making an impression or whatever it is that you're worrying about and just try to get whatever enjoyment you can get out of it whether it's by doing something you like or just being surrounded by fun people and entertaining yourself by watching them. If it gets too awkward, grab for the food or drinks or get out your mobile phone until someone approaches you.

Also if you spot an IEI in the group that hasn't been talking for more than 5 minutes and is just sitting/standing there, that's the perfect time to approach them and strike up a conversation. I don't think you need to worry about what to say because most people in that situation would just be glad to have someone save them from the boredom/awkwardness. You could start by commenting on their appearance though, for example there was once this guy I'd met at a group gathering and he was making comments like "hey about your hair... is that a wig? looks nice" or "oh your wallet is brand X! you rich girl "

Most importantly, make use of physical proximity. Above guy made quite an impression on me because he often made eye contact with me (checking out my hair? lol) and after a while he moved from the opposite side of the table and sat down next to me which I was quite happy about Try to "touch without touching" that is, to touch indirectly with your eyes or whatever, hard to explain lol.

Example of physical proximity done wrong: I once hung out with a guy who would try to take photos of me while I wasn't watching or like pat the snow off of my jacket (where do you think you're touching who gave you permission #@$@(#%@#()%) and that pissed me off so much that he was one of the few people who went into my "black list". Then again maybe it's just me lol.

[echan]

Oh and team sports are especially good since you can easily build cameraderie while doing something you are good at and enjoy. For example, playing doubles at tennis, badminton, table tennis, or even squash. I met a guy at one of my clubs who was playing with me against two other people, he was was really open and introduced himself at first sight and offered a handshake. During the game he'd make encouraging comments like "let's fight back!" or "we gonna win this!" and in the end it was the first game I'd won lol. He also actively taught and demonstrated to us beginners the rulez of the game while we were playing and didn't put anyone down for being a sucky beginner, so I thought he was a pretty cool guy to be friends with all in all.

Also you can talk to your INFp while taking a rest break without seeming awkward.

So yeah... clubs are good stuff I used to be in like 6 of them lol.

[Scapegrace]

How do I meet and INFp's..... dentist?

[InvisibleJim]

How do I build sufficient masochism or self loathing to wish to deliberately increase my chances of encountering a Maritsa-a-alike?

[echan]

I love how new members always unwittingly bump old threads. It's kinda like if a new person started hanging out with your "group" but brought up something you all talked about 2 years ago. Actually that's exactly what it's like. That's not even an analogy.

Well if this isn't #awkward...

Seriously though this is just some kinda joke thread isn't it? I mean what am I even doing telling someone to get out there, party and take up more sports? and what is socially awkward me doing teaching someone how to socialize? If I knew this kind of guy irl I would probably be the one dragging him to 2934632587173491 clubs and events and I thought it was supposed to the other way around yo.

[Schmoo]

So I've been thinking about myself and my social abilities.
it almost feels like they're on the edge of the world, all congregating in a place where I'll never really be able to get to because its so scary.

I don't mean to be another new person who brings up an old thread, but I'm really glad DJ Arendee shared this. I would've never guessed the SLE's that I often become so painfully aware of would be feeling awkward. It usually feels the other way around, with the SLE's being on the edge of the world and me off to the side wondering why the heck it's so hard to approach them. They're always just RIGHT THERE. I swear, they place themselves so annoyingly in my view and they do it on purpose. Once I realize they've done it on purpose, it becomes impossible for me to talk to them, because I feel pressured. They make things SO DIFFICULT. I could rant for weeks about SLE's, but I won't. Not now, anyways.