Somebody I know said this; "People look at others and decide immediately whether they're going to like them or not. You can't help it, it's just human nature."
To what extent do you agree with this?
Making instant judgments about people.
Somebody I know said this; "People look at others and decide immediately whether they're going to like them or not. You can't help it, it's just human nature."
To what extent do you agree with this?
Unless my first impression of them includes something exceptionally irritating, this isn't the case for me.Originally Posted by Ainfigur
Johari/Nohari
"Tell someone you love them today, because life is short; shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying."
Fruit, the fluffy kitty.
Do not agree, that is, disagree fully.
I fully disagree
it's a oversimplification of the fact that humans operate mostly based on bias and heuristics. This means that subconsciously you will form an oppinion within the first few microseconds of meeting someone and that sets the tone for the initial interaction. This is strong, but not like the OP. It's fully possible to "not notice" someone (and thus not getting a first impression) to not trust your first impression (and thus opening doors for real first time interaction) and such.
So, I agree with the scientific variant, not with the common wisdom variant.
I make snap judgements all the time. Sometimes I revise my opinions when I get to know someone better. Sometimes I'll get a really noticeable negative gut feeling towards someone, and that has never been wrong thus far.
Generally most people will have enough in common with me to have a decent conversation.
Yeah I laughed when he said it because I found it bizarre that anybody could think this way, but some people were actually agreeing with him.
I was thinking about this because people often say to me "man I thought you such a douche when I first met you." I guess I just have one of those faces.
It does happen sometimes to me. I have met people before and within minutes known I will know them on a deep level for a long time. But it is rare, when that does happen I'm inclined to believe there is something else at play which I can not understand. Something spiritual or some kind of physic energy or something psychological which just connects behind the eyes. Something something.
Usually only for positive experiences but also has happened with negative vibes too.
It is infrequent though and the vast majority of people it does not happen with.
Now this is a story all about how, my type got changed, turned upside down. Just wait for a minute and watch chatbox right there, & I'll tell how Gem became the moderator with blue hair.
In typology central friended and praised, on the picture thread was where she spent most her days. Chilling out, selfies, relaxing all cool, And all typing some people and getting them schooled.
When a couple of girls who were up to no good, Started annoying her & her friends in the forumhood, She got in one little flame war & got pissed off & said 'I'm moving in with that exboyfriend in the forum with the socionics toffs.
So Gem pulls up to the forum for a year without being a hater, And yells to typocentral 'Yo creeps! Smell Ya later', Became a mod in her kingdom she was finally there, To sit on her throne as the mod with blue hair.
InvisibruJim
About the only things that makes me immediately want to avoid a person is if
a) from the get-go they trigger something related to my ptsd. Such as the kind of people that go out of their way to draw attention to themselves through loud voice, loud laughter, and expansive gestures. But it's the fake friendly kind rather than people who are genuinely friendly and may be oblivious to their loud/expansiveness,
b) cocky "alphas",
c) someone constantly signaling to/with their genitals.
IEE 649 sx/sp cp
While I'm civil when people approach me, I don't consider many of them to be worth pursuing. There's usually a clear dissonance in values between me and most other people within my age group, which can either be refreshing, or grating/disillusioning. I'd say its mostly subconscious; I've always felt pretty...meh about actively pursuing platonic relationships, it usually has to be someone that I respect on some level.
Last edited by suedehead; 03-17-2014 at 11:22 PM.
completely
I can't say that I actually dislike anyone at the moment. I don't hold grudges so I easily overlook some things that others might take to heart. I mean I do experience negative feelings about some people but I don't dwell on it. I I also have a vibe/energy thing that lets me know who I will have a deeper relationship with, friends or otherwise. Sometimes it is only a deep business relationship, if that makes sense. At times I just feel an unspoken connection with some people and may never talk to them directly but the good vibes are there.
On first impression if I feel annoyed in some way, I will analyse why I am feeling negative toward someone. That is helpful. I don't necessarily make it about them since I have certain guidelines about friendship and some people may never fit in those guidelines.
This is all me rambling... I can't express everything I really want to express because it is about energy.
Last edited by Aylen; 03-18-2014 at 02:19 AM.
“My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.” —C.G. Jung
I agree to an extent that there is a lot of judging that is done on the basis of looks that happens instantly. I'm guessing this is what this person meant by that quote, though it sounds like way too shallow of an approach. I usually get a good sense of how I'm going to get along with someone after the first 10-20 minutes of conversation.
Unfortunately I make very snap judgements, which usually prove themselves to be correct. I'm very judgemental, so 3% people -> instant love, 15% nice/cool folks, 62% whatever/take it or leave it/snore, 20%you fail at life. It's much more often that I change an opinion for the better than for the worse though - probably as I have such bad opinions from the get goI live totally on energy, vibes and sexual chemistry
Unfortunately I make very snap judgements, which usually prove themselves to be correct. I'm very judgemental, so 3% people -> instant love, 15% nice/cool folks, 62% whatever/take it or leave it/snore, 20%you fail at life. It's much more often that I change an opinion for the better than for the worse though - probably as I have such bad opinions from the get go
E4 song hah
“My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.” —C.G. Jung
love love love everything about this song and video. you know my E4 heart
I don't make judgments about whether I like or dislike someone even with people I've known for years. I don't really think of people in terms of like or dislike unless they have done something exceptional to make me think one way or another. So most people are just there and I enjoy them as much as is possible in that given environment.
I would switch "look" with "interact".
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
heh i'm like that, but i used to say that i didn't like various people etc. there's nothing worse than people wanting reasons and everything explained and shit, or thinking it's because they've done something or blah. things can still change. so now i just don't say if i don't like someone.Unfortunately I make very snap judgements, which usually prove themselves to be correct. I'm very judgemental, so 3% people -> instant love, 15% nice/cool folks, 62% whatever/take it or leave it/snore, 20%you fail at life. It's much more often that I change an opinion for the better than for the worse though - probably as I have such bad opinions from the get go
but yeah, .. i kind of assume most people are going to be difficult/troublesome/annoying/blah. today i was kind of strangely surprised about someone letting me go ahead of them in a queue. then later, some car tried to pass me, just after lights, and when i didn't let him, later he passed me going up hill in this really dangerous place when i had to slow down a little bit because someone was going in or out of a driveway.
but you can make snap judgements i suppose, like that guy that overtook me dangerously was driving a skyline. and tbh, most people who drive skylines are rude and inconsiderate. (or indian, here, which don't tend to be as bad)
(these things:)
but really overall, i have the most problems with people who drive things like:
As long I understood it the way I did, I can't and I don't judge people just by taking a look a them. When it comes to character of a person, I need time to see how I am going to proceed, so I stick my first post.
Best part is, Betists posting here are the opposite. No wonder one can talk with them only via mediator, that is, knife. A powerful medium. Trelelele.
what about by the way they dress, the car they drive, the way their kids act, the way they act, the way they walk, etc etc
Hmm... if within this first period of time smn's already acting like a total a-hole then sure, otherwise no.
Also, regardless the above sentence - sometimes I get a "vibe" from smn when I meet them, a feeling they're dishonest or inauthentic and then I'm more careful around them, trying to figure out "why" I feel this way. I used to ignore this feeling some years back, but given the fact that in the long run when I befriended those people, they in particular turned out to be big time back stabbers causing me a lot of hurt and trouble - I started paying more attention to this "vibe" and I try to figure out whether it's there for a good reason or not when it comes to the people who gave me this feeling. It is very rare that I get this "vibe" at all though.
So basically unless I get this "be careful" bells ringing, it's just more or less neutral. And anyway I want to just get to know someone before I decide whether I want to spend some more time with them or not.
Judging for me carries a negative load, always did and is usually synonymous with "I don't know shit about anyone, but still, I am content passing judgements of some sort". Sure, I register such nuances you listed. "Problem" is, I do not act on them and only after spending time with some person I can come to some conclusion.
Whether conscious or subconcious they'll still influence your behaviour, whether or not you've formed any conclusions.
But yeah, you can suspend judgement, but in the end what difference is there with making a passing judgement as a place holder, and suspending judgement?
Thing is, if people have alarm bells ringing what are you meant to do?
Sounds sensible.
umm.. as in if you think you're setting their alarm bells? or if smn else is setting yours?
the answer to the first one would be - just be yourself, it doesn't make sense any other way, they'll either like you and realise their "bells" were a false alarm or they won't cause you just don't "click" and you don't need forced interaction and strain in your life anyway, at least that's my pov
regarding the latter - if it is your alarm bells that go off - if they do so often then it's worth giving it a thought why - either you're stressed and thus more subconciously reactive when there's no threat there, or you might be actually in a toxic environment and it might be worth trying to change the environment instead of changing one's own reactions. It's all very relative in the end.
i am myself, .. that doesn't mean myself hasn't set alarm bells off in people before.
my alarm bells usually go off with manipulative people, severe drug addicts, dishonest people etc. i don't get false positives. although i dislike some people who arent' really a threat.
Hahaha, I'm a particular kind of people, mercatron, which means I would pass you by without even noticing you, that is, paying you any attention, so it is really hard for me to pass any kind of judgement about your person immediately, not unless you bump into me on purpose and bounce back, sitting and yelling on sidewalk: "So, you think you have such broad shoulders?"
There is not many people I actually pay attention to.
that's ok absurd. it's not normal to meet and greet every person on the street.
ok, so we're pretty much saying the same thing. What I meant was to keep being yourself, not changing just because you think smn's bells might go off. The interaction makes sense only if both parties are free to express themselves. Maybe I should've phrased my initial post this way, cause it wasn't my intention to suggest that you're not being yourself in the first place.
well then you have healthy reactions at least in my book.my alarm bells usually go off with manipulative people, severe drug addicts, dishonest people etc. i don't get false positives.
I think I might have misunderstood this part - so would the dishonest people fit into this category for you or you mean sth more general and unexplainable?although i dislike some people who arent' really a threat.
Neither making judgements about them, which you're prone to, it seems. But hey, each to their own.
well for instance arrogant people don't give off alarm bells but i still don't like them.
ok, fair enough, I guess it just depends on the definition of the said "alarm bells" in the end
yeah i suppose there's different kinds. like, dishonest/lying/blah blah is different from overly seductive, fake affection etc. but can often come in the same person.ok, fair enough, I guess it just depends on the definition of the said "alarm bells" in the end
I can relate to this, especially the search for "alarm bells."
I feel as though there are two or three different "information scans" running simultaneously when I meet someone:
1) Is this person genuine?
2) Are there any red flags?
3) What are their interests, what's their general personality? This incorporates dress style, their friends, what they like to talk about, etc.
Scan #3 helps me to make conversation and ask them questions because I'm more comfortable when asking questions than having to answer them with a new acquaintance. And if Scans 1 or 2 suggests they're coming across as fake or trouble, I use Scan #3 to maintain control of the conversation because I typically won't expose anything personal about myself to that individual.
Regardless of what my initial impression is, I always continue to be friendly and observe the person closely in case I was wrong. But all of this information- the nonverbal cues and topics of conversation- give me a general idea of the individual, almost like a feeling or a color or a painting in my mind of who they are.
Very few people ever raise a red flag, but even when they do, it's like I almost try to prove myself wrong. If anything, it often invokes my curiosity. It then becomes a hunt for the redeeming quality. I'm not sure why I approach it this way, maybe because I like to know that everyone has the capacity for good. Or maybe it's because I'd like to know how to get closer to the individual in the event I needed to establish rapport.
And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?- Matthew 6:30
"Only shallow people don't judg by appearances." - Oscar Wilde
I make instant judgements about people all the time. Of course, those judgements aren't set in stone because i'm not a total idiot. But I absolutely judge things and categorize them as they appear. And then i probably review them later as well.
I think if you arent making instant judgements you aren't picking up on peoples motivations.
Projection is ordinary. Person A projects at person B, hoping tovalidate something about person A by the response of person B. However, person B, not wanting to be an obejct of someone elses ego and guarding against existential terror constructs a personality which protects his ego and maintain a certain sense of a robust and real self that is different and separate from person A. Sadly, this robust and real self, cut off by defenses of character from the rest of the world, is quite vulnerable and fragile given that it is imaginary and propped up through external feed back. Person B is dimly aware of this and defends against it all the more, even desperately projecting his anxieties back onto person A, with the hope of shoring up his ego with salubrious validation. All of this happens without A or B acknowledging it, of course. Because to face up to it consciously is shocking, in that this is all anybody is doing or can do and it seems absurd when you realize how pathetic it is.
Unfortunately I make very snap judgements, which usually prove themselves to be correct. I'm very judgemental, so 3% people -> instant love, 15% nice/cool folks, 62% whatever/take it or leave it/snore, 20%you fail at life. It's much more often that I change an opinion for the better than for the worse though - probably as I have such bad opinions from the get go
Thank you @darya for giving me a place to get this out. You had nothing to do with my little bitchfest here.
[I don't have the energy to proofread...don't judge me]
End rant....
P.S. Rap is my way of releasing my aggression in a positive way or so they tell me.
Last edited by Aylen; 03-18-2014 at 07:17 PM.
“My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.” —C.G. Jung
@Aylen, I don't understand who would call you dumb? You're clearly intelligent.
And you don't sound weird or crazy at all, just a bit eccentric, which is always a plus in my book. There are too many plain people as it is. Also, you have to be a little bit cocky in order to be sexy
On topic, I don't understand people who don't judge at all. I actually hate people with no critical thoughts. There are so many people who just like everything and everybody, everything is "so amazing", everybody is "so nice". Ffs, grow a brain.
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