Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 40 of 137

Thread: Fe Demonisation

  1. #1
    Ezra's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    9,168
    Mentioned
    10 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Fe Demonisation

    Gilly brought up a great and very important point in a stickam convo on Friday evening (early hours of Saturday morning for me), and since it hasn't yet been brought up on the forum, I am going to do so. Basically, Fe ego types - particularly Fe base types - have I think been experiencing a horrid level of bitterness for the completely wrong reasons. People normally associate Fe with manipulation, bitchiness and fakeness; acting ingenuinely. Well, I'm sure many Fe ego types have been offended by this, for the simple fact that they don't act any more fake than anyone else does. In fact, Fe is misunderstood. What Fe is about is not just manipulating others emotionally; it's about using one's own internal emotional state to generate an emotional response from others.

  2. #2
    dbmmama's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    2,831
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ezra View Post
    Gilly brought up a great and very important point in a stickam convo on Friday evening (early hours of Saturday morning for me), and since it hasn't yet been brought up on the forum, I am going to do so. Basically, Fe ego types - particularly Fe base types - have I think been experiencing a horrid level of bitterness for the completely wrong reasons. People normally associate Fe with manipulation, bitchiness and fakeness; acting ingenuinely. Well, I'm sure many Fe ego types have been offended by this, for the simple fact that they don't act any more fake than anyone else does. In fact, Fe is misunderstood. What Fe is about is not just manipulating others emotionally; it's about using one's own internal emotional state to generate an emotional response from others.
    YEAH!!! I am not a manipulative person AT ALL. That manipulation thing about Fe WAS throwing me! (if i really am Fe base) i express myself and it's up to another how they want to take it or not. i am NOT out to change anyone in any way, shape or form. change comes only when a person wants it intrinsically, i just happen to be a catalyst to it as i "help" others who want it.

  3. #3
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE
    Posts
    24,507
    Mentioned
    60 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I don't see why the word "manipulation" has to carry such a negative connotation around here. When someone says "manipulate" in reference to Socionics, I think of manipulation as the type of thing one does with clay, something of the like. As I'm pushing the keys down on my keyboard I'm manipulating them.

    As far as the way Te/Fi types see Fe as superficial, so what? Fe is to Gamma/Delta as Te is to Alpha/Beta. Fe/Ti types can (and often do) think of Te as superficial. There's no reason to whine about people valuing their own quadra values in a place like this.
    SEE

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  4. #4
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE
    Posts
    24,507
    Mentioned
    60 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    And fwiw, I do not think of Fe as being fake. It's obviously as real/genuine and valuable as any other aspect of reality is.
    SEE

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  5. #5
    ~~rubicon~~ Rubicon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Chatbox
    TIM
    SEI, 9
    Posts
    5,248
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ezra View Post
    Gilly brought up a great and very important point in a stickam convo on Friday evening (early hours of Saturday morning for me), and since it hasn't yet been brought up on the forum, I am going to do so. Basically, Fe ego types - particularly Fe base types - have I think been experiencing a horrid level of bitterness for the completely wrong reasons. People normally associate Fe with manipulation, bitchiness and fakeness; acting ingenuinely. Well, I'm sure many Fe ego types have been offended by this, for the simple fact that they don't act any more fake than anyone else does. In fact, Fe is misunderstood. What Fe is about is not just manipulating others emotionally; it's about using one's own internal emotional state to generate an emotional response from others.
    How is that not being manipulative?
    "Language is the Rubicon that divides man from beast."

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    TIM
    ILI
    Posts
    2,916
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    -_- Fe may not be fake to people who value it. i think it's a matter of perception.
    Some Fe dominants still appear very fake to me.

    I agree with Chopin. (above post) Many people are manipulative, just perhaps in different ways.
    INTp
    sx/sp

  7. #7
    ~~rubicon~~ Rubicon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Chatbox
    TIM
    SEI, 9
    Posts
    5,248
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mea View Post
    -_- Fe may not be fake to people who value it. i think it's a matter of perception.
    Some Fe dominants still appear very fake to me.
    I don't think it's about perception. If you perceive a person to be fake, it doesn't mean they are. It could be that you just read them wrong. The person is either being genuine or they're not.
    "Language is the Rubicon that divides man from beast."

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    TIM
    ILI
    Posts
    2,916
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jem View Post
    I don't think it's about perception. If you perceive a person to be fake, it doesn't mean they are. It could be that you just read them wrong. The person is either being genuine or they're not.
    yes then maybe i read them wrong. lol. because i find them excessive and fake, it's what i see, i don't care if i'm wrong if dislike being around that person.
    they may not be fake, but some are fake to me. lol
    like being overly friendly the first time i meet them? then again, when i said "overly friendly", it's my perception, you may think the person is just being warm and welcoming.
    INTp
    sx/sp

  9. #9
    ~~rubicon~~ Rubicon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Chatbox
    TIM
    SEI, 9
    Posts
    5,248
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mea View Post
    yes then maybe i read them wrong. lol. because i find them excessive and fake, it's what i see, i don't care if i'm wrong if dislike being around that person.
    they may not be fake, but some are fake to me. lol
    like being overly friendly the first time i meet them? then again, when i said "overly friendly", it's my perception, you may think the person is just being warm and welcoming.
    Would it still bother you if you knew for certain that the person's feelings were utterly genuine? Or is it just effusiveness of feeling in general that you dislike being around ...
    "Language is the Rubicon that divides man from beast."

  10. #10
    dbmmama's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    2,831
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mea View Post
    yes then maybe i read them wrong. lol. because i find them excessive and fake, it's what i see, i don't care if i'm wrong if dislike being around that person.
    they may not be fake, but some are fake to me. lol
    like being overly friendly the first time i meet them? then again, when i said "overly friendly", it's my perception, you may think the person is just being warm and welcoming.
    i don't like over friendly when i first meet a person either. what does bother me is when the person has absolutely no regard for how the other person may take their energy. when i first meet someone irl, i slightly control my Fe to help the other be comfortable with me. and then as i feel them out and get what they are about, i let my own stuff come out more and more. i care more about their vibe and allowing that than i do my own.

    i especially hate it when someone comes up to my baby in my arms and gets in her face and says "HI BABY, YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL. AHHH, LOOK AT YOUR BEAUTIFUL EYES!" I know you are excited about my beautiful baby, but do you care enough to even think that my baby might be the kind that that would freak out?

    i get the gist of someone, baby or kid or adult, irl mostly, right away and then i know what they are able to "handle" as far as me expressing my energy is concerned. that's respect, to me.

  11. #11
    ~~rubicon~~ Rubicon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Chatbox
    TIM
    SEI, 9
    Posts
    5,248
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by esper View Post
    Hmm...I know an INTP who is pretty developed and doesn't react to my Fe with "distrust" so much as...maybe wariness, lol--like at any moment I could catch him offguard! heehee ^_^
    Ooh, I know that feeling. :-) I get the same from ISTps. Their obvious discomfort with my Fe is a pretty good deterrent for me. I'll automatically tone it down, unless I'm not feeling that diplomatic for some reason - then I'll be "Take it or leave it - this is who I am!" Lol. They usually leave it.
    "Language is the Rubicon that divides man from beast."

  12. #12
    eunice's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    2,957
    Mentioned
    13 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I am not a very expressive person so I have always wished that I have more Fe because I find it very beneficial in influencing and motivating people. I believe that Fe types are mistaken to be fake because some of them tend not to reveal their true feelings and can say things out of tactness and courtesy. Moreover, a lot of Alpha Fe are very helpful and sociable to the extent that some people might misinterpret them as hypocritical and been overly concerned in trying to make people like them.


    Fi is more misunderstood imo. Some Fi/Te types are seen as been too uninvolved, lack of initiative (especially for the introvert types), straightforward, "anti-social", reserved etc.

  13. #13
    xyz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    7,707
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jem View Post
    Ooh, I know that feeling. :-) I get the same from ISTps. Their obvious discomfort with my Fe is a pretty good deterrent for me. I'll automatically tone it down, unless I'm not feeling that diplomatic for some reason - then I'll be "Take it or leave it - this is who I am!" Lol. They usually leave it.
    At least you try. thank you!
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

  14. #14
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE
    Posts
    24,507
    Mentioned
    60 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by eunice View Post
    I am not a very expressive person so I have always wished that I have more Fe because I find it very beneficial in influencing and motivating people. I believe that Fe types are mistaken to be fake because some of them tend not to reveal their true feelings and can say things out of tactness and courtesy. Moreover, a lot of Alpha Fe are very helpful and sociable to the extent that some people might misinterpret them as hypocritical and been overly concerned in trying to make people like them.


    Fi is more misunderstood imo. Some Fi/Te types are seen as been too uninvolved, lack of initiative (especially for the introvert types), straightforward, "anti-social", reserved etc.
    My IEI dad and IEI sister in law would say the same (if they knew about Socionics, that is).
    SEE

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  15. #15
    dbmmama's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    2,831
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by esper View Post
    OMG! So THATs why I find it so creepy being around street performers, salesmen, carnies, clowns, "Santas," "Easter Bunnies," and all those old people in church who wanted to pinch my cheeks. :< I remember avoiding all the Mickey Mouses and whatnot at Disneyworld as a child while Mom kept going, "Don't you want to get your picture taken?" No, Mom, I did not! ^_^
    +1000

    that's why i found it extremely important to "be there" for my kids to "protect" them from that kind of energy as well then allowing them the room to "be their own energy" without others "getting in their way."

  16. #16
    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    North Italy
    TIM
    ENTj
    Posts
    16,806
    Mentioned
    245 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    I don't see why the word "manipulation" has to carry such a negative connotation around here. When someone says "manipulate" in reference to Socionics, I think of manipulation as the type of thing one does with clay, something of the like. As I'm pushing the keys down on my keyboard I'm manipulating them.
    That's your way of justifying your own behavior on this forum, right? Bleah.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

  17. #17
    Expat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    10,853
    Mentioned
    30 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    As far as the way Te/Fi types see Fe as superficial, so what? Fe is to Gamma/Delta as Te is to Alpha/Beta. Fe/Ti types can (and often do) think of Te as superficial. There's no reason to whine about people valuing their own quadra values in a place like this.
    Yes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Loki View Post
    I see as fake when...
    you walk into a store and some store employee is there at the door to greet you with a big fake smile plastered over there face. they say "hello" with such vibrant enthusiasm it makes you want to cringe. they ask you how your day was and what your plans are for later (what do they care? they don't even know you and it's none of their business). all the while the fake smile and over-the-top enthusiasm hangs over them like a toxic mist, and all you want to do is get away from them as quickly as possible. (I know they're paid to do that, so it's not so much them I take issue with but with whatever stupid corporate philosophy requires this charade of insincere behavior.)
    It's one of the things that make me type, for instance, Tony Blair as LIE rather than EIE, as is sometimes suggested. In my experience, true Fe-ego types react to his "call me Tony" and huge-grin personality precisely the way you describe. It's a LIE faking for political purposes, not true which is what you get from Barack Obama, for instance.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

  18. #18
    Kristiina's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Estonia, Tartu
    Posts
    4,021
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by dbmmama View Post
    YEAH!!! I am not a manipulative person AT ALL. That manipulation thing about Fe WAS throwing me! (if i really am Fe base) i express myself and it's up to another how they want to take it or not. i am NOT out to change anyone in any way, shape or form. change comes only when a person wants it intrinsically, i just happen to be a catalyst to it as i "help" others who want it.
    +10000000

    I don't understand the ARROGANCE to call fake - I laugh when I'm happy, I cry when I'm sad, I YELL when I'm angry and I pout when I don't want to talk with someone. I go out of my skin to express my feelings as accurately as I can, so that no one will think I'm calm when I'm anxious or that I'm ok when I'm actually pissed off. What is fake about that, pray tell me!

    Delta types smile when they're angry, they're shy quiet when they're happy etc. IMO, that comes a lot closer to being fake!

    is about wanting your emotions OUT THERE. Emotions aren't some inner state BS. Emotions are a way to communicate with others!
    EIE, ENFj, intuitive subtype.
    E3 (probably 3w4)

    Cool ILI hubbys are better than LSIs any time!

    Old blog: http://firsttimeinusa.blogspot.com/
    New blog: http://having-a-kid.blogspot.com/

  19. #19
    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    TIM
    3w4 sx/so
    Posts
    24,685
    Mentioned
    95 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    I don't see why the word "manipulation" has to carry such a negative connotation around here.
    Whenever you say that someone is "manipulating" other people, it's ALWAYS going to have negative connotations. That's something you're just going to have to accept.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

  20. #20
    dbmmama's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    2,831
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kristiina View Post
    +10000000

    I don't understand the ARROGANCE to call fake - I laugh when I'm happy, I cry when I'm sad, I YELL when I'm angry and I pout when I don't want to talk with someone. I go out of my skin to express my feelings as accurately as I can, so that no one will think I'm calm when I'm anxious or that I'm ok when I'm actually pissed off. What is fake about that, pray tell me!

    Delta types smile when they're angry, they're shy quiet when they're happy etc. IMO, that comes a lot closer to being fake!

    is about wanting your emotions OUT THERE. Emotions aren't some inner state BS. Emotions are a way to communicate with others!
    back atcha again! Yes, that's what i thought was fake about Fi too! but, i guess as we learn about this stuff, we've got to open our minds to not be so judgmental and realize that is their way, even if we don't agree with it. to each his own. but, that doesn't mean we have to hang out with people who don't jibe with our way of being.

    i may come across not so "bubbly" irl because as i express myself and my emotional state in the way you describe Kristiina, then i'm being real to myself and that's not always bubbly. sometimes it is sad, a lot of times it can be sad or mad. i've just worked on turning that into happy more often and then each of those emotions comes out.

    my second boy is just like me as a kid and he is ALL OVER THE PLACE WITH THOSE EMOTIONS. i remember being told to calm down and shit like that all of the time. repression, repression, repression. aaaa, no thank you! will not do that to my kids! i help them find ways to channel that emotion, art, singing, dancing, joking, creative channels seem to work the best.

    not repression, expression.

    here is my current website:
    http://www.MUSEPlayground.com

  21. #21
    Ezra's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    9,168
    Mentioned
    10 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jem View Post
    How is that not being manipulative?
    It is, but I was saying that Fe isn't about the kind of manipulation people are prone to thinking it is.

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    As far as the way Te/Fi types see Fe as superficial, so what? Fe is to Gamma/Delta as Te is to Alpha/Beta. Fe/Ti types can (and often do) think of Te as superficial. There's no reason to whine about people valuing their own quadra values in a place like this.
    FTR, I don't see Fe as superficial.

    Quote Originally Posted by Loki View Post
    I see as fake when...

    [INDENT]you walk into a store and some store employee is there at the door to greet you with a big fake smile plastered over there face. they say "hello" with such vibrant enthusiasm it makes you want to cringe. they ask you how your day was and what your plans are for later (what do they care? they don't even know you and it's none of their business). all the while the fake smile and over-the-top enthusiasm hangs over them like a toxic mist, and all you want to do is get away from them as quickly as possible. (I know they're paid to do that, so it's not so much them I take issue with but with whatever stupid corporate philosophy requires this charade of insincere behavior.)
    Exactly. This is the ultimate shit use of it. This is why I stayed in retail for only a month. I don't dig the "come on, people, let's sell!" atmosphere, even if all the fake Fe is designed to get you sell you stuff.

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    That's your way of justifying your own behavior on this forum, right? Bleah.


    Quote Originally Posted by Expat View Post
    It's one of the things that make me type, for instance, Tony Blair as LIE rather than EIE, as is sometimes suggested. In my experience, true Fe-ego types react to his "call me Tony" and huge-grin personality precisely the way you describe. It's a LIE faking for political purposes, not true which is what you get from Barack Obama, for instance.
    So, essentially, again, it's poor use of Fe. The problem with someone like Gordon Brown is that he has no Fe at all. So what you get is this kind of uncharismatic prime minister with a fantastic track record. He doesn't have the people skills to be a politican, but he has all the others. Normally it's the other way round.

  22. #22
    Blaze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    5,714
    Mentioned
    10 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    i'd venture to say that when anyone is using their leading function, it's probably not overt manipulation. it's more like who they are. an individuals clearest perceptions are related to information elements which match their leading function, so when people use their leading function they are not trying to be manipulative. and i would say that we should pay close attention to people when they are using their leading function, because they are likely to be absolutely correct. so, kind of like, i would ask an IEI about the timing of something, or an LIE about changing facts and data, or LII about the validity of theory X.

    so, like Expat is saying, when you go further down the model A, and use second, third, fourth functions, then the intent is more likely to be perceived as manipulative. as you venture into the unconscious, attempts to use those functions appear to be more and more futile. heh. until you reach the id, i guess, then the person just feels like that data isn't all that important.

    lightbulb: people are least likely to be manipulative when using their id functions, since they don't value them anyway. hahahaha

    *edit: nevermind about the leading function. it's the id functions which are least "maniuplative". guess i just needed to think out loud on that one.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

  23. #23

    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    5,086
    Mentioned
    7 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Loki View Post
    in and of itself is not fake. But there can be fake displays of it. And true displays of it can be interpretted as fake.
    I think this is pretty true. For the most part, it's another sort of stereotype that some use to identify functions in people. The bad part of the "Socionics" crowd, here and in other places, is the fact that sooooo many people use stereotypes in their typings that if they see someone using Fe in any way, then: "oh, that person is using Fe and it's making me sick, I don't like them, they're fake." blah.

    Edit: Then again, the same can be said about every function at some point by people of different types... So I guess I didn't even need to write that out...lol.

  24. #24
    Haikus Sirena's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    GAH, US
    TIM
    Mumpsimus
    Posts
    2,545
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jem View Post
    Ooh, I know that feeling. :-) I get the same from ISTps. Their obvious discomfort with my Fe is a pretty good deterrent for me. I'll automatically tone it down, unless I'm not feeling that diplomatic for some reason - then I'll be "Take it or leave it - this is who I am!" Lol. They usually leave it.
    LOL. Yeah....

  25. #25
    Haikus Sirena's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    GAH, US
    TIM
    Mumpsimus
    Posts
    2,545
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Loki View Post
    I see as fake when...



    when someone who doesn't even really know you that well tells you to "smile" or encourages you to participate or enjoy something, as though it is a requirement. If they actually cared so much about you "enjoying yourself" then they would just let you be. You are in the mood you are in and if you're being sincere, then you're only reflecting that mood. Asking you to change your mood to one that better pleases them (not you) is asking you to garner a facade of fake behavior yourself - not to mention prying into your private feelings as if they belong to everyone.
    I couldn't agree with you more!!! This is something that I have struggled with my whole life with my family. Their expectation of me to always act a certain way has always created resentment, not to mention guilt for believing that I must be the one in the wrong since everyone else seems to agree. My family is full of extroverts though (not sure if this may have something to do with it). Being with friends is easier because we accept one another's current mood without this judgment or expectation. Because of how I grew up, this continues to be a source of guilt for me as an adult. I have gotten better at not caring, but I continue to have a difficult time just being who I am and feeling comfortable with it without much concern to how others would perceive this (but I guess anything different would be against my Fe nature). I realize I've digressed from the original topic. I just felt like sharing how much this resonated with me.

  26. #26
    ~~rubicon~~ Rubicon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Chatbox
    TIM
    SEI, 9
    Posts
    5,248
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Loki View Post
    when someone who doesn't even really know you that well tells you to "smile" or encourages you to participate or enjoy something, as though it is a requirement. If they actually cared so much about you "enjoying yourself" then they would just let you be. You are in the mood you are in and if you're being sincere, then you're only reflecting that mood. Asking you to change your mood to one that better pleases them (not you) is asking you to garner a facade of fake behavior yourself - not to mention prying into your private feelings as if they belong to everyone.
    I really dislike that sort of thing too. It’s extremely rude, because the person has no idea who you are, what you might be going through. It’s basically saying “I don’t give two hoots how you’re feeling right now. I don’t know who you are, but make me feel better please.”
    Quote Originally Posted by Kristiina View Post
    +10000000

    I don't understand the ARROGANCE to call fake - I laugh when I'm happy, I cry when I'm sad, I YELL when I'm angry and I pout when I don't want to talk with someone. I go out of my skin to express my feelings as accurately as I can, so that no one will think I'm calm when I'm anxious or that I'm ok when I'm actually pissed off. What is fake about that, pray tell me!

    Delta types smile when they're angry, they're shy quiet when they're happy etc. IMO, that comes a lot closer to being fake!

    is about wanting your emotions OUT THERE. Emotions aren't some inner state BS. Emotions are a way to communicate with others!
    So I don’t walk around on the street with a smile plastered on my face if I don’t feel like it, but at the same time I think you can get too carried away with ‘being true to yourself’ and just end up being selfish. It’s not fake to try and make a friend feel better by smiling and trying to lift their spirits even when you don’t feel like it. It’s not fake to smile at a stranger who asks for directions in order to make them feel like they’re not a complete waste of your time. If you’ve been invited to a dinner party or something, are you going to walk around with a scowl on your face just to let people know how you’re really feeling? The people you interact with are therefore influenced by your mood, and go home feeling a bit worse, and you’re thinking “I feel good about myself. I was honest about my feelings.” Well, good on ya. W00t.

    Saying that Delta types are fake when they don’t represent their true emotions is arrogant and closeminded. Being diplomatic is a decision to put your own feelings aside for the benefit of the other person. It’s not pretending that you’re feeling a certain way. It’s seeing that you have a chance to influence someone for the better, and being unselfish enough to ignore yourself while you’re interacting with them. There’s a time and place to get your feelings ‘OUT THERE’ – sure - but you should realise it’s not always about you.
    "Language is the Rubicon that divides man from beast."

  27. #27
    Snomunegot munenori2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Kansas
    TIM
    Introvert sp/sx
    Posts
    7,742
    Mentioned
    34 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    I don't see why the word "manipulation" has to carry such a negative connotation around here. When someone says "manipulate" in reference to Socionics, I think of manipulation as the type of thing one does with clay, something of the like. As I'm pushing the keys down on my keyboard I'm manipulating them.
    Have you ever seen "The Shape of Things"?
    Moonlight will fall
    Winter will end
    Harvest will come
    Your heart will mend

  28. #28
    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    North Italy
    TIM
    ENTj
    Posts
    16,806
    Mentioned
    245 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Something to add: equating people to clay is somewhat sick.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

  29. #29

    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    TIM
    ILI
    Posts
    2,916
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jem View Post
    Saying that Delta types are fake when they don’t represent their true emotions is arrogant and closeminded. Being diplomatic is a decision to put your own feelings aside for the benefit of the other person. It’s not pretending that you’re feeling a certain way. It’s seeing that you have a chance to influence someone for the better, and being unselfish enough to ignore yourself while you’re interacting with them. There’s a time and place to get your feelings ‘OUT THERE’ – sure - but you should realise it’s not always about you.
    Referring to what you replied me earlier and this post, I really don't get it.
    Saying someone is fake is an opinion. Thinking someone is arrogant, close-minded, also an opinion.
    Not everyone is gonna agree that a particular person is arrogant or not. I don't see why it had to be stated that "Saying that Delta types are fake when they don’t represent their true emotions is arrogant and closeminded". I don't see anything wrong if Betas were to think that way, it's just their opinion, not arrogant nor narrow-minded; just different.

    People have different opinions, perception, that's precisely why socionics talks about relationships between people and why they work or don't work.

    I definitely agree with what Joy said
    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    As far as the way Te/Fi types see Fe as superficial, so what? Fe is to Gamma/Delta as Te is to Alpha/Beta. Fe/Ti types can (and often do) think of Te as superficial. There's no reason to whine about people valuing their own quadra values in a place like this.
    Perhaps why I don't get it is because of our different quadra values. So nothing personal.
    INTp
    sx/sp

  30. #30
    ~~rubicon~~ Rubicon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Chatbox
    TIM
    SEI, 9
    Posts
    5,248
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mea View Post
    Referring to what you replied me earlier and this post, I really don't get it.
    Saying someone is fake is an opinion. Thinking someone is arrogant, close-minded, also an opinion.
    Not everyone is gonna agree that a particular person is arrogant or not. I don't see why it had to be stated that "Saying that Delta types are fake when they don’t represent their true emotions is arrogant and closeminded". I don't see anything wrong if Betas were to think that way, it's just their opinion, not arrogant nor narrow-minded; just different.

    People have different opinions, perception, that's precisely why socionics talks about relationships between people and why they work or don't work.
    But opinions equal perceptions which may or may not represent the truth. If you think a person is being mean in saying something to you when in actual fact their motive is one of kindness - well, your perceptions don't represent the truth. They are your opinions, but they're wrong. I'm not talking about personal preferences and likes or dislikes. Of course, we all prefer a style of communication over another. But calling a person fake is an accusation of dishonesty. You'd better make sure you're right before you call someone dishonest.
    "Language is the Rubicon that divides man from beast."

  31. #31

    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    TIM
    ILI
    Posts
    2,916
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jem View Post
    But opinions equal perceptions which may or may not represent the truth. If you think a person is being mean in saying something to you when in actual fact their motive is one of kindness - well, your perceptions don't represent the truth. They are your opinions, but they're wrong. I'm not talking about personal preferences and likes or dislikes. Of course, we all prefer a style of communication over another. But calling a person fake is an accusation of dishonesty. You'd better make sure you're right before you call someone dishonest.
    of course perceptions don't represent the truth, that's why they're perceptions and opinions, i agree.
    but i don't think it is necessarily wrong when someone says "i feel that XX is arrogant", it's not like the person expects everyone to think the same, that's just what i'm trying to say.

    hmm, say for example i were to go to a church i've never been to before, and the people go like "hi! what's your name? is this your first time here? i hope you have a great time at our church! i'll show you around or introduce you to the other members, etc", and is all smiley and all over you.
    perhaps the person is not being fake, and trying to welcome you, but to me it is not genuine. i barely know you, you don't have to show me around or be so over friendly, i'm not even comfortable around you or the place yet.
    being THIS friendly to a person whom you barely know? seems very fake to me. but not to everyone.
    i'm not trying to accuse Fe types of dishonesty though. lol

    lol. i'm quite tired of talking about this...
    INTp
    sx/sp

  32. #32
    ~~rubicon~~ Rubicon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Chatbox
    TIM
    SEI, 9
    Posts
    5,248
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mea View Post
    of course perceptions don't represent the truth, that's why they're perceptions and opinions, i agree.
    but i don't think it is necessarily wrong when someone says "i feel that XX is arrogant", it's not like the person expects everyone to think the same, that's just what i'm trying to say.

    hmm, say for example i were to go to a church i've never been to before, and the people go like "hi! what's your name? is this your first time here? i hope you have a great time at our church! i'll show you around or introduce you to the other members, etc", and is all smiley and all over you.
    perhaps the person is not being fake, and trying to welcome you, but to me it is not genuine. i barely know you, you don't have to show me around or be so over friendly, i'm not even comfortable around you or the place yet.
    being THIS friendly to a person whom you barely know? seems very fake to me. but not to everyone.
    i'm not trying to accuse Fe types of dishonesty though. lol

    lol. i'm quite tired of talking about this...
    I understand where you're coming from :-)
    "Language is the Rubicon that divides man from beast."

  33. #33
    Kristiina's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Estonia, Tartu
    Posts
    4,021
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by glamourama View Post
    lol I really love kristiina's super emotional posts sometimes
    lol, nice to hear that. The ILI that I live with always gets a bit intimidated by strong emotionality.
    EIE, ENFj, intuitive subtype.
    E3 (probably 3w4)

    Cool ILI hubbys are better than LSIs any time!

    Old blog: http://firsttimeinusa.blogspot.com/
    New blog: http://having-a-kid.blogspot.com/

  34. #34
    Ezra's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    9,168
    Mentioned
    10 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Just out of interest, Kristiina, two questions.

    1. In what kind of way do you supervise the ILI you live with?

    2. In what way do you conflict with SLIs? That is, what kind of behaviour and thought patterns do you each exhibit that annoys each of you?

  35. #35
    Kristiina's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Estonia, Tartu
    Posts
    4,021
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    1. I assume it helps him understand my thoughts and intentions if I show my emotions, but often he takes my emotions too seriously. In stead of treating my emotions like a passing phase (which it often is), he gets too worried when i'm sad or anxious.

    2. SLIs always treat my moods like they are a passing phase and never react to them. They might make a snarky comment that makes me feel like I'm GUILTY of having any emotions and I would reconsider my mood if I had any wisdom. Plus they don't see past my talk. If I say something, they think it's true. If I say I don't like washing dishes, they assume I never wash dishes. I do wash dishes, I just don't like it. They treat emotional comments like they're facts.
    EIE, ENFj, intuitive subtype.
    E3 (probably 3w4)

    Cool ILI hubbys are better than LSIs any time!

    Old blog: http://firsttimeinusa.blogspot.com/
    New blog: http://having-a-kid.blogspot.com/

  36. #36
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE
    Posts
    24,507
    Mentioned
    60 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by munenori2 View Post
    Have you ever seen "The Shape of Things"?
    No. Should I?
    SEE

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  37. #37
    Haikus Sirena's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    GAH, US
    TIM
    Mumpsimus
    Posts
    2,545
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kristiina View Post
    They treat emotional comments like they're facts.
    LOL. This is true.

  38. #38
    Park's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    East of the sun, west of the moon
    TIM
    SLI 1w9 sp/sx
    Posts
    13,706
    Mentioned
    196 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by qbsirena06 View Post
    LOL. This is true.
    Is it?
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

  39. #39
    Haikus Sirena's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    GAH, US
    TIM
    Mumpsimus
    Posts
    2,545
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Winterpark View Post
    Is it?
    It is.

  40. #40
    xyz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    7,707
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kristiina View Post
    If I say something, they think it's true.
    HOLY SHIT STOP THE PRESSES
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •