IEI/INFp at breaking point dropping emotional bombs

[Sueno]

A question to ESTps and any other types that have experienced this..what do you think of or try to handle an INFp who reaches a "breaking point" and starts dropping emotional bombs. Is this overwhelming ?

[silverchris9]

From an INFp perspective, if and when I do explode on people... I'm sure it wouldn't be pretty. I'm assuming by emotional bombs you mean INFp style emotional accusations, I-see-through-you NiFe crap that is intentionally psychologically hurtful, pressing people's buttons, telling Othello that his wife is cheating on him in graphic detail, etc. I don't know what to do in that situation.

Physicalizing things helps me loads. One time I was crazy pissed at something a friend did (which he was actually fairly justified in doing), and the only thing that made me feel better was biting/chewing the tin foil wrapper on the top of a carton of yogurt. I know, that's absolutely freaking ridiculous. But it did make me feel better (and I wasn't going to freaking "punch a pillow" or any of that bullshit. When I'm angry my fear/hatred of enacting cliches is even stronger than usual). It'll be better to get an IEI to give a physical representation of his/her emotions rather than a verbal one, because he/she will experience that more directly and powerfully than words empty words (no matter how powerful the words are with capacity to hurt).

It's my theory that Ni-egos in general are sensitive to representation; we want something on the outside to match what's going on inside, or, as A.R. Ammons puts it, we want an "image for longing":

for the word tree I have been shown a tree
and for the word rock I have been shown a rock,
for stream, for cloud, for star
this place has provided firm implication and answering
but where here is the image for longing

If the only external representation that we can get for our emotions is to make somebody else feel as bad as we feel, then so be it. I think that's part of what happens in really destructive IEIs, so if you can channel it elsewhere, that's something.

Another theory (which I cribbed from Carl Jung) is that IEIs (or introverted intuition types) basically turn into "primitive" SLEs (or extroverted sensation types) under extreme psychological duress. The reason I bring this up is because sometimes, when I'm really mad at something/someone, I get the feeling that the only reason for me not to do whatever I want in retaliation (or in general) is that someone would stop me/use force against me. Of course, I'm not crazy, so that's a momentary notion in my head. But you get the idea: an IEI under extreme psychological stress may only respond to someone using force (which need not be physical force, just as SLEs aren't all about physical force). Of course, threatening/applying force is somewhat of an emergency measure but it might work if things are getting really dangerous or destructive.

The absolute worst thing to do would be to *tell* the IEI to "direct their anger" or some bs like that. That would drive me up the wall. Reminding the IEI that he's being hurtful won't help, as he probably wants to be hurtful. Telling him he should spend some time alone won't help, unless you make him do so with force. Basically anything that smells at all contrived, or "how we deal with things"-y or "this is the right thing to do"-y is a bad idea. Anything a delta would do is a bad idea.

Also what krae said. ESTps could take it, so they're a good type to unload on. I honestly don't know what an ESTp would do in that situation, but I think it would work. The magic of duality and all that, you know.

[Creepy-male]

Also what krae said. ESTps could take it, so they're a good type to unload on. I honestly don't know what an ESTp would do in that situation, but I think it would work. The magic of duality and all that, you know.

From watching my SLE dad and his EIE ex-wife, it would seem they kind of just take it. I assume an IEI would do the whole fire and brimstone crap less frequently though. Also, dad is an 8w9, so that may explain things too.

[silverchris9]

Less frequently yes. But it would likely be more insightful and less fire and brimstone. I think the IEI emotional explosion would be a little more targeted and specific and saying what they know will hurt the other person (because we IEIs keep psychological tabs on anyone we care about even slightly. ) than EIE, which would be more likely to spout a lot of emotional language without really targeting it specifically. But I could be way off on that. But I have noticed that my one friend who's an SLE is much less sensitive to emotional manipulation, needing to believe things for psychological purposes, etc. than most of the other people I know.

[Blaze]

hmmmm i kinda like it when IEI goes on an emotional bender. once i learned how to deal....it was kind of energizing.

[Sueno]

From an INFp perspective, if and when I do explode on people... I'm sure it wouldn't be pretty. I'm assuming by emotional bombs you mean INFp style emotional accusations, I-see-through-you NiFe crap that is intentionally psychologically hurtful, pressing people's buttons, telling Othello that his wife is cheating on him in graphic detail, etc. I don't know what to do in that situation.

Physicalizing things helps me loads. One time I was crazy pissed at something a friend did (which he was actually fairly justified in doing), and the only thing that made me feel better was biting/chewing the tin foil wrapper on the top of a carton of yogurt. I know, that's absolutely freaking ridiculous. But it did make me feel better (and I wasn't going to freaking "punch a pillow" or any of that bullshit. When I'm angry my fear/hatred of enacting cliches is even stronger than usual). It'll be better to get an IEI to give a physical representation of his/her emotions rather than a verbal one, because he/she will experience that more directly and powerfully than words empty words (no matter how powerful the words are with capacity to hurt).

It's my theory that Ni-egos in general are sensitive to representation; we want something on the outside to match what's going on inside, or, as A.R. Ammons puts it, we want an "image for longing":

for the word tree I have been shown a tree
and for the word rock I have been shown a rock,
for stream, for cloud, for star
this place has provided firm implication and answering
but where here is the image for longing

If the only external representation that we can get for our emotions is to make somebody else feel as bad as we feel, then so be it. I think that's part of what happens in really destructive IEIs, so if you can channel it elsewhere, that's something.

Another theory (which I cribbed from Carl Jung) is that IEIs (or introverted intuition types) basically turn into "primitive" SLEs (or extroverted sensation types) under extreme psychological duress. The reason I bring this up is because sometimes, when I'm really mad at something/someone, I get the feeling that the only reason for me not to do whatever I want in retaliation (or in general) is that someone would stop me/use force against me. Of course, I'm not crazy, so that's a momentary notion in my head. But you get the idea: an IEI under extreme psychological stress may only respond to someone using force (which need not be physical force, just as SLEs aren't all about physical force). Of course, threatening/applying force is somewhat of an emergency measure but it might work if things are getting really dangerous or destructive.

The absolute worst thing to do would be to *tell* the IEI to "direct their anger" or some bs like that. That would drive me up the wall. Reminding the IEI that he's being hurtful won't help, as he probably wants to be hurtful. Telling him he should spend some time alone won't help, unless you make him do so with force. Basically anything that smells at all contrived, or "how we deal with things"-y or "this is the right thing to do"-y is a bad idea. Anything a delta would do is a bad idea.

Also what krae said. ESTps could take it, so they're a good type to unload on. I honestly don't know what an ESTp would do in that situation, but I think it would work. The magic of duality and all that, you know.

I ask cause I have done this in the past a couple of times when I've felt my feelings were being compromised or not taken into consideration. When I've done this I've found it hard to organize how I want to express how I feel because it feels like there's so many things floating around in my thoughts that I kind of just want to mention them all at once. Which is what led me to think how must it feel to be in the other person's shoes ?

[silverchris9]

Oh, okay. Nevermind then. I thought it was a "how do I deal with person x" kind of question. I feel kinda dumb for writing that whole long post in that case. Yeah, I'm sure SLEs just think it's cute or something. Also, you can put a lot more into a symbol (physical or not) than you can into words, or at least that helps me.

[pluie]

you just gotta slap em around a little bit; thats all we really need.

[sigma]

what do you think of or try to handle an INFp who reaches a "breaking point" and starts dropping emotional bombs. Is this overwhelming ?

it's not overwhelming... it's UGLY... I reached a breaking point few times and... IT IS UGLY... I lose control over my body... start shaking severely from the huge amount of adrenalin... I also raise my voice... UGLY.

[Sueno]

Oh, okay. Nevermind then. I thought it was a "how do I deal with person x" kind of question. I feel kinda dumb for writing that whole long post in that case. Yeah, I'm sure SLEs just think it's cute or something. Also, you can put a lot more into a symbol (physical or not) than you can into words, or at least that helps me.

Hey it was still an interesting read nonetheless so it wasn't a waste...good replies though so far...somehow I expected this kind of INFp reaction to be somewhat annoying especially to the thinkers like ESTp but I suppose that's why they are our duals...and maybe a good ol' slap is in order in these situations haha !!1!

[Sueno]

it's not overwhelming... it's UGLY... I reached a breaking point few times and... IT IS UGLY... I lose control over my body... start shaking severely from the huge amount of adrenalin... I also raise my voice... UGLY.

haha...It is truly a side of an INFp that people don't often get to see...not that they want to see it...Speaking for myself (idk if its the case with other INFps here) a reaction like that is usually the result of just keeping certain emotions inside in order to avoid conflict in the short run. However doesn't do much help for the long run.

[Satan]

what's an emotional bomb anyway

[sigma]

what's an emotional bomb anyway

You know how when someone punches you it hurts? You know how sometimes the things people say hurt more than physical pain? An emotional bomb is the emotional equivalent of punching someone in the face.

[betterthan]

I don't think it matters if they handle it well, if you are hanging with wicked, psychologically healthy, intune people you wouldn't drop emotional bombs on them at all. Good people don't provoke crazed rage blackouts.

I only drop emotional bombs on people who deserve it. I've only erupted with two people, an EIE and an LSI, and I only destroyed the relationship because those relationships needed to be destroyed, those people deserved it. I think it's a weakness of Beta NFs holding onto people even when they damage you, so the emotional bomb is a killah defense mechanism, you have to end the relationship for the sake of your own wellbeing. IEIs have such a saga letting go of people that they've ever been really connected to, but once you bomb someone you totally hollow the relationship out and there isn't anything there anymore to hold onto, there is so much damage you can't seem to heal it and reconnect.

I think a good SLE is easy to be assertive with. IEIs are always wary of not upsetting someone, but SLEs are total tough cookies with God complexes, so I don't reckon IEIs have emotional blowouts with them often. IEIs don't need to suppress themselves and hold back opinions for fear of offending them. I reckon that if you ever did emotionally bomb the SLE - they might be the only type to not be completely destroyed by it and the SLE-IEI relationship might be the only relationship that can survive it.

[Blaze]

it's not overwhelming... it's UGLY... I reached a breaking point few times and... IT IS UGLY... I lose control over my body... start shaking severely from the huge amount of adrenalin... I also raise my voice... UGLY.

you know what? it may be ugly but it's fucking honest.

I think a good SLE is easy to be assertive with. IEIs are always wary of not upsetting someone, but SLEs are total tough cookies with God complexes, so I don't reckon IEIs have emotional blowouts with them often. IEIs don't need to suppress themselves and hold back opinions for fear of offending them. I reckon that if you ever did emotionally bomb the SLE - they might be the only type to not be completely destroyed by it and the SLE-IEI relationship might be the only relationship that can survive it.

it's the lack of Fi. i love that there's a silver lining. :-)

[betterthan]

you know what? it may be ugly but it's fucking honest.



it's the lack of Fi. i love that there's a silver lining. :-)

Haha, yeah ! Fi PoLR is so jammy sometimes ^-^

[sigma]

you know what? it may be ugly but it's fucking honest.

you know what? it may be honest but it's fucking ugly.

[Blaze]

you know what? it may be honest but it's fucking ugly.

life is not all sweetness and light. ugliness defines beauty d00d.

[JWC3]

IEIs have a breakdown? I don't understand...

[Satan]

You know how when someone punches you it hurts? You know how sometimes the things people say hurt more than physical pain? An emotional bomb is the emotional equivalent of punching someone in the face.

so it gives an adrenaline rush and you want to take revenge.

[betterthan]

[QUOTE=JWC3;585928]IEIs have a breakdown? I don't understand...[/QUOT

It's not a breakdown, it's a saying for a really angry IEI. If an IEI gets pushed and pushed and pushed then they will reach a breaking point and totally beast whoever is pissing them off.

[JWC3]

[quote=dinki;586148]

IEIs have a breakdown? I don't understand...[/QUOT

It's not a breakdown, it's a saying for a really angry IEI. If an IEI gets pushed and pushed and pushed then they will reach a breaking point and totally beast whoever is pissing them off.

ah, If I ever experience that I most likely will deserve whatever I get.

[Sueno]

[quote=JWC3;586195]

ah, If I ever experience that I most likely will deserve whatever I get.

haha...well at least you're honest.

[Ezra]

you just gotta slap em around a little bit; thats all we really need.

This.

Then angry sex.

[Joy]

Interesting. I once knew an IEI who I was inexplicably drawn to. I ultimatley decided that if we were every romantically involved, I'd probably end up kicking his ass. And I'm not usually a violent person.

But if an IEI complains about someone or I see them in a situation which I think could be potentially uncomfortable to them, I step up and defend them. I'll be as confrontational as I need to be. Then they tell me to calm down, that it's okay and they can handle it. Then I'm like, "lol okay, that's cool then I guess".

But yeah... I haven't seen much of the emotional breaking point stuff. Guess I haven't been close enough to them? I suppose I'd respond by pointing out that everything's going to be fine, they just need to do this or this. And offer to take care of troublesome situations for them. And tell them to chill the fuck out and squeeze them tight and offer to help take care of the part of the situation that's stressing them out. And if the real issue is just that they want to release stress, then go for it. Throw shit. Yell a bit. And once they feel a little bit better, I'll slap their ass and tell them the situation isn't as bad as they're making it out to be. That there are solutions. And I'd suggest a few. And help out where necessary. Now stop it or I'm going to run and tackle you to the ground and we'll just see what you have to say about that. Now c'mon, let's go grab some chinese buffet and if you feel like it, spend some time in a used book store. Or go thrift store shopping. Or see a movie. Or go for a brisk walk. Or a bike ride. Rant as you need to, that's cool. Just be prepared for me to interupt you by shoving you into a tree or suddenly throwing you over my shoulder (even if you're a foot taller than I am, lol). But you know, there are things that need to be worked out sometimes. In which case we should go to a coffee shop or preferably a wine bar and get a bottle of pinot nior and a cheese platter and just shoot the shit for a while. Or maybe I could just hold him/her until they've calmed down. Depends on the situation. Generally though, the key is to validate their feelings while showing then that the problem may very well be too much thinking and not enough doing.

Anyways, I have no idea what I'm talking about. Need more experience.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

lmao. That was cute.

I don't know how much I really like to be dominated or how much its in my head .There's like this balance that u play with if its too much I am really horribly turned off and I will just fight and snap back.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Just sing 'get over it ya emo fag' playfully.

get over it ya emo fag
get over it ya emo fag

u could do a song

get over it ya emo fag
nobody cares how u feel
its just what u do
externalize more!
get over it ya emo fag
get over it ya emo fag!
u don't gotta be a fake business person
but u gotta take the damn trash out now
and stop fawning over weak pathetic feelings, ******
emo faaaaaag

oooh look there's esther hicks.

[crazedrat]

i'm pretty sure, at this point, you're ISFp. B&D.

[redbaron]

i'm pretty sure, at this point, you're ISFp. B&D.

[Reuben]

The IEI I'm with has no breaking point. I do. When she does the Se eyes at me, sometimes I get freaked out. Did I just say something too harshly? Did I freak her out beyond repair? Is this another relationship that I messed up?

But I realized that you fight Se with Se. It's like a game. If you're too sensitive, you're out.

I can usually tell if she's really scared and/or pissed off with me or if she's still deciding if I'm really malicious. With her, it's always the latter. She's never really scared of me or pissed off with me beyond repair. It's just me. I'm scared that I scare her. I'm scared that I piss her off. Then again I will contradict myself. I can't actually tell if she's really scared or seriously pissed off or not. All I know is that if I'm messing with her and she continues to bite back with a smile, I'm safe. It's only when the smile fades that I actually start to shrink back.

But the more I'm with her, the more I don't care anymore. It doesn't matter. I actually want to see her breaking point, and see her lash out at me. I want to see her really really angry at me. I want to hold her and have her beat at my chest and give up and break down and cry.

I think I've watched too many drama serials.

The key is this, for me at least: When an IEI is pissed at you, you've done really well. Keep it up.

[Joy]

Or you could just not be a dick?

[Joy]

And how did he respond to your laughter?

[Reuben]

'Or you could just not be a dick? '

Perhaps.

Edit:

Actually no. After reading mimosa's post I'm actually determined to see it for myself.

[Reuben]

That's really cute

[Kritik]

He sunk down on a chair and then he started to cry, just holding my hand looking at me. It was kind of romantic. Then I hugged him, and nothing more happened really.

lol, what a fag

done that once, never again.

[redbaron]

hahaha... Well, I didn't end up with him, so.... But it wasn't uncomfortable. He didn't seem to expect me to comfort him. I mean, it was a genuine stress reaction, I think, not an attempt to manipulate.

poor guy...

[Joy]

My thoughts exactly. However, I relate...

When there's an interpersonal situation as such that needs to be dealt with, I'm literally incapable of being sensitive in my communication. It's difficult enough to just blurt it all out for gods sake! There's no way I can get it all out AND make it not sound harsh. It's like, if you want to know what's on my mind, here it is point blank. And when people respond like I'm some horrible, cold, heartless, cruel person, it reminds me of why I didn't want to share what I was thinking to begin with. "Yep, I should have just kept it to myself."

[redbaron]

My thoughts exactly. However, I relate...

When there's an interpersonal situation as such that needs to be dealt with, I'm literally incapable of being sensitive in my communication. It's difficult enough to just blurt it all out for gods sake! There's no way I can get it all out AND make it not sound harsh. It's like, if you want to know what's on my mind, here it is point blank. And when people respond like I'm some horrible, cold, heartless, cruel person, it reminds me of why I didn't want to share what I was thinking to begin with. "Yep, I should have just kept it to myself."

yeah but the great thing is, IEIs are very strong emotionally. And assuming it's a healthy IEI, we can take whatever you can dish out.

[Joy]

yeah but the great thing is, IEIs are very strong emotionally. And assuming it's a healthy IEI, we can take whatever you can dish out.

And not call me a horrible, cruel, mean, cold, immoral, or otherwise despicable person?

[redbaron]

And not call me a horrible, cruel, mean, cold, immoral, or otherwise despicable person?

well... that depends. We're pretty non-judgmental but there are limits.