Delta NF's, what do you do with constant criticism?

[scio]

Being people that can easily see the potential others, there is a lot of complimenting others... at least in my case.
It is for a few reasons: 1) I like to make people feel good 2) I see good qualities amplified around others

I am very straightforward in this way. I hate atmosphere's where there is pettiness and someone is trying to tear down another person. When I am surrounding myself with people, it is because I like their company... so logically I want to make them feel good. I will give my friends honest compliments and honest feedback all of the time.

So, what do you do around people that cannot reciprocate? They seem to only criticize and critique instead of ever being able to see the good in you. I am especially sensitive to this. Perhaps it is Ti PolR. Even when the person means well but it just feels like you are under a microscope, how do you deal with it? Do you see past it or avoid them?

Or even in a work setting when your boss gives you no positive feedback even if you work well.

*I'm not saying at all that I need approval from someone, but when I choose to spend time with someone I want to be around someone that tries just as much as I do to make the other person feel generally good, not challenged constantly.*

Also, are you truly fine with love that is "assumed"? Do you need vocal reciprocation of positive words? My love languages definitely place words of affirmation high and that might be why, honestly.


EDIT: after a lot of criticism, I start to only pay attention to the fact that it is criticism..not even what they're saying. Like my mind checks off and I get in a spiral of thoughts away from the moment.

Just curious! Thanks y'all

[Chae]

Good questions!

Ideally: continuously self-improve silently and perseveringly until the good feedback is given. Nitpickers are a good challenge. But: Criticism by another person usually just indicates that they are not content with themselves though, so I see past their outward words as good as I can. I can understand someone who's not satisfied with themselves and others to a certain degree. My mom is enneagram 1, I observe that behavior every day. If they only see the bad things in me, that says a lot more about their character and inner life. About tolerance strategies: Even if I understand it, I can't linger in the negative too long so I distance myself, enneagram 7 influence there. Also I get bored which naturally drives me to do something else, my energy and affection are too precious to waste there.

Assumed love: praise is very, very nice. My second love language is words of affirmation. Yet really, at some point love is obvious. It goes without saying. For me it's easy to see how much someone cares about me or not, and my own standpoint: how dedicated am I, how close are we, how do we get along. The only clue I require is physical contact.

[applejacks]

Fantastic questions!

I am hardwired to want to compliment and be complimented, although if I'm completely honest with you, it is the teachers, parents, mentors, and friends that have called me out and challenged me, or had the courage to say something about my behavior that I most deeply respect. Even if it hurts at first, if done in love to correct something in me, I will love them all the more for it.

There are, however, situations in which criticism is not done in love. That's a completely different subject, and I assume that's what we're addressing here. These are some bullet points of thoughts and ways that I'll use to handle them:


1) My Fi is strange in that I can sense a conflicting emotion arising as the result of unnecessary criticism, and can usually choose whether to attribute that criticism directly to me, or to the person having a bad day. I tend to simply shrug my shoulders and choose not to take it personally. If I'm vulnerable and am having a bad day / week, then I'm more ripe to absorb that unloving criticism which will further sour my day. But that's fairly rare.

2) If the criticism is a one time thing, I'm more likely to chalk it up to a bad day. My Fi wouldn't try to decrease the distance or space between us, however I'd probably show some concern to the wellbeing of that individual on that day.

3) If the criticism is constant day in and day out, I'll be less likely to absorb it personally, and more likely to feel bad for the individual that they're in a constant state of criticizing others, which usually repels many people away. If we have become close, I'll try to carefully and tactfully point it out to them, that sometimes people need encouragement.

4) I tend to try and look for redeeming qualities in people, and so I don't think something like that would necessarily push someone away from me. If anything, I'll want to help or pray for them, but if my efforts to get to the root of their criticisms or irritations are pushed off, resisted, uncared for, I may leave them to their own devices.

5) In the past, I would've avoided confrontation over such things for years and years. However, I've had a change of heart since then and I would now prefer to tactfully and carefully discuss these types of issues with people. There's usually a root cause, whether or not they understand they're doing that kind of behavior. Allowing it to continue without confrontation doesn't address it, and doesn't allow for peace between anyone.

6) In situations of no feedback, I'm more likely now to ask specifically for a pulse check on how things are. I like to know that someone is satisfied with my work, and want to change or improve if it's not exceeding expectations.

7) Above all, my method of handling these situations is prayer.

EDIT: As for assumed love, in the past I would've told you that I was desperate for words of affirmation. As I've matured, as I've been married longer, and as I've grown secure in the overflowing love of Christ in my faith walk, I do my very best to look for evidence of the fruits of love in more ways than just words. I will give you specific examples:

- My husband and I went through a hard time when we miscarried our first pregnancy. There was a two day period where we laid in bed together in a dark room and held hands. His presence was more sacred, more intimate, more treasured than any words, acts of service, gifts, or anything else that I could imagine.

- Whenever I leave on a trip, I always come home to a clean house. Oh, the joys of being married to an SLI! <3

- Early in our dating life, I'd ask for compliments or words or love letters from my husband. But I'm so far more satiated with love now. This stems from two major changes in my life: 1) That I have been loved with an everlasting love of Christ, and I find that my love "cup" is never empty, regardless of what goes on around me, and 2) I have come to know my husband well, who does not speak the same love language, and as trials come and go, I can see that love is truly what the Bible describes. It is patient. Kind. It doesn't envy or boast. It's not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs.

In this light of what love truly is, and in the midst of real trial and hardship and pain, I'm truly OK with non-vocalized love.

[ooo]

This is an recurring theme in my life and even one of the most problematic things for me. I often feel criticized and judged for my ways, my looks, my ideas, my behavior, and it's not just in my head, people actually comment on how I behave, and often their "observations" come off just as rude. If the pettiness is beyond control at my expense I usually explode and make a real mess like I start screaming, smashing plates, I even tried to kill people in the past.

[Raver]

It depends on the person and situation. If they're exaggerating or wrong about it then I'll correct them on the spot, but if they're making constructive criticism then I will take it in stride and fix the problem and try to improve myself in that area for the future.

This works when dealing with most people, which is basically picking your battles so to speak. However, extreme nitpickers are people that I usually try to avoid if possible as you cannot reason with them. They usually have a hole inside them that is too deep to fill and are incredibly toxic.

[wasp]

This is an recurring theme in my life and even one of the most problematic things for me. I often feel criticized and judged for my ways, my looks, my ideas, my behavior, and it's not just in my head, people actually comment on how I behave, and often their "observations" come off just as rude. If the pettiness is beyond control at my expense I usually explode and make a real mess like I start screaming, smashing plates, I even tried to kill people in the past.

Talk dirty to me

[Bertrand]

I know right, that's really hot in a weird way

[Grendel]

"Sod off ya cockmunching wanker" is in the ballpark of my response to such needling, followed by physical removal if the problem persists.

My problem is less with critique, more with my thoughts being scoffed and dismissed for their surface appearance of absurdity, without justifying said dismissal with any rationale I can build upon. Basically condescension, stubborn refusal to agree to disagree. If both parties have limited information on the topic, you can believe what you will, but you should expect the other party to act on terms of his own perception, not yours.


Words of affirmation make me cringe just as much as nagging sets me off. I spent a lifetime barraged with affirmation for traits that somehow couldn't save me when I needed them the most, in a world that had absolutely no use for me and where my future would be shit despite being constantly told the opposite, and I'm sick of it. I swear, creating that kind of cognitive dissonance should be classified as torture.

I prefer displays of loyalty, as well as quality time. Shit's hard to fake.

[Hope]

This is an recurring theme in my life and even one of the most problematic things for me. I often feel criticized and judged for my ways, my looks, my ideas, my behavior, and it's not just in my head, people actually comment on how I behave, and often their "observations" come off just as rude. If the pettiness is beyond control at my expense I usually explode and make a real mess like I start screaming, smashing plates, I even tried to kill people in the past.

I've met three EIIs who used to have the same kind of reactions that you are describing when they were angry. All the time that I mention this kind of things in forums ppl look at me as If I'm imagining things, but I've met three EIIs in close relationships to know some common traits, so thanks for talking about it.

A friend of mine EII used to do the same things. I never saw her personally throwing stuff or yelling (in 15 years of friendship) but she often told me about that kind of reactions when having arguments at home. She was hipersensitive to criticism (or any kind of hint of criticism) and the thing that annoyed me the most about her was when she was so concerned about being criticized, that she rarely let ppl see who she really was in reality or know her true opinions... she used to manage in such way that she was always agreeing with everybody (even if the stances were contradictory). I think this behavior was due insecurities and a strong need for acceptance.

[ooo]

I think this behavior was due insecurities and a strong need for acceptance.

Yes.

[Bertrand]

I want to see EII go on a rampage

[scio]

@Chae Thanks for your input! I understand that it is about them and I used to think of it as a challenge to prove myself, too. I feel now that it is unhealthy for me to try to prove myself to anyone, really.. because then it takes away from me focusing on how I want to be for myself. I guess it's just the balance, that's the hard part for sure.
I wish I didn't linger into the negative haha I'm jealous but I guess it depends on what is bringing me down in the first place.

Yes, for me praise is so important. I feel like it's them believing in me, which is honestly the only thing I care about if they are important to me. Love definitely can be obvious over time, but for me that obviousness goes out the window with excessive criticism. I can assume love until I am getting practically only receiving negative feedback.

[scio]

@applejacks I definitely get what you mean. It's all about how it's done. For me, if i can't sense it's out of love, I'll just see it as annoying. It becomes excessive nitpicking then, especially when it's a pointless comment to pick on you. For instance, commenting on someone's weight like, "Ooh, look at the flab on your arm," I will never find okay.

I like that you started to ask for feedback, I should definitely do that more if I can't sense how I'm doing.

As for the assumed love, mm, perhaps I'll grow into it. I definitely need to learn to be more tolerant in this respect. Thank you!!

Btw, having your house cleaned by a lovely SLI. UGH the love

[scio]

This is an recurring theme in my life and even one of the most problematic things for me. I often feel criticized and judged for my ways, my looks, my ideas, my behavior, and it's not just in my head, people actually comment on how I behave, and often their "observations" come off just as rude. If the pettiness is beyond control at my expense I usually explode and make a real mess like I start screaming, smashing plates, I even tried to kill people in the past.

I had no idea EIIs were like this. I suppose that's better than what I do lol. When I feel like that, I just remove myself from the situation entirely and scamper off to rage alone.

tumblr_mwn17pfyFh1t0i9qbo1_400.gif

[scio]

It depends on the person and situation. If they're exaggerating or wrong about it then I'll correct them on the spot, but if they're making constructive criticism then I will take it in stride and fix the problem and try to improve myself in that area for the future.

This works when dealing with most people, which is basically picking your battles so to speak. However, extreme nitpickers are people that I usually try to avoid if possible as you cannot reason with them. They usually have a hole inside them that is too deep to fill and are incredibly toxic.

What if you can't avoid them? What if you work with an extreme nitpicker and you can't directly confront them? Yeah it definitely depends on the situation. Lol very true about the void of sadness. I do feel bad for people that just can't laugh at a situation

[scio]

@Slugabed I can relate to the last part. I've ended relationships and friendships because they never made me feel comfortable enough to be me. I got the sense early on that they were critical, so I just went and did my own thing away from them. Ain't got time for useless critiques when I already critique myself enough.

I wish I would let myself rage like that lol, sounds fun

[justalitnerdxx]

I take criticism to heart even if it's meant well; I believe that to be criticised means that I am not being helpful enough and actually am making life harder for people. I hold myself to very high standards so with criticism comes a panic that I'm good and am making enemies ::

[scio]

My problem is less with critique, more with my thoughts being scoffed and dismissed for their surface appearance of absurdity, without justifying said dismissal with any rationale I can build upon. Basically condescension, stubborn refusal to agree to disagree. If both parties have limited information on the topic, you can believe what you will, but you should expect the other party to act on terms of his own perception, not yours.

YES. it's more of a mockery than flat-out critique. It's when there's attitude behind it. I don't care if it's constructive, but when it becomes bullying is when it's an issue. My parents are Betas and that's how it felt. It was supposed to "motivate" me lol ~~~~ yeah thats def gna work in the longterm. I love doing things based on shame!!!!

[Pookie]

Metapod, use harden!

[The Reality Denialist]

I want to see EII go on a rampage

Never underestimate their possible - outpourings. Ok, - is more like setting subjugation than going towards possible rampage +.

[Grendel]

Metapod, use harden!

[ooo]

I want to see EII go on a rampage

none's ever ready for those

[Pookie]

I've seen multiple EII beserk modes.

[Raver]

What if you can't avoid them? What if you work with an extreme nitpicker and you can't directly confront them? Yeah it definitely depends on the situation. Lol very true about the void of sadness. I do feel bad for people that just can't laugh at a situation

I'm not going to lie, you're in a tough position. Working with someone you can't directly confront is not an enviable position to be in. If your boss is the one nitpicking then you are left with two choices, deal with it or find a new job unfortunately. If it is a co-worker, you can try to avoid them, but if they're unavoidable, you can at least be direct with them, but that is not a guarantee of course.

[Hope]

@Slugabed I can relate to the last part. I've ended relationships and friendships because they never made me feel comfortable enough to be me. I got the sense early on that they were critical, so I just went and did my own thing away from them. Ain't got time for useless critiques when I already critique myself enough.

I wish I would let myself rage like that lol, sounds fun

Well, my friend on this case was not really interested in being "herself" with others... and that was something annoying for me. I'm a really accepting person, and being sx/sp make me look for real connections and the real self, so I've met this friend since we were like 6, and she still performing often that kind of doppelganger tricks, when I perfectly know her and can see how she's in reality and how she thinks, still, she prefer to act in front of me and imitate me in look for acceptance instead of showing herself clearly and being herself so we both can have a 1x1 true relationship. She made me feel like talking with her was more or less the same to talking with the mirror with some occasional passive aggressive envious or competitive remarks.

...this kind of behavior can be nice for some, and its usually positively received labeling the person as "being extremely nice and kind", but after 10 years of the same stuff it turns weird and uncomfortable, and restricts the growth and development of healthy relationships and stop from having real connections with others so basically the relationships are some kind of "game", where someone says to others what they supposedly want to hear expecting the same in return, so they get disappointed when they receive critics or truths in exchange instead of a bunch of nice words.






That aside, when I start dating my IEE, the first thing that he told me was how he has been criticized by other girls before...he was been told that he was fat (he was never fat alaik) or how mean he was... so I told him that I'll still loving him the same even if he'll get fat. lol Years after he gain like 13 kg (of fat not muscle) and I kept loving him the same.

Anyway, since he was sensitive to criticism and emotionally detached, I found ways of saying things in an uncritical way but a way that would make him feel accepted, loved and would bring fun to the relationship.

Brief example of that:
You are a cute grumpy bear vs You have the worst temperament that I've seen, I don't know how you allow yourself to be like that.

So there are basically positive and negative ways of saying things that would have very different results since often the problem is not the truth behind but the attitude and the way things are told. Also its good to learn to laugh about ourselves, it brings acceptance of our own flaws instead of feeling rejected and insecure and unable to accept or look at our own flaws.

[Saoirse]

That sounds like a tough situation to be in. People like that sap away my willpower and add stress when I'm already stressed out enough on my own, thanks. I'm lucky that I can just avoid people like that in my life. Can you be more specific about why you can't directly tell them that it makes you uncomfortable when they say these kinds of things? Do you have an HR department that helps mediate workplace conflicts? Can you be more specific about the nature of the criticisms (did the coworker make a comment about arm flab? that seems inappropriate)? Do you know the coworker's sociotype/instinctual stacking so we might know where they are coming from more?

*I'm not saying at all that I need approval from someone, but when I choose to spend time with someone I want to be around someone that tries just as much as I do to make the other person feel generally good, not challenged constantly.*

I totally feel this quote. This is why the LIIs I know annoy me (and maybe ILEs would too, not as much experience w them so don't know). In casual/non-academic settings, Ti criticisms are nitpicky, useless, and nonconstructive IMO. Ti is amazing and powerful and vital for intellectual subjects, but I so do not give a tiny rat's ass about why it doesn't make sense that there are no seats on this side of the train platform while the other side has seats. There's no need to point out, criticize, and philosophize on every dumb/inconsistent thing you see in the world. They are endless! But while it's draining for me, I guess it's energizing for them, like how Fi is for me...

Also, are you truly fine with love that is "assumed"? Do you need vocal reciprocation of positive words? My love languages definitely place words of affirmation high and that might be why, honestly.

I'm not fine with love that is assumed. I do want (maybe "need" is too strong) vocal reciprocation of positive words. I think those are two related but not totally identical things. I like that @applejacks mentioned she recognizes how other things that her husband does show his love for her. If someone assumed love when there are zero signs of it in any love language whatsoever, I would think that person is a fool. But if you are in mutual love with someone who just has a different love language, it should be possible to reach a compromise where you both try to use each other's top love languages more, as long as neither of you actively hates/fears/refuses to use/finds painful to use the other's main love language (which happened w a guy I dated who for some reason could not bear to use words of affirmation).

@rest of thread, EII berserk mode is interesting. ... I think the posts here are useful information about it (since the stereotype is that EIIs are perfectly docile and weak), but they over-dramatize its causes and manifestations IMO. It's probably different for E4s and E9s and also for varying psychological health levels. I'll make a thread about it since I'd be interested to hear more perspectives/stories about it (is there already such a thread?).

[scio]

That aside, when I start dating my IEE, the first thing that he told me was how he has been criticized by other girls before...he was been told that he was fat (he was never fat alaik) or how mean he was... so I told him that I'll still loving him the same even if he'll get fat. lol Years after he gain like 13 kg (of fat not muscle) and I kept loving him the same.

Anyway, since he was sensitive to criticism and emotionally detached, I found ways of saying things in an uncritical way but a way that would make him feel accepted, loved and would bring fun to the relationship.

Brief example of that:
You are a cute grumpy bear vs You have the worst temperament that I've seen, I don't know how you allow yourself to be like that.

So there are basically positive and negative ways of saying things that would have very different results since often the problem is not the truth behind but the attitude and the way things are told. Also its good to learn to laugh about ourselves, it brings acceptance of our own flaws instead of feeling rejected and insecure and unable to accept or look at our own flaws.

Absolutely. It's tone and word choice. Laughing at myself is like my favorite thing!!! I always feel like I'm watching myself in a movie, going through life like a ridiculous person amongst serious people.

With the mood swing thing: Not to blame too much on type, but could that maybe possibly be Fi creative? I'm so moody it's insane and a lot of people are freaked out at how quickly my repulsion kicks in when someone says something rude/offensive. I feel like I can't be near them and when they give me a bit to get over my feelings, I come right back

[scio]

That sounds like a tough situation to be in. People like that sap away my willpower and add stress when I'm already stressed out enough on my own, thanks. I'm lucky that I can just avoid people like that in my life. Can you be more specific about why you can't directly tell them that it makes you uncomfortable when they say these kinds of things? Do you have an HR department that helps mediate workplace conflicts? Can you be more specific about the nature of the criticisms (did the coworker make a comment about arm flab? that seems inappropriate)? Do you know the coworker's sociotype/instinctual stacking so we might know where they are coming from more?



I totally feel this quote. This is why the LIIs I know annoy me (and maybe ILEs would too, not as much experience w them so don't know). In casual/non-academic settings, Ti criticisms are nitpicky, useless, and nonconstructive IMO. Ti is amazing and powerful and vital for intellectual subjects, but I so do not give a tiny rat's ass about why it doesn't make sense that there are no seats on this side of the train platform while the other side has seats. There's no need to point out, criticize, and philosophize on every dumb/inconsistent thing you see in the world. They are endless! But while it's draining for me, I guess it's energizing for them, like how Fi is for me...



I'm not fine with love that is assumed. I do want (maybe "need" is too strong) vocal reciprocation of positive words. I think those are two related but not totally identical things. I like that @applejacks mentioned she recognizes how other things that her husband does show his love for her. If someone assumed love when there are zero signs of it in any love language whatsoever, I would think that person is a fool. But if you are in mutual love with someone who just has a different love language, it should be possible to reach a compromise where you both try to use each other's top love languages more, as long as neither of you actively hates/fears/refuses to use/finds painful to use the other's main love language (which happened w a guy I dated who for some reason could not bear to use words of affirmation).

@rest of thread, EII berserk mode is interesting. ... I think the posts here are useful information about it (since the stereotype is that EIIs are perfectly docile and weak), but they over-dramatize its causes and manifestations IMO. It's probably different for E4s and E9s and also for varying psychological health levels. I'll make a thread about it since I'd be interested to hear more perspectives/stories about it (is there already such a thread?).

Lol, I know right! It's hard to take things when you're already your own worst critic. I honestly should have told the person, but I hate confrontation and just sort of ignore him until I can't anymore. I know that's not right, but that's what I've been doing lol sigh. Lol no he didn't make the comment about the arm flab, that would've been horrible. I think that he is either an LIE or LSE but I am leaning towards LSE because he is always talking about his health strategies (and like very not Si PolR stuff). I know he is a nice guy and means well, but he doesn't think before he speaks and it feels like bullying when you don't get positive feedback.

So you don't experience beserk mode??
I imagine it like this

tumblr_mthg3s1r6X1rohlvuo1_400.jpg

Exactly. I think that anyone who thinks that they can sustain love with no outward signs are crazy. However, I looooove when you can pick up on subtle, unexpected ways they show it. I think at times all of the love languages can be valued.. just as long as there's something. I think that as long as it's there I could appreciate it.

I'm not sure if there's another thread but it sounds interesting!

[Antennae]

Please don't let others control how you feel either directly or indirectly.
You are the master of your destiny.
Your emotions are under your control.
You are responsible for making yourself feel amazing.
You are responsible for letting others inside your heart and in your head.



That said

1. If you feel like you want to be complimented, ask for it. Ask your friends explicitly to notice your weight, your clothes, your new phone, your stuff. In all likelihood, nobody is as observant of personal value as you are.

2. If you are hurt by someone's criticism, be vocal about it. Tell them you don't appreciate it and that it comes across as more hurtful than constructive.

3. Stop complimenting others. Everyone, in all likelihood, is doing fine without your affirmations. What this is doing is making you feel worse by creating the burden of reciprocation on both you and your friends.

4. Gift-giving should never come with the expectation of reciprocation. When you give someone a present you are not doing it thinking you'll get something for your birthday in return, do you? Then why with compliments

And lastly, in the words of the great RuPaul Charles, "if u can't love urself how in the hell u gonna love somebody else can i get an amen "

[niffer]

Scream at them.

[scio]

@Antennae I know sigh but it's just hard when you really value the person's opinion.
Absolutely 100% agree, though.
Thank you for your tips

[Tearsofaclown]

They run. Cower. Hide. Avoid. They are Delta NF, what else are they gonna do? Or rat the person out. lol.

[Chae]

Please don't let others control how you feel either directly or indirectly.
You are the master of your destiny.
Your emotions are under your control.
You are responsible for making yourself feel amazing.
You are responsible for letting others inside your heart and in your head.



That said

1. If you feel like you want to be complimented, ask for it. Ask your friends explicitly to notice your weight, your clothes, your new phone, your stuff. In all likelihood, nobody is as observant of personal value as you are.

2. If you are hurt by someone's criticism, be vocal about it. Tell them you don't appreciate it and that it comes across as more hurtful than constructive.

3. Stop complimenting others. Everyone, in all likelihood, is doing fine without your affirmations. What this is doing is making you feel worse by creating the burden of reciprocation on both you and your friends.

4. Gift-giving should never come with the expectation of reciprocation. When you give someone a present you are not doing it thinking you'll get something for your birthday in return, do you? Then why with compliments

And lastly, in the words of the great RuPaul Charles, "if u can't love urself how in the hell u gonna love somebody else can i get an amen "

I love that. Thank you <3 Here's more gay wisdom:

"Not today Satan, not today!" - Bianca Del Rio

"Unless they are going to pay your bills, pay them no mind!" - Rupaul

"The biggest obstacles I've ever faced were the ones placed there by me" - Rupaul

"Don't get bitter - just get better!" - Alyssa Edwards

And:

[The Reality Denialist]

PoLR is not inability to be violent. Especially when you have no clue how to dose proper aggression. Heck, I tend to have some problems in this as well as I'm not good enforcer.

EIIs try to pressure wen they deem it is necessary but it is not that effective. I have seen LII kids smashing objects against people.

[justalitnerdxx]

With constant criticism in my past job, I became too scared to do anything at all, felt intolerably unhappy and unworthy, eventually had a nervous breakdown and left.

[anndelise]

Upon immediately hearing the criticism I initially accept it as true and immediately feel guilty.
But then I look at what is being criticized. Is it something that matters? Did I actually do something wrong? Is the criticism coming from awareness of info or a perception I wasn't aware of at the time? Given the understanding I had at the time, what could I have done differently? (This question leads me to possible forks in the path in which I chose one path over another. And is feedback for if, and under what conditions, the other path might've been better.) Does the person's opinion actually mean anything to me?

You say Words of Affirmation is one of your love languages. Do you have an idea of what love languages the other person speaks? Maybe they are just as frustrated as you cuz you don't speak their love language back at them? (This happened between my daughter and I. Neither of us felt loved by the other. I can across the love languages, and we took the test together. Our answers were complete opposites. Completely Opposite! My daughter was a preteen at the time, but she caught on immediately to what that meant. And we talked about things we could each do to try speaking the other's love language.)

Also, remind yourself that you cannot please everyone, and you won't please one person all the time. It's not even your life's job. Sometimes you just have to accept that you might irritate someone, or lose a friend, etc. It's easier to accept that if you've remained authentically yourself and abided by your own personal values. New information might alter your understanding of a situation you're being criticized for, but given the same situation without the new understanding, you don't see how you could do anything differently. That's being authentically you. And recognizing that the same probably applies to the other person as well, also helps in accepting it.
(This is one reason why communication is so important to me, particularly between me and my loved ones / friends.)

[velveteen]

It depends. I actually appreciate constructive criticism, anyone that makes me think and prompts me to self-reflect is greatly appreciated because my mission is self improvement through reflection and understanding. Excessive criticism, though, I think indicates something about the person spewing the criticism and there are two kinds of people I don't trust, those who make grand statements and those who give you their unsolicited wisdom and advice. Because more often than not, neither know what the hell they're talking about and are usually pushing some agenda.

People who try to tear others down are insecure and it's usually just projection. I pity them. Some people aren't even conscious of the fact that they're hurting you with their words or approach, because that's the approach they are used to themselves.

[Sol]

They seem to only criticize and critique instead of ever being able to see the good in you.

Generally I with interest hear any opinions. If they are popular or have good arguments - I'll think more about that opinions.
There is nothing bad when someone criticize or argue with you. It's not pleasant, but may be useful anyway. Generally by shareing their opinions people try to help each others, not to harm. If you want better reactions - you need to find better arguments for your point of view, or sometimes interact with people which already agree with you.

> I am especially sensitive to this. Perhaps it is Ti PolR.

F types take logical criticism harder. I meet this regularly. Even people with good IR tolerate disputes with an effort.

Percieve this as a kind of studing. Studing often is not pleasant or easy, but it's obligate part of peoples' communication - everybody has own opinion and this needs some work people would match their opinions.

> Even when the person means well but it just feels like you are under a microscope, how do you deal with it? Do you see past it or avoid them?

If a discussion becomes not interesting, not pleasant enough or I get tired - I make a resume and go out of the discussion. Nothing special.
Yes, I may avoid what see as not useful or not pleasant. The example are politics - many emotions and low knowledge of both sides, - so I generally say what I think, without trying seriously to debate. Where discussions have emotions people tend to think badly, they are very prejudiced. So I try to use logics in any themes, but F types feel badly in these cases - they percieve as I don't respect them or want to hurt, while I just don't think about emotional side of arguments as this hinders logical analysis. After a time F types reduce emotions and think better about what I said, but they often feel badly during discussions. It's significant problem of my communications.

> Or even in a work setting when your boss gives you no positive feedback even if you work well.

I'd take into account - where is he right or wrong. It's boss's work to control you and try to make you to work better.

> after a lot of criticism, I start to only pay attention to the fact that it is criticism..not even what they're saying

It's when you are overloaded by information or by emotions. It's important to analyse what people say to you, if those people are competent in that region and are meaningful for you. Try to remember what was said, to find main parts and think about that later.