Do you tolerate submissiveness?

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I'd like to have a serious discourse about public passivity.

I am very socially passive. Type B personality, definitely. However it's kind of the thing where, people usually like to make me angry to shake me up, like when they see me talk back to people or get a little angry they sometimes clap, or say how I'm 'showing my true colors.' I hate this, because I just want nothing more than to be accepted as a passive person.

Yes, I'm well aware you can't have sexual or social chemistry being 'nice' or polite all the time. However, I don't care. When I first meet a person, I like to be polite and homely with them, it's just how I am. I don't like to rant and rave about the latest social injustices like a cracked out urban homeless person on meth. I prefer a much more 'personal responsibility' approach to things and gentle encouraging and nudging. My 'real self' is so much different than my Ni-ego in my writing.

However I'm 6'2" and (reasonably) masculine looking. So the idea of me carrying myself as passive doesn't seem to bode well for me socially, and maybe- the whole thing of me thinking myself as submissive is all in my head anyway.

I don't know.

I am socially smart and knowledgeable and have been able to show dominance 'that way' but as an intuitive introvert, I don't exactly have the very best physical presence. Or one at all, really.

The thing of it is. I haven't ever been really outright attacked for being submissive. (and if I am, other people are usually quick to defend me) People always talk about all this taking advantage of the weak, etc. But that never really happened to me. How much of our 'nice guys finish last' thoughts are based on truth, or a cynical view of human nature? Yes, it invited bullying in my younger male years however nowadays - men have all gotten over that, and it's really not a big deal. Hmm.

(I didn't have a strong father figure like most yuk-yuks into psychology and I wonder how much of that effects me sometimes.)

[implied]

i've only had one person in my life tell me i was "submissive" and bitch at me about being submissive, and i think the guy was INFp. they just expect you to smack them around and such crap, and i didn't care to "put him in his place" or whatever Se people do for you. he interpreted this as being submissive.

[1981slater]

[FDG]

Submisivness doesn't really seem to be a character trait that somebody has to "tolerate", by its very nature.

[jessica129]

i've only had one person in my life tell me i was "submissive" and bitch at me about being submissive, and i think the guy was INFp. they just expect you to smack them around and such crap, and i didn't care to "put him in his place" or whatever Se people do for you. he interpreted this as being submissive.

lol I've had the same experience

[1981slater]

Weird. I was not expecting that.

why do you find that weird, Allie?

[FDG]

why do you find that weird, Allie?

Because you're a spaniard.

[1981slater]

Because you're a spaniard.

Perhaps there are not tall guys in North America??

[1981slater]

answer

Actually, there is motto that says that tall people are less "aggressive" than short people

[ArchonAlarion]

I think I tend to act submissive around people I don't know well, and that might give off victimy vibes.

But to people I am comfortable with I turn into a silly, annoying, spazzy, witty, infantile shit.

But Im only "submissive" acting because Im shy. Idk if that really counts as submissive because though now that I think about it...

[FDG]

Actually, there is motto that says that tall people are less "aggressive" than short people

Just say it in spanish

[1981slater]

Just say it in spanish

"los altos no tienen mala leche"
(tall guys are not mean, tener mala leche=to have bad milk, the mother of someone gave him/her milk that made him/her become as mean as his/her mother: I can't translate that!)

You know, a comedian said that fascists used to rise their hands because they meant they wanted to be taller

[Wynch]

i've only had one person in my life tell me i was "submissive" and bitch at me about being submissive, and i think the guy was INFp. they just expect you to smack them around and such crap, and i didn't care to "put him in his place" or whatever Se people do for you. he interpreted this as being submissive.

lol I've had the same experience

Me too.

My roomie does this all the time.

[redbaron]

Actually, there is motto that says that tall people are less "aggressive" than short people

reminds me of the way little tiny dogs like to bark their heads off at big dogs who just stand there quietly. lol

I'm very very submissive too, B&D. But when you're a woman, it's a non-issue for the most part.

[idolatrie]

However I'm 6'2" and (reasonably) masculine looking. So the idea of me carrying myself as passive doesn't seem to bode well for me socially, and maybe- the whole thing of me thinking myself as submissive is all in my head anyway.

I have a similar (in fact, exactly inverse: tiny feminine girl who is assertive) issue with the disconnect between my physicality and my internal identity. A constant sense of wrongness. But what can you do about it really? You just learn to live with balancing it out. Find your comfort zone. If you feel society is marginalising you, change society so you can say: boys can be submissive, girls can be assertive, I reject your heteronormative gender assumptions. But there are plenty of people out there who don't automatically make flawed assumptions about who you are or who you can be based on what you look like, people are more intelligent and open-minded than you seem to give them credit for.

If you accept yourself, it is easier for other people to accept you. *shrugs* There's absolutely nothing inherently wrong about being submissive, or assertive, or whateverthefuck you are. You just are.

[Creepy-Diana]

.

[Park]

I dislike the concept of being submissive to something or someone in general. It creates a feeling of aversion and general disgust.

[Park]

lol. I've had other Beta NFs look down on me for being passive too.

But that's a totally different thing from being submissive. The question is, do you let others use and turn your passiveness into their submission?

[07490]

Submisivness doesn't really seem to be a character trait that somebody has to "tolerate", by its very nature.

The same people who critized people for being weak can't stand up for people whose bigger than them, instead unleashing their urge for control over people whose weaking than them. If you can talk the talk, then walk the walk and stand up with people whose bigger than you, FDG is right, you can tolerate bully and be their bitch but you can't tolerate someone who just wants to be left alone.

[Park]

sometimes I withdraw, which some people would interpret as me being the "loser" and them the "winner."

I do the same. It happens when I want to prevent needless conflict or engagements on my part that will get no one nothing good. I just won't waste my time fighting or competing with someone over trivial matters or something of no personal importance to me. I retreat purposefully.