Places and locations one can find and meet IEIs/INFps

[Darkstar]

Hi!

I am Darkstar and I want to find an INFp and see what they are all about!
I will try to start something romantic to! How that goes will depend on you and I will tell every nasty thing that happens right here!

I believe that INFp's are _under_ representated at the normal social gatherings where I would usually meet strangers. Like bars, parties and things in that manner.. but WHERE are the over representated? To kinda up my changes a bit. I'm thinking places like bookstores, cafe's maybe at their best friends house or at their apartment watching some show dreaming away life!

So my Question to you INFP's (are there a better way to say that, it don't really roll of your tongue??)
Question where do You hang out? where are you outside your home and away from the pleasant world of your fantasy?

OR... where do you think you 'might' hang out? any place where there may be a over representation of your kind.

and I am a cool guy and if you have some secret hang out place you can PM me about it!

[aka-kitsune]

I believe that INFp's are _under_ representated at the normal social gatherings where I would usually meet strangers. Like bars, parties and things in that manner..

Yup. I never liked those kinds of meat markets. I used to avoid social gatherings like the plague when I was younger. Now I can surely bluster my way through a social event, but it's still generally nervewracking, and I fail miserably to come off as nonchalant as I'd like.

but WHERE are the over representated? To kinda up my changes a bit. I'm thinking places like bookstores, cafe's maybe at their best friends house or at their apartment watching some show dreaming away life!

At home in front of the TV watching Avatar! Love yours btw! BIG fan of Sokka. He's just fabulous! Throatoflap!

I used to work at a bookstore. Didn't really go to cafes. Most friends or romantic potential I met through work or was introduced by friends. Lately, I meet peeps through the local theatre group I belong to. Although, it's been a double-edged sword. I feel way more social than I've ever been, but also conversely more out of touch with myself. I find myself caring way too much whether people actually like me and seek me out.

I wish I could be socially blithe.

Question where do You hang out? where are you outside your home and away from the pleasant world of your fantasy?

OR... where do you think you 'might' hang out? any place where there may be a over representation of your kind.

See above. Er... the answers of the more youthful IEIs might be more useful to you. That's part of my social dilemma actually; I meet a lot of 20-somethings and feel somewhat out of touch with their milieu.

But then again, I don't know that IEI/INFps can ever really be "cool". There's might just be a built-in sense of social rejection. Self-consciousness.

[zenbrat]

The Internet

I can't think of a single person that I've ever met while "out" anywhere. I avoid people who try to chat me up in public places.

[betterthan]

Ha, this is so wierd, I was just thinking about this a few minutes ago!

I really am such a homebody, the other place you could find me would be with friends (a small group and normally during the day instead of like late, party hours)...I don't really know how to advise you, I guess your best bets would be - school/college, work, oh or the supermarket , I think we are likely to be found in places that we need to be, if that makes sense?

Haha, sorry this was such bad advice.

Good luck on finding an INFP though .

[betterthan]

Actually I agree with Zenbrat about getting chatted up, when a random guy comes up to me and starts talking dirty, I run away or if I can't run I just get really red and can't talk, lol -rolls eyes-!

But I don't think I would be freaked out if you walked up to me and gave me a killer smile then slipped your number into my hand. I would think that that was really smooth.... but then I would probaly be too afraid to call .

[Satan]

darkstar, bounce through other guys. they hide. i don't now why i'm telling you this.

people seem to naturally find like-minded people. once you find one, you should be able to find more.

connect, connect. and do some more connecting.

oh, and don't notice them. they'll notice you.

[PotatoSpirit]

Suggestions: their homes lol,

Yeah, knock on their doors, they love that, especially if they don't know you yet and aren't expecting it (c:

[Wittmont]

Yeah, knock on their doors, they love that, especially if they don't know you yet and aren't expecting it (c:

LOOOOOLL

[Darkstar]

I just saw the movie "The science of sleep" A good, strange movie! It gives me a feel of how and INFp is.

How the hell do I pick someone up in the supermarket?

"I see you're buying taco... Mind if I come eat some of your pink taco?! " *SLAP*

I think mercutio is the one that understand my point of view best. But do you mean that I should first meet a guy, get to know him and then have him introduce me to his girlfriends? To me it sounds like a lot of unnecessary work when I could just go directly to the girl.

I bet you have much more experience then me, but: "and don't notice them. they'll notice you." From what I just read in this thread, they sound to be super unsocial, atleast to strangers IRL so if I let them be the hunter and I can be the spider that sits and wait for them to get in my web I will probably be a hungry lonely spider.

But please elaborate!

I would Love to hear aka-kitsune's, dinki's and Starfall's experiences with strangers talking you up, it sounds like it happens as soon as you get out of your house so there should be plenty of stories. Make it detailed and as juicy as possible

I wanna get a feel on how you felt at the moment, what you thought of what he said and how _I_ can make it better!

[Darkstar]

I wish I could be socially blithe.

NO! That is a flavour of your personality that is very sexy
(if I translated it correct.. haha)

That's part of my social dilemma actually; I meet a lot of 20-somethings and feel somewhat out of touch with their milieu.

Where do you meet these "peeps", not counting the local theatre group.

when a random guy comes up to me and starts talking dirty, I run away or if I can't run I just get really red and can't talk, lol -rolls eyes-!

What the Fuck! .. a random guy comes up and starts talking dirty... Was it halloween and you went as a hocker?

But I don't think I would be freaked out if you walked up to me and gave me a killer smile then slipped your number into my hand. I would think that that was really smooth.... but then I would probaly be too afraid to call .

Yeah, You would give me your number and I would call. What is it btw?

Suggestions etc etc..

Yeah those were actually something I had in mind but as someone wise said "makes me feel somewhat out of touch with [that] milieu"

Whenever people approach I'll pretend I don't see them and slip away... I'm such a douche.

WHY?

[Satan]

I just saw the movie "The science of sleep" A good, strange movie! It gives me a feel of how and INFp is.

Never heard of it.

How the hell do I pick someone up in the supermarket?

You grab them, and lift them up. And spin them around like a kid?

Oh, you mean .. like .. acquire them ...

Well, I don't think that most girls like to be "for sale".

"I see you're buying taco... Mind if I come eat some of your pink taco?! " *SLAP*

Manners manners!

I don't know, really. There's a few ways you could go. You could give them advice. You could brush against them. Tell them that they'd like a girl like them, but that they've probably got a boyfriend. Because a girl as nice as them could never be on their own for long.

You could be more forward, and ask them if they'd come home with you. You have something to show them that they may like.

You could tell them that they're the girl of their dreams. But just, like a run down version. And that they have a few faults, a few problems, etc. Get them talking about their faults, problems, etc. But then that's kind of boring.

It's better to try and keep them laughing, make it like a game. Just try and get a reaction out of them. Tease them, try and get 'em feeling comfortable.

I think mercutio is the one that understand my point of view best. But do you mean that I should first meet a guy, get to know him and then have him introduce me to his girlfriends? To me it sounds like a lot of unnecessary work when I could just go directly to the girl.

Well, now that I think about it, that's starting to sound kind of predatorish. Most girls have "predator radars".

I think when you start to talk about unnecessary work, and picking up girls, then you're going to only find girls that aren't worth having in the first place. Most girls, want to seem like they're at least being a bit reluctant to enter into relationships. Otherwise they don't really mean anything. It's like if you saw a hot girl, and she threw herself at you. Would you want to take care of her well, would you want to treat her well, would you want any amount of commitment to her? Nah, you'd want to fuck her, then get out of there, before she starts having problems, and bringing up all her baggage, that she tried to trick you into not noticing by throwing herself at you. Hot girls don't throw themselves at guys for no reason. Ugly girls might, but they're probably just as desperate. And have just as many problems. And so you may as well just assume from the start that you're going to have to make an unreasonable investment.

I bet you have much more experience then me, but: "and don't notice them. they'll notice you." From what I just read in this thread, they sound to be super unsocial, atleast to strangers IRL so if I let them be the hunter and I can be the spider that sits and wait for them to get in my web I will probably be a hungry lonely spider.

Have you not read how shy the INFp girls that magically responded to you made themselves out to be. You really think that you're going to just walk up to them, and take them away. And they're not going to put up a fight?

Well, maybe. But when you're screaming "I don't know what to do!" I just don't think it's going to work. They're going to get scared, and start screaming. Or they're going to try and get away. And then you're going to have to take them against their will.

I think it's easier once they notice you. I mean you can go right up to them, and bridge the gap so to say. But they're going to be off-guard. They're going to be unsure of themselves. They're going to be wondering what your intentions are. They're going to ... hey hangon that sounds kind of like fun. But anyway, if you don't think you can shift them in ONE GO to being ready-to-go, right, and merry, blah blah ... Then you can always catch them when they catch you so-to-say. And considering you said you don't know what you're doing. That's probably going to be easier for you. Just less exciting.

If people don't go out of their way to be noticed. If they don't make themselves seen at all. And you go in, and try to get them seen, then they're probably going at least start being "hidden", so you have to bring them into the light. You have to bring them into the action. It's like you have to really PULL them in. Adn they're going to be relulctant like a dead-weight.

Whereas if they notice you, they're probably going to turn away. They're probably going to "pretend" to be shy. They're probably going to suddenly decide that now is a time, to act as if they have something better to do. That they should occupy themselves with something. And that something isn't going to be you. But the thing is, if you notice that they suddenly want to do something else. you can always get in the way of them. You can always frustrate them. You can tease them etc.

I suppose it's kind of rude though.

And let them be the hunter. Well, you could tell them that they're the hunter. If you're more of a hunter than them, it doesn't really matter what you say. It doesn't matter if you say that you're the game, that they're trying to catch. That you're the prize. They'll probably notice, and turn it around, that they're the catch, they're the prize.

It's strange how these things go, but playing opposite games, themes, confusing etc can actually be a way to build connections. So you can always joke about things like they'd "never go home with you", when really you want them to go home with you ... But that can be enough to put into their mind the theme of going home with you. . get me drift ?

But please elaborate!

I do it without even trying. But hey, don't listen to me. Follow your own path.

I would Love to hear aka-kitsune's, dinki's and Starfall's experiences with strangers talking you up, it sounds like it happens as soon as you get out of your house so there should be plenty of stories. Make it detailed and as juicy as possible

Why do you want to know about failed pick up attempts by other guys? Did any of them talk about SUCCESS STORIES?

It all sounds so depressing.

I wanna get a feel on how you felt at the moment, what you thought of what he said and how _I_ can make it better!

You think that girls are going to just give you all the answers. Okay, maybe. Girls want a guy they can walk all over. Okay? They want a guy that'll do everything for them. That can make them feel safe, secure, protected, etc. That will treat them well at all times. That won't mind their mother coming to stay.

Would you really want a girl having her mother come to stay? Think about yourself first.

[Satan]

I don't know why I'm trying to help you, darkstar. I'm not a girl, and I'm not INFp.

But hey,

I'm going to summarise

aka has met guys through friends, theatre-groups etc. If you're not into theatre you're going to find that hard to do. If you don't have friends that know INFp's the same.

zenbrat has mets guys through the internet. and from what she's said before she's not exactly "simple" as far as relationships go. even if you dated her off the internet, the relationship probably wouldn't last.

starfall's giving you good ideas of places to look, like you asked for. but notice, that she reiterates the difficulty of talking to them. this is real. it's not a joke.

dinki actually brings to mind something, that generally anyway, who flirts with multiple girls knows. you can get away with being quite forward for a moment. but not too long. you have to get in there quick, and do something to continue interaction. and she doesn't mention the opener that she exposed. she won't call the number. so she wants further interaction, but it's like a nice gesture. so that means you have to track her down again, and bring her up on not calling you, and discount that she's able to call you, and that you're going to have to call her. this reiterates my thing about how guys have to do unreasonable amounts of work. get used to it. so get her number. then tell her that when you ring her, she's going to ... (make up something) but just talk about how she's going to respond to you ringing her. and then ring her on the spot. and get her to do the other side of the conversation. she may say that it's silly, but get her to anyway. and it'll take a bit of the pressure off. because just beacuse you get a girls number, even if it's right, she may freak out when you call her. and then go from there... and leave things on a positive note.

[Satan]

My gut reaction was "manipulative bastard".

Hmm, mine was clown. My gut reaction to you is "little girl" by the way.

[aka-kitsune]

Where do you meet these "peeps", not counting the local theatre group.

That's pretty much it for me. I really don't have the energy to devote to socializing. Not to mention, I've never really just liked the idea of meeting people randomly. I need time to get accustomed.

I think you might be missing the point here. I'd have to generalize and say that INFps/IEIs are most comfortable meeting new people and getting acquainted in what they'd consider a "safe" situation. Somewhere there's no pressure or implied expectation. Like dating services. Nothing really develops naturally there; I think my personal difficulty with dating services is that it really ends up feeling like shopping. No subtlety, and I really can't stand *defining* what I'm looking for. Because it's really a kind of vague "I know it when I find it" sense. I like the idea of stumbling across someone interesting when I'm just doing what I normally do.

That said, I think you can't go looking for IEIs, they have to come to you. Sorry...! I prefer to do the "choosing" myself. If a stranger suddenly comes on strong out of nowhere, I will immediately back off. I can only feel really attracted to someone I feel isn't going to smother me. And that means allowing me to approach at my own pace.

The best you can do is pursue your own interests and that way you'll meet people who share them, whether or not they may be IEIs. :wink:

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Romantic relationships develop organically and it takes awhile... just being yourself so much that you attract what you need. I agree with you about the whole dating network sites. I've tried that and eh just doesn't work. Chemistry can't be forced like that.

If you feel that you aren't attracting people you actually really are, people that are just like you but don't want to smother/say anything so after awhile, both people need some semblance of self-confidence.

Also man I'm sorry but I have to say it: Avatar: The Last Dorkbender!

[betterthan]

What the Fuck! .. a random guy comes up and starts talking dirty... Was it halloween and you went as a hocker?

LOL. Welcome to the world of teenage boys! If it were halloween and I went as a nun it would still happen, the ones in my town are especially defective with it comes to girls...

Experiences? I started to write about them then I figured I should just give you advice on what and what not to do.

First of all what personality type are you? If you don't fit my description, don't try to hit on an INFP in this way, because we can read you, not to mention its not worth it cause as soon as we hang out you are going to be tottaly different...

Or if you only need to do some minor tweaks then go for it .

Also what does it for me may not do it for other INFP girls, so don't take this too seriously.

What doesn't work (to be blunt);

Being too passive, you have to be assertive, do not be clingy, do not be all 'nice' and 'careful' because I am going to get bored and irritated.

Don't be a man whore. If you are all over other girls or you fancy a new girl a week then you are just a waste of time. It just makes me feel unappreciated.

Don't act like your a man whore. Don't dangle other girls in front of me to make me jealous because I can see right through it and it just makes me think your insecure.

Don't be insecure, or at least fake it until you make it .

Don't come up to me and start hitting on me because I will get freaked out. Ease into it. If you are a good conversationlist, great because it takes me a while to warm up.

What does work (in my opinion);

Playfullness, being cheeky is great but if you aren't either then at the least please don't take yourself too seriously, just lighten up - or stay light .

The best thing is to be in a place where I am, where I can't escape (in the first 5 minutes, I will always want to because it takes me a while to feel chill), and to just start talking in a playful way, don't hit on me until you can see that I am feeling more comfortable, at least 5 minutes into the conversation and then compliment me (you are stunning is the one that has worked the best because it didn't demand anything and its not as cheesy as beautiful, its just right ). Banter is very sexy.

Being jokey and playful like this will put an INFP at ease and then they will open up and hopefully you can take it from there (you have to get her number and do all that jazz, INFPs rarely make the first move or the 2nd ect...)

Good luck .

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Fuck you. I'm insecure, non-assertive, not charming, and I am very deep and epic.

Oh wait. I don't want to have a relationship with a woman so I guess it doesn't apply to me.

And Dorkbender man you just set yourself up for failure big time by asking a woman what she wanted- you just still gave up all your power to her. Bad idea, bro. You have the dick they don't, be powerful damnit. That is so not how you get pussy dude. Oh what the hell. This is depressing. I'm getting something to drink.

Oh you want a relationship with a woman not just pussy? What the hell! That's gay. If you want a woman that's nice enough to be your sister I could hook you up. I can't guarantee sexual attraction however.

[Darkstar]

mercutio that is a big chunk of wisdom and I see you talk from experience. It will take me some time to digest it all. I like those practical tips that comes from doing. Empiricalish, like: Try - Fail. Try - Fail. Try - Succeed! Then you analyze what worked and pass it on to the fellow man!

To summarise your summarisation; I am not in a theatre group, my friends don't know an INFp what I know of.. I think internet dating is lame too. So hard to get personal.
I actually once did the E-dating thing but used a fake photo, so I started talking to this girl and we sent these really long messages to each other. We really opened up to eachother and she said she couldnt have these deep discussion with her friends. Then I felt kinda bad letting her on when she thinks I look like someone else and so I sent pictures of me... and well.. I don't do dates on such sites again

So that leaves me with starfalls places... Those are places where I have to approach as the random creepy guy and putting them on the spot. I can almost make out their Deer eyes as I say "hi"..


dinki! first of all, not sure what my type is. Maybe I am your dual. Maybe not. But I think IEI's can be really cool and from just reading what most of the the IEI's on the forum writes I get a little turned on.. I'd like to see it up close and personal.

tss, crazy teenagers. Where do you live?

I appreciates your tips, *assertive, don't man whore, dont bore, be cheeky (isn't cheeky a little rude. With my translation I'd get a slap and an enemy if I was "cheeky")*

Shit, has to work on my banter.. How 'bout hookin up with me, dinki I make you dinner and I can do a few practice talks with you before I go out doing the real deal
You guys aren't really making it feel easy for me!

When I read this: Experiences? I started to write about them then I figured I should just give you advice on what and what not to do. My jaw dropped and hit the table.
I Love experiences!
I can sort of pick up the vibe, and then place myself in the situation and I can think about how I would have acted, what can I say, and what would that make you feel and do. And so forth. Solid entertaining for me before sleep




Dove, stay off the drugs.

[Darkstar]

OK, I am sorry I have not been so active and giving you some REAL feedback when testing what you have said, but I don't really have any hookah longues and the library is closed.

BUT! I am going to the beach tomorrow and I have a good feeling about it!

I have a killer tactic that I throw or catch a ball, frisbee wrong and it just seem to find their way to cute girls If I do it to 16 cute girls, one might be the one

[Darkstar]

I dunno if anyone wanna know but no succes at the beach. Was all these familys with their kids.

I played in the water, built a mini sand eifell tower and went home.

oh and I burnt myself in the sun...

[HKitty]

Darkstar you crack me up.

[Satan]

Looks like darkstar is in with a chance!

[HKitty]

Looks like darkstar is in with a chance!

If that was referring to me, haha! no.

[Satan]

If that was referring to me, haha! no.

You're so vain, you think that everything's about you.

[misutii]

I'm not an INFp female but I know a few, I don't know if you smoke but if you live in north america you're probably familiar with the whole nazi anti-smoking bullshit. Talking to other smokers while having a cigarette outsde some non-smoking establishment is relatively easy because you immediately have a common interest and something to talk about lol. Just an idea

[Darkstar]

I have this weird belief that all INFp are female

but I will start smoking then! I heard it is good for.. eh the enviroment becuase... smoke kills.. the uuh people that make earth go bad... *language level that of an six year old*


I have another question, someone mentioned about some place with an indie feel. And I have been since then heard the word indie, indie style, indie clothes. Is it of the new indiana jones movie or what is indie exactly?

PS: the library is stone fucking dead. Where does everyone go at summer??

[Satan]

I have this weird belief that all INFp are female

but I will start smoking then! I heard it is good for.. eh the enviroment becuase... smoke kills.. the uuh people that make earth go bad... *language level that of an six year old*


I have another question, someone mentioned about some place with an indie feel. And I have been since then heard the word indie, indie style, indie clothes. Is it of the new indiana jones movie or what is indie exactly?

PS: the library is stone fucking dead. Where does everyone go at summer??

Most INFp's smoke pot too.

[Darkstar]

Atleast they look like they are constantly smoking

[Wittmont]

They smoke crack too, but we want to break the news to you gently. Not all the multitude of vices at the same time. That would be too much...

[Darkstar]

LOL. Welcome to the world of teenage boys! If it were halloween and I went as a nun it would still happen, the ones in my town are especially defective with it comes to girls...

Experiences? I started to write about them then I figured I should just give you advice on what and what not to do.

First of all what personality type are you? If you don't fit my description, don't try to hit on an INFP in this way, because we can read you, not to mention its not worth it cause as soon as we hang out you are going to be tottaly different...

Or if you only need to do some minor tweaks then go for it .

Also what does it for me may not do it for other INFP girls, so don't take this too seriously.

What doesn't work (to be blunt);

Being too passive, you have to be assertive, do not be clingy, do not be all 'nice' and 'careful' because I am going to get bored and irritated.

Don't be a man whore. If you are all over other girls or you fancy a new girl a week then you are just a waste of time. It just makes me feel unappreciated.

Don't act like your a man whore. Don't dangle other girls in front of me to make me jealous because I can see right through it and it just makes me think your insecure.

Don't be insecure, or at least fake it until you make it .

Don't come up to me and start hitting on me because I will get freaked out. Ease into it. If you are a good conversationlist, great because it takes me a while to warm up.

What does work (in my opinion);

Playfullness, being cheeky is great but if you aren't either then at the least please don't take yourself too seriously, just lighten up - or stay light .

The best thing is to be in a place where I am, where I can't escape (in the first 5 minutes, I will always want to because it takes me a while to feel chill), and to just start talking in a playful way, don't hit on me until you can see that I am feeling more comfortable, at least 5 minutes into the conversation and then compliment me (you are stunning is the one that has worked the best because it didn't demand anything and its not as cheesy as beautiful, its just right ). Banter is very sexy.

Being jokey and playful like this will put an INFP at ease and then they will open up and hopefully you can take it from there (you have to get her number and do all that jazz, INFPs rarely make the first move or the 2nd ect...)

Good luck .

I should have read those things more careful... Mostly the thing of taking it easy and letting her warm up a little... haha shit. Stupid women, they are all really stupid.

[Satan]

I should have read those things more careful... Mostly the thing of taking it easy and letting her warm up a little... haha shit. Stupid women, they are all really stupid.

I hate girls telling me to relax.

Fuck 'em.

Who wants to "take it easy?"

[Satan]

so,

i've kind of got no excuses like lack of money blah blah left, so

where's a good place to meet infp's.

[strrrng]

Coffee shop.

[Gilly]

Coffee shops and internet forums.

[sigma]

Coffee shop.

Come on.... I mean... ok... I entered once in a coffee shop last summer... but... I don't think IEIs are so attracted to marijuana. And even if they would be... I don't think it is the best place to meet people.

Forums would be the best bet!

[UDP]

Appropriate sections of book stores. Music stores. Anything related to "indie music". Arts, theater.

Places where is not particularly valued.

[redbaron]

Coffee shop.

[jessica129]

Come on.... I mean... ok... I entered once in a coffee shop last summer... but... I don't think IEIs are so attracted to marijuana. And even if they would be... I don't think it is the best place to meet people.

Forums would be the best bet!

How does marijuana have anything to do with a coffee shop? haha. Oh, they probobly sell it in coffee shops where you're from I'm assuming.

[strrrng]

Come on.... I mean... ok... I entered once in a coffee shop last summer... but... I don't think IEIs are so attracted to marijuana. And even if they would be... I don't think it is the best place to meet people.

Forums would be the best bet!

It doesn't have to be about marijuana, lol. Although, that is not a bad idea. Why wouldn't an IEI be attracted to it, anyway? A coffee shop with drugs is like a beta heaven (if the right people are there). Either that or it will turn into some delta hippie-fest.

[JRiddy]

Places to meet INFps:

• Amateur philosophy hour at your local university
• Crying conventions
• Hanging out with/sucking up to/on criminal overlords
• Professional counseling offices, in the waiting rooms