Lost Treasure

**Blaze** · 02-19-2010, 12:17 AM

ok so this is about why isfp and entp don't find each other. i have read here from time to time about why we don't connect and how we get side tracked by other people and don't dualize. it's a small tragedy or a larger one depending on how you look at it.

isfp lives in the middle of the crowd surrounded by people and able to get along with them all, loving all, in all ways. entp lives on the fringe of the crowd, preoccupied with Great Thoughts about Infinite Possibilities. entp will follow interesting and abstract leads, coming back, like prometheus, with some new invention to try to sell, caring nary a whit about what people think.

isfp can be said to be able to get along with anyone, even the most difficult. so they get married and even if they pick the wrong socionic type, will be able to manage it easily. they may miss out on their dual, being surrounded by all their friends and associates.

entp has to struggle through relationships and may miss their dual for not being where their dual is...

i do not believe that it is at all likely that a male isfp of middle age will be available. i think they will have been snapped up long ago. and even if they are not with their dual, they will have found a way to make it work, and will not be willing to endure the discomfort of the conflict that comes with divorce. isfp men who are in their 40's and single are sure to be a rarity.

consequently, i believe that the socionic theory of the superiority of duality has limited practical application for entp females in mid life.

**Timeless** · 02-19-2010, 06:45 AM

Where's the ILE in you? There is always a way:

Show us a wall, and we'll show you a door, a ladder, a tank, a shovel, a bomb, the corner edge etc.

The way I see this: if you think something works against you, you'll find plenty of reasons to back that claim up. On the other hand, if you think something works for you, you'll find plenty of reasons to back that claim up.

It's just where your focus is at.

What do you think your thread was focusing on?

**Blaze** · 02-19-2010, 12:41 PM

there's always a way if you're willing to do things that will not work or get you in trouble or somehow force yourself on someone else and violate their rights.

i'm not really meaning for this to sound so negative...what i'm saying is that i think it's quite unlikely for a male isfp to be available for a relationship in mid life due to the factors outlined above.

**Gilly** · 02-19-2010, 01:28 PM

Stop rationalizing. If you love IEI man, you love him, and that's the end of it.

Creepy-male · 02-19-2010, 01:47 PM

How old is mune anyway?

**Blaze** · 02-19-2010, 07:49 PM

Originally Posted by Gilly

Stop rationalizing. If you love IEI man, you love him, and that's the end of it.

!!! i do, i do....but sometimes i crave Si. and sometimes he craves Se. at times, we are in the intuitive forest....kinda funny, really.

those of you with Ni in your ego....i'm asking you to forsee into the future how SEI makes decisions as they age.....and you SEI's.....how you see yourself as you age and how you get along with different types on a close distance in a romantic relationship....

all for the sake of socionics understanding.

Creepy-Pied Piper · 02-19-2010, 09:23 PM

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Creepy-Pied Piper · 02-19-2010, 09:26 PM

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Creepy-Pied Piper · 02-19-2010, 10:09 PM

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**Zed** · 02-20-2010, 05:55 AM

So, Pinocchio, any tips for getting it on with a dual?

**redbaron** · 02-20-2010, 01:22 PM

Originally Posted by Blaze

!!! i do, i do....but sometimes i crave Si. and sometimes he craves Se. at times, we are in the intuitive forest....kinda funny, really.

those of you with Ni in your ego....i'm asking you to forsee into the future how SEI makes decisions as they age.....and you SEI's.....how you see yourself as you age and how you get along with different types on a close distance in a romantic relationship....

all for the sake of socionics understanding.

I have seen a male SEI in his 40s struggle with his beneficiary marriage. I don't think he's been super happy but he's made the decision to stay and make the best of things. He's VERY conflict averse. Enneagram 9. My SEI dad also had issues at mid-life with my mother (they're semi-duality) and they worked things out. He was depressed though too. But it was very hard for him to leave her. He is notorious for not being able to make a decision. And I think many SEIs are that way which means that they'd be more likely to stay in their current situation, whatever that is, than to branch out and look for something new. If they're free in midlife, something happened that was probably beyond their control. Like maybe they were dumped or widowed or things were REALLY bad in their marriage. But yeah I totally see what you're saying here, Blaze.

I believe in duality but I think it's far easier to procure when you're younger than you and I.

Creepy-male · 02-20-2010, 01:37 PM

Originally Posted by redbaron

And I think many SEIs are that way which means that they'd be more likely to stay in their current situation, whatever that is, than to branch out and look for something new.

This thing.

And it's in like, every description ever that if an SEI is separated from their wife, they'll remarry soon after anyway. Solution: go back in time and grow up with a sweet SEI boy

EDIT

On a useful note, Pinocchio, how did you find your SEI? Was she otherwise engaged, at first?

**Blaze** · 02-20-2010, 02:09 PM

Originally Posted by redbaron

I have seen a male SEI in his 40s struggle with his beneficiary marriage. I don't think he's been super happy but he's made the decision to stay and make the best of things. He's VERY conflict averse. Enneagram 9. My SEI dad also had issues at mid-life with my mother (they're semi-duality) and they worked things out. He was depressed though too. But it was very hard for him to leave her. He is notorious for not being able to make a decision. And I think many SEIs are that way which means that they'd be more likely to stay in their current situation, whatever that is, than to branch out and look for something new. If they're free in midlife, something happened that was probably beyond their control. Like maybe they were dumped or widowed or things were REALLY bad in their marriage. But yeah I totally see what you're saying here, Blaze.

I believe in duality but I think it's far easier to procure when you're younger than you and I.

exactly. this is exactly what i've been thinking. especially for a male SEI. they would be like gold to many women, who long for men who care about how they feel.

if any SEI is going to be free in mid life it would be a female SEI. perhaps female SEI is so giving...i could see a lot of men taking advantage to the fullest. it's almost classic: under appreciated and feeling used, female SEI ditches, getting fed up with it, leaving, knowing that she will easily find someone else.

i guess what i'm talking about is not only the influence of age but also gender and social context on ILE-SEI duality. SEI has qualities that are gender congruent for females, and highly coveted in males by women. ILE males, as the saying goes are fully accepted "that's just men" but ILE females kind of a stranger in the culture, not finding their dual when young (i think because we are preoccupied with our professions, since that is where we think most of our worth is found)....and their duals making it work with other types, and only under rare circumstances are they single and free in later life.

**redbaron** · 02-20-2010, 02:23 PM

Originally Posted by Blaze

exactly. this is exactly what i've been thinking. especially for a male SEI. they would be like gold to many women, who long for men who care about how they feel.

if any SEI is going to be free in mid life it would be a female SEI. perhaps female SEI is so giving...i could see a lot of men taking advantage to the fullest. it's almost classic: under appreciated and feeling used, female SEI ditches, getting fed up with it, leaving, knowing that she will easily find someone else.

i guess what i'm talking about is not only the influence of age but also gender and social context on ILE-SEI duality. SEI has qualities that are gender congruent for females, and highly coveted in males by women. ILE males, as the saying goes are fully accepted "that's just men" but ILE females kind of a stranger in the culture, not finding their dual when young (i think because we are preoccupied with our professions, since that is where we think most of our worth is found)....and their duals making it work with other types, and only under rare circumstances are they single and free in later life.

yes to all of this. Gender does play a definite role. And yeah, the SEI males I know are very very sweet. Even and especially when struggling. I can't imagine they'd be single for long...

At least your dual is sweet. Mine is... well I don't even know.

Creepy-Pied Piper · 02-20-2010, 02:42 PM

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Creepy-Pied Piper · 02-20-2010, 02:48 PM

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Creepy-cinq · 02-20-2010, 02:50 PM

Originally Posted by redbaron

I have seen a male SEI in his 40s struggle with his beneficiary marriage. I don't think he's been super happy but he's made the decision to stay and make the best of things. He's VERY conflict averse. Enneagram 9. My SEI dad also had issues at mid-life with my mother (they're semi-duality) and they worked things out. He was depressed though too. But it was very hard for him to leave her. He is notorious for not being able to make a decision. And I think many SEIs are that way which means that they'd be more likely to stay in their current situation, whatever that is, than to branch out and look for something new. If they're free in midlife, something happened that was probably beyond their control. Like maybe they were dumped or widowed or things were REALLY bad in their marriage. But yeah I totally see what you're saying here, Blaze.

I believe in duality but I think it's far easier to procure when you're younger than you and I.

Yes, I agree with this. My SEI mother remained in the marriage even though it was not healthy for her. I think most types for some reason or another will find it difficult to connect with their dual in mid-life. One the other hand, you may be lucky to connect with a dual early in life, but, not all duals are created equal - the relationship may not necessarily be satisfying. I think there is no harm in looking at other intertype relationships and with the knowledge, extract the best outcome knowing the benefits and limitations.

**redbaron** · 02-20-2010, 03:18 PM

Originally Posted by Pinocchio

@Blaze, redbaron: wtf? Nothing can stay against the happiness of both (you and the potential partner). If that guy is not happy and willing to be with you, what's the problem? There should exist no guilt because it will be towards the better for everyone - except if the current partner of your target is an idiot and will enter a worse relationship after that. The rest are details, imo.

Except if you're Taliban, or something

.

**Blaze** · 02-21-2010, 06:11 PM

Originally Posted by redbaron

At least your dual is sweet. Mine is... well I don't even know.

shit-eating. in the best possible way! :wink:

**tiny_dancer** · 02-21-2010, 07:38 PM

I know one SEI woman who was single midlife, and dating the coolest ILE I know. She dumped him because he wanted to get married, and her former marriage was so bad that she couldn't see it being any better the second time around. I was heartbroken for him.

Sometimes duals don't realize what they've got.

**redbaron** · 02-21-2010, 07:45 PM

Originally Posted by Blaze

shit-eating. in the best possible way! :wink:

**Satan** · 02-21-2010, 09:25 PM

Originally Posted by Blaze

shit-eating. in the best possible way! :wink:

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