IEE/SLI Relationships in the beginning (ISTp-ENFp)
So I am curious to see if anyone on here has any experience with IEE/SLI relationships. If any of you are in one or know of one, how did it begin? What was it like in the first stages? What was the most challenging thing, if there was one? If it is over, why? What is/was your feeling about the/your relationship?
Married to my dual.
Challenges are what other have discussed before me - IEE might want to move faster than the SLI, SLI needs time to make decisions, IEEs might have the skills to make up for what the SLI lacks in F-functions but that doesn't mean that SLIs don't grate on our nerves with their PoLrs and vice versa. Things like that .
Good luck with SLIs, you are definitely going to need it.
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| NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)
You know what? You're an individual, and that makes people nervous. And it's gonna keep making people nervous for the rest of your life. - Ole Golly from Harriet, the spy.
How did this play out in your relationship??Originally Posted by inabox
Hahahaha do you have experience? Why do you say this??
The first stage is like a stray dog (IEE) sniffing around a doghouse (SLI). The dog sees potential security but doesn't like the leash attached so, instead, chooses to pee on the house and leave......
a.k.a. I/O
Hahah patience on my part with his temper issues eg when he feels unloved or not paid attention to.
Aww idk. I don't think all ENFPs can relate *points to self* .The first stage is like a stray dog (IEE) sniffing around a doghouse (SLI). The dog sees potential security but doesn't like the leash attached so, instead, chooses to pee on the house and leave......
a.k.a. I/O
I also married my SLI dual. We met on Match.com. Our relationship was straight forward. There were no guessing games, no delay in responding to texts or emails. He was up front about wanting to be in a relationship, and introduced me to his sister on our second date. Because we spent the week prior to meeting emailing each other, conversation had depth and meaning. We loved sharing music and explaining what made the songs so special in our lives. We unveiled vulnerable moments or milestone achievements quickly with one another.
I always admit that, had we not met online and established a deeper connection through writing first, I might have thought him arrogant from a distance. Initial annoyances that I struggled to overcome early in the relationship included his lack of vocal feedback. He never gave compliments to my dress or appearance right away. They were usually delayed. Example: we went to a wedding together. I spent $80 on hair, put on a beautiful dress, new high heels, etc. He didn’t say a word when he picked me up, and though I felt beautiful, I kept wondering if he hated my curly hair the whole night. I was disappointed and mad, frankly. The next day he tells me rather matter-of-factly, “I had the most beautiful girl there.” This was constantly happening, and it frustrated me until I learned him better.
I also struggled with his desire to be home. He didn’t like going out as much as I did, and there is no “sucking it up” for him. If he doesn’t want to go, there is no changing his mind. If I make him go, then he’ll be grumpy the whole time. So we had to learn to be interdependent and strike balance. He also has a temper, but I found that if you respect him and where he’s coming from, it’ll never be directed at you. But he does break a lot of video game controllers, haha!
He struggled with some of my lack of organization, how I make “piles” all around the house. I also don’t have his “pick yourself up from the bootstraps” mentality, and when I’m down, I just can’t push through quite like he can. So he would make suggestions for how I should overcome a difficult season of life, but I would almost need more social support and external help and motivation. Whereas he can dig from his innermost being and push through. So I think those things frustrated him about me. I’m certain there are more, but he doesn’t voice them (thankfully!)
Seven years later, nearly six of which have been marriage, I start crying when I think how blessed I am to have him as my husband. He is my best friend and my perfect compliment. He’s still very, very different from me, but we make such a great team. We’ve improved on our communication and learning to voice concerns in the right “spirit” or tone. Our frustrations are never directed “at” each other, so there’s never been a ME vs HIM feeling in our marriage.
Now that we’re parents, he does all the house and yard work, and organizes everything around me. I take care of our daughter and make sure our fridge has food. We come together most nights and share observations about our newborn, and talk about what we noticed or how we can improve her sleep or fussiness. He shares concern for me and protects me from myself when I haven’t slept in days, but I’m too stubborn to cave and try something new. All throughout my labor, he was changing out cold, wet cloths for my forehead.
All in all, the IEE/SLI dual is a beautiful thing. It’s not showy or fancy, or wildly passionate. It’s peaceful and harmonious when each person becomes a student of the other and lets go of some of their own selfishness for the sake of the other and the relationship. It definitely has its issues in the beginning. But for us, it’s been a relationship that has blossomed and grown into a secure and stable marriage with occasional surprise flashes of passion, or hand holding and beautiful simplicity.
And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?- Matthew 6:30
From what Ive read, SLI is the total loser of the enneagram. For example, imagine a hierarchie : you have the first, then the last, then many in beetween. SLI are the last. In the quadra progression, they are at the last last last position. Weak personnality. Ask for love but in reality will never know real love : they choose ppl that they are sure that they don't love in order to not being that fucked by their emotion. In return the ppl they choose generally don't love them. They generally fall for the wrong type of friend : anyway, any ppl who remotely put attention on SLI become his friend, if the other accept to be with this junk, it's okay, but they are more often used than anything. SLI can't meet their goal. SLI are SLI. Worst personnality ever. EII are already not that great (no real strenght compared to their ultra up moral and generally unjust due to that), but SLI are worst. They tend to want to change society, because they can't adapt to it. In all, I don't think SLI is a type : it's more like a trash everyone can fall if their life condition are bad.
He didn't want you to fuck with her ? Strangeand introduced me to his sister on our second date.
oh come on now its not that bad
Yes but the two rotate between who is dog and who is doghouse almost constantlyThe first stage is like a stray dog (IEE) sniffing around a doghouse (SLI). The dog sees potential security but doesn't like the leash attached so, instead, chooses to pee on the house and leave......
a.k.a. I/O
Hah, who's peeing on who now, ungrateful canine?
“I want the following word: splendor, splendor is fruit in all its succulence, fruit without sadness. I want vast distances. My savage intuition of myself.”
― Clarice Lispector
In any relationship, the dialogue of partners is important. If your partner is ready to dialogue with you and is ready to discuss problems, your relationship can become harmonious. But to do this, both you and your partner will have to learn to talk to each other and hear each other. It is very important, especially when there are problems in the relationship. If you both have a willingness to work through problems, you can seek the advice of a psychotherapist. Sometimes such consultations are a necessity for couples.
Last edited by elspekost; 03-10-2022 at 06:20 AM.
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