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Thread: Duality, Conflict, and Pain

  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saoirse View Post
    I don't approach them much since I think they find me boring or uncool
    conflictors are not boring
    they may tire you by the difference in close communication. it's harder to cooperate with them because of other values. they do not give you suggestive support so freely as duals as it's not their valued. etc

    it's about all conflictors, including "not healthy" with psychic disorders which are ~20% only

    > For unhealthy ones, sometimes I get aggravated if we have to interact for some reason

    seems you are using the term health in own meaning, not medical one
    but there is no special sense in the Jung's typology, except mb higher accentuated types. but I doubt the majority of people have significant difference in this

    > I find them looking down on me stupid because we have different values, so I don't really care that I don't rank highly in their eyes.

    your talking style does not remind EII

    > I think the healthier ones can recognize different people have different values

    IR work for all, including the majority which are medically healthy. The closer you communicate - the more IR effects are noticed for good or bad. Also the sympathy depends on other traits of the both besides the types and psyche health.

    > It's not too hard to resist the Se of unhealthy ones, since in those cases, I often just have a "screw you" reaction.

    another contradiction with EII which prefer passive-agressive protection

    > I've gotten a lot of pain from duals/LSE. It's just worse when you strongly trust and admire someone and they let you down

    To admire is more Fe related. Fi types feel quiet sympathy and make pleasant relations, but do not admire openly and are not expected to describe own feeling in such terms. The whines about broken trust may relate to weak N and/or Fe/Ti valued.

    > It's hard to resist LSEs' Se since it's combined with valued Te. It used to make me think they're smart and always right, but I would only realize too late when they were using Se against me, not for me.

    In good relations no one would use anything "against" you. If you perceive this such - it were not good relations and you'd noticed this earlier being EII, which with base Fi and good N feel this especially good.

    > This selfishness is subconscious for them

    the selfishness in relations is generally felt with dealing with types having other values, in the regions of those values
    in good IR you accept the interest of other one as meaningful for you, but not as against you. duals are perceived as selfish the least of all - they inspire your compassion and you want to care about them yourself. they are like kids and friends in the same time

    > as they desperately want to believe they are good people (suggestive Fi)

    we prefer to behave in the norms to reduce the risks to get antipathy, to worsen relations without good reasons, especially with important people. we do not care much what people we are as objective - it's more Fe value thinking

    > They didn't trust my authority on Fi and Ni matters like I trusted their authority on Te and Se matters.

    if LSE do not trust you in Fi region, then he do not sees you as friendly and trustworthy. duals have this the least, - they inspire the emotional attraction and the trust the most. EII should communicate with LSE for some time he felt this to them. also EII understand better than other types what LSE will accept and how to say that.
    so in case there were LSE indeed - they do not see you as a friendly. this may relate to not EII as your type. you whine about problems which EII should have the least with LSE

    > Of course, it may just be because I interacted with less mature LSEs

    In case those were LSE, it's easy to explain by LSE are not your duals at all. The significant lack of trust in F region where you think it should to be, - points to worse than duality IR, in case F is your strong region. You do not understand those "LSE" to deal with them as you want.
    There are no special "mature" types, and no special "healthy" people besides in medical sense. The majority like ~80% of people have similarly accentuated types and common psyche. IR work on all classically in close communication where you seek for a friendship, and on more accentuated types they work stronger by the same way, and mb ~5% of people have IR effects lesser due to balanced types. The problems may to be from non-types factors which may affect some themes related to IR - like the antipathy to be not only from Jung types.

    Your systematic usage of Ti marks points on your Fe/Ti value. Or/and to S type which tries to simplify the relations by inappropriate heretic marks.

    > I think they are actually above average in maturity and mental health

    seems you think you may diagnose psyche health in general without specific methods. even with the accuracy to identify people which have it better than norma
    by "maturity" in related to types mb called lesser accentuated forms, but as I said - the majority of people have it close and it's statistically doubtful you was lucky to have the relations with several having balanced types. more possibly - non-types factors and mb other types gave you other impressions from those people.

    I'm sure your type is not EII, according to your talking style about relations. You have much of Fe valued ones and some suspicion to S type. EII do not sort people by categories so openly like you tend to do.

    > Maybe the absolute most mature LSEs, at the very top of Maslow's hierarchy, would be great to interact with. But such people are rare in any type.

    It's rare when people identify types correctly, especially the ones which do not understand even own one correctly. With good fantasy (and the weak nonvalued Te) they voluntarily may assign someone to "more than average mentally healthy", to "very top of Maslow's hierarchy" or other "higher" category because of better IR and other non-types factors which they like.
    This significant passion to categories and hierarchies reminds Fe/Ti value and points to low possibility for you to have base function as Te/Fi.

    > I am not sure if other EIIs have felt or would feel the same dual trauma as I have since they actually often just don't naturally get that close to LSEs.

    It would be "healthy" for you to make the typing theme with your videointerview. As if you'll try to deal with real LSE they may appear not enough "healthy" for you as most probably are not your duals. Or you'll keep the good chance to get "dual traumas" further. It's good to not use Socionics at all, if it gives you traumas. You should to have skills to use any tool and then you'll get the use, instead of traumas.

    There is the example of @ooo which thinks herself as EII, while being IEI. I'm rather sure EII is not your type too.

  2. #42
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    lol @Sol i'm pretty sure you just don't understand EIIs at all. sorry for raining on your duality-lovin parade

  3. #43
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    I think Sol's probably more right than not so maybe try and work it out if you can... I suppose the rejoinder would simply be that I'm wrong too, but I feel like when at least 2 people can agree on something there's at least something there, even if its slight

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bertrand View Post
    I think Sol's probably more right than not so maybe try and work it out if you can... I suppose the rejoinder would simply be that I'm wrong too, but I feel like when at least 2 people can agree on something there's at least something there, even if its slight
    Except if one of those people is Bertrand
    [Today 07:57 AM] Raver: Life is a ride that lasts very long, but still a ride. It is a dream that we have yet to awaken from.

    It's hard to find a love through every shade of grey.

  5. #45
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    Sol + Bertrand, socionics realities dream team
    [Today 07:57 AM] Raver: Life is a ride that lasts very long, but still a ride. It is a dream that we have yet to awaken from.

    It's hard to find a love through every shade of grey.

  6. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aramas View Post
    My personal belief is that people mostly don't have conflict due to miscommunication and ignorance; they have it usually due to mutually exclusive and contrary goals. I think it's funny how people often characterize conflict resolution/compromise as the "a misunderstanding" when it blatantly was not. The only reason compromise takes place in a lot of situations is that one party cannot harm the other without incurring significant damage itself. A common term is "mutually assured destruction."

    When I think of Socionics conflict, I think of it less as miscommunication and more as a conflict of goals. Each quadra (and dyad) is trying to create an environment where its denizens can thrive. Those environments are contrary to each other, so there's conflict. I think Aushra had the opinion that all the quadras could get along in the overall machinery of society by having a division of labor. But that's not how it works imo. The people in each quadra want to be involved in all the different aspects of the process of creation and maintenance; they think their way is best.
    Thank you! This is what I have been trying to convey to people. Aushra didn't "get" the Se aspect of the model, which is that IM elements are goals and not just information. However, these conflicts can be resolved by confining each IM element to its proper place in society / the psyche. The desire to apply your values / leading function to everything (and exclude the other elements) is the "root of all evil" when it comes to socionics.

    Re the OP: the pain caused by a dual primarily has to do with forcing you to engage your suggestive function just like the pain caused by a conflictor is caused by forcing you to engage your Vulnerable function. Both of them are difficult to use and understand. The suggestive function is more fulfilling psychologically but is also more sensitive to criticism.

    It's funny how so many people in this thread are saying duals cause more pain than conflictors, yet are always talking about "PoLR hits". The functions and types mirror each other, so there is some kind of disconnect here.

  7. #47
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    quantity v quality, also you can only talk about what you know. polr hits are more conscious. suggestive hits might drive you into a depression but people tend to attribute them to other causes. its like when you have a right brain stroke and your left brain rationalizes a totally bogus explanation as to whose arm that is, etc. its a well known fact in jungian analytic circles that if someone discloses a "hit" its not actually the deepest thing that disturbs them. its the deepest thing they can disclose in such a setting or even to themselves such is the nature of repression

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