Socionics types and anger, irritation, and annoyance.

[Danali]

***I apologise for any spelling errors and what not in advance, no matter how many times i proof-read something, there always seems to be something wrong, so annoying ***
Hello everybody, so recently i've been "trying to understand myself" (ughhhh i hate statements like that, they make me sound so cliche ) and i've noticed very specific traits when i comes to my feelings and expressing my emotions. In particular anger, irritation and annoyance.

Personally i feel like the way i express anger is very interesting and kind of weird. If i'm being honest right now, i cant really tell you what make me upset and angry. Ask me that question in real life, you'll get a very blank, shy response of me saying "i don't know", so rather than that i'll just tell you about one of my stories in my deep treasure bank of experiences .

So basically once, my mother was looking for a new hairstyle and i offered to help her, i don't want to brag, but i'm kind of good with hair. . My dad and his big mouth said " what can you do with hair, i wonder how that's going to turn out" at that very moment i just looked at him and walked out the room... that was the crucial moment. I WAS FUMMMMMING , nothing could compare with how that simple comment of his felt, anything anybody wanted to say to calm me down wouldn't have worked, this is the weird bit, gear yourselves in. I didn't open my mouth and address it there and then ( what is wrong with me ) that anger that i was meant to blast his ass with was swallowed down into my heart, that one comment just ruined my whole mood, i just waked out the room and sat on my bed and started contemplating my whole life, my muva who is really good with emotions noticed how i was feeling,even though i didn't blast my dad my whole attitude and demeanour showed much more emotions than any words, even my dad (who is terrible at reading emotions) realised the foolery he said, by that time which was roughly 5 minutes later i ran through the situation again ( lol, this point links to my social discomfort thread where i said i reply events again and again to analyse it ) and i was thinking why would he say something like that, then i put an answer to it, "he might have said that as a joke, he didn't mean it in an offensive way, he's a very direct person " by doing that i eventually got over it which was in the space of 5 minutes, i didn't care about it any more mainly because i thought of alternative reasons as to why he said that and i needed to watch YouTube videos ,do you get what i mean ? when my wonderful mother spoke to him about it, and made him realise his erroneous ways he said sorry to me, the sorry at that moment didn't matter , because i didn't care, i said it was "ok" and was back to my usual chatty self, but i didn't forget what happened, so i brought it up and then blasted him after i've finished going through my feeling in private, the blasting was along the lines of "why did you say that ?! Would you have liked it if i said that to you" and so on (oh yeah, i have a rather loud voice so it usually seems like i'm shouting when i'm not ) But now my dad feels like i'm still upset and he says "im sorry" again, then i kind of play with his emotions by pretending to me more hurt than i actually am, and start annoying him which makes him keep saying sorry then i make it visible that i have forgiven him even though i've forgiven him 1 hour ago in my heart. Sometimes i get over it so quickly that i forget what i'm upset about so i have to make up something lol.

So basically this is how anger manifests in my case. Someone says something hurtful, i become angry by going really quiet, i analyse the situation as to why it was said and so on, find an answer, then i forgive them, however i don't forget about it, then i bring it up even though i don't really care, then wait for an emotion response, then finally show them i've forgiven them.


When i'm annoyed and irritated:

someone says something that annoys and irritates me my reaction is instant, but that's becasue i don't really care or feel it, although i do care to a degree, it doesn't bother me enough to deeply think about it, its just trivial so i'm more vocal about it (i don't know why), but as i said i have a loud voice, so people usually think i'm serious and passionate about something when that's really not the case.

so overall, its like the deeper the insult or annoyance the less external manifestations is has becasue i really need to ruminate in my internal state, however its the other way around when something is very trivial and doesn't hold much importance to me, im quite expressive.

so what do you think about this guys ?

[Beautiful sky]

I think that you come from a culture where one's self expression in a loud manner is acceptable. about your anger, it seems to me that you let your feelings react but the sense it caused allows you to move on however the feelings linger.

I'm Fi base and I think that you can learn to deal with your emotions better from me. I'll give you my formula as to help you have better relations with your dad. I see that your relationship is good now but I see that you react easily to what people say.

My formula is more preemtive. This allows for two things to happen. One, I know what the person is like and what will be expected so when a hurtful comment comes I am not at all surprised. I think "yeah, there it is" smile and move on.

Two, just like with Rouwdy children who can't control themselves, even when they are asked to calm down, it's best to lower our expectations, that way you have some strategy of dealing with the stimulus when it irrupts. You see when your expectations are lowered things don't become so personal.

Please let me know if this helps.

Overall, you seem cheerful and nice.

[flames]

You don't want to see SEE angry.

[Beautiful sky]

You don't want to see SEE angry.

Aww how would my advise help you?

[Danali]

I think that you come from a culture where one's self expression in a loud manner is acceptable. about your anger, it seems to me that you let your feelings react but the sense it caused allows you to move on however the feelings linger.

You literally just read my life story. Yes! The family I come from is very loud expressive and very opinionated, so therefore in order to get your word in any debate or discussion you need to find a way for it to sand out, whether it be using humour, onomatopoeias, and gestures.

I'm Fi base and I think that you can learn to deal with your emotions better from me. I'll give you my formula as to help you have better relations with your dad. I see that your relationship is good now but I see that you react easily to what people say.

My formula is more preemtive. This allows for two things to happen. One, I know what the person is like and what will be expected so when a hurtful comment comes I am not at all surprised. I think "yeah, there it is" smile and move on.

That is a very good idea, although I feel like I do that already, I can't control the initial instant feeling of being hurt, it just happens, which then causes me to retreat... AND THEN think about who said it ,why it was said and so on, which then leads to me getting over it.

Two, just like with Rouwdy children who can't control themselves, even when they are asked to calm down, it's best to lower our expectations, that way you have some strategy of dealing with the stimulus when it irrupts. You see when your expectations are lowered things don't become so personal.

Please let me know if this helps.

Overall, you seem cheerful and nice.

That is a very good point, I shouldn't expect him to always say nice things and assume he can't disagree with me.

I wonder though, how can I experience anger and really go through it and hold grudges. (Lol, it sounds like im asking for a bad habit). Its so weird, I can't stay angry for a long time, after a few minutes I forget about the situation and move on, or I realise the whole situation just isn't that deep to be stressing over even though initially I was upset. My mum says this is one of her favourite qualities about me, but I fail to see how letting things slide over my head is a good thing in the slightest.

[Danali]

You don't want to see SEE angry.

Trust me I have already, its scary, but I find it really funny when they're shouting at the top of their lungs and I'm sitting really calmly giving sarcastic responses

[flames]

Trust me I have already, its scary, but I find it really funny when they're shouting at the top of their lungs and I'm sitting really calmly giving sarcastic responses

That's what I do to ESE lol

[Beautiful sky]

You literally just read my life story. Yes! The family I come from is very loud expressive and very opinionated, so therefore in order to get your word in any debate or discussion you need to find a way for it to sand out, whether it be using humour, onomatopoeias, and gestures.



That is a very good idea, although I feel like I do that already, I can't control the initial instant feeling of being hurt, it just happens, which then causes me to retreat... AND THEN think about who said it ,why it was said and so on, which then leads to me getting over it.



That is a very good point, I shouldn't expect him to always say nice things and assume he can't disagree with me.

I wonder though, how can I experience anger and really go through it and hold grudges. (Lol, it sounds like im asking for a bad habit). Its so weird, I can't stay angry for a long time, after a few minutes I forget about the situation and move on, or I realise the whole situation just isn't that deep to be stressing over even though initially I was upset. My mum says this is one of her favourite qualities about me, but I fail to see how letting things slide over my head is a good thing in the slightest.

I can use my Intuition to see the heart of family situations very quickly both sizing up people, relationships, and situations.

I feel as though reaction and anger, all emotions really come from within us. When we experience pain we experience the challenge of our values because we set expectations against others and the world and when those are not met we react.

That's just food for thought. Perhaps it's easier said than done to lower these expectations and it certainly takes a lot of self reflection to recognize where these values come from and what they mean. What are they trying to communicate to us about our selves, what we want and what makes us happy. Ultimately our reaction is the recognition of the loss of something or the denial of what we value. Looking outside, the father didn't mean to put you down. They simply said things out of their own mind

I hope I'm helping

This is a lot to think about. .

[Beautiful sky]

My mum says this is one of her favourite qualities about me, but I fail to see how letting things slide over my head is a good thing in the slightest.

It's a good thing because holding things in for too long affects the quality of our lives. By letting go you're not giving it the service it wants and you're moving on to the thoughts that make you happy.

[darya]

You're adorable. That is all

[Danali]

I can use my Intuition to see the heart of family situations very quickly both sizing up people, relationships, and situations.

Wow, even thought I'm typing, you're good.

I feel as though reaction and anger, all emotions really come from within us. When we experience pain we experience the challenge of our values because we set expectations against others and the world and when those are not met we react.

That's just food for thought. Perhaps it's easier said than done to lower these expectations and it certainly takes a lot of self reflection to recognize where these values come from and what they mean. What are they trying to communicate to us about our selves, what we want and what makes us happy. Ultimately our reaction is the recognition of the loss of something or the denial of what we value. Looking outside, the father didn't mean to put you down. They simply said things out of their own mind

I hope I'm helping

This is a lot to think about. .

LOL, its totally easier said than done, just this morning I had an outburst because my dad disturbed my beauty sleep to wash the dishes, but in reality I expect that from him.

Thanks for that, your knowledge and experience proved very useful in my case


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[aixelsyd]

You don't want to see SEE angry.

Everyone who has ever roomed with me tell me that they are legitimately terrified of me and my angry outbursts (I just asked one and he said "maybe a little...I just wouldn't let you around kids). Except for my best friend (well, he hasn't moved in with me....yet). He and I are duals, fwiw (though I have an ILI roomie/ex-homie who I am not on speaking terms with who is quite terrified of me, seeing how explosive my anger can be). But, as he puts it, I can be screaming and raging and he'll just sit back and calmly ask me if I need a hug, haha. He has no fear of me whatsoever and vice-versa, just complete trust and unconditional love for each other. We're one of those rare dual pairings that compliments each other to near perfection.

I don't think that's a general characteristic of SEE as it is for people with a certain upbringing (very combative family situation), but in my case, having a bad temper, well, yeah, I let it show. I yell, I scream, I curse, I gesticulate wildly, I have fire in my eyes, the veins in my neck show. I'm working on curbing it and controlling it to my advantage, but it is what it is. I'm not like that when just generally annoyed, however. I'll get snippy and uncouth, but my friends find it more amusing and endearing than terrifying.

[Beautiful sky]

I have an SEE brother and sister in law. I love them they don't have anger outbreaks. Maybe you guys are not in ideal circumstances

[Beautiful sky]

Wow, even thought I'm typing, you're good.



LOL, its totally easier said than done, just this morning I had an outburst because my dad disturbed my beauty sleep to wash the dishes, but in reality I expect that from him.

Thanks for that, your knowledge and experience proved very useful in my case


Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk

First identify your values...

For instance. "I expect to be given space to get beauty sleep. That's my right that I should be entitled to." That's the value

Second try to negotiate for them "hey dad, I've been tired and feel like I need more sleep than usual, would it be alright if I slept in tomorrow morning without interruption?"

Then, when you get what you asked for, thank your father. Give him a hug. Show your appreciation. Improve your relationship.

Next time consider doing something to make him happy. Idk wash the car or something

Reduce conflicts and sneering tone.

[aixelsyd]

I have an SEE brother and sister in law. I love them they don't have anger outbreaks. Maybe you guys are not in ideal circumstances

As said, I think it has more to do with upbringing and non-socionic personality traits. I know SEEs who are very calm and easy-going for the most part. But the ones who do carry a bad temper tend to be pretty damn volatile, I think, considering SEEs are quick to take action, impulsive, and tend toward being very direct emotionally.

[Aylen]

[Aylen]

I don't agree, a bigger person often doesn't take the bait.

I believe we understand the quote very differently. If you see what you believe is injustice, mistreatment of others, or other things of that nature. do you not speak up or do keep quiet to maintain peace?

[flames]

Everyone who has ever roomed with me tell me that they are legitimately terrified of me and my angry outbursts (I just asked one and he said "maybe a little...I just wouldn't let you around kids). Except for my best friend (well, he hasn't moved in with me....yet). He and I are duals, fwiw (though I have an ILI roomie/ex-homie who I am not on speaking terms with who is quite terrified of me, seeing how explosive my anger can be). But, as he puts it, I can be screaming and raging and he'll just sit back and calmly ask me if I need a hug, haha. He has no fear of me whatsoever and vice-versa, just complete trust and unconditional love for each other. We're one of those rare dual pairings that compliments each other to near perfection.

I don't think that's a general characteristic of SEE as it is for people with a certain upbringing (very combative family situation), but in my case, having a bad temper, well, yeah, I let it show. I yell, I scream, I curse, I gesticulate wildly, I have fire in my eyes, the veins in my neck show. I'm working on curbing it and controlling it to my advantage, but it is what it is. I'm not like that when just generally annoyed, however. I'll get snippy and uncouth, but my friends find it more amusing and endearing than terrifying.

Haha, yeah. The last person that knew they did me wrong started running when they saw me coming their way because they knew what they were in for. I wouldn't say anger is universal for SEE, but most of the SEEs, myself included, will have some bombasticity goin' for their pissiness. Right now I can only think of one SEE I know that I've never seen had an outburst, and I don't even know the guy that well. But yeah, upbringing matters. People in my home yell like their breath powers the damn air conditioner.

My friend with the worst temper is definitely SEE. I'm better at holding it in than her, though. I gotta assess the situation first and see if I can let it all out or not. And I'm not always right, haha.

[Kim]

Where does it say that in the quote? I don't make meanings up for things and then accuse someone else of not understanding it.

But - it's a quadra thing so I am sure we see it differently.

I am sure you are Beta now

I see it the same way as Aylen, and I also think it goes beyond the larger struggles she lists. If there is tension between me and another person and I don't address it because I want to avoid conflict and keep the peace, the tension still stays and it will fester within me. Keeping the peace for the sake of keeping the peace above all is not a good strategy.

[Danali]

First identify your values...

For instance. "I expect to be given space to get beauty sleep. That's my right that I should be entitled to." That's the value

Second try to negotiate for them "hey dad, I've been tired and feel like I need more sleep than usual, would it be alright if I slept in tomorrow morning without interruption?"

Then, when you get what you asked for, thank your father. Give him a hug. Show your appreciation. Improve your relationship.

Next time consider doing something to make him happy. Idk wash the car or something

Reduce conflicts and sneering tone.

I love how you drew out a whole plan for me to follow , but yes, the way you set it out makes practical sense. Thanks for that