ILE is Me

[Gilly]

*sigh* I'm tired of fighting it. I guess I can be satisfied with being ILE after all.

*searches aimlessly for an SEI who won't be unnerved by his maniacal outbursts and intense moodiness, and will do his taxes*

[Gilly]

Yeah...I'm not entirely sure, but I think I've been "trying" at this EIE thing. More than anything I am just confused about myself. As usual.

Part of what put it in my head was the "pathetic hidden agenda" thread...Expat's description of Fe HA certainly sounds more like something that I would do than Se HA. Also I have been forced to remember recently that I have some big issues with Fi once in a while, usually resulting from failures in Si+Fe, and it can really get to me.

[Gilly]

Mostly I am a being of N in all varieties.

[Gilly]

The only thing about ILE that doesn't work is the strong Te.

[Ezra]

God help me. But it's nice you can always return to your original state of being. I found that with the Enneagram.

Of course, it doesn't help if you were deluded in the first place.

(Some people are genuinely deluded and find their original type through a long trek. You're not one of them, so have no fear.)

[Gilly]

I think I am of amorphous type and pretty much act like whatever I think I am, lol...help...

[strrrng]

What led you to this conclusion?

[Ezra]

What is Te, Gilly?

[Gilly]

Ummm...that ILE is kind of my default assumption of my type, combined with the fact that I have kind of been playing at being "EIE." A lot of things make sense, but I dunno, I'm just going back to my original assumption because I'm tired of fighting it.

[JuJu]

Welcome back...

Your dreams were your ticket out

Welcome back

To that same old place that you laughed about...

--Welcome Back Kotter Theme

[strrrng]

Ummm...that ILE is kind of my default assumption of my type, combined with the fact that I have kind of been playing at being "EIE." A lot of things make sense, but I dunno, I'm just going back to my original assumption because I'm tired of fighting it.

That makes sense. I've probably been doing the same thing recently, so I know how it feels. No matter how hard you push, it eventually falls back into its true place.

[Ms. Kensington]

yeah one thing about you gilly, is that you do seem to consider conceptual possibilities more than EIE, but at the same time you appear more scattered (conceptually) than an ILE.

[Lotus]

[Ms. Kensington]

Haha, I guess it's just a little shocking. It seems like after all these month's of trying so passionately to push and convince everyone of Beta NF, you just suddenly stopped out of the blue and decided "Shucks, well, looks like I'm ILE after all"

yeah i wonder what his thought process was. prolly bored

[Gilly]

Depressed, actually, and tired of "convincing." I guess I just don't want to have to convince people; more than anything I want people to stop doubting me, and I'm sick of feeling like I have something to prove.

[Gilly]

I just fucking change so much constantly that I feel like I want something to see as solidly "me." I just have major identity issues because I've lied to everyone who knows me well since I was maybe 6 or 7, so I feel like nobody knows the real "me." I want something to be consistent, something to give me a baseline of who I am so I don't experience such intense fluctuations and let myself go off the deep end of one of my numerous personas because I don't have an "anchor." I just get depressed and jaded when I snap back to reality and admit to myself that whatever I've been presenting to others has been, at least in part, a front, and that I can't seem to get by in life and have friends while being true to what I feel, so I have to fake it. It's like I was designed for some other age or reality or something; I just can't survive and be true to myself at the same time. It doesn't work.

How's that for brutal honesty...

[Ms. Kensington]

i was actually thinking something similar glam, Ti valuing; other behavior will say which one.

[Gilly]

need for TiSe > SiFe

Not weak Fi?

[Gilly]

Because...when I freak out they can like...do my laundry...and umm...cook dinner...and uhh...give me massages...right?

*fistface*


I dunno, I control how I come off to people a lot, but I'm never really sure if it works or not. It seems to, but I can never count out that like, people are just trying to make me feel good or something by playing along or letting me exist in my crazy little nugget-esque existence where I pretend to be cool and important...lol...

[strrrng]

need for TiSe > SiFe

No, it is not. What he described is clearly a 3 fixation. It was practically identical to the heart triad description in the enneagram book. Let's stop attributing behavioral fixations to cognitive functions.

Gilly, you're ENTp, don't let these people convince you otherwise.

[strrrng]

well, isn't that just adorable.

Yeah, it is adorable. And for you to ignore clear indicators of behavioral patterns associated with an enneagram type is silly.

[snegledmaca]

I find what you are doing silly. Why aren't you looking at intertype relations? Those can't lie. And EIE-s and ILE-s have very different intertype relations so it shouldn't be that hard as well.

[Rubicon]

if you want consistency and an "anchor" (which ILEs don't generally care about), then why would your dual be SEI?

lol?

[Gilly]

I find what you are doing silly. Why aren't you looking at intertype relations? Those can't lie. And EIE-s and ILE-s have very different intertype relations so it shouldn't be that hard as well.

I am, but there are just so many ways they can be interpreted, so many different "maps" of how my relations could play out, depending on my type...plus there is more to relationships with people than Socionics types.

[strrrng]

there is more to relationships with people than Socionics types.

THATS NOT HOW WE OP'RATE HERE ROUND THESE PARTS BOYY

[Expat]

I had an epiphany. It explains everything.

Gilly is SLI, with an over-susceptible dual-seeking. That's why he was so open to suggestion of type change (and why he did convince a few people that he was SLE). Also the Te-creative and devaluing of Ti.

I must admit -- something I've kept hidden all this time -- I've always felt supervised by Gilly. That also explains why he gets along well with Kim.

[Gilly]

lol...

Actually I have thought at intervals that Kim could be EIE, tbh.

[Satan]

[quote=Gilly;414079]Because...when I freak out they can like...do my laundry...and umm...cook dinner...and uhh...give me massages...right?

*fistface*

I dunno, I control how I come off to people a lot, but I'm never really sure if it works or not. It seems to, but I can never count out that like, people are just trying to make me feel good or something by playing along or letting me exist in my crazy little nugget-esque existence where I pretend to be cool and important...lol...

I've noticed when I try to be nice to people, it seems to make some people really suspicious.

When I'm nice to people, I often try to control, and charm to a degree.

And it's like *I'M TRYING TO BE NICE* but other people can take it the wrong way. You're acting weird what do you want blah blah.

I suppose it's because I don't control how I'm coming off to people unless I'm trying to make a good impression. And really,. the easiest answer is to just shift attention away from them, and not pay them attention if they don't want it.

Maybe I should control myself all the time like you do. Does it work?

[Satan]

Haha, I guess it's just a little shocking. It seems like after all these month's of trying so passionately to push and convince everyone of Beta NF, you just suddenly stopped out of the blue and decided "Shucks, well, looks like I'm ILE after all"

He thinks you'll sleep with him, if he's ILE.

[Gilly]

Maybe I should control myself all the time like you do. Does it work?

Well, a lot of people like me, and some even look up to me, so ummm, I guess it does to some degree I'm pretty good at gauging what people will react well to, so unless they present some kind of persona that is unfakeable to me (ie if I'm required to act super-macho; I can act anything but that and feel mostly at home, but if I try to act like a tough guy, I always know that I'm doing something wrong).

But it also means that I'm not always sure how to act around people who are close to me, which gets awkward, and can make me depressed.

Actually I think I even get depressed if I try not to act. What a fucking paradox I am, lol...

[Rubicon]

So Gilly, what are you thinking now about Se and how it affects you? Whether it's something that you need or not....

[Khola aka Bee]

*sigh* I'm tired of fighting it. I guess I can be satisfied with being ILE after all.

*searches aimlessly for an SEI who won't be unnerved by his maniacal outbursts and intense moodiness, and will do his taxes*

I told you I loved you Gilly!! Never stopped believing.....oh and my mum is an accountant btw


Let's make cookies and hold hands in the rain <2

[Gilly]

Will you wear that thing in your avatar?

[Gilly]

Jem, honestly I just see so much different shit about every function that I find it hard to decipher what is and isn't really relevant to my type. In some ways, Se bothers me; in some ways, I obviously need and appreciate it.

[Khola aka Bee]

I just fucking change so much constantly that I feel like I want something to see as solidly "me." I just have major identity issues because I've lied to everyone who knows me well since I was maybe 6 or 7, so I feel like nobody knows the real "me." I want something to be consistent, something to give me a baseline of who I am so I don't experience such intense fluctuations and let myself go off the deep end of one of my numerous personas because I don't have an "anchor." I just get depressed and jaded when I snap back to reality and admit to myself that whatever I've been presenting to others has been, at least in part, a front, and that I can't seem to get by in life and have friends while being true to what I feel, so I have to fake it. It's like I was designed for some other age or reality or something; I just can't survive and be true to myself at the same time. It doesn't work.

How's that for brutal honesty...

Regardless of the cards you were playing, you always seemed true to me.

[Rubicon]

Jem, honestly I just see so much different shit about every function that I find it hard to decipher what is and isn't really relevant to my type.

Mm - yeah, I relate.

[Khola aka Bee]

Will you wear that thing in your avatar?

Haha! Sure why not

Dressups are so fun!!

Tomorrow we are going bowling after work for team building and my team are going to dress as purple pirates ^_^

Can't wait!

[Suomea]

...

[Rubicon]

and what's so questionably funny that you just had to write "lol?" in response to what I said?

Excellent question. Not sure really ... I was in a weird mood at the time. But I guess what I was thinking was that I don't think wanting consistency and stability is type-related - that duality would probably feel more stable than other relationships ... or something. haha Not much thought went into that 'lol'.

[Wynch]

I don't really care what type George is. He's my new BFF and he can be whoever the heck he wants to be in any given moment and he'll still be a cool cat in my books. I agree with Bee, we should all just go puddle jumping in the rain, reciting doctor suess as fast as we can.