Likely ILI or IEI. Needing an Outsider's Perspective
Tell me about yourself.
--insert misguided babble about my self-concept--
Honestly, you could probably sit with me for ten minutes and make better observations about my external appearance and personality than I could. I can’t see it very well.
* I reread this beginning portion before submitting it and it evoked a sort of dramatic argument. A person asks me how I can expect to be typed when I cannot type myself. This came from first connected the idea of someone loving you before you can love yourself to the situation.
What do you study or do for a living? How did you come to do that? What do you like or dislike about it?
I am in the Information Networking and Telecommunications program at university. However, my heart is elsewhere and I would rather fail at singing than wither away in a stuffy office and slit my wrists to count the days that I experience the torment of a grey-scale life that lacks all five senses.
What are your values, and why?
TRUTH – I hate bullshit. I hate being fake with people. I hate not knowing things. Forms of deception never felt right to me. Truth is ultimately the desire of humans. We want understanding and knowledge, yet we deceive and withhold.
LOVE – I haven’t experienced romantic love. However, I feel that love is so much bigger and encompassing than that. I want romantic love but I desire platonic love with various friends and I know that I love ideas like music and autonomy.
MUSIC – Any time I feel bad or am bored, I listen to music or sing. I could sing all day. It makes the time pass and brings me joy.
SELF-EXPRESSION – I have so much going on within my mind that I want to share it. Music seems to be the medium that best suits me.
Perseverance and wildly pursuing my desires despite the cost – I have grown to realize that I would rather fail at what I love then succeed at being bored and unfulfilled.
What else do you do on a daily basis? What are your interests and hobbies? Why do you do them?
Describe your relations with family and friends. What do you like and dislike about them?
My mother – She sees the forest for the trees, whereas I cannot see the indivudal specs and details that make life so sweet. She doesn’t really help me in ways that I value. I can see IEI-ESE or ILI-ESE as plausible. Both would have similar issues with an ESE. Her Si Fe is not really what I want. I don’t care about my bodily sensations. I would much rather dismiss them until they go away. She asks if people need water or are hungry, and often times I don’t know what I feel physically. She seems to be a blatant reminder of my shortcomings.
** I decided to go back to this section after writing what I do for a living. My mother thinks college is a panacea. I really want to do music and I think she would understand that but she thinks college leads to happiness. I completely disagree. I can understand her point of view however. She didn’t attend school and struggles to make money. I am not her though and I need to follow my desire.
My sister – She doesn’t give me any Se. She is quite boring and responsible. She and I get along well enough, but I predict that we’ll never be super close. She and I don’t value family and tradition the way our mother does.
My father – Rather than seizing life, he tries to drown out reality through various means. Previously, he was worthless to me. Throughout my childhood, I witnessed several occasions that demonstrated his weakness. I try to love him but I don’t think he’s fulfilled his duties and my relationship to him is one sided and fruitless. I ponder ridding myself of him but my mother says that people regret doing such things. I, on the other hand, think it would be a demonstration of my own self-love and value to excommunicate him from my life.
Friend 1 – She feels like everything I need in my life. Yet, she wants something meaningless and I would rather have a long term relationship that could change us both and allow us to be happily in one another’s arms.
While I don’t think I would have liked her in her youth, she has come so far and developed into a sexy, confident young lady that knows her shit and speaks the truth.
What do you look for in friends? In romantic relationships?
I typically don’t look for friends at all. I find that people disappoint me far too often. I can think of more interesting things in my head, than I can find coming out of the mouths of others. I am interested in friends and romantic partners that will allow me to smell the roses. I spend far too much time in my head. I am at the point where I want to LIVE and to live it fully.
What conflicts have you encountered recently with other people? Why did they happen? Which kinds seem to happen on a regular basis?
My mother and I bicker often. She bothers me with trivialities. I don’t like cleaning at all but she really pushes me to fulfill my household duties. She also asks me questions about things that don’t interest me and that is enough to upset me. I resonate with – as I went to look for the section of an ILI profile that I resonated with, I found
How would your friends describe you?
So this question doesn’t really apply to me because I don’t have many friends. However, I can share some characteristics that have been said about me. I will mention that I hold these evaluations of my character very dear because I don’t get people to talk about me often and I cannot see myself from without. I once read a description of Ni and it mentioned an inability to see oneself from without because the individual possesses too strong of an internal world and mental landscape. I certainly relate to that idea.
Mysterious, quiet, nice, cold,
As I was looking for the descriptions of myself that I have recorded I saw an old journal entry:
Another sip. I've come to recognize the significant place that coffee has in my life. I am bored. I am severely bored. Coffee is my single high of the day. The universe without it would be a cold, cold one.
It is but an artifice. A habit of my own which simulates something real. I need people. I need experiences. Yet my life is lacking both.
LOL at how Se-suggestive that sounds.
What do people generally see as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
I feel that among other people my Ni goes unseen. I don’t express it. I can come off as inattentive and aloof but I don’t think people would know the complexities of my internal processes and the connections that I’m constantly making without me expressing something.
I like that I see relationships between things and am able to create this inner connected ball of ideas, experiences, and such within my mind. Everything reminds me of something else and that keeps my mind busy. I think I have a very associative memory. I can forget things but then something will provoke a beautiful memory within me.
What are your weaknesses? What criticism do you often face from others? What do you dislike about yourself?
I suppose my chief beef with myself is that I lack a trust in myself. I often have premonitions but I don’t trust myself and so I wind up getting myself in trouble. Perhaps I get in trouble purposefully, as an escape from the monotony and blandness of my miserable existence.
In what areas of life can you manage well on your own? In what areas of your life would you like help?
I have trouble with the practical aspects. Sometimes I think this would be evidence toward lower level Te, yet I think that SLI is more practical and ILI is something else entirely.
I really just don’t care for chores and efforts that go in vain. Cleaning the house is a temporary fix. Burn it down and your house will always be clean. Wow! I just came up with that in jest but I think I could use it in a poem or something. What a poignant expression of my trouble with things of this world.
I hate things that require constant upkeep. I want to witness the fruits of my effort, rather than having the work be thrown down the train when everything is a mess as soon as I look away.
Additionally, I really don’t care to do things that seem extraneous. I am economical with my energy and my time. I don’t overexert myself for trifles and meaningless crap. I think I have an ability to discern what is useful, what is not. What is a waste and what is not. This sounds like Te to me. My mother has like zero respect for Te at all. In my eyes, her priorities are whack and she lacks the wisdom that I possess. I really don’t think we value the same functions. That seems like the easiest explanation for the troubles she and I have regarding relating to one another.
What things do you find to be a chore? What things do you enjoy more than others?
As I expressed in the paragraph above, chores are chores. Haha See what I did there?
Honestly, house work and stupid favors for others. Today, I was upset because a girl at work told me to put something away. I am higher up on the chain of power than her and she was basically a lazy bitch for asking me to do something that she could do for herself. I am independent in the sense that I don’t try and waste the resources and precious time that others have by asking them to do stupid shit for me. I am getting mad just thinking about it but I know it was a little insignificant instance that matters little.
My mother also pisses me off because she asks me to throw things away for her and do meaningless stupid shit like that. She can do this stuff for herself. I guess this boils down to my issue with people not valuing my time. I think others just fling their time out for whatever. I don’t view time that way. As I’ve said about my honesty and discover that I need to pursue my passion, I don’t have long enough on this earth to do stupid shit for others. I don’t even like doing the stupid shit that I have to do for myself. It is an insult for others to not value my time. This seems like an Ni qualm to me.
What goals, aspirations, or plans do you have for the future? How did you come to have them?
I want to sing, perform, and produce music. Over the past few years, I have become quite interested in singing and critiquing the performances of artists. I really love 60’s jazz and blues as well as more contemporary music.
The event that acted as a catalyst for my sureness about my future desires was the concert that I attended on Friday. I was in awe at what the artists were able to stir within me. The overarching ideas within the performance that affected me were striving to create, love of it
music, autonomy, confidence, and of course, Se powers.
It was funny that I went to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie. One theme that I picked out from the film was Jack Sparrow’s inability to do the very things that he desired and brought him down. I related to this, as I have always known that I want to sing, however I’ve put it off and tried to love other things out of fear.
The sticker on my cup of coffee said, “Behind the clouds, there is sunshine”. While this may seem like a trite sentiment, it felt like a message that after all of my efforts to become a singer, I will find success and achievement. I may have cloudy days but I will ultimately subdue the hunger of my heart.
Very small things connected to my inner world can be isolated and assigned value and meaning very easily and naturally by me.
If you had enough money to live comfortably for the rest of your life without working, what would you do with your time?
I would get with other artists and put out music. I would write music with people that inspire me. I would spend days traveling with a lover. I would shake off my ennui by doing risky things that give adrenaline rushes.
What kinds of things do you do to manage and/or beautify your environment (your room, your house, etc.)? What do you think of daily chores?
How do you behave around strangers?
Around strangers I am more reserved. However, after attending the concert I have been more open with others and approached people. I no longer feel like I have time in my life to not talk to people and be open. I want to know others and I will have to make the first move. I often find that people are put off by my perceived imperturbability but I am friendly and expressive when I get to know people.
How do you react to conflict? What do you do if somebody insults or attacks you?
I don’t encounter this issue often because I stick to myself. However, when I argue with my sister, I intentionally escalate my emotions and act like a dramatic scene in a movie because I think arguing is stupid and excessive expressions of any emotion are tacky and out of style.
What is one common misconception that people have? Explain why it is wrong.
I am interpreting this two ways to provide more information. One common misconception that people have with me is
One common misconception that people have is they think that whatever they hear word-of-mouth is true. I am studious and I examine aspects of my life. I think most people find it suffice to be unintentionally mislead by others. I find things out for myself and attempt to check my sources and find credible information. I often take the subjective musings of others as a grain of salt. I take interest in pure knowledge rather than someone’s unsubstantiated and misguided thoughts.
What did you do last Friday?
Last Friday, I did something amazing! I went to a concert. While I hate the loud music, as I think about the long term effects of hearing loud sounds because I would like to have hearing at an old age, I get uncomfortable. However, I had an exquisite time. I saw the artist at the merch table. She actually sold me the tour shirt that I bought and she called me cute. :3 I was a bit start struck but I complimented a song on her album that brought me to tears. About the song bringing me to tears: -- I was sitting in the car listening to it, with my mother beside me. The main theme expressed through the song was a love of music and a fidelity to creating music.
Anyway, attending the concert seemed to be the kick of Se that I needed. She was incredible and she opened my eyes to something that I’ve always known yet has terrified me. My love and my lust for life is music. While I can go on, fearing rejection and putting off my one true desire, I will only hinder my happiness and my potential. I have sat on a gift and done very little.
I surmise that if I had a powerful Se ego in my life, I would be further developed than I am now. However, I cannot shake this dissatisfaction that has been awakened within me and this love of singing and music.
This last Friday was a treat though. A typical Friday for me consists of work and then driving around listening to these lyrics. “Walking through the city streets
Is it by mistake or design
I feel so alone on a Friday night
Can you make me feel like home if I tell you you're mine
Honestly, that Friday helped me grow. I feel the change within me. Where I once was inhibited and afraid, I realize that life isn’t long enough to not pursue my goals and my happiness. I won’t let shyness or any other inhibition stymie my progress toward my goals.
Who do you admire, and why?
This is truly the area where I see Ni within myself. While I am less sure of my creative function, I know wholeheartedly that I love and admire Se. Confident, powerful people who pursue their desires and know how to have a good time excite me beyond belief. I am so boring and inactive when I’m alone. One of my few drives is to find someone to lighten me up and to do crazy shit with.
What are your religious or spiritual beliefs and why do you hold them?
I was raised Christian. I am really in a wish-washy spot right now. I don’t know what I believe. I feel like I would need signs and wonders to take place, in order for me to truly believe the Christian doctrine. If I wasn’t Christian, I would probably be atheist or agnostic. I truly cannot know whether there is a God or not, so I cannot be either. I can’t say for certain either way. To limit the possibilities by saying there is a God or there is no God seems foolhardy to me. The lack of proof keeps me from asserting either claim.
What are your political beliefs, and why? To what extent do you care about politics?
I don’t particularly care about politics. When I was younger, I was full of opinions but as I have gotten older I see too many perspectives to have an opinion of my own.
I feel that I am slowly coming out of this phase of lacking opinions. Perhaps, all it would take is external volitional force to shake me from my apathy.
What kind of work environment do you prefer? What do you look for in a job?
I have done retail since high school. I am definitely tired of it and want to do something that fulfills me. Retail and menial jobs are where the creative desires of people go to die. I know that I can’t do this forever, as it wears me thin often.
I want to do something that doesn’t require me to feign emotion and closeness to people that I either dislike or don’t know at all.
I want to tour the world, singing and connecting to people. I want the albums and bodies of work that I create to resonate with the alienate, with the depressed, and with the broken. I want to be an uplifting force. That is what music has been for me and I want to provide that same experience to others.
What is or was your favorite school subject and why?
How do you approach responsibility? What do you tend to expect of others?
I am quite averse to responsibility more often than not.
To me, it is an external expectation and I focus mainly on my internal processes. I think that people often assume various things. My mother will say “I need” or “I must” and I just rarely see the world that way. There is a choice within each statement. There is a condition at the end of each declaration of necessity or responsibility.
I can see the power strings in between the sentences. I need… to work. However, one must not work. You can sit on your bum and do nothing for the rest of your life. That is an option and I see that possibility. Most others, however don’t see the world this way. I think my feeling that I won’t ever be understood keep me from seeking friendships and hinder me from opening up around others.
If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
My main concern for the child would be to prepare it for the future. I think that my mother and father lacked the intuitive finesse to prepare for a child or to parent well. They didn’t think about things that seem obvious to me.
I would make sacrifices in the present to ensure that my efforts to allow my children to flourish into adults would not go in vain.
What is the purpose of life? What do you find personally meaningful in life?
I think that everyone has been given desires and aspirations. I realize that the meaning of life is to pursue the things that please you. I mean this in a way far more true and pure than hedonism. Activities such as sex and drug use often fill holes and gaps within people. Rather than allowing them to pursue their true desires, they mitigate the pain and make you feel better temporarily. The urge and desire for ideas and the metaphysical always prevails and cannot be truly quenched by a bottle or a blowjob.
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Originally Posted by Bullets
-lead, IEI, too emotionally aware, performative, and in the Beta NF identity drive. You use your understanding of functions to construct how you come across already, that's why it's difficult to see through... maybe that's a sign of high 
already.
language - take maybe something like EIE-Ni into account as well. 
is strong but 
PoLR or at least weak 
Aww! I actually am 6'2.5 
Some people think I give off Alpha vibes. Thanks for your input.
And I was really trying to see signs of not-ESI here. I am not even entirely satisfied with the ESI typing myself, but based on the above this is the only conclusion I can arrive at for the time being. What I've gotten from the description is Gamma values, Type 4, Ethical, Introvert. And that can only be ESI. If I had gotten more hints of strong Logic and more hints of 5 core, I possibly would have went with ILI. If there had been hints of Si valuing, I would have went with EII. IEI got thrown out because of the apparent lack of Ti valuing and the valuing of Te. 
She wants to savor and I want to get the fuck up and leave as soon as I'm done eating. She is slow and cares about comfort and my Se HA makes me want to go-go and do something with the damn day. 
I am EIE ACTOR MAN
Chase me. Pin me down and let us role play. .gif "squeeze")
and 
