Can you detect when you're around your dual?

[weirdleftovers]

A year ago, I realized that I can actually detect when I'm in the presence of my dual by my behavior. I subconsciously become very emotionally protective of them. I verbally attack others who I perceive are being rude, offensive or taking jabs at the SLE. I don't act this way towards anyone else, not even myself most times. For the longest I didn't realize I did this. Looking back, I was that way towards my oldest brother when we were kids. The first time I hung out with both my cousin and her husband, I became instantly protective of him. She's an EIE an her immediate family has made fun of him not having a certain job or education. She told me they would argue because he didn't understand why she never stood up for him. Before I met him, I was indifferent of her family's treatment, so the instant feeling of defensiveness over him was puzzling.

Has anyone noticed a behavior or telltale sign when around a dual?

[Beautiful sky]

Yes. One time I went grocery shopping. I took the metro. On my return trip I walked and sat right down next to an LSE who kept looking at me and smiling. I smiled back a tiny one but she persisted to stare and smile. Still I was too shy to spark a meaningful conversation and I could have exchanged phone numbers and we would have become friends.

In class there was an LSE who sat next to me and an SLI. I welcomed him to join our group. He did and we're kind of acquaintances now.

I don't know why LSE smile at me. Is it because I'm tiny? I'm not good looking. I just have a quiet Ness about me. I think that they want someone reserved and kind of give that off especially when I wear the sun dresses.

[niffer]

Meh I've always been attracted to IEIs, but now I consciously type everyone I meet so confirmation bias.

[Exodus]

Yes, in fact I believe having a good "dualdar" is an essential part of deriving value from Socionics. Knowing how to recognize them as well as removing the barriers to a relationship.

ESEs are pretty easy to spot, they are usually friendly and open to everyone and are easy to get along with. The LII's job is to be receptive to this and avoid negativity.

[GuavaDrunk]

I feel a pull to get "emotionally louder" in conversation with LSIs: bigger facial expressions, wider variation in tone of voice, animated story-telling, exaggerated reactions, acerbic comments etc. Subjectively it's like their facial cues tend to approve of it, and I like making people react positively anyway so it creates a positive feedback loop. Doesn't mean I always manage to find interesting things to say (woe~) but there's a wish to sparkle the brightest and make them laugh the most-est ("SENPAI LOOK AT ME THE SQUIRREL! =^w^=").

Otherwise I like hearing about new information and can end up asking lots of questions about something and listening with a straight face, but most people try not to monologue/the subject may not be that interesting so, you know, it doesn't work. *sigh*

[consentingadult]

I don't know why LSE smile at me. Is it because I'm tiny? I'm not good looking. I just have a quiet Ness about me. I think that they want someone reserved and kind of give that off especially when I wear the sun dresses.

You have nice cleavage, which will make any man smile. That you only notice this with LSEs, just means you have selective focus.

[Aylen]

[marooned]

i have never experienced "duality" as far as i know. i do tend to get along with irrationals in person way better than rationals though. we can flow together and adapt to one another... as circumstances and conditions change, we change with them. we know when fixed order is absolutely needed (boo) and when it no longer makes sense to keep. after irrationals, dynamics are the next easiest to work with especially.

[Jarno]

A year ago, I realized that I can actually detect when I'm in the presence of my dual by my behavior.Has anyone noticed a behavior or telltale sign when around a dual?

Nice, i'm not surprised this is a very introvert trait i guess, feeling your behaviour change. also it's something i notice when i'm around energy vampires like borderliners, suddenly i am like, why am i feeling drained...
so i can see how this happens with duality too. i used to be more sensitive towards it, that it made me happy when an SEE was around, it felt less alone, but not so much defending her.
but your description is a good tip, becuase duals can also give a feeling of ordinary that make you unnotice them.

[weirdleftovers]

Yes. One time I went grocery shopping. I took the metro. On my return trip I walked and sat right down next to an LSE who kept looking at me and smiling. I smiled back a tiny one but she persisted to stare and smile. Still I was too shy to spark a meaningful conversation and I could have exchanged phone numbers and we would have become friends.

I don't know why LSE smile at me. Is it because I'm tiny? I'm not good looking. I just have a quiet Ness about me. I think that they want someone reserved and kind of give that off especially when I wear the sun dresses.

You sound adorable. You also pay attention to your surrounds more so than I. I never notice people around me in public, don't much care. I'm quit an odd one too, dress, behavior and the lot. That oddness might be what grabs the SLEs initial attention.

[weirdleftovers]

ESEs are pretty easy to spot, they are usually friendly and open to everyone and are easy to get along with.

I usually really like ESEs, but apparently we have an asymmetrical relationship.

[weirdleftovers]

I feel a pull to get "emotionally louder" in conversation with LSIs: bigger facial expressions, wider variation in tone of voice, animated story-telling, exaggerated reactions, acerbic comments etc. Subjectively it's like their facial cues tend to approve of it, and I like making people react positively anyway so it creates a positive feedback loop. Doesn't mean I always manage to find interesting things to say (woe~) but there's a wish to sparkle the brightest and make them laugh the most-est ("SENPAI LOOK AT ME THE SQUIRREL! =^w^=").

Otherwise I like hearing about new information and can end up asking lots of questions about something and listening with a straight face, but most people try not to monologue/the subject may not be that interesting so, you know, it doesn't work. *sigh*

I adore LSIs. They're always laughing at me though lol. I think they're cute and creepy when they like you but are afraid to do anything about it.

[Beautiful sky]

You sound adorable. You also pay attention to your surrounds more so than I. I never notice people around me in public, don't much care. I'm quit an odd one too, dress, behavior and the lot. That oddness might be what grabs the SLEs initial attention.

Yes. I've noticed the same with other IEI friends. As for me, I do love people and I'm often full of attention for them.

[weirdleftovers]

Yes. I've noticed the same with other IEI friends. As for me, I do love people and I'm often full of attention for them.

I'm around an EII several days a week and she's so friendly, kind and sweet. I admire those qualities about the EIIs I've known. I'm no good with small talk, so seeing how she navigates the social world is fascinating.

[rougerogue]

Are ESTp women born with motorcycles?

[Adam Strange]

Has anyone noticed a behavior or telltale sign when around a dual?

This is a very interesting question.

I have spent a lot of time around females (because I like them, and females remind me of my nearly all-female family when I was growing up - two sisters and a mother, dad was absent 24/7, five female and no male cousins, two aunts with absent uncles who were seen once a year, grandfathers both dead before I was 1; so females, everywhere, as far as the eye could see) and I never noticed my duals growing up. Nor did I really notice them when "dating". They simply made no impression on me whatsoever.

I am an LIE-Te, e8, and as I move through life and encounter people, I expect to encounter resistance of one sort or another. Some people are toxic resistance, some are bad resistance, and some are workable resistance, but almost all relationships are defined by a feeling of push and resistance. My questions to myself when meeting someone usually revolve around what that person wants, how much power do they have, can we work together, what can I offer them to get what I want, how far can I depend on them, etc.

When I first started to actively search for and encounter ESI duals, I was really puzzled. They don't seem to have "resistance" in the way I normally expect. They don't seem to have any resistance or jarring dissonance at all. They aren't all that understandable (certainly not the way Kindred LSE's with Te are understandable), but there is no element of real conflict that I can detect with my duals. They don't seem to have "levers" that I can use to steer them, they don't seem to have any friction. There is nothing to hold on to. They seem like air to me.

About the only thing I notice when I'm around a dual is that I start to get happy. I mean, like, genuinely happy. We don't even have to be doing much of anything.

I think this is explained by a statement that I read somewhere, that a dual has your back no matter what. You feel that they are covering your blind spots, so you no longer have to pay attention to those areas where you know you are weak, and you are now free to go forward and do what you do best.

[weirdleftovers]

I think this is explained by a statement that I read somewhere, that a dual has your back no matter what. You feel that they are covering your blind spots, so you no longer have to pay attention to those areas where you know you are weak, and you are now free to go forward and do what you do best.

I recall that statement too. I wonder if me being so self-absorbed explains why I even notice my emotional change. There is a depth in the eyes of ESIs that's a dead give-away to me.

[ouronis]

Yes, their style of communication is fairly obvious.

[Avalonia]

Yes, in fact I believe having a good "dualdar" is an essential part of deriving value from Socionics. Knowing how to recognize them as well as removing the barriers to a relationship.

ESEs are pretty easy to spot, they are usually friendly and open to everyone and are easy to get along with. The LII's job is to be receptive to this and avoid negativity.

I can only agree with you halfway if you are considering that finding duality is essential to derive value from socionics. In the context of someone who feels dependent on finding a relationship with their dual or is being strongly influenced by evolutionary biological urges when finding a relationship, does necessitate the importance of socionics solely on fulfilling our own desires because of how we instinctively feel towards a person. Speaking on a personal note, I have noticed that far more people have found more beneficial results in finding complete friendships with another person (regardless of whether this person shares quadra values you or is your dual), instead of having this "dualdar" that's existence is only being confirmed by a pheromonal influx and a simple confirmation bias. Either way, I'm only expressing the idea that finding your dual, especially in the context of a relationships, is more preposterous than having a wristwatch that may or may not buzz whenever the person comes into contact with another person wearing the same wristwatch. Again, I'm observing this through jade-colored glasses by saying that finding a relationship with other people is generally pointless and people obviously waste their time by putting the effort and energy in finding a person who even remotely gives you a feeling of delight for more than 5 seconds, but I digress.

And I suppose that ESEs are fairly easy to spot, but why even bother working up the energy to go after this person in the first place? If I wanted to be closed-off and embrace negativity, shouldn't I be entitled to do so without someone lampooning me on my choice about this? Either way, it doesn't really matter at all, people will still do whatever they want regardless if when one theory says whether they'll get along with someone or not.

[oldwhiskey]

Yeah, I can always tell because my fingers change colour.

[SongOfSapphire]

I can usually tell fairly quickly, especially in one-on-one interactions. A couple of weeks ago we had repairs at our house, and the technician was SLI, and I was pretty sure within less than a minute of meeting him that he was. SLI women are harder for me to spot than SLI men.

It took me several years of studying socionics to be able to do this, and trust myself without a bunch of second-guessing, but now I can. If not for knowing socionics I would probably think it was "chemistry" or something.

[Exodus]

I can only agree with you halfway if you are considering that finding duality is essential to derive value from socionics. In the context of someone who feels dependent on finding a relationship with their dual or is being strongly influenced by evolutionary biological urges when finding a relationship, does necessitate the importance of socionics solely on fulfilling our own desires because of how we instinctively feel towards a person. Speaking on a personal note, I have noticed that far more people have found more beneficial results in finding complete friendships with another person (regardless of whether this person shares quadra values you or is your dual), instead of having this "dualdar" that's existence is only being confirmed by a pheromonal influx and a simple confirmation bias. Either way, I'm only expressing the idea that finding your dual, especially in the context of a relationships, is more preposterous than having a wristwatch that may or may not buzz whenever the person comes into contact with another person wearing the same wristwatch. Again, I'm observing this through jade-colored glasses by saying that finding a relationship with other people is generally pointless and people obviously waste their time by putting the effort and energy in finding a person who even remotely gives you a feeling of delight for more than 5 seconds, but I digress.

And I suppose that ESEs are fairly easy to spot, but why even bother working up the energy to go after this person in the first place? If I wanted to be closed-off and embrace negativity, shouldn't I be entitled to do so without someone lampooning me on my choice about this? Either way, it doesn't really matter at all, people will still do whatever they want regardless if when one theory says whether they'll get along with someone or not.

You're projecting your own unhappiness onto the world. If you have realistic expectations about what relationships can or cannot provide, then yes, it is helpful to know what kinds of people you are more likely to get along with (including duals but not exclusively, of course). It's better than trying to force issues with someone who will never understand your motivations, or cutting yourself off from someone cool for no reason other than that you are afraid. I think you should want good things for yourself anyways.

[Sol]

Communication with dual may rise your confidence and self-esteem. As the result, you more care about your needs, wishes and may act more aggressively sometimes. Hypotheticly, if you have positive experience of relations with dual, then when you see another dual near this may activate reflectively similar state.

[Pole]

Not sure. I asked her who she was and her response was "Your new best friend!" A few months later I cut contact with her (ENFj) because I was worried she might be a sociopath for some reason.

[Beautiful sky]

Not sure. I asked her who she was and her response was "Your new best friend!" A few months later I cut contact with her (ENFj) because I was worried she might be a sociopath for some reason.

Oh that Ne polr fear of the possibility of some threat.

[Pole]

Oh that Ne polr fear of the possibility of some threat.

True story. Kind of a shame, I really liked her and we were like perfect duals. But there were some red flags I spotted and decided not to take any chances.

[Aylen]

Communication with dual may rise your confidence and self-esteem. As the result, you more care about your needs, wishes and may act more aggressively sometimes. Hypotheticly, if you have positive experience of relations with dual, then when you see another dual near this may activate reflectively similar state.

[Aylen]

[Pole]

This is like porn for women hahaha

[jaein]

It was good at first but, what he did with his arm at the end, I wasn't feeling it after that...I'm a picky hugger

Edit: Then again he looks pretty distressed, so this isn't your everyday hug

[Aylen]

This is like porn for women hahaha

Yep.

It was good at first but, what he did with his arm at the end, I wasn't feeling it after that...I'm a picky hugger

Edit: Then again he looks pretty distressed, so this isn't your everyday hug

I was just talking about this being a perception thing, elsewhere, I saw them as wanting to merge with each other, iow, getting physically close as possible,. Not sure if everyone gets this feeling but it is like you want to rip someone apart to get at their core. I don't know the context to of that hug but I imagine it leading to sex (in a way I can't describe). Pole Ninja got it... Even if one or both were in distress it could still be a very powerful connection.

I should add that this is not just a dual thing... I just wanted to post the image in response.

[Pole]

Yep.



I was just talking about this being a perception thing, elsewhere, I saw them as wanting to merge with each other, iow, getting physically close as possible,. Not sure if everyone gets this feeling but it is like you want to rip someone apart to get at their core. I don't know the context to of that hug but I imagine it leading to sex (in a way I can't describe). Pole Ninja got it... Even if one or both were in distress it could still be a very powerful connection.

I should add that this is not just a dual thing... I just wanted to post the image in response.

Yeah I got it, it seems obvious. I've only been hugged like that once before but it was by a serial love con artist who had his acting skills down. I fell for it.
In the gif he does seems distressed and I can't figure out the setting. He looks like he's the one who needs comfort, from the girl, he also looks like his knees could be bending because he's leaning into her and she's standing straighter and taller. It definitely evokes something deeper from me than say, seeing a 'hello' hug out in public. This hug looks intense, like there's a soulmate connection and not just some fling.

[Adam Strange]

Yeah I got it, it seems obvious. I've only been hugged like that once before but it was by a serial love con artist who had his acting skills down. I fell for it.
In the gif he does seems distressed and I can't figure out the setting. He looks like he's the one who needs comfort, from the girl, he also looks like his knees could be bending because he's leaning into her and she's standing straighter and taller. It definitely evokes something deeper from me than say, seeing a 'hello' hug out in public. This hug looks intense, like there's a soulmate connection and not just some fling.

I guess this is porn for women. That's a lot to read into a hug.

[Pole]

I guess this is porn for women. That's a lot to read into a hug.

Hahaha correct. I was memorized by it for a moment there. If that was seriously incorporated into porn I would totally watch it.

[summerprincess]

Nooooo.... but I try. It's hard to tell the difference between types unless a) you know the person really well, or b) the person is a caricature of a type or just really simple to type.

[Beautiful sky]

Nooooo.... but I try. It's hard to tell the difference between types unless a) you know the person really well, or b) the person is a caricature of a type or just really simple to type.

You IEI need to go to where SLE are and actually have relationships with them in order to tell.
Here are places to find SLE
1. Theater
2. gym
3. sports not events but actually playing them like baseball
4. halloween events where they dress up in costumes
5. school theater class, physical therapy classes, some hard sciences like chemistry

[summerprincess]

You IEI need to go to where SLE are and actually have relationships with them in order to tell.
Here are places to find SLE
1. Theater
2. gym
3. sports not events but actually playing them like baseball
4. halloween events where they dress up in costumes
5. school theater class, physical therapy classes, some hard sciences like chemistry

Well I am doomed then lol, I don't like seeing plays, I don't go to the gym, physical therapy I have no interest in, I hate playing sports. Halloween and science classes are my only chance and it's summer haha. I'm pretty sure I have met SLE at parties and through friends though, at bars too.

[Beautiful sky]

Well I am doomed then lol, I don't like seeing plays, I don't go to the gym, physical therapy I have no interest in, I hate playing sports. Halloween and science classes are my only chance and it's summer haha. I'm pretty sure I have met SLE at parties and through friends though, at bars too.

You sound like wherever you go you're way more likely to meet your conflict and activity relations like bars, parties, and clubs especially young LSE

SLE have refined tastes
@summerprincess watch this lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nz-k0irnXbU