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Thread: I've fallen for my super-ego and now i don't know what to do

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    Default I've fallen for my super-ego and now i don't know what to do

    I'm an ISTj and I've met (and fallen for my super-ego, INFj). I find her very physically attractive but I can't seem to melt her the way I'm capable of with other girls, especially ExFx. I feel as if we have nothing in common and nothing to say to each other. When I do say something funny or use my dry humour she just seems to smile. I get no feed back. On this point I can see why the ENFj 'drama queen' is my dual. I have no idea if she actually likes me or if she's totally indifferent, I just get that half-smile. And this undermines my confidence so I increasingly say less funny things and I come across increasingly stiff and boring (the way people who don't know ISTjs very well can think). I feel if I met her for lunch or something like that we'd just be eating in silent, that the conversation wouldn't even carry us 5 minutes. I feel so frustrated because I do care for her but feel our personalities will keep us apart. Is there anything I can do to mitigate super ego relations? Or do i just simply have to bite the bullet and move on?
    ISTj.

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    Default Re: I've fallen for my super-ego and now i don't know what t

    I'll assume that the types are right (since they do seem to be).

    Quote Originally Posted by mr_maguoo
    but I can't seem to melt her the way I'm capable of with other girls, especially ExFx. I feel as if we have nothing in common and nothing to say to each other. When I do say something funny or use my dry humour she just seems to smile. I get no feed back.
    From her point of view, being with you and smiling back is perhaps already a feedback.

    Quote Originally Posted by mr_maguoo
    On this point I can see why the ENFj 'drama queen' is my dual. I have no idea if she actually likes me or if she's totally indifferent, I just get that half-smile. And this undermines my confidence so I increasingly say less funny things and I come across increasingly stiff and boring (the way people who don't know ISTjs very well can think).
    Yes that makes perfect sense.


    Quote Originally Posted by mr_maguoo
    I feel if I met her for lunch or something like that we'd just be eating in silent, that the conversation wouldn't even carry us 5 minutes.
    Yes that will happen with two IJs.

    In that case, especially with prevailing gender roles, I'd say you have to make the extra effort to keep it going.

    Quote Originally Posted by mr_maguoo
    I feel so frustrated because I do care for her but feel our personalities will keep us apart. Is there anything I can do to mitigate super ego relations? Or do i just simply have to bite the bullet and move on?
    Perhaps the best thing to do is to openly discuss it with her - not about "moving on" but about how she feels about the relationship.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Default Re: I've fallen for my super-ego and now i don't know what t

    Quote Originally Posted by mr_maguoo
    When I do say something funny or use my dry humour she just seems to smile.
    i've experienced the exact same thing with an INFJ. She just didn't say anything, but looked at me and smiled. I didn't know what she meant by it, it almost looked if she was laughing me right in the face.

    Strange women those INFJ's...

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    Default Re: I've fallen for my super-ego and now i don't know what t

    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    Quote Originally Posted by mr_maguoo
    but I can't seem to melt her the way I'm capable of with other girls, especially ExFx. I feel as if we have nothing in common and nothing to say to each other. When I do say something funny or use my dry humour she just seems to smile. I get no feed back.
    From her point of view, being with you and smiling back is perhaps already a feedback.
    *nods* If she's smiling she isn't having a horrible time.

    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    Quote Originally Posted by mr_maguoo
    I feel so frustrated because I do care for her but feel our personalities will keep us apart. Is there anything I can do to mitigate super ego relations? Or do i just simply have to bite the bullet and move on?
    Perhaps the best thing to do is to openly discuss it with her - not about "moving on" but about how she feels about the relationship.
    Agreed.
    EII

    I'll tell you what
    there is plenty wrong with me
    but I fixed up a few old buildings
    and I've planted a few trees.

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    Default Re: I've fallen for my super-ego and now i don't know what t

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno
    Quote Originally Posted by mr_maguoo
    When I do say something funny or use my dry humour she just seems to smile.
    i've experienced the exact same thing with an INFJ. She just didn't say anything, but looked at me and smiled. I didn't know what she meant by it, it almost looked if she was laughing me right in the face.

    Strange women those INFJ's...
    INFjs make a lot of sense once you understand who they are.

    But in regard to being leading,
    Yeah, it can be weird, because you are hardwired to expect and big smiling faces and expressions, etc.

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    The INFjs I know smile a lot and have wide smiles, mmm....
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Default Re: I've fallen for my super-ego and now i don't know what t

    Quote Originally Posted by UDP III
    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno
    Quote Originally Posted by mr_maguoo
    When I do say something funny or use my dry humour she just seems to smile.
    i've experienced the exact same thing with an INFJ. She just didn't say anything, but looked at me and smiled. I didn't know what she meant by it, it almost looked if she was laughing me right in the face.

    Strange women those INFJ's...
    INFjs make a lot of sense once you understand who they are.

    But in regard to being leading,
    Yeah, it can be weird, because you are hardwired to expect and big smiling faces and expressions, etc.
    How do I understand who they are?
    ISTj.

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    For an ISTj, the most important thing they can do is learn to step outside of themselves, and learn awareness. Learn how to legitimately see things from another perspective. This is inherently difficult for ISTjs, and, IMO/IME, gets in the way of ISTjs developing real relationships with other people. LSIs can get so caught up in their own interpretation of right and wrong that they do not adequately comprehend the systems of decision making other people use.

    Whether or not this really applies to you I do not know, but it is something I see LSI struggle with from time to time, even though they sincerely desire to 'understand' and relate to other people. So I believe your real question is "how do I relate to people, how do I understand who someone is?" in general.

    INFjs are not necessarily difficult to get to know, especially if they deem you as the kind of person they can get a long with. But it takes time. Just like it takes time for you to open up. Socionics can help you understand what they are looking for, and especially so, what you are looking for, and why you may feel dissapointed or at odds.

    How do you get to know who she is? Spend time with her, and approach her with a mind that is sincerely interested in knowing more about her - this seems like a good place to start. Ask other INFjs here on the forum for advice if you really want to. Ultimately, what takes place in reality between the two of you will yield more understanding. You can analyze it socionicly online, but you can only analyze data that you've collected. The more data the better the analysis. So the primary means of answering your question is collecting more data: "Spend time with her, and approach her with a mind that is sincerely interested in knowing more about her"

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    Éminence grise mikemex's Avatar
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    If you manage to get along fine with your super-ego then you'll enrich yourself quite a bit.
    [] | NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)

    You know what? You're an individual, and that makes people nervous. And it's gonna keep making people nervous for the rest of your life.
    - Ole Golly from Harriet, the spy.

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    Default Re: I've fallen for my super-ego and now i don't know what t

    Quote Originally Posted by mr_maguoo
    I'm an ISTj and I've met (and fallen for my super-ego, INFj). I find her very physically attractive but I can't seem to melt her the way I'm capable of with other girls, especially ExFx. I feel as if we have nothing in common and nothing to say to each other. When I do say something funny or use my dry humour she just seems to smile. I get no feed back. On this point I can see why the ENFj 'drama queen' is my dual. I have no idea if she actually likes me or if she's totally indifferent, I just get that half-smile. And this undermines my confidence so I increasingly say less funny things and I come across increasingly stiff and boring (the way people who don't know ISTjs very well can think). I feel if I met her for lunch or something like that we'd just be eating in silent, that the conversation wouldn't even carry us 5 minutes. I feel so frustrated because I do care for her but feel our personalities will keep us apart. Is there anything I can do to mitigate super ego relations? Or do i just simply have to bite the bullet and move on?
    Bite it.

    Lefty
    ENFJ 4w5

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