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Thread: What do you think of duality?

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    Default What do you think of duality?

    We're all going to have to attempt romance eventually, so knowing what you know now, how does duality affect your approach?

    Do you "hold out" for your dual?
    Would you dump someone who isn't your dual for someone who is?
    Do you try not to think about who is and who isn't your dual and just go for it?
    Do you try to affect the dual seeking of others?
    If someone who wasn't your dual asked you out, would you decline?

    I'd also like to know how much "faith" you have in duality. I say faith because the concept is somewhat counterintuitive. How can someone so different be just the right type? Do you really think your dual is the best possible type for you in your personal experience? An ESE might be great in my case, but maybe a little boring after a while. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
    INTj

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    Default Re: What do you think of duality?

    Do you "hold out" for your dual?
    no.

    Would you dump someone who isn't your dual for someone who is?
    no. haven't done that. Dunno any ISTp IRL

    Do you try not to think about who is and who isn't your dual and just go for it?
    Err, yes.

    Do you try to affect the dual seeking of others?
    ? What do you mean by this question?

    If someone who wasn't your dual asked you out, would you decline?
    LOL. No. Why decline?? It's always nice to know people regardless of type.

    I'd also like to know how much "faith" you have in duality. I say faith because the concept is somewhat counterintuitive. How can someone so different be just the right type? Do you really think your dual is the best possible type for you in your personal experience? An ESE might be great in my case, but maybe a little boring after a while. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
    I can imagine. And I think ISTps would be just right. Do I have to go into details? O. I don't think being with an ISTp would bored me. That's just what I think.
    Ok, for example, me being with any ENFp. I guess we could have lots of fun, but it'll be pretty stressful for one of us, because one person has to play the role of the dual. And I doubt it'll be as effective. So, I can imagine 2 silly, hyperactive, absent-minded people, living their lives, which COULD get pretty messy.
    INTp
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    once I do manage to get out of my room and back out into the world I'll just wing it like I always have. I've always been naturally good with people so I don't see a need to bring Socionics into it. I like it for things like understanding misunderstandings and knowing when a conflict or something can just be a matter of conflicting types instead of stupidity or whatnot on either side. If I come across a dual... great! If I don't... still great! Whatever... I think letting my Socionics knowledge dictate my realm of interractions would be confining and more of a hinderance than anything else.

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    In my opinion, applying socionics this way to dating is counter-productive for people who have had no relationship experience. They don't need more restrictions than they already impose on themselves. People who are more experienced and have some sort of purpose in dating (beyond sex, fun conversations, or whatever) can benefit from socionics, though.

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    Default Re: What do you think of duality?

    Do you "hold out" for your dual?

    Not on purpose, but it may affect my choices in the future.

    Would you dump someone who isn't your dual for someone who is?

    If that were the only reason - never.

    Do you try not to think about who is and who isn't your dual and just go for it?

    These days, it's impossible for me not to recognize whether someone I might be interested in is my dual or not.

    Do you try to affect the dual seeking of others?

    Not sure what you mean. Do I try on purpose to behave like someone's dual? It's more like I try not to behave like someone's conflictor.

    If someone who wasn't your dual asked you out, would you decline?

    I'm never asked out, so it's a meaningless question.

    Quote Originally Posted by ataronchronon
    I'd also like to know how much "faith" you have in duality. I say faith because the concept is somewhat counterintuitive. How can someone so different be just the right type?
    If you think that, you haven't understood how Socionics works, sorry. It has nothing to do with "faith" at all. If you understand (and accept) Socionics, you also understand duality -- otherwise, you don't.

    Quote Originally Posted by ataronchronon
    Do you really think your dual is the best possible type for you in your personal experience?
    Most definitely, but of course external circumstances and other factors always play a role.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    I'd also like to know how much "faith" you have in duality. I say faith because the concept is somewhat counterintuitive. How can someone so different be just the right type? Do you really think your dual is the best possible type for you in your personal experience? An ESE might be great in my case, but maybe a little boring after a while. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
    I don't think duals are really opposites. For the most part, they're on a very similar wavelength. The "dualized" ones in particular.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rick
    I don't think duals are really opposites. For the most part, they're on a very similar wavelength. The "dualized" ones in particular.
    Yes, I agree with that. They are different in external behavior, especially when alone (ie without the dual), but what they really expect from others is the dual's characteristics. For instance, the ESE that is naturally talkative prefers someone who will mostly listen than talk - so LII rather than, say, LIE.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Default Re: What do you think of duality?

    [quote="ataronchronon"]We're all going to have to attempt romance eventually, so knowing what you know now, how does duality affect your approach?

    Do you "hold out" for your dual?
    Yes, as a general rule for relations which are like to be long term.
    Would you dump someone who isn't your dual for someone who is?
    Far too general a statement to elicit a proper response .. generally no
    Do you try not to think about who is and who isn't your dual and just go for it?
    These days a pesons type is one of the first things i seek to establish early.
    Do you try to affect the dual seeking of others?
    Rarely ... its hard work but occassionally worth a try, much easier to complement their hidden agenda.
    If someone who wasn't your dual asked you out, would you decline?
    Never on that basis alone

    Duals are great but lots of other things will impact on the potential of a relationship .. esp factors like age, relative attractiveness etc. For duals to get full value a lot of other "more conventional" things will have to be right in addition. Also over reliance on your dual (or blind faith) can turn bad, each individual has to maintain a sense of self / distance otherwise things get lopsided.
    ILE

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    good thread idea.

    i've been asking myself these very questions at the beginning of a new relationship. not sure i have any answers yet, though.

    @Rick: can you explain what you mean by socionics being a good tool for those with experience in relationships? and to what extent do you think socionics should be used as a tool for people who fit this category? (like me frinstance lol)

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Default Re: What do you think of duality?

    Quote Originally Posted by ataronchronon
    We're all going to have to attempt romance eventually, so knowing what you know now, how does duality affect your approach?

    Do you "hold out" for your dual?
    No.

    Would you dump someone who isn't your dual for someone who is?
    I would end a rotten relationship for another person, yes, but type is never taken into consideration. I am not attracted to extraverts, anyway.

    Do you try not to think about who is and who isn't your dual and just go for it?
    Of course.

    Do you try to affect the dual seeking of others?
    I don't know what this means.

    If someone who wasn't your dual asked you out, would you decline?
    Obviously not, although I have declined proposals of very extraverted girls.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Default Re: What do you think of duality?

    Quote Originally Posted by ataronchronon
    Do you try to affect the dual seeking of others?
    I think you mean: do you set up duals? I personally have done a small amount of nudging, but that's all.

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    Default Re: What do you think of duality?

    Do you "hold out" for your dual?
    No.

    Would you dump someone who isn't your dual for someone who is?
    Definitely not.

    Do you try not to think about who is and who isn't your dual and just go for it?
    Yeah

    Do you try to affect the dual seeking of others?


    If someone who wasn't your dual asked you out, would you decline?
    I would accept the invitation even if my conflictor asked me out.

    I'd also like to know how much "faith" you have in duality. I say faith because the concept is somewhat counterintuitive. How can someone so different be just the right type? Do you really think your dual is the best possible type for you in your personal experience?
    I don't really know 'cos I have never shown any interest in the LSEs I have known IRL. The ones I'm usually interested in are EXTps Ti subtype.

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    Default Re: What do you think of duality?

    We're all going to have to attempt romance eventually, so knowing what you know now, how does duality affect your approach? YES FOR SURE

    Do you "hold out" for your dual? YES SOMETIMES
    Would you dump someone who isn't your dual for someone who is? YES FOR SURE
    Do you try not to think about who is and who isn't your dual and just go for it? NOPE I CAN'T STOP TYPING PEOPLE
    Do you try to affect the dual seeking of others? YES BUT MOST PEOPLE ARE TO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND OR EVEN TRY...
    If someone who wasn't your dual asked you out, would you decline? NOPE I WANNA HAVE FUN

    I'd also like to know how much "faith" you have in duality. I say faith because the concept is somewhat counterintuitive. How can someone so different be just the right type? Do you really think your dual is the best possible type for you in your personal experience? An ESE might be great in my case, but maybe a little boring after a while. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. MUCH FAITH BECAUSE I'VE EXPERIENCED IT ALREADY, AND THEY WERE THE LEAST BORING.

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    Default Re: What do you think of duality?

    Quote Originally Posted by ataronchronon
    We're all going to have to attempt romance eventually, so knowing what you know now, how does duality affect your approach?
    It doesn't. Given my poor track record in this regard, it's taken me several weeks to decide that I DO have a chance with an ESFp I'm currently interested in. Despite knowing full well how duality is, both in theory and in practice (my best friend is an ESFp also), knowing this didn't tip the balance either way.

    Quote Originally Posted by ataronchronon
    Do you "hold out" for your dual?
    nay. I've been attracted to people of several types before now - my ex was INFj and I've been attracted to (although never actually got with) an INFp and some ENFps also.

    Quote Originally Posted by ataronchronon
    Would you dump someone who isn't your dual for someone who is?
    Not based on that factor alone. I figure at the end of the day, if I was going to leave a current relationship for a new one, it would be because the current relationship wasn't working anyway, by which point I would have left based on that reason alone. Of course, I say this but whether or not I'd actually follow through with that...

    Quote Originally Posted by ataronchronon
    Do you try not to think about who is and who isn't your dual and just go for it?
    I like trying to figure out people's types, but I don't use it as a basis for attraction.

    Quote Originally Posted by ataronchronon
    Do you try to affect the dual seeking of others?
    Nope. Even if I knew how, it would take too much energy to keep it up. Honesty is the easiest way IMFUO.

    Quote Originally Posted by ataronchronon
    If someone who wasn't your dual asked you out, would you decline?
    Hell no. Well, depends on who it was actually. But type doesn't come into my criteria for going out with someone.

    Quote Originally Posted by ataronchronon
    I'd also like to know how much "faith" you have in duality. I say faith because the concept is somewhat counterintuitive. How can someone so different be just the right type? Do you really think your dual is the best possible type for you in your personal experience? An ESE might be great in my case, but maybe a little boring after a while. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
    Like Rick said earlier, duals are, from a functional point of view, on the same wavelength. I personally think of it this way - you have complementary opposites (duals) and conflicting opposites (conflictors, funnily enough ). Imagine pieces of a jigsaw puzzle - the ones that fit together do so because they are opposites...in a way. One piece will have a protruding bit, the other piece will have a slot. In a way, this is how duals work - they each give what the other needs, and likewise take what the other gives. I hope that makes sense, it's much easier for me to visualise these things than it is to explain them.
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    Do you "hold out" for your dual?
    Gotta admit, I do have this tendency to not give those outside my own Quadra a chance anymore =/ I know this sounds "typist" but.. honestly, I've had enough experiences with relationships with non-Quadra types to know that it really doesn't work, especially if they're in the opposite quadra.

    Would you dump someone who isn't your dual for someone who is?

    No, not necessarily. If I had a great relationship with someone who wasn't my Dual, why would I dump them? If it was bad, obviously.. yes, I would.

    Do you try not to think about who is and who isn't your dual and just go for it?
    Unfortunately, I might be the first to say that I do pay quite a lot of attention now to who I enter into any kind of closer relationship with.. =/ Doesn't have to be my Dual persay, but within my own Quadra is preferable.

    Do you try to affect the dual seeking of others?
    Umm.. no.. ? Maybe if I met an ESTp, I'd want him to know we were Duals?

    If someone who wasn't your dual asked you out, would you decline?
    No, of course not.. given that I was attracted, etc


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    Quote Originally Posted by diamond8
    @Rick: can you explain what you mean by socionics being a good tool for those with experience in relationships? and to what extent do you think socionics should be used as a tool for people who fit this category? (like me frinstance lol)
    I meant that if you've been through different relationships and are ready for something more serious and more fulfilling than your previous relationships have been, it can be very useful to figure out the types of the people you were with before and figure out what things did or did not work from a socionics standpoint, and then try to find something that works the best for you. I know a number of people who approached their partner search "socionically" and are married to duals. I also know couples who weren't so deeply into socionics, but found duals on socionics dating sites. And I know couples who are deeply into socionics who didn't marry duals despite preaching duality for years. My conclusion is that sex is a more powerful force than socionics knowledge :wink: .

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    You young people need to get out there and date and have fun. What if you've mistyped yourself? What if you mistype the potential dates you meet? Just meet people and maybe knowing who your dual is will cause you to consider people you might have otherwise overlooked. That's really plenty.

    I agree though that as you get older if you date the same few types over and over and it's the same bad relationship over and over, maybe you might want to avoid those types. I did that, though I knew nothing about Socionics at the time. I just recognized that my husband was very different to the outgoing brash guys I had dated before. If I'd known about Socionics I would have recognized what was going on I suppose.
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    Can a comfortable relationship also remain exciting? At least a bit?
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Can a comfortable relationship also remain exciting? At least a bit?
    http://www.bdsmstore.com/

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bionicgoat
    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Can a comfortable relationship also remain exciting? At least a bit?
    http://www.bdsmstore.com/
    good call, that's one of the various possibilities
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Relationships change over time - all of them, duals or not. The early love kind of excitement goes away, but there's still some excitement, and there's an ongoing strong warmth. Assuming it's a good relationship.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom
    You young people need to get out there and date and have fun. What if you've mistyped yourself? What if you mistype the potential dates you meet? Just meet people and maybe knowing who your dual is will cause you to consider people you might have otherwise overlooked. That's really plenty.
    Yes, it happens alot of times, especially between INTp and INTj, and INFp and INFj.

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Can a comfortable relationship also remain exciting? At least a bit?
    I have considered that question before and I used to equate stability and too much comfort as boredom.

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    But anyway, my parents don't really seem bored. Probably because my father knows how to annoy the hell out of my mother purposefully
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Can a comfortable relationship also remain exciting? At least a bit?
    Yes if you sink deeper and deeper in depravity, degradation, and perversity, past the point of no return.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Can a comfortable relationship also remain exciting? At least a bit?
    Yes if you sink deeper and deeper in depravity, degradation, and perversity, past the point of no return.
    Or if you do exciting things together and not just sit around being comfortable with each other.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rick
    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Can a comfortable relationship also remain exciting? At least a bit?
    Yes if you sink deeper and deeper in depravity, degradation, and perversity, past the point of no return.
    Or if you do exciting things together and not just sit around being comfortable with each other.
    http://www.bdsmstore.com/

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rick
    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Can a comfortable relationship also remain exciting? At least a bit?
    Yes if you sink deeper and deeper in depravity, degradation, and perversity, past the point of no return.
    Or if you do exciting things together and not just sit around being comfortable with each other.

    lol

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom
    I just recognized that my husband was very different to the outgoing brash guys I had dated before. If I'd known about Socionics I would have recognized what was going on I suppose.
    exactly and that's why I use socionics, instead of just making a big gamble with who I marry later on in life. I've wasted 4 years of my life with my conflictor... Learning about Socionics and your Dual is probably one of the best investments you can make in life. :wink:

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rick
    Quote Originally Posted by diamond8
    @Rick: can you explain what you mean by socionics being a good tool for those with experience in relationships? and to what extent do you think socionics should be used as a tool for people who fit this category? (like me frinstance lol)
    I meant that if you've been through different relationships and are ready for something more serious and more fulfilling than your previous relationships have been, it can be very useful to figure out the types of the people you were with before and figure out what things did or did not work from a socionics standpoint, and then try to find something that works the best for you. I know a number of people who approached their partner search "socionically" and are married to duals. I also know couples who weren't so deeply into socionics, but found duals on socionics dating sites. And I know couples who are deeply into socionics who didn't marry duals despite preaching duality for years. My conclusion is that sex is a more powerful force than socionics knowledge :wink: .
    i bet it is

    the couples who are deeply into socionics yet didn't marry their duals - what were their relations? i see different opinions in the socionics community about second best, third best, fourth best type of relations. it seems that each author has a different opinion...what's yours?

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Can a comfortable relationship also remain exciting? At least a bit?
    Yes if you sink deeper and deeper in depravity, degradation, and perversity, past the point of no return.
    omg omg awesome
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Default Re: What do you think of duality?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno
    We're all going to have to attempt romance eventually, so knowing what you know now, how does duality affect your approach? YES FOR SURE

    Do you "hold out" for your dual? YES SOMETIMES
    Would you dump someone who isn't your dual for someone who is? YES FOR SURE
    Do you try not to think about who is and who isn't your dual and just go for it? NOPE I CAN'T STOP TYPING PEOPLE
    Do you try to affect the dual seeking of others? YES BUT MOST PEOPLE ARE TO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND OR EVEN TRY...
    If someone who wasn't your dual asked you out, would you decline? NOPE I WANNA HAVE FUN

    I'd also like to know how much "faith" you have in duality. I say faith because the concept is somewhat counterintuitive. How can someone so different be just the right type? Do you really think your dual is the best possible type for you in your personal experience? An ESE might be great in my case, but maybe a little boring after a while. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. MUCH FAITH BECAUSE I'VE EXPERIENCED IT ALREADY, AND THEY WERE THE LEAST BORING.
    looking at your website,
    and this post,
    it raises questions about the thoroughness of your understanding.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Default Re: What do you think of duality?

    Do you "hold out" for your dual?

    I don't know. I am uncertain of how compatible I am with other types, but socionics helps narrow down a lot of things. The overall quality and character of an individual is more important than a type, but I do not think I would be able to be with an immaculate ESTp or ESFp, just because we don't function the same way. ESEs seem nice, but I do not know what more to say

    Would you dump someone who isn't your dual for someone who is?

    Complicated. Situational.

    Do you try not to think about who is and who isn't your dual and just go for it?

    I assess raw socionics compatibility as well as other non-socionics attributes, like awareness, maturity, physical health, and so on.

    Do you try to affect the dual seeking of others?

    I can tell how someone wants me to act based on their leading function and the reciprocal dual seeking function. Dependent on what I think is important, I act, generally to facilitate the best use of whatever situation is present. Like Expat said, sometimes the only thing I can do is try to not act like their conflictor.

    If someone who wasn't your dual asked you out, would you decline?

    I also have never been asked out, though I was sort of invited a few times. Both people were not my type of girl in general. Two specific situations were an ISTj and an ESFp, so neither of those are secularly appealing relatinoships to me anyways.


    Quote Originally Posted by ataronchronon
    I'd also like to know how much "faith" you have in duality. I say faith because the concept is somewhat counterintuitive. How can someone so different be just the right type?
    "If you think that, you haven't understood how Socionics works, sorry." - I agree with Expat


    Quote Originally Posted by ataronchronon
    Do you really think your dual is the best possible type for you in your personal experience?
    I am unsure. If we are going to look at raw type analysis, yes. "On paper", yes, they make the most sense, and in a general sort of experience, I can see how they would be the best match for an LII. I have warped my type and pushed things so much, however, so in terms of the real world, I do not know if it would be best. It will be completely dependent on what I think is most important for me to do.

    If I were going to just settle down and "raise a family" and "have kids" -- the typical course of life - then I would lean towards ESFj. INFjs, ENFjs, and maybe even a very rational ISFp, or an ISFj that would appreciate my choices & I could deal with her, may be possible.

    Bottom line is, socionics type alone is not my deciding factor in relationship. Through understanding socionics, it is easy to come to understand what people need and what they want to give you in return for it. If I find someone who has great "intangibles", and the situation is right, then I may look into it. However, a major part of that analysis is, knowing socionics -- and knowing what a person is looking for from their dual -- does the relationship seem like each person is mature enough to deal with the inevitable build of psychological stress? Are they a kind of person who will value the relationship and work towards the relationship despite such things? Do they have the potential to learn and grow? How much does she value the same thing I value? How much do we think in ways that are easily interchangable? Is she hot?
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Can a comfortable relationship also remain exciting? At least a bit?
    Yes if you sink deeper and deeper in depravity, degradation, and perversity, past the point of no return.
    omg omg awesome
    Actually the Se EP - Ni IP duality is supposed to work precisely because it remains exciting (not necessarily for the reasons outlined above).
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Quote Originally Posted by diamond8
    Quote Originally Posted by Rick
    Quote Originally Posted by diamond8
    @Rick: can you explain what you mean by socionics being a good tool for those with experience in relationships? and to what extent do you think socionics should be used as a tool for people who fit this category? (like me frinstance lol)
    I meant that if you've been through different relationships and are ready for something more serious and more fulfilling than your previous relationships have been, it can be very useful to figure out the types of the people you were with before and figure out what things did or did not work from a socionics standpoint, and then try to find something that works the best for you. I know a number of people who approached their partner search "socionically" and are married to duals. I also know couples who weren't so deeply into socionics, but found duals on socionics dating sites. And I know couples who are deeply into socionics who didn't marry duals despite preaching duality for years. My conclusion is that sex is a more powerful force than socionics knowledge :wink: .
    i bet it is

    the couples who are deeply into socionics yet didn't marry their duals - what were their relations? i see different opinions in the socionics community about second best, third best, fourth best type of relations. it seems that each author has a different opinion...what's yours?
    My opinion is that duality is the best, but only when partners genuinely fall in love with each other. If it's a calculated step or one person is trying to push the other into a relationship, people can end up not accepting each other completely, and there will be nitpicking and dissatisfaction despite the positive "automatic" effects of duality. Other relationships seem to work at first when partners are in love, but when it passes they find themselves unsatisfied.

    The ones I've seen between socionics enthusiasts are identity, semi-duality, supervision (with one partner mistyped, so she thought it was mirror), and mirror. And of course there are plenty of publishing socionists who are not particularly lucky in love (I'm not one of them), which is presumably why they got into socionics in the first place. Too much thinking and theorizing, as SlackerMom would probably agree, can hide the real issues.

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    It does seem reasonable to say that when I am at my worst, is the most effective thing at improving the situation.

    Like magic, almost.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    I can think of plenty of ways people could screw up potentially good relationships due to Socionics if they overthink it:

    • Mistype themselves and therefore don't consider their dual
    • Mistype others and don't get involved with people because they think they aren't duals
    • Assume a dual relationship is going to be sunshine and roses from day 1 and when it isn't, think, "this must not be my dual" and dump them
    • Analyze every conversation and interaction to see how it fits in socionics and therefore not behave naturally and therefore scare off potential partner, who might even be dual


    Those are a few off the top of my head but there are tons more. The first few months my husband and I lived together, we had to do some real adjusting. No relationship is going to be easy all the time from the start, and any two people who get involved with each other are going to adjust their lives to make room for the other person. We don't have any real conflict now, but we had some serious conflict when we were getting used to each other in the early days. There's more than communication style and personality - there are beliefs and assumptions based on earlier relationships, ways you're used to doing things and maybe don't want to change, getting used to your partners likes/dislikes, baggage from family or whatever, etc. A few months after my husband moved in with me, we had a huge huge fight. A real doozy, and luckily the last real fight we've had too. But it was ugly. If I'd known about Socionics, would I have thought something like, "Oh, we have serious conflict! We must not be duals! I'd better move on to someone else!" That would have been a huge loss because my husband and I really do have a good thing.

    Particularly for those of you who are young, I really think you should just go out and date whomever catches your fancy. Really. You should naturally be attracted to those who are more compatible with you anyway. If you've been, say, overlooking the shy boys (or girls) because they are quieter, and you've learned that perhaps they're more compatible, then by all means open your eyes in that direction. But past that level of things, be careful overthinking things.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    Default Re: What do you think of duality?

    Quote Originally Posted by UDP III

    looking at your website,
    and this post,
    it raises questions about the thoroughness of your understanding.
    i understand it quite well, my experience is even bigger,
    but i'm just one hell of a lazy guy when it comes to making websites.

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    it's everything that's every been dreamed. It's wellfed puppydogs bursting through open pastures with fireworks exploding to light their way.

    nah just kidding. it's a lot like what expat said. People meeting the expectations of others naturally, or with minimal effort. And of course it is always best when both parties have higher expectations of themselves that are best aided by their dual partner.
    asd

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom
    I can think of plenty of ways people could screw up potentially good relationships due to Socionics if they overthink it:

    • Mistype themselves and therefore don't consider their dual
    • Mistype others and don't get involved with people because they think they aren't duals
    • Assume a dual relationship is going to be sunshine and roses from day 1 and when it isn't, think, "this must not be my dual" and dump them
    • Analyze every conversation and interaction to see how it fits in socionics and therefore not behave naturally and therefore scare off potential partner, who might even be dual
    Yes, this is a good list.

    I've had romantic relationships - of one sort or the other - of duality, supervision, mirror, super-ego, and look-alike. Duality was the most satisfying - while it lasted - but the others also had positive points, sometimes even better than duality in specifics. I must add, though, that the "might-have-beens" that made the most impression were all duals.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    [quote="Rick"]
    Quote Originally Posted by diamond8
    Quote Originally Posted by Rick
    Quote Originally Posted by diamond8
    @Rick: can you explain what you mean by socionics being a good tool for those with experience in relationships? and to what extent do you think socionics should be used as a tool for people who fit this category? (like me frinstance lol)
    I meant that if you've been through different relationships and are ready for something more serious and more fulfilling than your previous relationships have been, it can be very useful to figure out the types of the people you were with before and figure out what things did or did not work from a socionics standpoint, and then try to find something that works the best for you. I know a number of people who approached their partner search "socionically" and are married to duals. I also know couples who weren't so deeply into socionics, but found duals on socionics dating sites. And I know couples who are deeply into socionics who didn't marry duals despite preaching duality for years. My conclusion is that sex is a more powerful force than socionics knowledge :wink: .
    i bet it is

    The ones I've seen between socionics enthusiasts are identity, semi-duality, supervision (with one partner mistyped, so she thought it was mirror), and mirror. And of course there are plenty of publishing socionists who are not particularly lucky in love (I'm not one of them), which is presumably why they got into socionics in the first place. Too much thinking and theorizing, as SlackerMom would probably agree, can hide the real issues.
    identity? i don't think i could deal with an identity partner in a romantic relationship. a friend totally but not a partner. nor a supervisee or supervisor. i can see semi-dual i guess, but i don't tend to run across them.

    i wonder if there has been any research done on married couples or couples in long term relationships in the socionics community and whether there is any data correlational or otherwise on the success of different types of relations in marriage. if there was, it could explicate the question of validity on the relational aspects of socionics theory.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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