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Thread: Fe's view on Fi

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    Default Fe's view on Fi

    How do people from the Fe quadras view those from the Fi quadras?

    I've recently gotten comments from some people who think I'm cold. I was talking to my INFp friend and he said that he was talking to our other friends (INFp, ISFpx2, ENFj, ESFj) and that they think I'm cold and distant. I have gotten the same comment from an ENTp and INTj. And I'm an ethical type. I'm puzzled, because I felt that I was pretty "warm" and have no idea why I came across as cold.

    Do Fi people really come across as cold?
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    My ESFj brother just told me so in the afternoon "you're completely devoid of emotional empathy... there is people conflicting around and you remain unmovable as a rock!".

    I told him that remaining calm is the best thing one can do. When one is under the influence of strong emotions reason rapidly vanishes.
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    I'd say that typical negative responses of Fe types to Fi types would consist of "boring, cold, no fun, exclusive, arrogant, pretentious," etc.
    For Fi to Fe types, my best guesses would be "superficial, chatty, fake, insincere, shallow, two-faced," and so on.

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    Default Re: Fe's view on Fi

    Quote Originally Posted by Mea

    Do Fi people really come across as cold?
    Upon first meeting, yes!! However, once I get to know Fi types I seem to adapt and get used to their expression so that it doesn't seem so cold anymore....

    By "cold" I mean that I find it difficult to tell how Fi-types feel about me as they don't show much emotion on the outside. When I express something they'll often comment on my expression in a way that seems critical, as if I'm "over-reacting" or being too dramatic and this in turn makes me more inhibited (whereas other types would appear to be entertained by my expression and even play along). Also Fi-types are "sensitive" towards certain topics of discussion.... as it's impossible to know what these subjects are. i've sometimes found myself in situations where I'd bring something up, even debate it with an Fi-type, and then afterwards I feel like they're making me feel guilty for talking about something that offends them. In regards to these topics I'm not even given the liberty to find out why the topic hurts them because that would in turn hurt them and so it's my responsibility to change the topic or seem like a sadist... this can be REALLY annoying -especially when the Fi-type would clearly benefit from learning more about the topic... in such situations for some reason i'm often compelled to verbally apologize...... but the sincerity of these apologies is always questionable

    Also I find I often mis-interpret Fi-type sarcasm... I find the way that they make fun of others (even though it's meant 'just for fun') to be quite tasteless. It appears to me that they feel entitled to label others according to their subjective definition of what the label means... furthermore they believe their subjective definitions are actually objective and respond badly when told otherwise.... They even tend to make-fun of people that they "love" or who they are friends with - if it's true according to their subjective interpretation then they feel entitled to say so and not feel bad about it because it's "true". I find this offensive because it's very selective information, personally I don't talk negatively about the people I care about with others, especially in public, likewise I expect the same from the people I care about. To me, the people I care about are quite frankly better than the majority of other people, though they may have their flaws those flaws are overshadowed by their positive characteristics - it's as if for me to talk negatively about them I'd feel as if I'm talking negatively about myself. I see this "mis-understanding' I seem to have with Fi-types as a barrier to comfortably developing any sort of intimacy (in other words it's a wall that prevents the relationship from going deeper)
    INFp-Ni

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    Default Re: Fe's view on Fi

    Hmm. Thanks guys. That was very useful actually.

    Quote Originally Posted by misutii
    Upon first meeting, yes!! However, once I get to know Fi types I seem to adapt and get used to their expression so that it doesn't seem so cold anymore....
    Precisely what I get. And this happens quite often. It isn't so bad when we get closer like you described.[/quote]
    Quote Originally Posted by misutii
    By "cold" I mean that I find it difficult to tell how Fi-types feel about me as they don't show much emotion on the outside. When I express something they'll often comment on my expression in a way that seems critical, as if I'm "over-reacting" or being too dramatic and this in turn makes me more inhibited (whereas other types would appear to be entertained by my expression and even play along). Also Fi-types are "sensitive" towards certain topics of discussion.... as it's impossible to know what these subjects are. i've sometimes found myself in situations where I'd bring something up, even debate it with an Fi-type, and then afterwards I feel like they're making me feel guilty for talking about something that offends them. In regards to these topics I'm not even given the liberty to find out why the topic hurts them because that would in turn hurt them and so it's my responsibility to change the topic or seem like a sadist... this can be REALLY annoying -especially when the Fi-type would clearly benefit from learning more about the topic... in such situations for some reason i'm often compelled to verbally apologize...... but the sincerity of these apologies is always questionable
    Heh. Thanks for that insight. That's kinda sounds like the relationship I have with my INFp friend. I doubt he knows this, probably like what you said, not showing much emotion on the outside.
    And you said you feel guilty about talking about something that offends them. Actually, I have felt guilty or embarrassed that I was offended, and in turn, making them guilty. Guess it's a misunderstanding. Hmm.
    I guess I have been guilty of telling my some Fe-types that they were over-reacting or being dramatic, without even realizing it.
    Ok, this post tells a lot. At least now I know more about how Fe-types view Fi-types. *sigh* Which makes me wonder, how do we actually get along better?
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    Quote Originally Posted by GillySaysGoodbye
    I'd say that typical negative responses of Fe types to Fi types would consist of "boring, cold, no fun, exclusive, arrogant, pretentious," etc.
    For Fi to Fe types, my best guesses would be "superficial, chatty, fake, insincere, shallow, two-faced," and so on.
    That seems pretty accurate.
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    Quote Originally Posted by GillySaysGoodbye
    I'd say that typical negative responses of Fe types to Fi types would consist of "boring, cold, no fun, exclusive, arrogant, pretentious," etc.
    For Fi to Fe types, my best guesses would be "superficial, chatty, fake, insincere, shallow, two-faced," and so on.
    I say both sets of things for different people... what's that mean?

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    A few days ago I met Manta's soon to be school principal
    (as in the principal has been at the school a long time, but Manta will be starting school at the end of April..yeah me!!!)

    anyways, she was very loud, over-exaggerated brow lifting and over-exaggerated smile
    she said hi to some kids and did some weird thing...i can't even explain it..but it was like trying to get them to smile if they would only look at her face and her body actions .... only one kid responded, the other two looked at her like she was crazy

    Then she turned that smile and body movements our way.
    I wanted to cringe. I closed my eyes momentarily because my first reaction was to roll my eyes, laugh, and/or walk away. But I managed to not visibly cringe nor rub my forehead.

    We talked in her office for a bit. She seemed to relax some..less forced happiness...but not much, and I got irritated when I had to bring up some sensitive issues regarding my daughter...and the woman pushed up that forced happiness crap on me. The thing is...I would hardly recognize that these were "sensitive issues" if it hadn't been for that forced crap. I'm just trying to give her the facts and observations myself and others have had regarding my child and issues a psychologist and others are keeping eyes on. But the way this woman seemed to want to gloss over these things...irritated me.

    Then she took us on a tour. I hung back so that she was interacting with Manta and not me. It's Manta who's going to be going there, not me. But she seemed to want to include me, and that again irritated me because it's supposed to be about Manta, about helping her feel comfortable and confident in the idea of going to school..... not me.

    They had a bit of an emergency during the tour, the lights had gone out due to some construction work going on down the road. I told the woman we wouldn't mind waiting while she did what she had to do....trying to relieve her of one stress item for a bit. But no....she insisted on continuing the tour (though she did have to stop a couple of times to take care of something else). I watched some of that forcedness melt away and saw some more subtle signs of agitation as she continued on. We were introduced to the libararian and the music teacher. The librarian was very happy and cheerful, but there wasn't a feeling of it being forced...it seemed quite genuine. And the music teacher seemed shy but friendly. She talked with Manta not as if Manta was a kid, but as if Manta was..a person. She avoided looking at the principal, and seemed to seek more calmer interactions. Manta responded really well to her. (btw, the more forced the cheerfulness, the more Manta hung back or became nervous/shy; the more natural the response, the more open Manta became)

    Anyways, at the end of the tour we said bye to the principal and took care of some paperwork with the desk clerk. Manta and I laughed because as soon as the principal was out of the room, she and i saw the other's shoulders drop into a more relaxed posture and we both did a long exhale as if we'd been holding our breaths the whole time.

    To be fair, I'm sure we stressed the principal out about as much as she stressed us out. The more "cheerful" and "upbeat" she became, the more we wanted to run away. Which probably triggered in her that that was a sign that she should become even more cheerful and upbeat to encourage us to stay.
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp

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    I don't really know any Fi people other then 6 IEE-s, every single person I communicate with seems to be alpha or beta. Actually, now that I think about it, I've never seen a EII or SEE. I've seen one LSE (And only because an IEE told me they were LSE, well not *LSE* LSE, he described to me that the person is his activity partner), no SLI-s, no EII-s, no LIE-s, no SEE-s, one ESI and perhaps one ILI (I've recently come to the conclusions that I mistyped the people I believed to be ILI) so I guess I find Fi people (Minus IEE-s) not good candidates of my interaction which in its own is right since I function in a manner where the connection (Conversation) forms naturally so it not forming would be a sign of bad compatibility.

    The one ESI I know, I didn't find her cold at all, but I did find her bossy and misunderstood. Bossy as a natural response towards uncertainty and misunderstood cause people found her conceited, stuck up, generally a bitch. I think this is because in class she was the conscientious one and was the one that listened to classes, took notes and was an admirable student + had a strong will + was quick to comment on what she found inadequate + sometimes used derogatory sarcasm when she did it.

    The LSE had issues with me in that he couldn't make heads or tails of me. I didn't care about him and he would've been just another passer by if it weren't for a IEE friend that befriended him.

    The IEE-s I know are generally normal. They're the best people I've meet and the only fault I can find is that the males are as judgmental as I am, convinced they are right when they aren't. And the Ne subtypes are too "energetic" for my taste, always trying to drag me into one of their activities.

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    Quote Originally Posted by GillySaysGoodbye
    I'd say that typical negative responses of Fe types to Fi types would consist of "boring, cold, no fun, exclusive, arrogant, pretentious," etc.
    I've been described that way on more than one occasion.
    EII

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    and I've planted a few trees.

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    i dunno...i use Fe or Fi depend on who im around...


    i even try to use Se and i think i do it pretty well....i get good reactions


    ive been around an ENFj friend of mine a lot so my Fe is repressed heheh (i kind dont mind hah, consumes energy that i can use elsewhere)
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    Quote Originally Posted by GillySaysGoodbye
    I'd say that typical negative responses of Fe types to Fi types would consist of "boring, cold, no fun, exclusive, arrogant, pretentious," etc.
    For Fi to Fe types, my best guesses would be "superficial, chatty, fake, insincere, shallow, two-faced," and so on.
    ya.

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    It depends on the type and on how a person transcended it's own abstract models by reajusting to become more accurate with reality. The only things i disagree about with all people i know concerns what we consider as being the "best" reaction to emotions, what's being emotionally strong, etc. Like people do with concepts, people structure their emotions and treat them as primary, secondary, etc, based on their internal model. people are more like basing themselves on everything and feel the result directly. It leads each other to see the other as weak because they have different priorities and views on what emotional strenght is. It's very similar to the difference between and . To answer your question directly, if i didn't know about socionics, i would think that people are living their emotions more genuinely because they absorb everything and then have an emotional reaction based on what they feel while people are more calculating, "If situation X then emotion Y, followed by emotion Z" style of thinking. It would lead me to think that i don't matter to the person because the love they feel for me is conditional according to punctual facts about me instead of the result of everything that i am and do for the person. Since i know about socionics i don't see it that way because i know it's a matter of preference and not a personnal judgement. There are also people who "transcend" their model by adding so many parameters that the punctual facts and if-then-else system make an analysis that is almost identical to the whole (Like some people do with T stuff, thus becoming more practical).

    That said, i know about a dozen ENFps and there is not one that i dislike. As friends, they make it easier to use and enjoy . The key for and people to get along together is to not repress each other's way of displaying emotions. An person needs time alone? Fine. An person needs to live many emotions at the same time? Fine. That way the principal barrier is broken. seems meaner if you think and express that it's mean, DUH. The concepts of superficiality and coldness have nothing to do with it all in the end because neither is superficial or cold. Functions are relative so most of their qualities are in the eye of the beholder.

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    Quote Originally Posted by GillySaysGoodbye
    I'd say that typical negative responses of Fe types to Fi types would consist of "boring, cold, no fun, exclusive, arrogant, pretentious," etc.
    For Fi to Fe types, my best guesses would be "superficial, chatty, fake, insincere, shallow, two-faced," and so on.
    This is interesting. The problem with this is that introversion/extroversion might blur this slightly. Meaning that Fi Quadra-introverts would be very much like the above and Fe-Quadra extroverts would be very much like the below description. However with Fi-Quadra extroverts and Fe-Quadra introverts it would be a bit less clear at least with people I know. Perhaps T/F, N/S blur this even more making T and N people more like the above description and F and S people like the below description. This would make INTp the ultimate manifestation of upper description and ESFj the ultimate manifestation of the lower. Hmm.

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    Quote Originally Posted by XoX
    Quote Originally Posted by GillySaysGoodbye
    I'd say that typical negative responses of Fe types to Fi types would consist of "boring, cold, no fun, exclusive, arrogant, pretentious," etc.
    For Fi to Fe types, my best guesses would be "superficial, chatty, fake, insincere, shallow, two-faced," and so on.
    This is interesting. The problem with this is that introversion/extroversion might blur this slightly. Meaning that Fi Quadra-introverts would be very much like the above and Fe-Quadra extroverts would be very much like the below description. However with Fi-Quadra extroverts and Fe-Quadra introverts it would be a bit less clear at least with people I know. Perhaps T/F, N/S blur this even more making T and N people more like the above description and F and S people like the below description. This would make INTp the ultimate manifestation of upper description and ESFj the ultimate manifestation of the lower. Hmm.
    That is a good, and probably correct, observation.

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    Quote Originally Posted by GillySaysGoodbye
    I'd say that typical negative responses of Fe types to Fi types would consist of "boring, cold, no fun, exclusive, arrogant, pretentious," etc.
    For Fi to Fe types, my best guesses would be "superficial, chatty, fake, insincere, shallow, two-faced," and so on.

    Ha, so why am I more likely to note "superficial, chatty, fake, insincere, shallow, two-faced" than ANY of the Fe to Fi...if I am Fe....

    I'm not saying I'm not Fe, but I guess I'm taking this too literally?

    I've been called boring, no fun, and exclusive.

    But also chatty, fake (only because they don't understand!), and I suppose superficial...but that was more like, instances where they thought so but I normally explain myself in moments like that.


    I'm fake when I have to be, to be comfortable. Not so often lately.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clover
    I've been called boring, no fun, and exclusive.
    you're just baked

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    Quote Originally Posted by XoX
    Quote Originally Posted by GillySaysGoodbye
    I'd say that typical negative responses of Fe types to Fi types would consist of "boring, cold, no fun, exclusive, arrogant, pretentious," etc.
    For Fi to Fe types, my best guesses would be "superficial, chatty, fake, insincere, shallow, two-faced," and so on.
    This is interesting. The problem with this is that introversion/extroversion might blur this slightly. Meaning that Fi Quadra-introverts would be very much like the above and Fe-Quadra extroverts would be very much like the below description. However with Fi-Quadra extroverts and Fe-Quadra introverts it would be a bit less clear at least with people I know. Perhaps T/F, N/S blur this even more making T and N people more like the above description and F and S people like the below description. This would make INTp the ultimate manifestation of upper description and ESFj the ultimate manifestation of the lower. Hmm.
    I think this applies primarily to ethical types, and I don't think N vs. S has anything to do with it. If I had to break it down... the ethical types that would fit into the first description, most to least: ISFj (negativist introvert), INFj (introvert), ExFp (the ESFps and ENFps I've known make it difficult to choose between the two). The ethical types that fit into the bottom description, most to least: ESFj (extroverted positivist), ENFj (extroverted), IxFp (I haven't known enough IxFps irl to make a distinction).
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clover
    Quote Originally Posted by GillySaysGoodbye
    I'd say that typical negative responses of Fe types to Fi types would consist of "boring, cold, no fun, exclusive, arrogant, pretentious," etc.
    For Fi to Fe types, my best guesses would be "superficial, chatty, fake, insincere, shallow, two-faced," and so on.

    Ha, so why am I more likely to note "superficial, chatty, fake, insincere, shallow, two-faced" than ANY of the Fe to Fi...if I am Fe....

    I'm not saying I'm not Fe, but I guess I'm taking this too literally?

    I've been called boring, no fun, and exclusive.

    But also chatty, fake (only because they don't understand!), and I suppose superficial...but that was more like, instances where they thought so but I normally explain myself in moments like that.


    I'm fake when I have to be, to be comfortable. Not so often lately.
    You're not an obvious introvert or obviously Fe > Fi. Going by the above descriptions, I'd say you're Fi > Fe. You're much more subdued irl than you are online. Ethical and irrational are the only obvious things at this point.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bionicgoat
    Quote Originally Posted by Clover
    I've been called boring, no fun, and exclusive.
    you're just baked

    lol, nah just had an isfj for a best friend for 3 years
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    [21:29] hitta: and not dying
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    In one word: exclusive. The ethical types, at least, usually come off as cordial, but they usually seem slightly unaffected and indifferent to the goings on, even when they are animated and expressive, when talking with people to whom they are not close. SLIs and ILIs usually give me the impression of just not caring about anything at all. LSEs and LIEs, especially the former, are definitely capable of being outgoing and gregarious, but there are definitely some serious misers among them, and they seem to get "tired" of socializing pretty quickly.

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    Wow, completely forgot that I already posted in this thread

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    I can honestly say, even counting my whole entire life, that I've never been called "superficial, chatty, fake, insincere, shallow, two-faced," And I'm supposed to be an Fe type.
    And honestly, those traits are actually the traits that I've run across in ExFp. Especially my brother. Every thing I dislike about him is contained in that sentenced. Other than that, he's a cool person.

    My personal experience with an Fi leading type is actually kinda peaceful. Many Fi types have told me that they couldn't get mad at me. Or that it's hard to stay mad. But How would I describe them? I think they are principled and calm. They are stubborn. And much more patient than I am. I think they are also inclusitionist. Like they only keep to certain groups. They're quieter, I mean in actions, not necessarily personality. They're nice people.

    Now creative Fi types. I think they're fake. Especially ESFp. I've seen many of (cre fi types) them conforming to whoever they're with. This girl I use to know, she spent all time trying to get these other two girls to like her. And basically, the other girls used her like entirely. It was so mean, but then again, she shouldn't of been so dependent on affection. Also, they have absolutely no qualms with changing their opinion completely, if the right person is by them. Another thing I see them doing, they may go this entire speech about how they hate somebody, to be, not even two minutes later, sucking up to them.

    I get along more with Ethical Deltas than Ethical Gammas. And with Logical Gammas more than logical Deltas.
    The Ethical Deltas are more "Live and let live" than Ethical Gammas. And the Logical Deltas feel a need to tell me what is right and how stupid I'm being, while Logical Gamma's at least play along with me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Clover
    Ha, so why am I more likely to note "superficial, chatty, fake, insincere, shallow, two-faced" than ANY of the Fe to Fi...if I am Fe....
    I'm the same way, for the record. Don't know why. My hypothesis is that Fe "negatives," being the result of an extraverted function, are more obvious and noticeable. Fi downfalls all have more to do with what isn't said or done than what is.

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    Also we tend to close off subconsciously from people who are "boring, cold, no fun, exclusive, arrogant, pretentious," etc. Our mind just stops registering it. We simply move on and focus on more... stimulating stimuli? lol.

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    Right. When someone seems unreceptive, boring, or not worth making an effort to talk to, I generally just cut them out of the picture, mostly subconsciously. I don't intentionally ignore them, rather they just fall off my radar.

    Unless she's really hot.

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    "Boring" sort of negates "hot" for me.

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    *Physically attractive

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    Gotcha. In that case, though I'll notice her, close off every other sense but my eyesight, then move on. There's plenty of physically attractive and interesting women around, usually.

    Also, this phenomenon has a pretty nifty technical term - "negative hallucination" <- when we DON'T see something that IS there. (Like when you don't see the car keys that are right in front of you, we will ignore the boring people that are clearly there. I don't see the ENTjs that are in my classes unless I actively look for them... and they're there alright.)

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