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Thread: styles of conversation

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    Default styles of conversation

    Let's assume that the people I'm about to describe don't behave the way they do due to depression or social anxiety or egocentricity or narcissism or whatever.

    How might each of these be related to socionics?

    - Some people just don't talk much and really don't care about what's going on around them.
    - Some people just don't talk much and prefer to listen and watch others, learning about them and the situation.
    - Some people most often talk about events and ideas that don't really have much to do directly with themselves or the people they're talking.
    - Some people most often focus the conversation on the other people in it and don't talk about themselves or their lives very much.
    - Some people most often talk about other people who aren't there.
    - Some people most often focus on topics of conversation that aren't really about themselves or others (events, objects, ideas, or general subjects like a sport or whatever).
    - Some people most often talk about themselves and their lives.


    If you relate to one of the types of conversationalists I listed above, please describe it in greater detail. If you don't relate to any of them, state what it is that you do in conversation, and then describe it in greater detail. Also, if you have any ideas about how your or another style of communication relates to the information elements or dichotomies, explain what they are and how they relate. (:
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    I fall into the category of being someone who talks a lot about myself and my life. The way my mind works I associate what I'm seeing and hearing to other things I've seen or heard, and then I describe them. I process and communicate information as it relates to events I've witnessed, and it's difficult to do so without talking about myself at all. However, the purpose is not to draw attention to myself, it's to communicate about the subject at hand, and I do this by sharing my experiences. (It just so happens that it's difficult to talk about things you've seen or heard without talking about yourself. ) I am very interested in others and their experiences and opinions, but sometimes I have to remind myself to direct the conversation toward them more. I don't even know why I often "take over" the direction of the conversation in the first place because that is not my intention. Sometimes I get paranoid that I'm behaving as though I believe it's "all about me", and then I make a conscious effort to encourage others to share their experiences, ideas, and opinions.

    For example, I recently came back in contact with an old friend, and she just found out like a month ago that she's pregnant. It's a very complicated situation due to serious health, legal, and logistic issues, and this is her first pregnancy. I know she needs to have someone to talk to and I am definitely interested in what's going on in her life, but when we talk I find myself answering what she says with stories about my pregnancy, and then I have to remind myself that it's "not about me" and have her continuing telling me about the situation and her feelings on it. It seems like all I can do is offer suggestions, ask questions, and share similar experiences that I or someone I know has had.

    People I know irl don't complain about this at all (most of them actually comment on how they enjoy talking to me because I have interesting stories and good suggestions and ideas, and they don't have to worry about keeping up their end of the conversation), but irl it's easier for me to shift the focus of the conversation back and forth between me and the other person, and if the other person wants/needs to talk about something, I'm a good listener and encourage them to do most of the talking. Here, however, people have mentioned that I turn the discussion of threads around so they're about me. I know that part of the reason for this is because posting on a forum is a form of group communication, and it makes it difficult for me to shift the focus of the conversation to another person, especially since I don't know what they'd be comfortable discussing in front of everyone else.

    Anyways, there's got to be a socionics explanation for why I seem to mostly process and communicate information as it relates to events I've witnessed, why I generally seem to be the one who is "directing" conversations, and why I get paranoid that I'm being self-centered or something (I know people who talk about themselves all the time but don't seem to have any reservations or concern about doing so ). When I think of the people who I communicate most naturally with, they're almost all introverts... so perhaps extroversion has something to do with it.
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    Default Re: styles of conversation

    Some people most often talk about events and ideas that don't really have much to do directly with themselves or the people they're talking.
    News is a great discussion point for me because I consider myself a news junkie, but it always seems that it's too impesonal topic for a lot of people. I can never seem to get a resonance in conversation, which means I may as well be simply talking to myself.

    "Some people most often talk about other people who aren't there."
    I secretly like talking about people when they're absent, however, I'm not fond on the way it comes across, so I often refrain from doing so. It's definitely a guilty pleasure when I can unload on someone who I know won't spill the beans. I tend to also be very critical of the discussed person in those circumstances; something that is satisfying, but also distasteful to me as well.

    --

    I also enjoy a lot of value-laden talk. Atheism, religion, examining different philosophies and motivations for living - the how's and why's of human behaviour. I will talk about 'things', but it's not as enjoyable and feels more like work to me.

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    I do talk about myself and my life, and I feel bad about it. I am best at relaying what I'm thinking with examples, and so I find examples in my life to use. I don't mean to talk about myself and I feel pretty self-conscious when I catch myself doing it.

    I talk about other people but I really try to keep it positive - like someone will say they're interested in something and I'll say, "Oh, you should talk to Mary - she really likes that too!" and then tell a bit about what Mary does.
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    Default Re: styles of conversation

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy

    - Some people just don't talk much and really don't care about what's going on around them.
    - Some people just don't talk much and prefer to listen and watch others, learning about them and the situation.
    - Some people most often talk about themselves and their lives.
    these three. the overarching theme is that talking about unrelated events is often highly uninteresting.


    upon further consideration, i guess i wouldn't actually say i talk so much about myself to others, but i consider a lot of aspects of myself in great detail.

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    Default Re: styles of conversation

    Most of the time, this is me:
    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    - Some people most often talk about events and ideas that don't really have much to do directly with themselves or the people they're talking.
    But people always seem to talk a lot about themselves around me. So this happens:
    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    - Some people most often focus the conversation on the other people in it and don't talk about themselves or their lives very much.
    Eventually they realise that they've told me their life's story, but they know close to nothing about me...

    This forum is among the few places in which I can indulge my ego. Even if no one listens.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    Some people most often focus the conversation on the other people in it and don't talk about themselves or their lives very much.
    I identify with this the most. I really have no interest at all in talking about myself....verbally. If it weren't necessary to form relationships, I probobly would never reveal anything at all about myself. I just don't feel the need. I'm genuinely interested in others and their points of view and their life experiences.

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    Default Re: styles of conversation

    Quote Originally Posted by Baby
    Most of the time, this is me:
    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    - Some people most often talk about events and ideas that don't really have much to do directly with themselves or the people they're talking.
    But people always seem to talk a lot about themselves around me. So this happens:
    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    - Some people most often focus the conversation on the other people in it and don't talk about themselves or their lives very much.
    Eventually they realise that they've told me their life's story, but they know close to nothing about me...
    lol yeah
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    Default Re: styles of conversation

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    - Some people most often talk about themselves and their lives.
    That's definitely me. I dunno, I can't seem to help generally. I've noticed on this forum I seem to do it a lot. Hell, I'm doing it right now. ARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH
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    Default Re: styles of conversation

    1- Some people just don't talk much and really don't care about what's going on around them. (INxJs)

    2- Some people just don't talk much and prefer to listen and watch others, learning about them and the situation. (Introverted types)

    3- Some people most often talk about events and ideas that don't really have much to do directly with themselves or the people they're talking. (Intuitive types)

    4- Some people most often focus the conversation on the other people in it and don't talk about themselves or their lives very much. (?)

    5- Some people most often talk about other people who aren't there. (gossipy.... Sensory types but also Gamma/Delta intuitives)

    6- Some people most often focus on topics of conversation that aren't really about themselves or others (events, objects, ideas, or general subjects like a sport or whatever). (?)

    7- Some people most often talk about themselves and their lives.

    -------------------
    I relate strongly to:

    2- Some people just don't talk much and prefer to listen and watch others, learning about them and the situation. (Introverted types)
    -This is how I gather the information I need to "adapt" to the social situation (i.e. fit in to a group)

    3- Some people most often talk about events and ideas that don't really have much to do directly with themselves or the people they're talking. (Intuitive types)
    6- Some people most often focus on topics of conversation that aren't really about themselves or others (events, objects, ideas, or general subjects like a sport or whatever). (?)
    -These are how I learn about things that I find important, whether it be global issues, politics etc.

    umm... I'm not sure how to expand on this at the moment...
    INFp-Ni

  11. #11
    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Default Re: styles of conversation

    - Some people just don't talk much and really don't care about what's going on around them - INTx would be a safe assumption, I think.
    - Some people just don't talk much and prefer to listen and watch others, learning about them and the situation - Half of the really smart people in the world (the rest are loud and obnoxious, like me :wink. But seriously, IxTx
    - Some people most often talk about events and ideas that don't really have much to do directly with themselves or the people they're talking - Extraverts, maybe Intuitives and Thinkers slightly more
    - Some people most often focus the conversation on the other people in it and don't talk about themselves or their lives very much - Taciturn, Extraverts
    - Some people most often talk about other people who aren't there - ExFx
    - Some people most often focus on topics of conversation that aren't really about themselves or others (events, objects, ideas, or general subjects like a sport or whatever) - ExTx
    - Some people most often talk about themselves and their lives - Narrator, Introverts

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