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Thread: Giving/receiving compliments: Socionics point of view

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    Default Giving/receiving compliments: Socionics point of view

    I got interested whether socionics type or Quadra has any correlation to giving and receiving compliments.

    I wrote this in another thread where giving compliments were talked about.

    Quote Originally Posted by XoX
    (thread was about calling women cute or sexy etc)

    I don't know. I never say that kind of stuff to anyone really. Compliments are not really my line of business. I do practice them a little online though so perhaps one day I can actually say one IRL too, hah. Anyways I like women who don't need to be called either but who know what/which they are without someone telling them that

    Edit: Oh I actually also like women who directly "fish" for compliments sort of. It makes it easier to give them. I'm clueless if someone is expecting compliments but doesn't explicitly fish for them.

    What I mean is that if a woman/girl buys a new clothes and expects some spontaneous compliment I never give it. If they "fish" for it like saying: "Does this new clothing look good on me?" or "Isn't this new outfit cute/sexy?" then I can easily "agree" with them. I dislike it and feel weird if they just stand there as if they wait for a compliment but don't explicitly say it. Even if I kind of know they wait for it I never really give it unless they ask for it as the whole situation of having to implicitly be aware of how to behave and expected to behave in a certain way is annoying.
    How do you approach compliments? How do you see giving and receiving them relates to socionics?

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    I normally say those compliments that come to mind unless for some reason I feel it best to withhold those comments. "Cute" is used by me on both guys and girls but it doesn't mean I'm hitting on them although I can see why guys will think so. Serious.

    Giving compliments is easier compared to accepting it.

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    Me:

    I give compliments pretty easily, if I like the person - and of course if I think there's a trait of him/her that is worthy of being complimented.

    if they fish, however, I'm going to tell them they suck
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Default Re: Giving/receiving compliments: Socionics point of view

    Quote Originally Posted by XoX
    I got interested whether socionics type or Quadra has any correlation to giving and receiving compliments.
    ...[]...
    How do you approach compliments? How do you see giving and receiving them relates to socionics?

    I do not see a correlation between compliments and socionics.

    imo, verbal compliments falls under "words of affirmation" which is one of the 5 Love Languages.
    (the other four being quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch)

    those who use words of affirmation (in this case verbal compliments) as a primary love language will in turn respond better to receiving verbal compliments

    there are however other ways of giving compliments than verbal
    * quality time could include asking someone who's ability you admire to assist you with something they are good at, spending time talking with the person about this admirable trait of theirs (this would include questioning them about it, asking them to describe what they do, etc ); for example, spending time talking with a teacher about her job
    * giving them a gift that will assist them with their work that you admire about them, or a gift that they use or could use to enhance that aspect of them that you admire; for example, you love the perfumes a woman regularly uses, so you purchase her a perfume that is similar to the kind she uses
    * doing a service for the person so that they can continue working on something you admire (example, you admire a painter's work, you offer to take care of some mundane need of theirs so that they can continue working on a painting)
    * physical touch can include any number of things, one example would be stroking their cheek if you happen to admire their facial bone structure or the smoothness of their skin



    A more useful question would be "what kinds of things do you like to do when you admire something about someone?"
    "which are you more comfortable doing?"
    "which would you prefer someone else do to/for you?"
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    Fe types (at least Alpha SFs) enjoy both giving and (sometimes obviously ) fishing for compliments.

    The compliments that people fish for seem to be related to the Ego or Super-id (specifically the HA). E.g., an ISFp will talk about how "stupid" she is. Super-ego compliments are by contrast usually unexpected, though they can be appreciated, depending on who it's coming from.

    Gender probably influences this too, as well as Positivism/Negativism. That is, Positivists are more comfortable giving compliments and Negativists receiving them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by thehotelambush
    Gender probably influences this too, as well as Positivism/Negativism. That is, Positivists are more comfortable giving compliments and Negativists receiving them.
    do you think a negativst would believe the compliment?
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    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise
    Quote Originally Posted by thehotelambush
    Gender probably influences this too, as well as Positivism/Negativism. That is, Positivists are more comfortable giving compliments and Negativists receiving them.
    do you think a negativst would believe the compliment?
    Probably not.
    "Alpha Quadra subforum. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious." ~Obi-Wan Kenobi
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    Quote Originally Posted by Logos
    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise
    Quote Originally Posted by thehotelambush
    Gender probably influences this too, as well as Positivism/Negativism. That is, Positivists are more comfortable giving compliments and Negativists receiving them.
    do you think a negativst would believe the compliment?
    Probably not.
    Maybe not consciously. But Negativists still need the reassurance.

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    Quote Originally Posted by thehotelambush
    Quote Originally Posted by Logos
    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise
    Quote Originally Posted by thehotelambush
    Gender probably influences this too, as well as Positivism/Negativism. That is, Positivists are more comfortable giving compliments and Negativists receiving them.
    do you think a negativst would believe the compliment?
    Probably not.
    Maybe not consciously. But Negativists still need the reassurance.
    Agreed.
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    Dunno about neg/pos, but my ego is kinda huge in all honesty, so I don't feel much need of compliments b/c I feel like I tend to overestimate myself more than underestimate.
    So I'm better at giving them.
    Compliments on my "f" side are better reiceved.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    I only feel comfortable giving compliments to my woman (you look pretty) or my subordinates (good job).

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    if they fish, however, I'm going to tell them they suck
    For some reason I tend to think I'm pretty much the opposite. It kind of depends how it is done though. If there is any kind of "guilt play" involved then it is a turn off. Like if complimenting is made "mandatory" and the goal is to make me feel guilty if I don't compliment then I refuse to do it.

    But e.g. a person once showed me her bum and said "don't you think my bum looks cute in these new pants?". Ok that was more like flirting than fishing for compliments but it was a bit of both. I thought it was really cute (both the bum and the act of "fishing"). Actually I don't think I complimented verbally that time because I was surprised about the whole act. But I could have complimented. I think most of all I could have complimented her of being so brave and witty and confident I think she could have been my dual but it was zillion years ago so hard to tell.

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