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Thread: IEI - SLE Duality discussion and stories (INFp-ESTp)

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    Hi,
    , yay, im so happy for you.
    Urh. I don't know why but when I think about hanging out with the ESTps i know, i want to say this too. I haven't worked out why, but the only way i'd change my mind and get into a relationship is if they told me; 'i really like you but if you dont want to be with me its too hard to hang out with you, so if you do want to be with me then be with me,coz your the one i want' or something like. but if they were like; 'ffs be with me or fuck off' lol then id just, be like .
    lol ?
    IEI, sp/sx 4w3.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
    Hi,
    , yay, im so happy for you.
    Urh. I don't know why but when I think about hanging out with the ESTps i know, i want to say this too. I haven't worked out why, but the only way i'd change my mind and get into a relationship is if they told me; 'i really like you but if you dont want to be with me its too hard to hang out with you, so if you do want to be with me then be with me,coz your the one i want' or something like. but if they were like; 'ffs be with me or fuck off' lol then id just, be like .
    lol ?
    AHAHAH I'll keep that in mind...if there ever comes a time when I feel the need to say to him "shit or get off the pot" i'll be a little bit more sensitive about it
    Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.

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    Heyyyyy

    What are some behaviours INFp exhibits when they super-duper like you?

    Just outta curiosity...

    edit: or ...when they heart you eheh
    Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ESTP View Post
    Heyyyyy

    What are some behaviours INFp exhibits when they super-duper like you?

    Just outta curiosity...

    edit: or ...when they heart you eheh
    Not sure what the standard is. I'll never be especially direct, but usually can communicate a lot through subtle looks or interactions. If it was with an ESTp, I think those sort of antics would mesh perfectly, because they always seem prone to go directly at the object of attraction. But, I would say, if you notice him looking at you a certain way when he thinks you aren't paying attention, or injecting subtle comments at intervals in conversation that tend to incite a reaction from you, chances are he's sizing you up because he likes you
    4w3-5w6-8w7

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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    Not sure what the standard is. I'll never be especially direct, but usually can communicate a lot through subtle looks or interactions. If it was with an ESTp, I think those sort of antics would mesh perfectly, because they always seem prone to go directly at the object of attraction. But, I would say, if you notice him looking at you a certain way when he thinks you aren't paying attention, or injecting subtle comments at intervals in conversation that tend to incite a reaction from you, chances are he's sizing you up because he likes you
    yes. definitely the looks. sometimes teasing, baiting, poking...but not too much. It's a kind of advance and then retreat thing. A bit of a dance I suppose.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    if you notice him looking at you a certain way when he thinks you aren't paying attention,
    I noticed this a lot last night. I could see him in my peripheral vision, and I could tell he was looking at me a certain way...then I would look at him and he'd look away and then back as though he wasn't. It wasn't the standard "looking at someone when they talk" there was something else to it.
    Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.

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    oh wow!

    Okay...so sorry to disappoint!

    I inadvertantly got exposed by a firend...she did it on puprose I think...and everything came to a crashing halt. I ended up telling the dood everything, what I thought, and more importantly how I felt in full...competely exposed, outside my comfort zone...but basically it came down to ..him using logic as to why it wouldn't work....and although he admited he had feelings he said inevitably it wouldnt have worked due to circumstances and that's that.

    Wow...this just goes to show...that what I believed from the start, no matter... what I was right.....and I should always just go with what I think, because when you base shit on feelings...it's bull crap....and ...ya....dont have anything else to say..............and too bad so sad, but this shit is over.

    Oh well.
    Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mimosa Pudica View Post
    There are more things than TYPE that should fit in a relation. Maturity is one. He sounds immature, if he is afraid to live his feelings and use logics to control them.

    Sorry it ended like that.

    And ... using feelings is good. It's very nice when it works. Continue to be daring.
    Actually, it's quite to the contrary. The discussion was mature, the circumstances sucked. That's in part why i didn't want to bring this conversation up, or tell him how I felt. It just so happens that last night, it came out due to a friend believeing she had to interfere with my destiny and how I wanted to run my show.

    I don't resent her, because this conversation was inevitable...it was just forced out of me earlier than I anticipated.

    As far as he goes, the converstaion was a good one overall, although not want I wanted, his logic is sound but I still cant change how I feel, I wish I could because he's nothing I've ever thought I wanted but everything that I've always needed.

    He's one of the most important people in my life, even now, because he's brutally honest. And that's my favourtive thing about him. He doesn't say something, just for the sake of saying it or for keeping the peace. I respect him for that. I have no hard feelings, just a sense of hurt that I don't wish upon anyone. Our friendship is not over, just my desire and idea of being happy and with him...is dashed.

    But ya, he's in no way immature, actually, the way the situation was discussed, was not immature..in fact, it was as mature and as respectful as it could have been. Which is what makes it harder as well. There's no negative feelings, or anger or resentment, just unpremitting circumstances.

    I don't know, I can safely say that I love the man...and know he's incredibly amazing...maybe those two things combined, allow me to be ok with the situation, because they do say...if you truly love something you have to let it go. And...that's really the only way I can sum it up.
    Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.

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    ESTP, is it possible that he is saying that hoping that you won't just drop things at the first hint? So that you show him you are strong enough for both of you to make things happen regardless of circumstances? Typically when I act that logical, it is because I am afraid that if I go by my emotions, I am running the risk of being overly idealistic. When really what I want to say the most is "as long as we love each other, we'll find a way." But I don't feel strong to make that happen, so I think "for the first time in my life I should be realistic." Maybe he just needs a little encouragement to be himself and stop doubting his strengths.

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    Circumstances are getting in the way of what you know would be a good thing. Can you change the circumstances?



    LII-Ne

    "Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sirena View Post
    ESTP, is it possible that he is saying that hoping that you won't just drop things at the first hint? So that you show him you are strong enough for both of you to make things happen regardless of circumstances? Typically when I act that logical, it is because I am afraid that if I go by my emotions, I am running the risk of being overly idealistic. When really what I want to say the most is "as long as we love each other, we'll find a way." But I don't feel strong to make that happen, so I think "for the first time in my life I should be realistic." Maybe he just needs a little encouragement to be himself and stop doubting his strengths.
    You know...my ESFp friend said the same thing. She is the one that sort of was responsible for this whole thing coming out...so to speak. It wasn't entirely on her...but I guess you can say it was a precursor.

    Anyways, I've thought about that as a possibility, however, the fact of the matter is he said what he said and I don't want to be pushy, or try to change how he feels he should run his life. So, I figure the best thing for me to do, is back off and live and let live. Know what I mean?

    I don't want to be overbearing, overemotional, and over this and over that...

    He still complained to my firend that I don't "open up" AGAIN...yet here I'm trying my best to completely open up as much as I can. I don't know what he wants from me as far as "opening up" ...because...I've done so much "opening up" according to me it's surreal. I don't know...
    Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Brilliand View Post
    Circumstances are getting in the way of what you know would be a good thing. Can you change the circumstances?
    Circumstances being that he's leaving the country to go for school for a year ..max two. So, it would be long distance, and he doesn't want that. He also is considering not working in the country of origin...and he thinks that I'm rooted here and wouldnt be willing to "move" i guess you can say.

    The case being, that he tried long distance before and it didn't work. However, I know how I feel and the fact of the matter is, I would uproot for him. I would adapt to the circumstances because he is worth it.

    He accredits his decisions as "not wanting to disappoint me" due to the fact that his past relaionships that were long distance didn't work.

    He also said, that this decision isn't a question of love or a question of not feeling anything. He basically said he feels things for me, but right now he cannot commit. So, that's why I want to just back off and let him do his thing. His life is crazy, and he's all over the place, quite frankly I'm the same, but willing to give it a go, because I don't see how things would be any different from now with the exception of saying "it's just you". He went on to say that, right now he cannot commit but he wants something down the road. Whatever that road is...or whenever it is...I think it's the things you overcome and how you handle the obstacles that makes a relationship work. If it wasn't hard work, it wouldn't be worth it.

    I don't know how to articulate that to him, and find that he's making decisions for me in a sense that he is trying to protect me from something I don't want to be protected from.

    At the end of the day, I don't know what to do...because I still feel the same but don't want to force a relationship on him, and want to let him do his thing.
    Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ESTP View Post
    Circumstances being that he's leaving the country to go for school for a year ..max two. So, it would be long distance, and he doesn't want that. He also is considering not working in the country of origin...and he thinks that I'm rooted here and wouldnt be willing to "move" i guess you can say.

    The case being, that he tried long distance before and it didn't work. However, I know how I feel and the fact of the matter is, I would uproot for him. I would adapt to the circumstances because he is worth it.

    He accredits his decisions as "not wanting to disappoint me" due to the fact that his past relaionships that were long distance didn't work.

    He also said, that this decision isn't a question of love or a question of not feeling anything. He basically said he feels things for me, but right now he cannot commit. So, that's why I want to just back off and let him do his thing. His life is crazy, and he's all over the place, quite frankly I'm the same, but willing to give it a go, because I don't see how things would be any different from now with the exception of saying "it's just you". He went on to say that, right now he cannot commit but he wants something down the road. Whatever that road is...or whenever it is...I think it's the things you overcome and how you handle the obstacles that makes a relationship work. If it wasn't hard work, it wouldn't be worth it.

    I don't know how to articulate that to him, and find that he's making decisions for me in a sense that he is trying to protect me from something I don't want to be protected from.

    At the end of the day, I don't know what to do...because I still feel the same but don't want to force a relationship on him, and want to let him do his thing.
    the onus is on him to open you up.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ESTP View Post
    Circumstances being that he's leaving the country to go for school for a year ..max two. So, it would be long distance, and he doesn't want that. He also is considering not working in the country of origin...and he thinks that I'm rooted here and wouldnt be willing to "move" i guess you can say.

    The case being, that he tried long distance before and it didn't work. However, I know how I feel and the fact of the matter is, I would uproot for him. I would adapt to the circumstances because he is worth it.

    He accredits his decisions as "not wanting to disappoint me" due to the fact that his past relaionships that were long distance didn't work.

    He also said, that this decision isn't a question of love or a question of not feeling anything. He basically said he feels things for me, but right now he cannot commit. So, that's why I want to just back off and let him do his thing. His life is crazy, and he's all over the place, quite frankly I'm the same, but willing to give it a go, because I don't see how things would be any different from now with the exception of saying "it's just you". He went on to say that, right now he cannot commit but he wants something down the road. Whatever that road is...or whenever it is...I think it's the things you overcome and how you handle the obstacles that makes a relationship work. If it wasn't hard work, it wouldn't be worth it.

    I don't know how to articulate that to him, and find that he's making decisions for me in a sense that he is trying to protect me from something I don't want to be protected from.

    At the end of the day, I don't know what to do...because I still feel the same but don't want to force a relationship on him, and want to let him do his thing.
    Maybe you should just say that you don't need protecting. And that you just want to give things a go for the time that he's around. You may die tommorow. And circumstances always change. There's always going to be something coming, something changing, but that doesn't mean you should put your relationships on hold. And it'll make it easier to reconnect when he gets back, if that's what you both want at the time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sirena View Post
    ESTP, is it possible that he is saying that hoping that you won't just drop things at the first hint? So that you show him you are strong enough for both of you to make things happen regardless of circumstances? Typically when I act that logical, it is because I am afraid that if I go by my emotions, I am running the risk of being overly idealistic. When really what I want to say the most is "as long as we love each other, we'll find a way." But I don't feel strong to make that happen, so I think "for the first time in my life I should be realistic." Maybe he just needs a little encouragement to be himself and stop doubting his strengths.
    I agree. IEIs do this a lot, we want to see if you step up...
    Maybe you could tell him that you respect his decision but you don't need protecting, that you love him and that he's worth the hard work to you.
    "I think it's the things you overcome and how you handle the obstacles that makes a relationship work. If it wasn't hard work, it wouldn't be worth it."
    That's good, can you tell him that ?
    If you feel up to it. He may still the same thing, but at least now you know for absolute sure that you can't get what you want.
    IEI, sp/sx 4w3.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
    I agree. IEIs do this a lot, we want to see if you step up...
    Maybe you could tell him that you respect his decision but you don't need protecting, that you love him and that he's worth the hard work to you.
    "I think it's the things you overcome and how you handle the obstacles that makes a relationship work. If it wasn't hard work, it wouldn't be worth it."
    That's good, can you tell him that ?
    If you feel up to it. He may still the same thing, but at least now you know for absolute sure that you can't get what you want.
    Of course I can tell him that, because he is worth the fight. Only, I take people at their face value, and I trust what they say. Therefore, i'm inclined to not press the issue because I don't want to be overbearing.
    Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.

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    Default SLE-ESTp relationship & love revelations: insider peek

    I posted this on another forum... and figure, that I try to read up on INFps and behaviours but hardly find the kind of info that I'm looking for..if I do it's breif or not just quite what I'm trying to find. Not say ya'll dont post good stuff...you do, it's just probably the questions I have haven't been posted or asked.

    So...here's a little bit of info on how I view things...as far as the type of relationships I have/want/need in reference to shallow vs. deep.


    Depends, do you want an immidiate shallow sexsual connection or something lasting?

    I can't speak for all ESTPs (like no one type can speak for all of that type....) but I'll give you the downlow on both.

    Shallow sexsual connection:
    Be super alpha-male, not condescending. Show a lot of control, and don't be afraid to innitiate physical contact. Give seductive stares, pretend like the ESTP is the only person in the world. Make the person feel super sexy, and like they are the only thing in the world...like you want to devour them. Give a lot of physical compliments. Be a little bit melodramatic. We love that shit, but know its nothing worth while to eventually persue, due to the fact that we don't want to associate with these types of people long term. It'll work, because we like immidate satisfaction. And the bigger the show, the better the encore. So ya...that about does it if you want something shallow.

    Lasting worth-while connection:
    Show the person immidiately, you're super intelligent. Have meaninful conversations about real world issues. Show you have direct goals, are grounded, and aren't afraid to show your emotional sides. Be upfront and honest about EVERYTHING. Even if we don't like it...we will respect you more in the long run (even immidiately because you're showing the respect of honesty). Don't give shallow compliments that you don't mean, and don't exadurate them. Be realistic about situations and advice. Don't be overly obsessive...show us attention for a bit, then pull back. It'll make us go "WTF?" but if we seek out your attention again..it's a good sign. If I didn't care, I wouldn't bother. Remember details our conversations, particularly if we say something is important..even better if you recollect information that's seeminly small...it will surprize and amaze us that you care enough to remember mundane details. Don't objectify us, we're so use to it, that we expect it. When you refuse to do so, it'll bewilder us. Stave off sex until there's a better understanding between "us". Don't wait too long however, because we base alot on physical pleasure and satisfaction. If you refuse to have sex, we'll take it as a personal insult of our physical selves. If you aren't ready for it, verbalize it...say something like "I really like you, but I just don't think we don't know each other that well. I really want to know you before that step is taken." Another thing is...don't go after it too soon either. VERBALIZE everything. You need to make it clear what you want, need, hope for, etc etc. Personally, I need to hear something before i believe it. Action alone is not enough. It's great...but personally, although I recognize actions and know what they mean...I would rather someone tell me because it just makes it that much clearer. I'm not one for assumptions...so I try to steer clear of them. If you're super busy and don't have time...don't just put it off until you do. It being a call, email, whatever...if you really care about someone you WILL make the time. Even if it's just a quick phonecall, or a text, email...whatever..to just say "hey been really busy, ill call you ___(insert when you'll do it)". It's important, because if we get that feeling of uncertainty, we'll be fleeting, give you the brush off...mostly to just see how hard you will make up/persue us. Just to see what it's worth to you. Depending on most situations...my belief of "if you were sorry you wouldn't have done it" is really strong. So avoid instances you know you'll be appologetic for...either that or appologize in advance of something you know will come up. Talk, talk talk. If you have a strong feeling for this ESTP, give us something to be responsible for you...give us a responsebility which means a lot..ask us to do things for you. If we do and aren't careless with it, it's a great sign. Be willing to do things we know you don't want to do, if you agree, more than likely we won't make u do it, unless it means a lot to us. Just knowing you were willing to put yourself in a position you don't want to be...is huge. In return, we I'll say "that's ok...but thanks".

    It's a lot of work. If you want cues from us..listen to things we speak of the future and if it involves you...you're in. We're not very future oriented...so its a HUGE bonus. Also, if you're involved with family meetings, functions, diners, whatever...its big bucks. I don't ever bring anyone home that I don't see being a huge part of my life...including some of my closest friends. If you have a relationship with my family...it means you're probably there to stay.


    edit: OH MAN...i forgot the most important thing: call us out on our bs..if you see it, call it like it is. Don't let us get away with our stupid games we sometimes play. I see it as someone looking past my front, and when I see that in people...it's a huge +
    Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.

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    it's the lasting impression that's really complicated.

    it's like you're having difficulties articulating it. i think you need someone to rewrite it for you.

    But hey,

    A few things:

    Pay attention / don't pay attention. But don't do it in just a "simple" game playing way. But in a more complex way. Like y'know you actually have other things to do, don't just pretend to have things to do. Even if that means doing things you wouldn't normally do.

    Blah blah, I'm not you and I don't care enough. Relationships are too complex for normal humans to do.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    it's the lasting impression that's really complicated.

    it's like you're having difficulties articulating it. i think you need someone to rewrite it for you.
    No, maybe youre just not reading it right. Its written how it is.


    OH on the relationshp comment...quite frankly, most people are fucking hypocrite bullshitters from hell. The majority of them. Everyone bitches on how it's SOOOO fucking complicated...how about just not making it hard or complicated. Why throw in all the fucking spices when a plain old' steak will just do fine. LIKE WTF!!!!!!!?????

    Honestly...why can't everything just be face value?
    Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ESTP View Post
    No, maybe youre just not reading it right. Its written how it is.


    OH on the relationshp comment...quite frankly, most people are fucking hypocrite bullshitters from hell. The majority of them. Everyone bitches on how it's SOOOO fucking complicated...how about just not making it hard or complicated. Why throw in all the fucking spices when a plain old' steak will just do fine. LIKE WTF!!!!!!!?????

    Honestly...why can't everything just be face value?
    cos some peple like it spicy, and don't just want bland meaningless interactions that mean nothing.

    come on, don't you want a nice fat juicy steak you can taste, not just some lump of meat that's been sitting around for too long.

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    If you're giving information....
    Could you please elaborate about what a SLE would require in the following fields:

    AID: what kind of aid do you require?

    COMFORT: how do you see the best way an IEI could create comfort for you?

    ACCEPTANCE: What should an IEI accept about you?
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

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    AID: encourage me to do things I despise doing but have to be done...best way is to do them with me! It'll be cuz we'll spend time together...and at the same time, do something I hate which has to be done

    eg. I hate school, but I'm in college right now. IEI-dood, was "aiding" me in studying (hate to do it) by offering to have me go study with him at a library...

    that's about as far as aid goes...the only thing I really detest is school type settings, and school overall...

    COMFORT: hug me in hard times where I'm sad or upset... ( ) but NOT when I'm angry...that will just piss me off even more

    ask how I feel about a certain situation that's gone awry...more so, ask what I think about it, and try to get me to dissimilate it into and associate with it by giving examples of where you were in the same position and you agree with me...but don't do it, unless it's legit

    ACCEPTANCE: accept the fact that when I tell stories, they will be long and detailed...especially if im super passionate about it, there will be a lot of added details that are almost irrlevant but help the story somehow

    side with me, if im pissed off at someone for whatever reason, but dont put them down

    don't talk about other people's physical short-comings...you never know if i in my own mind relate to them or think i posses the same however obsurd and unintentional..dont' do it...ill think you're talking indirectly about me and my downfalls...it'll just push me away...

    that i have issues talking about emotions, and when I do, epseically if im telling someone how i feel about them...it will come off as agressive, confrontational, and poorly articulated...it's just sort of a defense mechanism, that I set up as safeguard in case the response is negative...i cant help it..it just happens like that

    I best articulate myself in wirting (emotionally speaking) - sometimes, when I write about how I feel, it's like it's not the same person....


    I speak in terms of "me, I, to me, etc etc" because it's just how i percieve things....

    If you gots more questions.....ask away..i'm in a revealing mood...so by all means, while this IEI-dood has got my "openness" dam cracked...might as well take advantage of it before I fix the cracks
    Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.

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    What do you think people get wrong about you? What do they miss seeing?

    How could someone help you circumvent your fear of success?

    And if you want to help me in particular, please take a moment and think about the idea of a birthday gift. What would be the ideal characteristics of this birthday gift for you? Could you elaborate by throwing in few examples?
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

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    Quote Originally Posted by sigma View Post
    a dash of "f*ck them all" carelessness... Kinda like stepping into the dance ring and doing your moves not caring what people think, just having fun...
    KEY!

    Basically, being able to take control of situations...make up your own mind, don't be a follower, be a leader so to speak. If I see someone has the ability, but they don't over-exert it...ugh sexiest thing in the world. The ability to have total control...but elect to not use it..*DROOL* Sorta like they way Obama presents himself...he has so much power over people but doesn't abuse it in fact, he is super nice and friendly with a degree of control...it's that difficult balance. It's perf.
    Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.

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    In a way a lot of people have temptation to give their control, and their repsonsibilty over to others.

    It takes a lot of effort and energy to stay in control, and take responsibility for yourself - and when you can give that away - to someone else - even if just for a period of time then it can freeing.

    It's like I am here, I will help you. *reaches out hand* Now take, my hand.

    I will hold you up. I will keep you strong. I will keep you safe, I will protect you. Don't worry with me you're safe, you can let go.

    Which in theory leads to the "you'll probably just leave me" if there's no trust, but as trust builds it's like people can kind of "allow" other people to kind of guide them to lead them, and they'll still be able, they'll still have their own personality. But it's like they can free themselves from their normal doubts and worries and concerns.

    Their mind can be easy. And they can kind of be "easily led" as long as doesn't cross their boundary thresholds, or any deeply held values. And when that's approaching they can speak up.

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    Want to know something messed up? I havent like...eaten in 4 days..maybe like half a grapefruit. I lost like 4lbs in 3 days, cuz I have no appetite, I work out, and I ..dont sleep as much, so I'm on here a lot more. It's great that Im losing weight and all that..but for me not to have an appetite is uber werid. I can't help it but think it has something to do with "the situation"
    Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.

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    estp.. i can't eat when i'm stressed... i don't say stressed for that long though....

    but like sometimes, it's like there's no point.

    but liek, there's this insatiable side too.

    anyway, strange emotional states can kidn of screw with me for a while sometimes. soemtimes like two or three hours even. but it's like, i notice more cos like.. i would normally eat then. and i'm not hungry, and this is weird.. and it's like my equilbrium is screwed.

    but then, i've run into quite a few girls who just don't eat, and they don't even seem to have a reason. at least one they want to acknowledge.

    but like, i seem to remember you don't have a job. and you have this relationship bullshit. and it's like these things can add up.

    when people have money, they have other healthy relationships etc... one thing can't screw with them as much. so they're more resistant.

    maybe you just don't have time to get emotionally involved. and you should just stay between the safety lines.

  28. #108
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    Quote Originally Posted by ESTP View Post
    It's great that Im losing weight and all that..but for me not to have an appetite is uber werid.
    Lost of appetite is the way the dude from "Into the Wild" died... nice movie, clean death...
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

  29. #109
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    I blame INFp influence....

    lol
    Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ESTP View Post
    I blame INFp influence....

    lol
    EAT..

    I ate with this random guy, who knew who I was, and had met me before, and who everyone seemed to giev cigarettes too.

    Anyway, he had this hanger on friend. And we were talking about bullshit, and started to demean him a bit, in a really abstract strange kind of way...

    Then it was like, he was eating with us, but it's like he couldn't even finish. But how quickly we were both ready to eat his food, may have scared him. Anyway, that guy - it's like he could keep up to me when I was fast, and it's like good matching of pace. And it's like, he wasn't really making his own decisions. But then he started being self-revealing and shit.

    Anyway, it's like as our intensity level was kind of high, and he was kind of falling back, it was like, hangon, that guy couldn't even reject his loser friend. But then it's like he was like, you can ask (me) for an invitation, but he couldn't even ask to be invited or included...

    But yeah, anyway, we went on a kind of walk... got alcohol... he carried for me... and he kind of told me about various problems various people had with me, and we kind of related and blah, and then he kind of joined in our drinking, and he was kind of cool for a while.

    Then he talked about how he was a male whore a bit much. He was kind of exaggerating and story telling, and whatever. But he was kind of funny, so it was okay. I can't really remember where things went from them.

    But anyway he was clinging, and even with raising intensity, it's like he could still cling. Where some people, intensity rises and they can't cling. And it's like in the alcohol shop we were acting kind of over the top, and it's like we hadn't really even spent much time together before that. But somehow, we both started acting kind of crazy. And it's like, hey sweet

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    Want to talk about expressing myself? I shall show you this: what I wrote to INFp-dood. The letter I spoke of...I think after that is when my appetite ceased actually...bleh.

    EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CRAPPOOOOLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.

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    yah know, estp, i skimmed over what you siad... you've written longer than i've written before when trying to deal with issues in the past.

    i've got this thing, where when i don't really understand situations i don't want to say too much unless i'm getting the wrong end of the stick.

    this is worse with emotional situations than non-emotional situations.

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    Quote Originally Posted by krae View Post
    ESTp is going to die starving while posting on the internet! That'd be 4chan worthy.

    Btw isn't smoking cigs lowering your energy levels in general. At least that was the case with me. That's bad if you're in the army, no?
    I've had way more energy since giving up cigarettes. It's kind of annoying. What do I do with it all!

  34. #114
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    Forreal. Giving up cigs isn't easy; I've done it a few times. These days I limit myself to 1-2 Al Capones per day; I feel myself getting dependent on them if I have any more than that. And it's always good to know that, with such a low number, I can quit easily any time I want to.

    Anyway, my experience with average SLEs is that they will just sort of assume you are being stupid/irrational and let you get it out; they don't mind being the "target" of emotional outbursts so much because they can "take it," so to speak, but ultimately, unless you state your case clearly, they will assume you are being stupid
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Default Question to IEI's from SLE

    I had this duality relationship with and IEI for 4 years.

    But in the end, it didn't really work out. I felt so bored and frustrated and imprisoned. And I also got really tired because I finishing my bachelor's degree, working almost fullt time, paying the rent alone and supporting him because he coun't keep/find a job nor finish his education (highscool dropuot).

    So I ended it. It took me a month to process the desision in my head. I had these dreams where I would leave him (and not the nightmare kind).

    I just wanted to be free again and let him free. So after the breakup I ignored him (his calls and when I saw him in person). I know it must have really hurt, but for me it seemed to be the right thing to do.

    It's been 3 months now, and he has a new girlfriend and seems to be doing well enougth and has gotten over me.

    Here's the question for you fellow IEI's:

    What would he think if I called him up and said that I wanted to be friends with him. Would he be even interested and forgive the hurting and betrayal and all that's said and done? Or is he most likely moved on and doesn't wan't to deal with me anymore?

    I just kinda miss having him around. Not MISSMISS, but just a little bit. I think a little effort from both sides and it could be neat friendship.
    EST

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    I'm amazed an INFp has a new girlfriend so quickly, but not surprised he had trouble holding out a job of any kind.

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    I definately don't wan't to ruin his new relationship nor take him back. I'm glad he's happy again. We weren't. I personally believe that if a relationship didn't work then there were very good reasons for it and hoping for a different outcome is naive.

    He is good friends with his ex before me and even I got along with her. But they weren't duals.

    I really want the friendship thing because he did bring out the best in me and moved things in me i didn't know existed. And we had so much fun



    PS: Europe is the location.
    EST

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rastermind
    I really want the friendship thing because he did bring out the best in me and moved things in me i didn't know existed. And we had so much fun
    But will it really feel the same, given the context? Sure, there's general personality compatibility; but I'd be willing to bet a large part of what enabled the full expression of that dynamic had to do with the fact that you two were 'together.' You can't undo the creases you embed into yourself with something like a break-up: it will never be the same. I was very close with an Se-ESTp girl towards the beginning of high school. But once that faded a little, and she decided to hook up with losers, well, I couldn't ever relate to her the same. The light still shone dimly in the distance, a remnant of the unique piquancy that sustained us for so long; but what's done is done.

    And you seem like you just want it both ways anyway.
    4w3-5w6-8w7

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    I agree with strrrng. My gut feeling is that this is a bad idea. I'd let him go, and move on - for both your sake and his.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    Thank you all from the insight. (Especially you Mimosa *HUGS*)

    I feel it can be done if we both really want it to work. I know I do.

    Will call him sometime next week and see how it goes.

    <fingers crossed>
    EST

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