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Thread: Explaining marriage

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    Default Explaining marriage

    I have two friends who have recently become engaged. One is ISTj and one is INFj.

    The first described her engagement as a mutual agreement, the second one was very excited and said that she knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with her fiancee, calling him her soulmate, etc.

    I am wondering if this is type related? By the way I think the first is engaged to a T type as well.

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    Default Re: Explaining marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Ms. Kensington
    I have two friends who have recently become engaged. One is ISTj and one is INFj.

    The first described her engagement as a mutual agreement, the second one was very excited and said that she knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with her fiancee, calling him her soulmate, etc.

    I am wondering if this is type related? By the way I think the first is engaged to a T type as well.
    What you describe could have been taken directly from David Keirsey's book Please Understand Me II. According to Keirsey the attitude of the ISTj is typical for Sjs in general (Guardians) and the attitude of the INFj is typical of being an NF (Idealist). He says that Guardians see their parnter as a "helpmate", whereas the Idealists are looking for their "soulmate". He has got a 40 pages long chapter where he describes the different "temperaments" (SPs, SJs, NFs and NTs -- don't confuse them with the socionic temperaments) attitudes towards mating. Even if Keirsey's groupings and a lot of other things he say might be wrong, this is clearly type related.

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    The bottom line: people suck at selecting marriages and relationships. Hopefully marriage counselors learn socionics.


    I educated one person on socionics, and to tell you the truth, it still didn't work.
    Even though they understood socionics and implications thereof, the strain on psychological energy, combined with mutual character flaws, resulted in one of the more shitty unions I've ever seen.
    No amount of understanding can compensate for character flaws and personal issues - that is something you have to work out on your own, and cannot expect or accept help from others for.

    The flipside is that if you have a good character - good relationship potential, then you have much more oppertunity for success in all relationship situations. To me this is just a study of life itself, but most people cannot separate themselves from unconscious manifestations of their functions.

    I may not be able to either, but at least I know what I'm doing. This may sound like common INTJ advice, but I understand that character means different things to different types, etc.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    I've been married twice, and I intended on marrying (an in one case was engaged to) two other people as well. (And I'm not referring to my current relationship.) The first marriage was to punish myself for getting pregnant (I knew I wasn't happy in the relationship and married him anyways, thinking that perhaps one day I would love him ), the second was a "convenience" marriage, meaning that it was understood by both parties that there was no promise of "forever". I did love him, but on some level I knew that I could only grow so much in the relationship, so I never committed myself to him.

    At this point in my life, I have mixed feelings about the concept of marriage. On one hand, I still sorta think that the traditional concept behind marriage is illogical, foolish even. On the other... I just really don't know. Maybe there's really something to this "marriage" thing. Maybe I just don't understand it yet. Maybe it's a great thing, if you do it right... but then the old reasoning and opinions on the matter kick in and I think, "Why would someone feel the need to make someone PROMISE that you'll stay together for the rest of your lives, even going as far as to legally bind them to you? Isn't that more of a sign of distrust and insecurity than anything? And people are often stupid and go into marriages thinking they'll feel more secure or that their partner will change, which is just disasterous of course. And the whole soulmate thing? "
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    And people are often stupid and go into marriages thinking they'll feel more secure or that their partner will change, which is just disasterous of course.
    I think I heard on the news once, a few years ago, there had been some study done that said after the excitement of the actual wedding day, marriage had absolutely no effect on a relationship whatsoever. I don't have any more details on the study apart from what they said there, but it seems believable to me at least.
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    Marriage is only a social contract ... what matters is the relationship between the parties involved.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BLauritson
    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    And people are often stupid and go into marriages thinking they'll feel more secure or that their partner will change, which is just disasterous of course.
    I think I heard on the news once, a few years ago, there had been some study done that said after the excitement of the actual wedding day, marriage had absolutely no effect on a relationship whatsoever. I don't have any more details on the study apart from what they said there, but it seems believable to me at least.

    Right. So no point in going through all that trouble then, huh?



    Other than that, I say BS. I think if anything it would hurt the relationship after the "Happily Ever After" bubble bursts.
    ; 5w6

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    Default Re: Explaining marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Ms. Kensington
    I have two friends who have recently become engaged. One is ISTj and one is INFj.

    The first described her engagement as a mutual agreement, the second one was very excited and said that she knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with her fiancee, calling him her soulmate, etc.

    I am wondering if this is type related? By the way I think the first is engaged to a T type as well.
    I think that what you described is definitely type related.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
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    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    I wonder why people rush into marriage. My ENTj friend lived for about 10 years with his wife before marrying. They did it only when they decided to have children.
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