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Thread: Does every type fall in love just as hard?

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    Default Does every type fall in love just as hard?

    I'm an INTJ - emotionless, insensitive, stoic, whatever you want to call it.

    As far as love and personality types, I've only read of the INTJ and ENFJ having distinctive mentions in this area. "Head over heels", "romance being the Achilles heel", that sort of thing.

    What I wonder is, do some types, particularly these two (INTJ/ENFJ), fall in love much harder and madly than others?

    And perhaps because the iNTj is a complete rookie/thickhead with experiencing emotions and feelings, does love hit us so hard that we simply don't know what to do or how to process? From what I've read from these forums, it's practically dissociating.

    I will elaborate for you my only experience of ever "falling in love". When I held this girl's hand... it was a euphoric high, a high far more pleasurable than any sex I ever had. Got that? Just from holding her HAND. Sheesh, if I had sex with this girl I woulda died. As for reminiscing, I was even capable of replicating the scent of her hair (also euphoric) just from listening to a movie's soundtrack that we had once previously seen together.

    Insensitive… unusually independent… solitary.. blah blah. It’s all true. Yet being with her I felt a whole new emotion apart from the only two I had known (mellowness and laughter). Try not giving a damn about what people think all your life, try living in your own head of "complex" thoughts because the world for whatever reason is too incompetent for half of your attention, and then you finally meet something that is. It hits hard, but the question is does it hit any harder?

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    Default Re: Does every type fall in love just as hard?

    Quote Originally Posted by intjguy
    I'm an INTJ - emotionless, insensitive, stoic, whatever you want to call it.
    normally, INTj's tend to be oversensitive, because they have weak ethics. The suggestive (5th) function could make you dislike many things ethical types dislikes, but in a pretty simplistic way.

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    Makes sense.

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    Quote Originally Posted by intjguy
    Makes sense.
    So, how did you know you were INTj ?

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    Quote Originally Posted by machintruc
    Quote Originally Posted by intjguy
    Makes sense.
    So, how did you know you were INTj ?
    This test: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
    I've also taken a similar one that consisted of 100+ questions. Can't find it again..

    The descriptions here I feel are dead on for the most part: http://www.socionics.com/prof/intj.htm

    I've been told by girls "You look so wise.", "you look like you have no emotion."
    And my best buddies constantly reminding me "You're so weird."

    Do I pass?

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    Quote Originally Posted by intjguy
    Quote Originally Posted by machintruc
    Quote Originally Posted by intjguy
    Makes sense.
    So, how did you know you were INTj ?
    This test: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
    I've also taken a similar one that consisted of 100+ questions. Can't find it again..

    The descriptions here I feel are dead on for the most part: http://www.socionics.com/prof/intj.htm

    I've been told by girls "You look so wise.", "you look like you have no emotion."
    And my best buddies constantly reminding me "You're so weird."

    Do I pass?
    I don't really trust tests... your seem more INTp-ish...

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    I see. From what you said about Fe, being that iNTjs are oversensitive due to lacking ethics: doesn't the ENFJ have tremendous ethics? From what I've known they're dramatic and sensitive to criticism. Does this not to relate to sensitivity?

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    Quote Originally Posted by intjguy
    I see. From what you said about Fe, being that iNTjs are oversensitive due to lacking ethics: doesn't the ENFJ have tremendous ethics? From what I've known they're dramatic and sensitive to criticism. Does this not to relate to sensitivity?
    An ENFj has dominant , so he will accept ethical material with maturity.

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    New love is exciting, the blood used to rush to my head and make me dizzy when I only thought about their touch or saw them walk in a room. I thought about them constantly and we were rarely apart. It was an intense rush but I think everyone is capable of that, I don't know that I experienced it any stronger than anyone else.

    Old love is different. You don't get high off of it, your head doesn't spin anymore and you have other things to think about, but sometimes I can get caught off guard and my heart feels like it's swelling and about to burst. I don't get this feeling just from romantic love either, but from love of my friends, family, small ones I take care of.

    Then again, looking back at what I just wrote, maybe I have a severe heart condition. I'm going to the doctor Tuesday.
    All Hail The Flying Spaghetti Monster

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    INTJs are very sensitive, and you either let it dictate you or you dictate it.

    Dual seeking is the final, and I realize now, most important part of being truly proactive and shedding tendencies to blow off accountability and blame other people or situations - to stop being the victim of circumstances around you and choosing how you want to be.. I always thought it was polr, but no, that is just the visible aspect.


    We "fall hard" because we are not good with emotions and they are in fact our weakest area
    Auras of restraint or distance are necessary as such.



    You feel great now, but when something happens, you will feel a 'suffering' as you never have before either. I know, I've been there. But you'll get over it and learn from it as well. Just keep going.

    The best way, IME, to not get caught up with emotional overcharges, whether good or bad, is to keep thinking about what is next, especially in terms of practical things.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Obviously this will vary from person to person, but I tend to think that logical types, being less confident in matters of emotions and relationships and whatnot, are somewhat hesitant to fall in love sometimes because it's more difficult for them to understand their own feelings and the relationship. Other times they'll jump in too quickly, again not totally understanding their own feelings and the relationship. Once totally committed, they have a harder time dealing with losing it. On the surface they may move on very quickly or very slowly, but regardless, it's difficult for them to really understand why things didn't work out and how they feel about the loss. They seem to need to reconcile with themselves. Ethical types may fall into and out of love quickly or slowly, but they recognize how they feel and are confident in their understanding of where the relationship stands and what it means to them.
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    I fall hard, easily, and I don't have trouble showing it (unless I'm rejected, of course)
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    I get attached and obsessed very easily. I seem to mistake that for love entirely too much.

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    I have infatuations, but I always keep it to myself. I always imagined that if I let it known to the other person and he doesn't feel the same way, the friendship will end there.

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    I bet every type thinks their type falls in love hardest. <3

    Kind of hard to know.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP III
    You feel great now, but when something happens, you will feel a 'suffering' as you never have before either.
    Very, very painfull. It feels like your heart is being ripped out and you can't breathe, also not only felt with romantic love. However, the more attached you are, the more pain you'll experience. God I hate that feeling, but like everything else, it also fades with time.
    All Hail The Flying Spaghetti Monster

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    Say what you want to about me, but I define stages of a relationship largely by biology. The first six months to three years is the infatuation (or honey moon) phase, and after that it's a long term relationship (when the lovey dovey chemicals are replaced by endorphins).

    That aside... I only have a certain amount of control over who I'm attracted to. I have more control over who I develop feelings for and actually fall in love with. It's like deciding on an investment, except it's an emotional investment. When I leave a relationship it doesn't seem to me like it's affecting me that much, but looking back I can see how I wasn't sleeping or eating much, drank a whole lot, was super stressed and exhausted, and put on a "I don't give a fuck about anything, I do what I want" face... I guess so I don't feel like I've lost control of my emotions and my world is falling apart. It's likely that the only one I fool is myself. I think of ending the relationship as a very tiresome chore and don't admit to myself that it hurts. It's like my brain has to do the emotional work of losing a relationship in the background, and the process is hindered by the thought processes and behaviors on the surface. It takes a major toll, and the whole "healing" process takes a long time. Once in a while I'll be reminded of something that happened during or at the end of a relationship that ended a long time ago and I'll just then realize that I'd been upset about it since then. It represents itself as a strong, irrational bias about a subject that I can't explain and don't understand. I'll react too harshly to situations as a result. But like I said, I don't understand why until years later when I realize that I'd been upset about something. Also, I feel more upset about break ups before they happen than afterwards. It's like... when something upsets me in a relationship, instead of seeing it for what it is and dealing with it, I decide that it doesn't make sense for me to be upset and I push the feelings about it away. Over time these things build. I feel more lonely when I'm trying to reconcile myself to my "illogical" emotions during the relationship than I do after the break up. I miss my partner very much while I still have him, and then I sort of get over it... at which point I end the relationship. Of course, I don't realize that I'm getting over the person I'm with while it's happening. That's why I need a parter who recognizes, understands, and knows how to deal with my emotions... cause I sure as hell don't.

    Back to the topic, I am very selective about who I will allow myself to have feelings for... I have to be sure that it's a good investment, meaning that my partner must be someone who I absolutely positively without a single doubt KNOW will be loyal. Openess, honesty, and fidelity are qualities that MUST be very obviously present in an individual in order for me to allow myself to love him.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom
    I bet every type thinks their type falls in love hardest. <3

    Kind of hard to know.
    Well, I do think that relationships are in the realm of F so it can kind of be really confusing and disorienting, in addition to upsetting, for T types to fall in love, especially if the relationship doesn't turn out well. Myself I have definitely felt unable to function because of relationship matters. But, not being an F type I wouldn't be able to compare really overall who has the "most intense" experience. That said, knowledge and knowing how to orient oneself will always be a factor in one's comfort level and I think it makes sense to say that T types can have a rough time if they fall too hard.

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    The only relationship I've had to date was with an INFj girl a couple of years ago. Compared to other relationships that people have, it seemed to move relatively fast (the honeymoon period, if you can even call it that, lasted about a month. Things went downhill after that. Lasted about 3 months overall). I wasn't happy in the latter stages of the relationship for the most part, although I was unaware of it until I spilt my guts (metaphorically speaking) to a close INFp friend who advised me to break up with her. I was bitter for about half a year after that. So in summary...weak F makes me emotionally blind (which one would it be in this case, Fe or Fi?)
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    it would make sense that different types falll in love differently.

    Fe types might seem like they fall in love at a glance.
    Te types might fall in love, if at all, only after a long period of association and mutual understanding.

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    Ni/Se types need to feel they've met their match.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

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    I would say i dont fall in love nearly as hard as most. I think thats a personal difference though.
    First and foremost i hold myself back and analyse the situation before i get wrapped up in it. I know that doesn't sound very ENFp but I seem to regard people who say "I love XXX so much" after 2 dates damn foolish
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

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    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    but I seem to regard people who say "I love XXX so much" after 2 dates damn foolish
    Yeah, people are entirely too quick to say that. It's happened to me before where the guy expressed that to me all the time way too soon and I didn't know how to deal with it. It pushed me further and further. Those types seem very shallow and fake. Call me strange, but i feel like the less the words 'i love you' are said, the more meaning they have.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    but I seem to regard people who say "I love XXX so much" after 2 dates damn foolish
    Yeah, people are entirely too quick to say that. It's happened to me before where the guy expressed that to me all the time way too soon and I didn't know how to deal with it. It pushed me further and further. Those types seem very shallow and fake. Call me strange, but i feel like the less the words 'i love you' are said, the more meaning they have.
    Yeah. Im not going to utter those words hastily again
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

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    Quote Originally Posted by intjguy
    Quote Originally Posted by machintruc
    Quote Originally Posted by intjguy
    Makes sense.
    So, how did you know you were INTj ?
    This test: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
    Wait a sec! That's not a Socionics site. That's an MBTI site. If you're new to Socionics, you should recognize that there are very significant differences in the theories. It happens that you still may be INTj, but don't be surprised if you hear people saying things on this site that don't begin to make sense from an MBTI perspective.

    Instead of www.socionics.com, you should use www.socionics.us. Much better site (by Rick on this forum).

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathan
    Quote Originally Posted by intjguy
    Quote Originally Posted by machintruc
    Quote Originally Posted by intjguy
    Makes sense.
    So, how did you know you were INTj ?
    This test: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
    Wait a sec! That's not a Socionics site. That's an MBTI site. If you're new to Socionics, you should recognize that there are very significant differences in the theories. It happens that you still may be INTj, but don't be surprised if you hear people saying things on this site that don't begin to make sense from an MBTI perspective.

    Instead of www.socionics.com, you should use www.socionics.us. Much better site (by Rick on this forum).
    Cool. I took the test and got LII.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    Ni/Se types need to feel they've met their match.
    What do you mean by that exactly, Joy?

    Oh, and hi again.
    Binary or dichotomous systems, although regulated by a principle, are among the most artificial arrangements that have ever been invented. -- William Swainson, A Treatise on the Geography and Classification of Animals (1835)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cone
    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    Ni/Se types need to feel they've met their match.
    What do you mean by that exactly, Joy?

    Oh, and hi again.
    Hi!

    It of course means that they have met someone who can light their fire.

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    .

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cone
    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    Ni/Se types need to feel they've met their match.
    What do you mean by that exactly, Joy?

    Oh, and hi again.
    Cone!

    I could go on about Ni/Se stuff for a while, but I can't right now. I'll PM you some links to other stuff I've written in other threads. The short answer is that Ni/Se types need a partner who is strong. They need a partner who challenges them mentally, and they will feel restless and bored in a relationship with someone who does not challenge them. Perhaps I'll post more on this later. Gotta go watch One Piece.
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    Just wondering about that...I'm currently in a relationship with my dual (in fact I'm waiting for her to come over now), and I'm trying to see the whole "match" thing. I guess we are sort of competitive in things like life experience, knowledge, and sexual skill. I am always trying to match up to her life experience (which is by far very extensive compared to mine) by striving to be more popular or a better lover. I think she tries to match up to my intellect. I know at least we are very physical and playful (and we embarrass ourselves in public I think really, heh). I know the best thing about her for me is that she's never afraid to really push me physically, to completely violate my personal space wherever we go.

    On the topic at hand, I wouldn't say I fall too hard. I mean I can fall really hard really quickly, and that has gotten me into trouble in the past.
    Binary or dichotomous systems, although regulated by a principle, are among the most artificial arrangements that have ever been invented. -- William Swainson, A Treatise on the Geography and Classification of Animals (1835)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    Quote Originally Posted by Cone
    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    Ni/Se types need to feel they've met their match.
    What do you mean by that exactly, Joy?

    Oh, and hi again.
    Cone!

    I could go on about Ni/Se stuff for a while, but I can't right now. I'll PM you some links to other stuff I've written in other threads. The short answer is that Ni/Se types need a partner who is strong. They need a partner who challenges them mentally, and they will feel restless and bored in a relationship with someone who does not challenge them. Perhaps I'll post more on this later. Gotta go watch One Piece.
    Oh hey!

    Ok, I think I see your point.
    Binary or dichotomous systems, although regulated by a principle, are among the most artificial arrangements that have ever been invented. -- William Swainson, A Treatise on the Geography and Classification of Animals (1835)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cone
    Just wondering about that...I'm currently in a relationship with my dual (in fact I'm waiting for her to come over now), and I'm trying to see the whole "match" thing. I guess we are sort of competitive in things like life experience, knowledge, and sexual skill. I am always trying to match up to her life experience (which is by far very extensive compared to mine) by striving to be more popular or a better lover. I think she tries to match up to my intellect. I know at least we are very physical and playful (and we embarrass ourselves in public I think really, heh). I know the best thing about her for me is that she's never afraid to really push me physically, to completely violate my personal space wherever we go.

    On the topic at hand, I wouldn't say I fall too hard. I mean I can fall really hard really quickly, and that has gotten me into trouble in the past.
    oh gosh, that first section is unbearably similar to most of my relationships. That said, I like girls who are older than me.

    as for the topic: I think all types fall in love the same amount. Betas are probably the most passionate. But also the first people to storm out of a party in tears, or break furniture. Alphas are great, but are the types most likely to let themselves go. Gammas are the most reasonable in relationships. Deltas are secretly demanding in relationships. We must better ourselves, they say, and then hold eachother to it.
    asd

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    Quote Originally Posted by XoX
    Quote Originally Posted by Cone
    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    Ni/Se types need to feel they've met their match.
    What do you mean by that exactly, Joy?

    Oh, and hi again.
    Hi!

    It of course means that they have met someone who can light their fire.
    rotfl...
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Personally I don't fall at all. I've had crushes but I don't consider that falling for someone as after some time there is always the what was I thinking thing. I ease myself gently and generally learn to accept a person through expose to them. But I've never had a dual or semi dual "push" their way in so I'm not sure how I would respond in such a situation.

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    Default ENFJ

    "As far as love and personality types, I've only read of the INTJ and ENFJ having distinctive mentions in this area. "Head over heels", "romance being the Achilles heel", that sort of thing.

    What I wonder is, do some types, particularly these two (INTJ/ENFJ), fall in love much harder and madly than others?"


    I'd personally say it's true, at least in my case. I'm an ENFJ and I fall so fast and hard for people, and I constantly hear it from my friends. Don't know if it's like that for everyone, but it is to me

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    does every type have the same levels of adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin?

    different types could make different choices in response to love - some might dwell on thoughts of their lover more, or be more inclined to intellectualize it and distance themselves from it, or be more or less single-minded, or pursuing, or retreating. and since our thoughts kind of create our reality, the way we think when we are in love might influence how intensely we feel about it. but sometimes the people who seem the most stoic can be the most inwardly turbulent.

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    I fall in love very hard

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    Falling in love has nothing to do with the types and is unique to each individual.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bluebird View Post
    I've never liked the idiom 'falling in love', personally.To fall can be something uncontrolled or unwanted. To fall in love is like a development, like a seed grows into a plant. I find to be in love or to fall in love also represents love as a place one can fall like a sticky sludge, water at the bottom of a well spiked with endorphins, or a valley where birds chirp love songs and roses fall from the sky, like the honeymoon phase of relationships. I like the unconditional sort of love, like the love a mother feels towards her child. A love that has always been there. I don't like to think those I love have been a recent development, but rather something that has always been there that I have come to realize. So I wouldn't say I fall in love hard and madly, but that I love those that I love unconditionally and deeply.
    When people talk about "falling in love", they are usually just describing "Infatuated Love" and/or "Romantic Love":

    Infatuated love: "infatuation results from the experiencing of passionate arousal in the absence of intimacy and decision/commitment...like Tennov's limerence." Romantic relationships often start out as infatuated love and become romantic love as intimacy develops over time. Without developing intimacy or commitment, infatuated love may disappear suddenly.
    That is why "true/real Love" (in this model, "Consummate Love") is a choice: it includes being committed to the person (commitment is a choice), alongside passion and intimacy.

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