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Thread: Questions for the ESFjs!

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    Default Questions for the ESFjs!

    Hello! I want to know all about you ... a few questions!

    --------------------------------------------------------------
    How do you usually make and relate to friends?


    What do you do when you relate to the opposite sex?


    what do you do when you are interested in a member of the opposite sex?


    How do you like other people to approach you?


    What things do you not like in other people?


    What sort of things get your depressed and how do you react to depression?


    What do you like to do in your spare time?


    What special things do you do as an ESFj?


    What were you like when you were younger?

  2. #2
    Creepy-detail

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    Regarding the question about their youth, i have an ESFJ friend who had major social problems when he was young, like having no friends and being teased by everyone, etc. At some point, during his elementary school years he learned how to and built a robotized arm by himself. This could be interesting to look at functionnal development when circumstances don't allow the strong functions to develop properly and with an appreciation of the outcome the "talents" or "competency traits" that functions bring to the beholder. Actually it would also be a tangent in this thread so let's keep it at the "what an ESFJ can possibly do in his youth under certain circumstances as the original post suggests.

  3. #3
    Creepy-ESFj girl

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    How do you usually make and relate to friends?
    With making friends, I usually make small talk first. This gives me a way to see what this person is like and what their interests are, trying to find some common ground. I form my conversations based on common interests I have with someone and basically how we relate. Relating to riends, again, I just take what we have in common and try to make comfortable and interesting conversation. I would say that I change my behavior frequently based on who I am with. I try to cater to that particular person's personality (I can be enthusiastic around extraverts and subdued around introverts) I'm with at the moment.

    What do you do when you relate to the opposite sex?
    What do I do..? Hm, well usually I try to talk to them. For me personally, I try to approach both guys/girls the same way (because are we really that different? :wink: ), just trying to find common ground. I don't act girly or coy around guys. I find that behavior to be highly irritating. I don't know if this is an ESFj quality or just a personal characteristic, but I try to act the same around guys as I do with girls. I don't know if I answered the question correctly, is this what you're looking for?

    what do you do when you are interested in a member of the opposite sex?
    I tend to smile a lot, but this is as far as I go with showing my interest because if I'm really interested in someone, I tend to downplay it by playing it cool and not show that I'm actually interested. Heh heh.

    How do you like other people to approach you?
    I like them to approach me how I would approach them -- just casual, friendly, polite....

    What things do you not like in other people?
    I don't like selfish, self-centered, rude, and/or fake people. I try to treat others the way they want to be treated, but it doesn't necessarily mean that have to go out of their way to do something nice. Just asking for a minimal amount of respect. I really don't like rudeness. I don't mind as much if someone is rude to me (although if I'm provoked and if I find the time to be appropriate, I'll speak up and defend myself), but I can't stand seeing someone being rude to somebody else, stranger or no.

    Fakeness annoys me too. I tend not to hang around other girls who have superficial interests and act superficial. 'Fake nice' probably bothers me just as much as rudeness because I find it to be manipulative.

    What sort of things get your depressed and how do you react to depression?
    I get depressed if I feel I let family/friends down or if I don't live up to their expectations. Also, if I'm isolated from people or feel unappreciated/unloved, I can get pretty down. With regards to reacting to depression, I try to avoid it as much as possible. I understand it's natural to feel depressed every now and then, but I try to counteract negative emotions by seeing what I can do to change my behavior/outlook.

    What do you like to do in your spare time?
    Listening to music is a great past time for me. Anything to do with the arts (movies, music, etc.) I also like going to coffeeshops and cafes and sitting around talking with a good group of friends.

    What special things do you do as an ESFj?
    I try to be nice to everyone and treat them with respect. Sorry this isn't a very good answer.

    What were you like when you were younger?
    Pretty obedient, outgoing/social, and a tad bit shy.


    Hope this helps!!

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    How do you usually make and relate to friends? Most of the time people come up to me and make small talk. If i'm really interested in how they interact with me, such as having similar things or views in common, then i'll find more things to talk about. Otherwise i have a difficult time staying around making conversation, especially if the person is obtrusive or has a big ego. When there is someone who catches my interest, i attempt to engage in conversation, doing the same things as above. My friends all have different personalities, however those closest to me are very optimistic and social. Those who aren't as close to me, i keep within my social loop, mainly because i don't want them feeling left out or unappreciated.

    What do you do when you relate to the opposite sex? When i meet a guy i am usually pretty shy about initiating the first move. Majority of the time i won't even go up to him. If he comes over to me than everything is pretty much smooth sailing from there. Unless i dislike another person i can find something to talk about.

    what do you do when you are interested in a member of the opposite sex? If i'm not sure if a guy likes me i try not to show i have feelings or attraction to him. It makes me uncomfortable saying how i feel if the guy doesn't tell me first. Lots of times i'm really interested in a guy but i try not to show it to him. I hate being vulnerable to disappointment or the potential that he can use my liking of him to his advantage.

    How do you like other people to approach you? If you want me to do something for you, or want to use me to your advantage i won't be very friendly. But if you come up and start talking to me, i'll respond. I have a hard time accepting compliments from people, though i do appreciate them, it makes me nervous, like i'm hearing something i don't deserve. The more simple and basic approach, such as, "hey i like your hat" or "do you know if its going to rain?" are your best bets on getting me to chat with you.

    What things do you not like in other people? People who think they are better than those around them or have big egos bother me. I understand if you have self confidence and want others to admire your attributes, but i personally think you look like an ass. Also, people who cut others down and take advantage of them piss me off. Another big one is closed mindedness.

    What sort of things get your depressed and how do you react to depression? Not doing something to the best of my abilities or finishing a task late really get to me. When i let people down i get upset because i have such high standards of other people, therefore high standards for myself. If you make a comitment to me and blow me off or break it, it hurts my feelings. I need to feel appreciated and/or wanted in order to stay happy. If i am away from people for long durations of time, i tend to get very quiet and depressed. Telling me you think i make a difference or am important to you, are a necessity.

    What do you like to do in your spare time? I really like watching movies, listening to music, and reading. I also like art and drawing. I make time to work out at least 2 times a week and play tennis.

    What special things do you do as an ESFj? Well i talk a lot, if you haven't noticed. . Friends make fun of my facial expressions. I like giving people compliments on little things to make them feel loved.

    What were you like when you were younger? I was always pretty talkative. I was a troublemaker when i was a kid, but i got along with everyone nicely.
    [/u]
    "this shaking keeps me steady. i should know. what falls always is always. and is near. i wake to sleep and taking my waking slow. i learn by going where i have to go." -t. roethke

    ENFp!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pedro-the-Lion
    erg... guest... why do i have the feeling that is no esfj?
    Why not?

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    Anyone else? I amcoming up with more questions later ...

  7. #7
    Creepy-pokeball

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    Im so glad this is happening. One of the things that Ive seen on many, many temperament forums is the lack of understanding of Fe (and a whole ton of Fe angst). Its good to have real people tied to it here. The lack of Fe would probably set us in Terminator-world according to one of the NiTe's in my private group. It's probably true. I think all of the functions should be valued and, again, Im glad that real people are representing it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jadae
    Im so glad this is happening. One of the things that Ive seen on many, many temperament forums is the lack of understanding of Fe (and a whole ton of Fe angst). Its good to have real people tied to it here. The lack of Fe would probably set us in Terminator-world according to one of the NiTe's in my private group. It's probably true. I think all of the functions should be valued and, again, Im glad that real people are representing it.
    Yeah, I just wish that I could manage to get all of the types to write their own descriptions ... Leaves more work for me when they do not and I have to risk adding type relationship bias ... I hate doing that.

  9. #9
    Creepy-pokeball

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    Which I think is one of the best ideas Ive seen in cognitive function theory in a while.

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    Alright, here is what I have written so far ... if you are ESFj, please have a look over this and "describe how you feel" ... I want it to be from the view of an ESFj and not an outsider.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    An ESFj's social network is usually expansive, including people of all type relations. ESFjs love to be included and accepted by others, and may feel bad if left out of certain social groups. Because of this, they tend to accept the company of almost anyone who expresses interest in them, as they disdain unnecessary rejection and avoidance. Despite of this, ESFjs may find difficulty in maintaining relations with those who lack finer elements, seem grim, cocky, arrogant, egotistical, and mean. For this reason, ESFjs love small talk and could often be seen chattering away with most anyone. They love honest, optomistic and straightforward people the most, especially people who manifest common elements in character or any other similarities.

    ESFjs seek to obtain an orderly enviroment, and may expend much energy to maintain that enviroment. They may carefully keep close check on all of their posessions and mark special places for them. When in their own territory, they may place ethical expectations on others or place items and belongings in such a way that could easily obstruct others in their normal everyday activities. When this occurs, frustrated ESFjs may voice their concerns in a way that could be seen as manipulative and controlling to on-lookers, who may not understand the nature of ESFj logic and their own codes of conduct and moral obligations. For the most part, ESFjs usually set high expectations upon themselves; they strive earnestly to fulfill all of their obligations and to succeed in all their undertakings. When ESFjs fail in their duties, they could be hard of themselves or feel depressed in result.

    When an ESFj is interested in the opposite sex, he or she may play coy until sure of the other's interest; this could be broadcasted as shyness or disinterest to other parties. Contrarily, ESFjs may be bolder than they first appear. When they are sure of someone's interest, there is often very little one can do to hold them back. It is quite usual for an ESFj to become persistent in their pursuit of intimate relations, sometimes too much so. Their lack of intuition and insight into the results of their own behaviour could cause others close to feel suffocated.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

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    I agree with Pedro; the registration of an ESFj all of a sudden when haven't had one in the ENTIRE one year history of this board seems a bit odd.
    "To become is just like falling asleep. You never know exactly when it happens, the transition, the magic, and you think, if you could only recall that exact moment of crossing the line then you would understand everything; you would see it all"

    "Angels dancing on the head of a pin dissolve into nothingness at the bedside of a dying child."

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    Quote Originally Posted by MysticSonic
    I agree with Pedro; the registration of an ESFj all of a sudden when haven't had one in the ENTIRE one year history of this board seems a bit odd.
    They both seemed ESFj to me ...

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    "They both seemed ESFj to me ..."

    Perhaps they merely molded their questions in order to appear as though they're ESFjs?

    I'm getting paranoid.
    "To become is just like falling asleep. You never know exactly when it happens, the transition, the magic, and you think, if you could only recall that exact moment of crossing the line then you would understand everything; you would see it all"

    "Angels dancing on the head of a pin dissolve into nothingness at the bedside of a dying child."

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    Quote Originally Posted by MysticSonic
    I agree with Pedro; the registration of an ESFj all of a sudden when haven't had one in the ENTIRE one year history of this board seems a bit odd.
    Don't you think one would come along eventually? Jadae is the first FeNi here, and you dont question him. Besides, she kind of looks like an ESE in her picture.
    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Rocky's posts are as enjoyable as having wisdom teeth removed.

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    haha. You guys are funny. I actually can't vouch for the guest's response. But i can tell you for certain that i filled out the questions honestly and hadn't read her's before i filled mine out. It seems weird that the two of us have so much in common. She'll have to come back so we can figure this craziness out.
    "this shaking keeps me steady. i should know. what falls always is always. and is near. i wake to sleep and taking my waking slow. i learn by going where i have to go." -t. roethke

    ENFp!!!

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    When I read guest's and dudein's posts I felt like I was listening to my daughter, age 7, who is esfj. She would probably say some of the same things, even at her age.

    I enjoy the company of esfj's alot especially my daughter. For me, there is something just so fresh and uncomplicated about them. If guest and dudein are the first esfj's here, I say welcome! It's great to have you here!

    Entp
    ILE

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    erg... guest... why do i have the feeling that is no esfj?
    I got the same feeling.

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    she is not esfj imo
    http://forum.socionix.com

    I don't see what's so important about the possibility of extraterrestrial life. It's just more people to declare war on.

    EVERYONE PLZ CONTINUE TO UPLOAD INFINITE AMOUNT OF PICS OF "CUTE" CATS AND PUPPIES. YOU KNOW WE GIVE A SHIT!!

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    Why do we think that someone's not being honest here?
    Entp
    ILE

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    Guys, my stepfather is ESFj ... he relates to what they have both said. You guys are just being way too paranoid about this.

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    My mother and an ex-girlfriend of mine are ESFjs and I think that that description by rmcnew is good.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Back on topic.

    I want to know what ESFjs think of INTjs. First impressions and beyond.
    TiNe, LII, INTj, etc.
    "I feel like I should be making a sarcastic comment right now, but you're just so cute!" - Shego, Kim Possible

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    Default my impression of INTjs

    From my experience with INTjs, I don't really get much of an impression at all when I first see one. Mainly because they are usually very quiet or away from the big social circle so I never spot them. Once I get around to talking to them I generally like them a lot. They stimulate great conversation instead of just the normal chit chat I'm used to.
    "this shaking keeps me steady. i should know. what falls always is always. and is near. i wake to sleep and taking my waking slow. i learn by going where i have to go." -t. roethke

    ENFp!!!

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    oh and P.S. just ask me anything you want. the more specific the question the better an answer i can give you. so feel free to message me!!
    "this shaking keeps me steady. i should know. what falls always is always. and is near. i wake to sleep and taking my waking slow. i learn by going where i have to go." -t. roethke

    ENFp!!!

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    Actually, I'm not sure if I've ever met an INTj female. I probably have been introduced to one in passing, but never had any sort of relationship with one.

    One of my friends introduced me to the MBTI and I assumed that it was like any other personality test that in no way represents me. It wasn't until my friends from the AFA told me about it again, that I decided to look into it again. (they make all the afa students take the test). I did a little more in depth reading into the subject and when I started getting confused I did more research, hoping to better understand my type. Then I found this forum and now I'm hooked!

    I have not yet become bored with the male INTjs that I know. They are very good at changing the subject. Haha. So I get a wide variety of things to talk about with them. When I chat with them, i just remind myself of the topics they talked about before. Which makes it a lot easier to keep the bored level nonexistant. Plus we're both really cool with going long periods of time without talking and coming back as if we just talked.

    I really enjoy the company of all the INTjs I've met. I'm pro-INTj/ESFj.
    "this shaking keeps me steady. i should know. what falls always is always. and is near. i wake to sleep and taking my waking slow. i learn by going where i have to go." -t. roethke

    ENFp!!!

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    The problems I see stem from the fact that both of the parties have to be willing to accept change. I'm super open minded and I understand that i am overly emotional sometimes. The INTj analysis and simple solutions to my over dramatized problems allow me to be less stressed. Sometimes, however, I wish they would be more open with me. Its hard to understand that they're not open with other people and I love that they are as emotional around me. When I see that they can't connect with other people, its difficult to comprehend their actions. I also don't like that when they get too emotional they distance themselves. I wish they would just accept how they feel. After learning more about INTjs though, I've established its part of how they are. This may sound kind of stupid, but its what I have experienced so far. Hope this is what you wanted to hear.
    "this shaking keeps me steady. i should know. what falls always is always. and is near. i wake to sleep and taking my waking slow. i learn by going where i have to go." -t. roethke

    ENFp!!!

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    Andie,
    What do you think about creativity and "thinking outside the box"?

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    Apologies, that was me
    I(N)Tj

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    I think that creativity and "thinking outside the box" are very important. It allows you to be more open minded. I'm not sure exactly what you want to know about the two of them. Can you be more specific?
    "this shaking keeps me steady. i should know. what falls always is always. and is near. i wake to sleep and taking my waking slow. i learn by going where i have to go." -t. roethke

    ENFp!!!

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    I know I'm posting a lot later then when the questions were asked but you got very few answers from ESFJ's so I felt like I should try and void the gap. Hope you all find this helpful!

    How do you usually make and relate to friends?

    I usually meet my new friends through friends that I have already - which means - that my circle is ever expanding. :wink: One of the first things that I will do when meeting someone new is ask what the person likes to do with their time - hopefully; there is a connection between us - some common ground - if there isn't I usually politely end the conversation after a little while and walk away to someone that does have a common interest with myself.

    When a person becomes my friend I want to be able to keep up with them - to know what's going on in their life in general. I want them to also find interest in myself and ask me questions. I want to know what their interests are so that I can do nice things for them. When a friend of mine ignores me it disappoints me greatly and our relationship will usually end one way or another.

    When a person is a close friend - we know all of each other's secrets - and they mean everything to me. It is important to me to make all of my close friends happy - if an introverted friend of mine wants to be left alone - I will usually put off my desires to be close and give them some space (though this is difficult for me). If an extroverted friend of mine needs me for a day just for support in a time of tragedy - I will drop everything to be with them.

    What do you do when you relate to the opposite sex?

    I LOVE the opposite sex! Perhaps it's because I grew up with four brothers - but I tend to relate with them better then even girls. A lot of girls I usually find to be too prissy - or unintelligent - (this is a generalization) - but I find that men in general think more and intellectualize on a deeper level then most girls - I LOVE that!


    What do you do when you are interested in a member of the opposite sex?


    I'm generally too shy to get up my nerve to tell them because I don't think them interested in me - and when I do - I usually think they'll start the relationship, and I'd much rather have the guy start it then me. :wink:

    But I will usually treat the guy as a friend - or completely avoid him. I guess it goes against my nature to go after a guy I don't think likes me like that. . . I'm too scared.

    How do you like other people to approach you?

    In a friendly and courteous manner.

    What things do you not like in other people?

    Pride and when people mistreat others. Both of these aggravate me more then anything else in this world!

    I have told my friends several times - if anybody tries mistreating you let me know - I will take care of them for you. . . (Ie: make their life so miserable they'll never do what they did again.)

    I guess I'm very protective of my friends and if anyone crosses them - they're going to be speaking to me!

    What sort of things get you depressed and how do you react to depression?

    Well, first of all, I think "depressed" is too strong of a word here. But I can be very aggravated/hurt when my friends ignore me. That is probably the biggest thing that hurts my feelings - feeling isolated and abandoned by people close to me.

    What do you like to do in your spare time?


    Art, music, trying to figure out my friends, and much much more.

    What special things do you do as an ESFj?

    I try and make everyone I love happy to the best of my ability.

    What were you like when you were younger?

    Very shy; believe it or not. But around the age of 8 I became much more outgoing.

    I want to know what ESFjs think of INTjs. First impressions and beyond.

    At first? You don't really notice them - they don't stick out. But when you get to know them - WOW! I've already decided - I want to marry one. They're my little angels in every single way.
    Last edited by yellow82; 11-08-2010 at 05:44 AM.

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    I always appreciate it when our little forum is visited by a travelling ESE. We don't get to hear from that perspective very often.
    Quaero Veritas.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Krig the Viking View Post
    I always appreciate it when our little forum is visited by a travelling ESE. We don't get to hear from that perspective very often.
    It doesn't happen too often does it?

    What things do you not like in other people?

    Pride
    What's wrong with pride?

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    I always appreciate it when our little forum is visited by a travelling ESE. We don't get to hear from that perspective very often.
    I really appreciate it when INTJ's get back to me and answer my questions in that amazing way that only you guys can do - thanks for the response! I really hope it works out.

    What's wrong with pride?
    Pride in my definition is when you take it farther then the note of self-confidence. It's more of a "holier than thou" attitude. I really find that unappealing as we all have our faults that we have to work on. None of us are perfect.

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    Quote Originally Posted by yellow82 View Post

    Pride in my definition is when you take it farther then the note of self-confidence. It's more of a "holier than thou" attitude. I really find that unappealing as we all have our faults that we have to work on. None of us are perfect.
    I guess you're speaking of a certain type of pride that I don't associate with that word, conceited maybe. When I think of pride I think of: Taking pride in what you do, where you're from, accomplishments, the company you keep... etc. So if your parents say they're proud of you, do you get upset with them?

    The other night I was at an NBA basketball game, it was Armed Forces Night. At one point they asked anyone who's actively serving or has served in the Military to stand up and be noticed. Do you think the sense of Pride that these people feel when the audience applauds them is a bad thing?

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    I guess you're speaking of a certain type of pride that I don't associate with that word, conceited maybe. When I think of pride I think of: Taking pride in what you do, where you're from, accomplishments, the company you keep... etc. So if your parents say they're proud of you, do you get upset with them?
    Yes - conceited - precisely the form of pride that I meant - Good call! I am sorry if my word that I used was so unspecific that it insulted you.

    You are thinking of pride as the same as I would of being self-confident. And no - I don't get upset with someone else taking pride in another's work - because that is selfless.

    The other night I was at an NBA basketball game, it was Armed Forces Night. At one point they asked anyone who's actively serving or has served in the Military to stand up and be noticed. Do you think the sense of Pride that these people feel when the audience applauds them is a bad thing?
    I LOVE our military! I think that the pride the military would be feeling is again - what I would consider as self-confidence.




    I simply think there's been a miscommunication between us - I hope this has cleared it up!

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