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Thread: ESFj confusion

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    Default ESFj confusion

    Does an ESFj expect an INTj to make all the effort in the begining stages of a relationship?

    Will she let him sit and wallow in paranoia wondering is she's still interested for days without concern?

    Will she write him an honest and genuine confession of her feelings about him after a unbelievable night, only to treat him like there is nothing but friendship there the very next evening?

    Will she be afraid to get involved with someone that may end up far away in 5 months, even when, by her own admission, she sees something great (I'm going to law school, don't know where yet)?

    Will she promsie to call before leaving for a week, only to leave without calling if she's still interested?

    There are plenty more quesions where those came from, but I'll leave it there for now.

    I will add that I haven't contacted her in three days, and do not intend to, as the ball, in my opinion, is firmly in her court. However, what's bizzarre is that I feel this uncontrollable need to want to communicate with her EVERY f**king thought and feeling that pops in my head. I sort of was doing this (I think), however, I've stopped doing this, for fear that I'll come across as the opposite of what I think (logically) she wants. But, maybe I'm doing myself a disservice as that may be what she needs to continuously hear to know that I'm interested, as I've been guilty of not giving off the most obvious signals in this department.

    I've read that the first stages of a dual relationship are the most difficult, and I haven't been through them in a while with a woman that I was as interested in as I am in this one (last time was 15 years ago at age 13). I don't want to give up an opportunity that is profound (for many, many reasons that I won't detail here), and so I'm trying to ensure that I don't just drift off and distance myself, which is my normal reaction when I sense the potential for emotional rejection.

    Lastly, I don't want any INTj analysis, or that of any other type (except maybe an ISFp), just ESFj. I need it (pardon the expression) straight from the horse's mouth. Thanks in advance.

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    Default

    if you need the advice of ESEs, this forum is probably not the best of places to be looking.

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    Welcome back SFVB! It sounds like to me that you are trying way too hard. I would let it go for a few days and then I would come back to it. It is also good to have a game plan. This is probably not the advice that you are looking for, but I think that is because you are being too detailed and thus subjective about this.
    "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."
    --Theodore Roosevelt

    "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
    -- Mark Twain

    "Man who stand on hill with mouth open will wait long time for roast duck to drop in."
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    Default Re: ESFj confusion

    Quote Originally Posted by SFVB
    Does an ESFj expect an INTj to make all the effort in the begining stages of a relationship?

    Will she let him sit and wallow in paranoia wondering is she's still interested for days without concern?

    Will she write him an honest and genuine confession of her feelings about him after a unbelievable night, only to treat him like there is nothing but friendship there the very next evening?

    Will she be afraid to get involved with someone that may end up far away in 5 months, even when, by her own admission, she sees something great (I'm going to law school, don't know where yet)?

    Will she promsie to call before leaving for a week, only to leave without calling if she's still interested?

    There are plenty more quesions where those came from, but I'll leave it there for now.

    I will add that I haven't contacted her in three days, and do not intend to, as the ball, in my opinion, is firmly in her court. However, what's bizzarre is that I feel this uncontrollable need to want to communicate with her EVERY f**king thought and feeling that pops in my head. I sort of was doing this (I think), however, I've stopped doing this, for fear that I'll come across as the opposite of what I think (logically) she wants. But, maybe I'm doing myself a disservice as that may be what she needs to continuously hear to know that I'm interested, as I've been guilty of not giving off the most obvious signals in this department.

    I've read that the first stages of a dual relationship are the most difficult, and I haven't been through them in a while with a woman that I was as interested in as I am in this one (last time was 15 years ago at age 13). I don't want to give up an opportunity that is profound (for many, many reasons that I won't detail here), and so I'm trying to ensure that I don't just drift off and distance myself, which is my normal reaction when I sense the potential for emotional rejection.

    Lastly, I don't want any INTj analysis, or that of any other type (except maybe an ISFp), just ESFj. I need it (pardon the expression) straight from the horse's mouth. Thanks in advance.
    Screw socionics. Forget types. Leave it out of the equation entirely. If you feel the need to communicate openly with her, do it. If you feel this strongly about her, don't wait around for her to contact you. Stop trying to be a mind reader and do what seems right to you. If you're truly compatible with her, she'll appreciate it. If not, no sense in hanging on to the idea of a relationship that doesn't match reality. She could be scared or uncertain about getting too involved with you given the situation. If that's the case, she should tell you that. Maybe things just won't work out because of the situation. Maybe they will, but only if you're both open and earnest in communication.

    Stop analyzing and do. Worst case scenario if you tell her what you're thinking is that it won't work out. Worst case scenario if you don't is that you won't know if things could have worked out or why they didn't. I'd say the former is the more favorable "worst case scenario".
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    Joy,

    That's good advice. Thanks,

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    np (:
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    Tell her everything you said in this thread.
    ESFjs are fairly open about their likes and dislikes

    Explain that you are someone who likes to know where things stand
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

  8. #8
    Don't forget the the thehotelambush's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP III
    Tell her everything you said in this thread.
    ESFjs are fairly open about their likes and dislikes
    Definitely. <3 Alpha honesty.

  9. #9
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    And then imply that you haven't eaten yet. She'll either cook for you or want to eat with you anyways :wink:
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

  10. #10
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    LOL
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

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  11. #11

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    UDP - that's probably true.

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