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Thread: obnoxiousness

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    Default obnoxiousness

    Have you ever wanted to say something cool, but instead said something obnoxious? What are the experiences of members of this quadra on how to deal with this?
    "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."
    --Theodore Roosevelt

    "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
    -- Mark Twain

    "Man who stand on hill with mouth open will wait long time for roast duck to drop in."
    -- Confucius

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    I have said things with more bite than I wanted to, or had a slight facial reaction or jerk that threw people off. Sometimes, if I am not focused, my intonation may vary.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP III
    I have said things with more bite than I wanted to, or had a slight facial reaction or jerk that threw people off. Sometimes, if I am not focused, my intonation may vary.
    Same, and I'm very aware and embarressed when this happens.
    All Hail The Flying Spaghetti Monster

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    I'm in constant fear of being found obnoxious in that way, so usually I stay silent and don't say anything. I usually only try to act cool in a exaggerated way, as though I'm deliberately trying to be socially inept, but this can be found obnoxious in itself . If your're with people who understand you, it isn't really a problem - I'd like to say I don't care about people who find me obnoxious in those situations, but there are times I'm embarrased just by being somewhere, which obviously I really hate. The best option is probably to change your name and lie low for several years.
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    But what exactly is it anyway? I can get obnoxious when I go about saying or doing something while not being aware of other people and whatever else they want to hear.
    "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."
    --Theodore Roosevelt

    "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
    -- Mark Twain

    "Man who stand on hill with mouth open will wait long time for roast duck to drop in."
    -- Confucius

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    Apparently I become obnoxious when I act, as my friends and family call, like a "a-know-it-all". I never realize I've gone into know-it-all mode, but it's made me watch what I say or what knowledge I divulge around certain people. It also forces me to monitor the way I talk, I either talk above the heads of the people around me, or I talk to them like they're children; I have a hard time finding that happy medium.
    All Hail The Flying Spaghetti Monster

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    I've noticed that other Alphas get this way, and it looks as if they do not realize it in themselves. I know I get that way, I either open my mouth and say something that offends someone, or I just get a little bit too much in a good mood and say something stupid. I frustrate the living shit out of myself when I do it.

    In these situations I want to say something quick, simple, and an attention getting. Sometimes I do it, and sometimes it does not have the impact I intended to.

    So far this sounds like mostly an INTj problem.
    "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."
    --Theodore Roosevelt

    "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
    -- Mark Twain

    "Man who stand on hill with mouth open will wait long time for roast duck to drop in."
    -- Confucius

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    Quote Originally Posted by Subterranean
    If your're with people who understand you, it isn't really a problem - I'd like to say I don't care about people who find me obnoxious in those situations, but there are times I'm embarrased just by being somewhere, which obviously I really hate. The best option is probably to change your name and lie low for several years.
    lol

    Quote Originally Posted by Subterranean
    I'm in constant fear of being found obnoxious in that way, so usually I stay silent and don't say anything. I usually only try to act cool in a exaggerated way, as though I'm deliberately trying to be socially inept, but this can be found obnoxious in itself .
    I've found that to be effective: acknowledging your social ineptitude while being socially engaged. Like making a really stupid pun. Also, saying something ridiculous while keeping a straight face - which is difficult for me, but well worth it. (It's probably Ne-related, b/c this kind of thing is not likely to work on Se types IME.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jimbean
    I've noticed that other Alphas get this way, and it looks as if they do not realize it in themselves. I know I get that way, I either open my mouth and say something that offends someone, or I just get a little bit too much in a good mood and say something stupid. I frustrate the living shit out of myself when I do it.

    In these situations I want to say something quick, simple, and an attention getting. Sometimes I do it, and sometimes it does not have the impact I intended to.

    So far this sounds like mostly an INTj problem.
    The problem is weak Fe. Given that, I would say an ENTp is most/more likely to have this exact problem. An INTj, as stated, would just keep his mouth shut in ~70% of the cases where he's unsure.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimbean
    I've noticed that other Alphas get this way, and it looks as if they do not realize it in themselves. I know I get that way, I either open my mouth and say something that offends someone, or I just get a little bit too much in a good mood and say something stupid. I frustrate the living shit out of myself when I do it.

    In these situations I want to say something quick, simple, and an attention getting. Sometimes I do it, and sometimes it does not have the impact I intended to.

    So far this sounds like mostly an INTj problem.
    That reminds me...... of some events that happened in my youth. It must have something to do with 'restraint':
    when I was younger, there are vivid happenings where, being in a good mood, I would say something unintentionally and it would be terribly cutting and ruin the moment, or I would break something, or knock something over.


    I can see how INTjs can be prone to a certain sort of clumsiness in that their mind can be focusing on one aspect of reality while they are dealing with something present in another way altogether. This is in fact a valuable tool, but if it is not understood or used properly, it can have negative impacts. (I have never personally been without dexterity or 'clutzy' in the common 'computer nerd' sense that is often associated with LIIs, but rather, there is a general lack of skill when it comes to readily and smoothly interacting with others -- essentially Fe in terms of Se)

    Another aspect is that, simply by nature, can produce incredibly logically powerful arguments. If caught off guard, what comes off the top of an LIIs head can be devastating in output, just because it is how the LII thinks. Especially as logic is much more important than ethics (or anything else), though ethics does come into consideration, albeit perhaps too late.


    Much of this post, and this topic, IMO&IME, is related to why INTjs prefer to develop a reticent nature.
    Also, dual seeking as a most vulnerable and sensitive area becomes very apparent through understanding these tendencies.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    It happens when your internal mood is not harmonized with the observations you are going to made. If your mind is not settled upon the emotional atmosphere of a given interaction, then it is likely that even a funny observation will be made in a tone which does not convey the right kind of emotionality.

    As an example, I went to a birthday party once, and there was there an acquaintance of mine which is INTj. We get along decently, so we were conversating with some other people. Suddenly the INTj wants to tell a joke. Unfortunately the topic of the joke was formal logic. After having stood the pain, people laughed out of politeness, but nobody except me and the other ENTp which was there understood anything.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimbean
    I've noticed that other Alphas get this way, and it looks as if they do not realize it in themselves. I know I get that way, I either open my mouth and say something that offends someone, or I just get a little bit too much in a good mood and say something stupid. I frustrate the living shit out of myself when I do it.

    In these situations I want to say something quick, simple, and an attention getting. Sometimes I do it, and sometimes it does not have the impact I intended to.

    So far this sounds like mostly an INTj problem.
    i've done this...i don't think it's intj exclusively anyway. call it weak Fi and lame Se combined. entp's are a little worse i think because at least intj's are generally quiet and don't want to be thought fools.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    This is all pretty much what I thought of before. I appreciate the input though! Now at least I can confirm that what I was thinking is correct.
    "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."
    --Theodore Roosevelt

    "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
    -- Mark Twain

    "Man who stand on hill with mouth open will wait long time for roast duck to drop in."
    -- Confucius

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    I know this is an old posting, but I find it quite interesting, Im very new to this stuff, and I find the differences in humour VERY fascinating. As far as being obnoxious, I tend to be quite often, and yet I feel no guilt from it. I often come across as arrogant and rude, and I usually don't care how the people around me feel. My friends usually know not to take me seriously, because I very rarely mean what I say. As for jokes, and humour, I usually find the social faux-pas' to be my favourites, anything avant-garde or risque that might offend people , as does a very good friend of mine (he's ENTJ). Is this common, or am I just a cruel person?

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    Quote Originally Posted by labcoat
    Would you care to PM me those? I probably wouldn't disagree with them.

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    Better not. If I deleted them it means I don't agree with them myself anymore.

    This one was about dual-types and humor. I've found out that things are not as simple as I thought when I wrote that post, but the key-concept is still actual. The interplay between temperament dichotomies (I/E, J/P and static/dynamic) of the IM and IE types appears to determine in large part what kind of humor the person appreciates and comes up with. J/P humor for example seems to revolve around making perception sound like judgment, or casting an impulsive judgment and retracting it quickly with a perception statement... I've noticed people who don't have the J/P trait get thrown off guard by humor of this kind.

    The A-team is a show with a lot of J/P humor from what I can determine. Look at the character Murdock particularly.

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    Labcoat: I am amazed. I would have never suspected the dual-type hypothesis could explain choices of humor. But now that you mention it, it makes sense.

    ...This seems like a historic discovery.... I am clearly not the only one who benefits from the dual-type hypothesis, that much is evident.

    Well this is your theory, and I'll leave it to you to explain.

    So this is psychoanalysis....

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    Glad it pleases you, but like I said it's probably more complicated than I make it sound here.

    What matters though is that with the knowledge of these undercurrents of human behavior we can start investigating phenomena that used to seem 'ineffable' to us, like humor.

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    Quote Originally Posted by oyburger
    Apparently I become obnoxious when I act, as my friends and family call, like a "a-know-it-all". I never realize I've gone into know-it-all mode, but it's made me watch what I say or what knowledge I divulge around certain people. It also forces me to monitor the way I talk, I either talk above the heads of the people around me, or I talk to them like they're children; I have a hard time finding that happy medium.
    but it's so hard to resist sometimes!

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